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Upande wa Pili wa Kiapo cha Ndoa -When ‘for worse’ hits your marriage

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Shadow, Jul 27, 2010.

  1. Shadow

    Shadow JF-Expert Member

    Jul 27, 2010
    Joined: May 19, 2008
    Messages: 2,887
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    Je, wewe ungefanyaje hapa?

    Published on 06/03/2010
    By Zawadi Lompisha

    Rita has left her marital home. She has been married to Dan for the last eight years and they have two lovely children. They hold good jobs that pay them very well, their children go to good schools and are servicing a mortgage.
    The job market has been rather uncertain in the last few years. So when the time came for Dan’s company to let some people go, Rita and Dan discussed it and hatched a plan, just in case the axe fell on Dan. They had good savings and because Dan was in a very marketable career, they were sure that he could get a job in about three months.
    Life changed
    Soon enough, Dan was given the dismissal letter that read, in part: "We are grateful for your six years’ service in the company. However…"
    Dan was devastated despite the fact that he thought he was prepared to let go. Rita took everything in stride and gave Dan the much-needed shoulder.
    Dan kept sending out applications but after stringing him along, the companies disappointed him. Rita’s patience began to wear thin after months of waiting. The benefits that Dan got paid by his former employer were all wisely put into the mortgage. Rita ran with all other expenses because they didn’t want to touch their savings.
    Rita began to resent the fact that she hadn’t bought herself a new outfit in almost half a year. She was spending so much because her husband and children were depending on her. They even had to stop eating certain foods because they were proving too expensive. She tried talking to her friends to get Dan a job but nothing came out of that. She was getting overwhelmed and she grabbed a few things from the house and deserted Dan and the children.
    So here we are, three married women listening to a friend, amidst sobs of empathy.
    Survive trial
    "I can’t do it any more," wept Rita, "I’ve tried but I can’t, this ‘for worse’ part is too hard. I leave Dan in the house; work my backside off for the family. It’s meant to be team effort! There has to be something wrong with this picture."
    Some of the questions we asked Rita were: Did Dan know that she was getting frustrated? Did Rita want her marriage to end? How could we help?
    Rita hadn’t shared with Dan what she was going through because she thought he was going through enough.
    She didn’t want her marriage to end; she believed in the "for better for worse" line, but she needed to know how to survive the ‘for worse’ bit.
    We promised to stand by Rita, to allow her to call us or come to us when she needed to talk, or needed some money. We also asked Rita to go back and talk with Dan about what she was going through but make it clear that she didn’t want to leave. She left the house with a spring in her step.
    That whole scene made me proud because I had met one more person who was willing to fight for her marriage.
    Many men and women are walking out of their marriages because they are unwilling to deal with the ‘for worse’ part of the vows. Are you one of them?