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Tabia haibadiliki...!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbu, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Aug 24, 2009
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    ...ukitegemea mchumba wako atabadilika tabia ukishamuoa, jua unajitafutia kujiudhi roho tu. Tabia hazibadilishiki. Kama mwanamke/mwanaume alikuwa mzinzi ataendelea hivyo hivyo hata mkioana.

    Kama mwanamke.mwanaume alikuwa mdokozi, mchoyo, mchafu, mwongo...nk atayaficha makucha yake kwa kipindi fulani kutimiza malengo yake, kisha maisha yataendelea kama kawaida.

    Wazee wetu ndoa zao zilidumu kwakuwa kwenye kutafuta mchumba, walihusishwa wanafamilia na marafiki wa karibu kwenye kutoa ushauri na maamuzi yupi anafaa, au hafai.

    Ndoa za kisasa, waamuzi wa mwanzo na wa mwisho ni wanandoa wenyewe. No wonder ndoa hazidumu.

    Unakubali au unakataa somo hili?

    Jadili.
     
  2. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 24, 2009
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    Waswahili walisema "aisifiaye mvua imemnyea", vipi wewe yamekukuta haya au umefanza kusikia tu?

    Kwangu mimi swali muhimu zaidi ya ama mtu anaweza au hawezi kubadilika, ni lile linalouliza kwa nini utake kumbadilisha mtu? Isn't this selfish and condescending?

    Kwa mfano, mimi sipendi sigareti, na nikijua bibie anavuta sigareti basi ndiyo kwisha habari, hata kumsogelea naona kinyaa. Sasa kwa nini ujue mtu anavuta sigareti, umuingie kwa minajili ya kumuachisha raha yake ya sigareti ili tu awe na wewe? Huu si ukoloni mambopendo huu?
     
  3. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Aug 24, 2009
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    ...:D:D:D definately mazee,

    yameshanikumba sana, huruma tu huniponza

    Unajua, kuna mtu anaweza tenda kosa ambalo 'mwenza' unajiuliza na kuhoji ilikuaje akateleza. Kuna sababu nyingi unazoweza kupewa, mojawapo ikiwa sababu ya upweke, au sikutarajia tutakuja kuoana, au 'vishawishi' vilinizidia... halafu ataapa kwa viapo vyote atavyoweza jiapiza kwamba wala hatarudia tena 'ujinga na upuuzi' ule asije i cost marriage yake.

    Baada ya muda fulani, anarudia tena.

    ..duuuh, kumbe ni starehe yao watu hawa (?), haya bana... No wonder watu wa namna hii ni wasanii kikweli kweli, kwa kujiliza na kutafuta sympathy kabla hujawapa 'red card'.
     
  4. Violet

    Violet Member

    #4
    Aug 24, 2009
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    True tabia hazibadiliki
     
  5. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Aug 24, 2009
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    My point is not so much kwamba tabia hazibadiliki -it is a gamble really, inategemea mambo mengi, lakini kuna mara zinaweza kubadilika-

    My point ni kwamba, kwa nini utake kumbadilisha mtu?

    Hili si gari, kusema kwamba nitalinunua jeupe lakini kwa sababu sipendi rangi nyeupe nitalipaka rangi ya buluu.Au nyumba kwamba nitainunua ya milango minne lakini nitatengeneza mwingine wa tano.

    Kwa nini utake kumbadilisha mtu? huu si ubinafsi uliokubuhu? Mtu anapenda kunywa wewe unataka aache kunywa, Kwa nini uchukue gamble hii? Kwa nini usitafute ambaye hanywi tangu mwanzo?
     
  6. Sonara

    Sonara JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Aug 25, 2009
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    Pole mkuu wazee wetu hutwambia hivi ukikutana na mwanamke Bar basi utachana nae bar ukikutana nae magengeni utachana nae magengeni ukikutana mabarabarani mtachana mabarabarabi na ndio manana siku zote ni vyema mtu kuwa na subira na kutafuta wale wenye afuweni ,kuliko kukimbilia hao viruka njia hasara yake ni kubwa ,mkuu kwani hujawahi kukmbana na wasichana lakhai akiwa dukani na kukwambia amepungukiwa alikuwa anataka kununuwa kitu ,na ukimuliza ni kiasi gani amepungukiwa anakwambia laki mbili sasa hapo inakuwa amepungukiwa au hana kabisa ?yamesha nikuta hayo nilipomwambia sina akanambia eti nataka pepo lakini naogopa kufa nikamwambia yake sio pepo ni one way tiketi.
     
  7. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Aug 25, 2009
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    ...Bluray, hujawahi sikia wazazi wanatamka, "heri umeoa/umeolewa, umekua sasa", au "umeshakuwa mama/baba sasa, utulie"

    Hiyo haina maana Mke/Mume atambadilisha tabia mwenzake, la hasha. Majukumu mapya (Responsibilities) ndio tegemeo la wazazi hao kubadilishwa tabia. Vivyo hivyo kwenye maisha ya mume na mke, Katu sithubutu kumbadilisha mamsapu tabia, ni jukumu lake yeye mwenyewe kubadilika na kuishi maisha ya ndoa (mke wa mtu).

    Tabia ya (mfano) Uongo, uchafu, uzinzi, nk ndani ya maisha ya ndoa yanafaida gani? Lazima kubadilika.
     
  8. L

    Launoni Member

    #8
    Aug 29, 2009
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    .ukitegemea mchumba wako atabadilika tabia ukishamuoa, jua unajitafutia kujiudhi roho tu. Tabia hazibadilishiki. Kama mwanamke/mwanaume alikuwa mzinzi ataendelea hivyo hivyo hata mkioana.

    Kama mwanamke.mwanaume alikuwa mdokozi, mchoyo, mchafu, mwongo...nk atayaficha makucha yake kwa kipindi fulani kutimiza malengo yake, kisha maisha yataendelea kama kawaida.

    Wazee wetu ndoa zao zilidumu kwakuwa kwenye kutafuta mchumba, walihusishwa wanafamilia na marafiki wa karibu kwenye kutoa ushauri na maamuzi yupi anafaa, au hafai.

    Ndoa za kisasa, waamuzi wa mwanzo na wa mwisho ni wanandoa wenyewe. No wonder ndoa hazidumu.

    Unakubali au unakataa somo hili?

    Jadili.
     
  9. Kobe

    Kobe JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Aug 29, 2009
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    nakubali ndoa hazidumu kwa hilo.
    JE NINI KIFANYIKE KUREKEBISHA KASORO HII?
     
  10. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Aug 29, 2009
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    mimi nadhani familia zihusishwe tu kwenye kutafuta mchumba
     
  11. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Aug 30, 2009
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    ...ama kweli wewe ni mvivu wa kufikiri; Yaani umenikopi kule; http://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/37029-tabia-haibadiliki.html na kupaste hapa as if umeanzisha thread hii? basi hukuweza hata kubadilisha maneno mawili matatu?

    ...au umetumwa wewe?!
     
  12. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Aug 30, 2009
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    Wazee wetu ndoa zilidumu kwa sababu ya nyakati zao walizoishi.wanawake walikuwa wanatii kila wanachoambiwa ,sio sasa wanawake wengi wameenda shule na wanataka uhuru wa kujaribu mishedede ya size tofauti,na zamani kulikuwa hakuna simu za mkononi au kazi za ofisini kwa wanawake au internet au dvd za porno za kujifunza vitu vipya na kutamani kujaribu. E.t.c kuna mambo mengi yaliyochangia ndoa zamani zidumu ikiwemo kuwakandamiza wanawake........so usisifie mababu zetu tu,hujui full story...
     
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