Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Mwanamke: Namna ya kujiondoa kutoka katika hisia za usaliti wa mapenzi…………….!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mtambuzi, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #1
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
    Messages: 8,572
    Likes Received: 687
    Trophy Points: 280
    [​IMG]
    Wiki iliyopita niliandika mada kuhusu dalili za hisia za usaliti katika mapenzi, unaweza kujikumbusha kwa kufungua hapa: http://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/302448-wanawake-zijue-dalili-za-hisia-za-usaliti-katika-mahusiano%85%85%85.html

    Niliahidi kwamba wiki hii nitaweka mada kuhusu jinsi ya kushinda hicho kishawishi na ndoa au uhusiano wako ukaendelea kuwa imara. Kama unajikuta uko kwenye mtego huo wa kuisaliti ndoa yako kwa kujikuta ukiwa na hisia za usaliti wa mapenzi (emotional Infidelity) unaweza kuchukua tahadhari kabla ya hatari kwa kufanya yafuatayo:

    1. Jiweke mbali na kishawishi hicho kwa kuweka mipaka ya kukutana na mtu huyo, na hakikisha unajitahidi kumfuta katika mawazo yako……. Katu asitawale mawazo yako.

    2.. Kamwe usimshirikishe kwenye matatizo yako, wasiliana na mumeo au mpenzi wako pindi upatapo tatizo linalohitaji msaada wa haraka

    3.Kama kuna ulazima wa kutoka naye kwa jambo lolote, basi usitoke naye ukiwa peke yako, hakikisha mtoko wenu unawahusisha watu wengine, mnaweza kuwa kundi la marafiki au wafanyakazi wenzako, usije ukaruhusu mazingira ya kuwa peke yenu.

    4.Hamisha mawazo yako yote kwa mpenzi wako au mumeo, na hakikisha unampa mpenzi wako kipaumbele kuliko huyo rafiki mpya.
    [​IMG]
    5.Panga mtoko na mumeo au mpenzi wako ambao utawasha moto wenu wa mapenzi wa awali kama unaoekana kufifia.

    6..Iwapo unafanya naye kazi ofisi moja na kama huwa inatokea mnafanya kazi muda wa ziada, kwepa kubaki ninyi wawili tu hapo ofisini…. Jambo hilo litakufanya uwe naye karibu na hivyo kuendelea kumpa nafasi ya kutawala mawazo yako

    7. Kama ni mtu unayemtegemea kumuomba msaada kikazi na huwa anakusaidia, basi tafuta mtu mwingine atakayekuwa anakusaidia, lakini usimuonyeshe kama unamkwepa, anaweza kufanya udadisi na jambo hilo likakupa wakati mgumu.

    8. Jitahidi kuwa unawasiliana na mpenzi wako au mumeo mara kwa mara kwa simu uwapo ofisini ili kurejesha ukaribu wenu

    9. Jiepushe na kumweleza matatizo yako na mwenza wako hata kama ni jambo ambalo unahitaji ushauri, tumia vituo vya ushauri na kama ushauri huo ni lazima utoke kwa mtu wa jinsia tofauti na yako basi tafuta mtu wa mbali usiyekutana naye mara kwa mara.

    10. Hakikisha unaimarisha uhusiano wako na mwenza wako kwa namna yoyote na hata kama ikibidi kujishusha…………
    [​IMG]
    Ni vyema kila mtu akajua kwamba kila mtu yuko kwenye hatari ya kukumbwa na hisia za usaliti wa mapenzi (emotional Infidelity) hata kama una uhusiano imara kiasi gani, hilo hakuna awezaye kulikwepa. Hiyo ni kwa sababu mvuto wa kimapenzi kwa mtu mpya mwenye jinsia tofauti ni jambo la kawaida sana, na linaloleta msisimko. Kinachotokea ni kwamba wapo wanaomudu kushinda kishawishi hicho na ndoa zao zikaendelea kuwa imara, lakini wapo ambao hushindwa na kujikuta wakiwasaliti wenza wao.

