Female orgasm

Bibie

Member
Jan 29, 2009
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What is a 'female orgasm'?
Orgasm is really a reflex reaction that involves muscular, hormonal, blood flow, emotional, psychological variables, and petrochemicals all in one coordinated event. And it's actually a learned reflex response like how when you cross the street, you hear a car coming, it's a reflex to step back but the reason you know to step back is because you know the car will hit you. It's the same with Orgasm, its a learned reflex that generally occurs during puberty if not before. And if those brain-genital connections are not made, for whatever reason in a young child/prepubescent then its very difficult for an adult to all of a sudden learn how to have an Orgasm. Doctors see a lot of patients that have never experienced Orgasm throughout their entire life. It's like trying to learn Chinese when you're forty as opposed to three. It's much more difficult, not to say that it can't happen.

What is 'female orgasmic disorder'?
Female orgasmic disorder is defined as lack of or inability to achieve orgasm, decrease in the intensity of the orgasm, where they have a quote unquote, muffled feeling. Or change in the intensity of orgasm or the frequency where they're harder to achieve and less intense. So it's anywhere on that spectrum, from not being able to, to a change in the quality defines orgasmic disorder.

What are some common medical reasons a woman can't reach orgasm?
The most common medical reasons for changes in orgasmic function are related to aging and menopause, and that's due to changes in hormones, blood flow, changes in our brain chemistry, and that's probably the most common cause. Other causes can be prior pelvic surgery, hysterectomy, bladder surgery, childbirth, medications. The antidepressant medications clearly are probably one of the most common causes for orgasmic disorder.

When should a woman see a doctor about her inability to reach orgasm?
Generally, if the orgasmic disorder is medically based it does not occur in isolation. The woman will also be experiencing other symptoms related to aging and menopause most likely. When it has become problematic and when it is causing her personal distress is when she should seek medical attention. But I say the earlier the better. If you wait until you can't have an orgasm and your hot flashing all over the place and hate your husband, and are depressed and can't sleep then it is much harder to treat. It is better, you have a better result the earlier you come in and the earlier you address these issues.

Can women on anti-depressants be treated for orgasmic disorder?
A lot of times women will get put on antidepressants because they're depressed they can't have an orgasm or depressed due to mood changes associated with menopause, and if they had been adequately evaluated and treated and received hormonal balance, dietary changes, and lifestyle changes, they might not need the antidepressants. So doctors should always determine, is this something you have a long standing history of depression, or is this something that happened acutely, you know recently. And then to evaluate in working with whoever their psychiatrist or provider is in providing the type of antidepressant with the least sexual function side effects, of which, by the way, there aren't many which is part of the problem. And then once we've exhausted all those possibilities we can give things such as Viagra to enhance sexual arousal and orgasms and topical genital sensation enhancing cream in addition to testosterone, oxytocin and things along those lines.

Can Kegel exercises improve a woman's ability to climax?
Kegel exercises help to enhance power for a time and during sexual intercourse contracting the pelvic forward muscles can help to enhance sensation and arousal and hence encroachment and hence directional pressure on the G spot and in some cases help to orgasm.

Are 'sex toys' good ways for women to orgasm?
I definitely encourage women to explore sex toys, alone, and or with a partner. And there's nothing to be ashamed about, there's nothing wrong with that, the only thing that I say is be conscientious of how there used, of cleaning them, of what the material is, if whether they can go in water or not go in water. But it is definitely an adjunct to the sexual relationship and over time when you feel comfortable with something, that is perfectly fine to incorporate into your relationship.

Which vibrators help a woman to orgasm best?
There are vibrators now that provide vaginal stimulation, vaginal pressure along with clitoral stimulation, those can be the next phase, but the pure vaginal stimulator, G-spot stimulators, require some degree of knowledge and time and effort.

If a woman doesn't orgasm for several years, can she lose her ability to do so?
If a woman doesn't achieve orgasm for several years, I would have hoped that she would have talked to her doctor about it. But there is the, use it or lose it phenomenon, that we refer to in men, also applies to women. The more sexually active we are, the more sexual stimulation we have. The more blood flow to the genital area, the more arousal stimulation we have. The better the health of our genital area, the better our sexual health. So this, whatever the problem, it's not something that you should wait over months or for that matter years to address. :)
 
..Bibie thanks once again on their behalf for your articles. However, I have different oppinion especial on the use of vibrators to women. Bibie dispite that you have strongly recomended them I woud't recomend women to do that. This is due to the fact that artificial pleasure will always have very significant pleasure to the extent of outweing the natural pleasure in a long run. In this regard women will be addicted with vibrators and thus will not be satisfied with their husbands. I understand this is what lead to Lesbians in the world so I would not recomment ladies using that. Let men be taught how to best satisfy ladies (two way traffic) and skip use of shit vibrators.
 
