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the fight among professions

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by toghocho, Mar 25, 2012.

  1. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
    "No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you."
    While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and put a pin in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
    Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and put a tack in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
    As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
    "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This putting tacks in shoes and spitting in cokes?
     
  2. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T.G.I.F." He smiled at her, and replied, "S.H.I.T."
    She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T.G.I.F." again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S.H.I.T."
    The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T.G.I.F." another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, 'S.H.I.T."
    The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T.G.I.F. means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it?"
    The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
     
  3. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors.
    The comparison went like this:
    If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10.000 miles per hour. (16.000 km/hr)
    Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.
    In response to all this goading, GM responds:
    "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
     
  4. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
    Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.
    A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
    And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a 'caress?'" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
    Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?'" So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
    And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache?'"
     
  5. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
    Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
    So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
    "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!
     
  6. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.
    The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit.
    A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!".
    The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass"
     
  7. SHIEKA

    SHIEKA JF-Expert Member

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    Thanx toghocho for your lovely parade of jokes. They are all very enjoyable!
     
  8. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

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    thanks mkuu
     
  9. ngulinho

    ngulinho JF-Expert Member

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    Mar 26, 2012
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    poa saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaana
     
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