    Lakini pia hisia za usaliti wa mapenzi zina faida zake, kwani hutukumbusha ni kitu gani tunakikosa kwa wenzi wetu na hivyo kutuweka katika nafasi nzuri ya kudai hicho tunachokikosa kwa wenzi wetu na kuziba pengo hilo. Kumbuka kwamba hisia za usaliti wa mapenzi (Emotional infidelity), maana yake ni kwamba unaruhusu mtu mwingine wa jinsi tofauti azibe pengo la hisia ambalo lingetakiwa lizibwe na mpenzi wako au mume wako.

    Hivyo usijisikie vibaya iwapo utajikuta ukikabiliwa na hali hiyo, kinachotakiwa ni kufanya hayo niliyoeleza hapo juu kisha boresha uhusiano wako na huyo mpenzi wako au mumeo umpendaye. Ni pale tu utakapojiwekea mipaka na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti ndipo utakapokuwa salama na kishawishi hicho cha hisia za usaliti wa mapenzi.
    [​IMG]
    Tukutane wakati mwingine……………Nitakapokuja na mada ya namna ya kujitoa katika hisia za kumpenda mpenzi uliyeachana naye…….!
     
  2. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 8, 2010
    Messages: 9,670
    Likes Received: 988
    Trophy Points: 280
    Nakubali asilimia 250%
     
  3. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #3
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
    Messages: 8,572
    Likes Received: 687
    Trophy Points: 280
    nyumba kubwa hulali......?
    Angalia usije tafutiwa nyumba ndogo...................LOL
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  4. U

    Ubungo JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Apr 7, 2012
    Messages: 1,239
    Likes Received: 2
    Trophy Points: 0
    Sawa mkuu, nimekupata vizuri sana.
     
  5. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 8, 2010
    Messages: 9,670
    Likes Received: 988
    Trophy Points: 280
    Baba nanii yuko mbali hivyo napoteza muda kwenye PC kuepuka vishawishi. Lol.

    Nikiwa nae karibu huwezi kuona comments zangu humu JF...nakuwa busy kupeti peti.

     
  6. j

    jeneneke JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Jul 5, 2012
    Messages: 764
    Likes Received: 21
    Trophy Points: 35
    Nimeishia kukodelea macho picha badala ya kusoma zimenivutia kweli.Ngoja nirudi kusoma
     
  7. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #7
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
    Messages: 8,572
    Likes Received: 687
    Trophy Points: 280
    jeneneke nitakuwa siweki picha tena, ili upate kusoma maana badala ya kuelimika unabaki kuwa kilaza....................LOL
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  8. Asabaya

    Asabaya JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Feb 12, 2012
    Messages: 1,319
    Likes Received: 27
    Trophy Points: 145
    Anko hii naikubali kwa sana...
     
  9. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Apr 12, 2012
    Messages: 16,144
    Likes Received: 589
    Trophy Points: 280
    yaani Mtambuzi nimesoma hii naomba nifanye kazi kdogo nikisubiri comments za wadau wanasemaje.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  10. Facilitator

    Facilitator JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 30, 2010
    Messages: 2,065
    Likes Received: 117
    Trophy Points: 160
    Hizi ni nadharia tu, na mara nyingi ni kwa penzi jipya/changa. Wenye ndoa wanajua uhalisia wa mambo. There are times, things get so weird that no words can perfectly explain. It's good to comfort each other but the practicality of the situation is a very bitter experience.
     
  11. D

    DICKIES Member

    #11
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Apr 27, 2012
    Messages: 22
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0
    Hiyo maada nyengine ndio mpango mzima mara nyingi wengi wetu hujikuta bado tuna hisia na wapenzi ambao tumesha achana nao!! DaAah,naisubiri sana hiyo...
     