I do understand your point but I think its just up to a person and the partner and I know it works. If a man can't make a women reach the climax how can he be thought? Some women don't even know where their G-spot is that is why I say the use of vibrators is good and its good because u can use it on her and she can reach the climax. The G-Spot vibrators are good and they helpu locate the g-spot. Once u know how to do it u can stop. Being a lesbian is once choice and I think may women become lesbians because of bad experiences in relationships. As much as we oppose these things we need to face the truth most women love toys and they are good. Thats just my opinion though. Just a quick question would u rather ur woman go and look for satisfaction elsewhere or buy her a toy that both of u can use and save ur relationship?
 
I do understand your point but I think its just up to a person and the partner and I know it works. If a man can't make a women reach the climax how can he be thought? Some women don't even know where their G-spot is that is why I say the use of vibrators is good and its good because u can use it on her and she can reach the climax. The G-Spot vibrators are good and they helpu locate the g-spot. Once u know how to do it u can stop. Being a lesbian is once choice and I think may women become lesbians because of bad experiences in relationships. As much as we oppose these things we need to face the truth most women love toys and they are good. Thats just my opinion though. Just a quick question would u rather ur woman go and look for satisfaction elsewhere or buy her a toy that both of u can use and save ur relationship?


If a relationship must be saved by the use of toys, then that relationship was dead long time ago. It was never there, to say the least.
 
bibie,why is it among many an african woman,female orgasm is a myth,most in public acknowledge the earth shaking for them beneath the sheets,but in reality its the opposite-has this got anything to do with the brian-genetial connections you mentioned,do the environment our woman are raised up got anything to do with this anomaly for it baffles me caucasians get orgasms almost at will
 
If most women were to be completely honest they would admit that sexually unfulfilled lives read-devoid of orgasms during sexual intercourse is a fact of life they have accepted and do not discuss or even think about sort of the way they have accepted their menses and any inconvienience that comes with it.Whenever you hear a woman arguing that fulfilling sex isnt all about orgasming what she means even though she may be in such deep denial she herself may not even be aware of it- is that she is emotionally fulfilled in the relationship or even that she wants the relationship to work so badly that she will gladly turn a blind eye to woteva is lacking.

Kaiser may not understand that women are socialised to view relationships as their oxygen,their whole identity is based on relationships so if toys is what it takes to make it work she will use toys.Men on the other hand would never have sex ever again with a woman whom they didnt have an orgasm with the first time they had sex(if that is even possible)

I myself have only had orgasms when Im self pleasuring.Most men dont even seem to be aware that the clitoris exists and do not engage in foreplay,foreplay to them is kissing.Whenever I have communicated this I found that the guy will touch touch me but in a very mechanical way,in a manner to suggest he is just doing it to get it out of the way and it does nothing for him.

I however met someone almost twenty years older who had been married for over twenty years meaning he had the same partner for that period.He actually enjoys foreplay and will even insist on it.I guess its true what they say about men becoming feminised with age.And you see men are assertive and will insist on what they want till they get it because this is the way they are socialised.Women are socialised not to rock the boat so they go along even when what is happening/being done to them does nothing for them and may even be turning them off.

He knew where the clitoris is but was too direct in his approach of stimulating it thus irritating me.Apparently this method always worked for the women he'd been with.He is a very tender lover but then when it comes to rubbing the clit things change.I offered to show him how I do it but he wont change.So teaching someone is hard I bet even if I write it on the wall when time comes he will still do it his way-which isnt working for me.

To his credit he is very sensual,he loves to kiss and takes everything very slow,infact he prefers for the woman to come first because once he comes he cant be bothered to finish me off.However he is alot better than my ex who was totally clueless and would become offended anytime I tried to communicate what I wanted.His argument was that it was I who had the problem since he had alot of sexual partners and that made him a guru- a false belief many men harbour.

My take on the whole thing is ladies sex without orgasm is like kissing you mother.If your man can make you come make sure that you get to come first to avoid that feeling of being left high and dry when he comes and rolls over and you are just getting hot.Always insist on this because before he gets it he has incentive to to do whatever you want him to,after not as much.Ladies take care of yourself,the codependent mentality we have been brought up with where you take care of others then they will take care of us doesnt work especially with men who are all about taking care of themselves and putting themselves first.Let us quit complaining or just putting up with less than what we know we deserve(orgasms) and start being the change we want to see.An easy way is to show him what to do rather than just have talks about what he is doing wrong.Men's egos are very fragile criticing his performance and skills(usually lack-thereof) will antagonise them



Thx Bibie for the post.Its a gud one ;-)
 
Well its not that a relationship is dependant on toys but I think they can help to save a relationship if the case for the problem is reaching an orgasm.
 
If a relationship must be saved by the use of toys, then that relationship was dead long time ago. It was never there, to say the least.

Kwa hio basi hamna relationship iliyo hai, maana kama sio kutumia toy basi utakuta anamegwa.
 
Well its not that a relationship is dependant on toys but I think they can help to save a relationship if the case for the problem is reaching an orgasm.

Exactly! not only to save a relationship, kila mtu anapenda afurahi, sasa kama wewe hunifikishi na nikitumia toy nafika,then why not use it?
 
Ndio advantege ya matumizi ya sayansi na teke linatotujia....playings with toys, a woman would turn a husband or her man into an escorting partner. Whenever she wants to appear in the event where everybody has a partner by side.But in reality during bed time..everybody would seek the best means to get the pleasure without sharing doing the thing
 
Exactly! not only to save a relationship, kila mtu anapenda afurahi, sasa kama wewe hunifikishi na nikitumia toy nafika,then why not use it?

Research shows that 90 percent of the problems women have in achieving orgasm stem from a psychological nature. That's good news because it's all about you and it can be overcome. Dr. Phil offers the following advice:

If you can achieve an orgasm alone, but not with a partner, you may have performance anxiety.

Being anxious, worried or feeling pressured to have an orgasm with your partner can work against you. Anxiety is an arousal response — it can cause tension. An orgasm is a relaxation response. Those two are incompatible.

If you're wondering, "Am I doing this right? Is he judging me? Is he having fun? Does he like this?" during intercourse, the anxiety can take you away from your pleasure.

Give yourself permission to change your internal dialogue. Say, "You know what? I am part of this exchange and I do have the right to ask for what I want. And I don't have to have expectancies that I have to perform in some way. I'm going to enjoy this." Give yourself permission to relax and go with the flow.

Some additional information regarding the female orgasm:

Fifty to 75 percent of women who have orgasms need clitoral stimulation and are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone.

Even for women who do orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, most still need the right position to provide clitoral stimulation.

Bring the woman very close to an orgasm before you actually engage in intercourse, so she has a better chance to have an orgasm once it begins.

-- Understanding the Female Orgasm, Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist, July 2003.

Thirty-three to 50 percent of women experience orgasm infrequently and are dissatisfied with how often they reach orgasm.

Performance anxiety is believed to be the most common cause of orgasm problems, and 90 percent of orgasm problems appear to be psychological in nature.

-- Orgasmic Dysfunction, Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, September 2002.

Ten to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm.

Only 35 percent of the female population will orgasm during intercourse.

Reasons for failure to climax include: sexual ignorance, sexual anxiety, and fear of letting go.


A sexual response is a complex blend of many physical and psychological variables.

What a woman expects, how she believes she should respond, and how she thinks she should act, will all impact how she experiences, behaves during, and reports her orgasmic event.

-- Pathways to Pleasure, Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist and Adult Sexuality Educator, 2000.
 
Difficulty reaching orgasm

Research estimates 12 per cent of women never reach a climax - and 75 per cent don't orgasm during intercourse. Is it a physical problem, an emotional block, or both? Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall takes a closer look.

Physical reasons
The most common physical cause is lack of adequate stimulation to the clitoris. The majority of women need direct touch to achieve orgasm, which often doesn't happen through intercourse alone.


Our bodies aren't machines - you can't get an orgasm just by pressing the right button

The second most common factor is tiredness or general illness. Our bodies aren't machines - you can't get an orgasm just by pressing the right button. If you're feeling rundown, your body's priority is sleep and recuperation, not sexual gratification.

Medical reasons
There are some illnesses that make orgasm difficult. Broadly speaking, they're vascular, neurological or hormone-deficiency disorders.

The problem could be a side effect of a particular medication. Very occasionally, pelvic surgery can cause nerve damage and loss of sensation. If you think any of these conditions may apply to you, talk to your GP.

If, however, you're in good physical health and you're getting enough sleep, it's more likely there's some kind of psychological block.

Self-help techniques

If you're not getting the right kind of stimulation, you may need to show your partner what you really enjoy.
First, get to know yourself by starting with some basic self-pleasuring, taking particular note of the type of stroke that pushes you over the edge.
Then, next time you're making love, put your hand on top of your partner's and gently guide them as they stimulate you. If that feels a bit pushy, ask them to show you what they enjoy first, then wait for your turn!


Psychological reasons
Well-meaning friends may tell you to just "try to relax", but if it was that easy you'd have done it by now. The trouble is, these kinds of psychological blocks aren't rational - you can't simply "pull yourself together".

Below is a list of some of the most common types of problems women have talked about. See if any apply to you:

Being a perfectionist. Sex has to be just right. The environment has to be just so and you have to be in the right mood.
Fear of losing control. This is a character trait in many areas of your life, not just sexually.
Poor self-esteem or body image. Worrying about whether your bum looks big rather than enjoying your physical sensations is a major passion wrecke.
Shame or guilt about sexuality. This might be due to negative childhood messages or a sexual trauma.
Distractions. Are the children asleep? Will the phone ring? Can the neighbours hear? Did I put the cat out? Did I email that report? Whatever the distraction, it means your mind is not on the job.
Being a spectator. You know the saying "a watched pot never boils"? Well it's also true of orgasms. If you're waiting for the moment, you're not enjoying the moment.
Relationship problems. You can't expect to have enjoyable sex with an enemy. If there's tension in your relationship, sort it out before you enter the bedroom.


Orgasm triggers
There are several ways in which you can help yourself achieve a more fulfilling sexual experience:

Breathe deeply or pant to get oxygen to those tensing muscles.
Arch your back or try a different position to maximise clitoral stimulation.
Rhythmically squeeze your pelvic floor muscles.
Escape into your favourite fantasy to block out any negative thoughts or distractions.


Further help
If some of these points have rung a bell for you, you may find that simply talking it through with your partner will help. You could also try some of the practical exercises on our site. These have tips and techniques that you can print out and try.

It may also be helpful to get advice from a sex therapist or couple counsellor.
 
Kwa kweli nami naunga mkono matumizi ya toy hulinda mahusihano. Maana kama mtu umempenda mwenzako na hupendi kumkwaza kwa kweli utatumia njia mbadala kama hii ili kulinda mahusiaono yako. Mimi pia ni mmoja wa hao... na niliongea na mr kwa uwazi kabisa kuhusiana na hilo tatizo na badala yake tununue toy! ila kwa kweli ameonekana ni kitu asichokipenda na kukidharau. Sio kwamba nashindwa kwenda nje kupozwa! naweza ila sitaki kumuumiza maana yalishamkutaga with the x-wife mpaka akaondoka. Kwa kweli mimi nikotayari kukaa naye jinsi alivyo ila namimi nitimiziwe matakwa yangu. We are all human beings we need happiness bwana.
 
Difficulty reaching orgasm

Research estimates 12 per cent of women never reach a climax - and 75 per cent don't orgasm during intercourse. Is it a physical problem, an emotional block, or both? Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall takes a closer look.

Poor self-esteem or body image. Worrying about whether your bum looks big rather than enjoying your physical sensations is a major passion wrecke.
Shame or guilt about sexuality. This might be due to negative childhood messages or a sexual trauma.


I agree that for us Africans, it starts with childhood, watoto wanaambiwa nini wakiwa wadogo kuhusu sexuality? Pia wanaume wengi wa kiafrica wanakuwa fast sana, kwao achievemnt in sex is ejaculation and not pleasuring a partner, kwa hiyo mambo ni fast na chap chap and as a result mwanamke anaachwa hoi.

But I dont agree with the statistics sometimes, many women do have orgasm.
 
If you do them the right way, Kegel exercises can help you prevent or control urinary incontinence and prepare for childbirth. Find out how to perform Kegel exercises correctly.

Kegel (KAY-gul or KEY-gul) exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which support the uterus, bladder and bowel. If you do Kegel exercises regularly and keep your pelvic floor muscles toned, you may reduce your risk of incontinence and similar problems as you get older. Kegel exercises can also help you control urinary incontinence.

Learning how to perform Kegel exercises properly can be tricky.

Female pelvic floor muscles
Many conditions put stress on your pelvic floor muscles:

Pregnancy
Childbirth
Being overweight
Aging
A chronic cough
A genetic predisposition to weak connective tissue
When your pelvic floor muscles weaken, your pelvic organs descend and bulge into your vagina, a condition known as pelvic organ prolapse. The effects of pelvic organ prolapse range from uncomfortable pelvic pressure to leakage of urine or feces. Fortunately, Kegel exercises can strengthen pelvic muscles and delay or maybe even prevent pelvic organ prolapse.

Kegel exercises are recommended especially during pregnancy. Well-toned pelvic floor muscles may make you more comfortable as your due date approaches. You may be less likely to develop urine leakage - common near the end of pregnancy and prone to persist after you've given birth.

Finally, Kegel exercises - along with counseling and sex therapy - may be helpful to women who have persistent problems reaching orgasm.
 
Everyone has a different opinion on these issues of toys ila huo ni mtazamo wangu tu na ukiangalia vizuri it works but we have choices in our lives si lazima kufanya hivyo na kama unaona kwenda nje kutafuta satisfaction then there u go but kama mtu mmoja livyo sema amemwambia mme wake na wana tumia though mme wake anaonekana kuto furahi lakini with time najua atakuwa sawa.

Kitu kingine ni kwamba najua its kindda hard for men when women introduce this kama humsatisfy partner wako kuliko awe anakucheat au anafake orgasm.
 
How to do Kegel exercises

It takes diligence to identify your pelvic floor muscles and learn how to contract and relax them. Here are some pointers:

Find the right muscles
To make sure you know how to contract your pelvic floor muscles, try to stop the flow of urine while you're going to the bathroom. If you succeed, you've got the basic move.

Or try another technique:
Insert a finger inside your vagina and try to squeeze the surrounding muscles. You should be able to feel your vagina tighten and your pelvic floor move upward. Then relax your muscles and feel your pelvic floor move down to the starting position. As your muscles become stronger - and you become more experienced with the exercises - this movement will be more pronounced. But don't make a habit of starting and stopping your urine stream.

Doing Kegel exercises with a full bladder or while emptying your bladder can actually weaken the muscles. It can also lead to incomplete emptying of the bladder, which increases your risk of a urinary tract infection.

If you're having trouble finding the right muscles, don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Your doctor or other health care provider can give you important feedback so that you learn to isolate and exercise the correct muscles.

Perfect your technique
Once you've identified your pelvic floor muscles, empty your bladder and sit or lie down. Then:

Contract your pelvic floor muscles.
Hold the contraction for three seconds then relax for three seconds.
Repeat 10 times.

Once you've perfected three-second muscle contractions, try it for four seconds at a time, alternating muscle contractions with a four-second rest period.

Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.

To get the maximum benefit, focus on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles or isolating your pelvic floor muscles. Be careful not to flex the muscles in your abdomen, thighs or buttocks. Also, try not to hold your breath. Just relax, breathe freely and focus on tightening the muscles around your vagina and rectum.

Repeat three times a day
Perform a set of 10 Kegel exercises three times a day. The exercises will get easier the more often you do them. You might make a practice of fitting in a set every time you do a routine task, such as checking e-mail or commuting to work.
 
How to do Kegel exercises

It takes diligence to identify your pelvic floor muscles and learn how to contract and relax them. Here are some pointers:

Find the right muscles
To make sure you know how to contract your pelvic floor muscles, try to stop the flow of urine while you're going to the bathroom. If you succeed, you've got the basic move.

Or try another technique:
Insert a finger inside your vagina and try to squeeze the surrounding muscles. You should be able to feel your vagina tighten and your pelvic floor move upward. Then relax your muscles and feel your pelvic floor move down to the starting position. As your muscles become stronger — and you become more experienced with the exercises — this movement will be more pronounced. But don't make a habit of starting and stopping your urine stream.

Doing Kegel exercises with a full bladder or while emptying your bladder can actually weaken the muscles. It can also lead to incomplete emptying of the bladder, which increases your risk of a urinary tract infection.

If you're having trouble finding the right muscles, don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Your doctor or other health care provider can give you important feedback so that you learn to isolate and exercise the correct muscles.

Perfect your technique
Once you've identified your pelvic floor muscles, empty your bladder and sit or lie down. Then:

Contract your pelvic floor muscles.
Hold the contraction for three seconds then relax for three seconds.
Repeat 10 times.

Once you've perfected three-second muscle contractions, try it for four seconds at a time, alternating muscle contractions with a four-second rest period.

Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.

To get the maximum benefit, focus on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles or isolating your pelvic floor muscles. Be careful not to flex the muscles in your abdomen, thighs or buttocks. Also, try not to hold your breath. Just relax, breathe freely and focus on tightening the muscles around your vagina and rectum.

Repeat three times a day
Perform a set of 10 Kegel exercises three times a day. The exercises will get easier the more often you do them. You might make a practice of fitting in a set every time you do a routine task, such as checking e-mail or commuting to work.
 
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