  12. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Nov 26, 2009
    Messages: 27,045
    Likes Received: 1,240
    Trophy Points: 280
    Mzee, nakubaliana nawe. Umesahau kuhusu meetings (chilling). Chill na marafiki wa jinsia tofauti in public places. Na mueleze mwenza wako kuwa niko na rafiki mahali fulani tunaongea. Itakuweka concious kwa lolote (najua wanaume ngumu sana hii,lol).

    Ila hapo kwenye kukumbuka kudai unachokosa kwa mwenza, anakuwa mkali kama pilipili! Sasa badala ya kudai kwa mwenza unawaza ugomvi wake, saa zingine unaambiwa sitaki confrontations, unabaki unamezea. It reaches a point unaamua kupata appetite ofisini (emotionally, flirting na kucheka) halafu mlo nyumbani.

    My very close friend ni pastor, kijana 40 yrs. Ana mke mrembo na msomi lakini ambae sio outgoing hata kidogo. Kuna siku kidogo pastor abakwe na muumini mwenye matatizo ya ndoa. He got frustrated akaondoka na kumuachia ofisi na kukimbilia nyumbani. Anamuambia mkewe I need fresh air, let's go out for coffee now. Mke anasema mie nimechoka! Ilibidi amuambie mkewe, some woman out there ananing'ang'ania na mie kimbilio na faraja yangu ni wewe! Mama alikuwa mpole na kumpa mumewe attention.

    Hiyo ni mfano wa mwanaume. Mwanamke akija na malalamiko ya emotional unfullfilment ataambiwa niko busy, unalalamika sana, u are not grateful, you are too demanding and all sorts of things na kununiwa juu.

    Mwisho wa siku anaishia kujinyamazia na kujifunza kupata emotional attention. You wonder why boobs zinaachiwa? Mume ama bf hajawahi kukuambia u got killer boobs, huko njiani ukipita unaambiwa 'did it hurt when u fell from heaven to earth?'. Kesho lazma utafute attention! Tunajitahidi kuepuka but we are being pushed too far baba Mtambuzi
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  13. Eversmilin Gal

    Eversmilin Gal JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Feb 5, 2012
    Messages: 783
    Likes Received: 1
    Trophy Points: 0
    yani me luv u comment
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  14. j

    jeneneke JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Jul 5, 2012
    Messages: 764
    Likes Received: 21
    Trophy Points: 35
    Aaa jamani Mtambuzi usifanye hivyo bana unajua wamependeza sana halafu huwa napenda couple zinazoendana hivyo sijabahatika tu kupata ndo mana zimenitia mawazo.
     
  15. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #15
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
    Messages: 8,572
    Likes Received: 687
    Trophy Points: 280
    jeneneke hapo kwenye bold kuna mada naiandaa kuhusu jambo hilo, stay tune..........................
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  16. Mamndenyi

    Mamndenyi JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Apr 11, 2011
    Messages: 27,234
    Likes Received: 1,905
    Trophy Points: 280
    Mtambuzi
    wewe unayafanya hayo?
     
  17. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #17
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
    Messages: 8,572
    Likes Received: 687
    Trophy Points: 280

    Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

    One-sided Conversations Sandra's conversations were generally one-sided. She would try to get him to talk first by asking him a string of questions. Then, before she could share what she wanted to talk about, she would become upset with his short answers. When she finally did share her feelings, they were always the same. She was upset that he was not open, loving, and sharing. A one-sided conversation might go like this:

    SANDRA: How was your day?
    LARRY: OK.
    SANDRA: What happened?
    LARRY* The usual.
    SANDRA: What do you feel like doing this weekend?
    LARRY. I don't care. What do you want to do?
    SANDRA: Do you want to invite our friends over?
    LARRY: I don't know. Do you know where the TV schedule is?
    SANDRA: (upset) Why don't you talk to me?
    LARRY: (Stunned and silent.)
    SANDRA: Do you love me?
    LARRY: Of course I love you. I married you.
    SANDRA: How could you love me? We never talk any more. How can you just sit there and say nothing. Don't you care?

    At this point, Larry would get up and go for a walk. When he came back he would act as though nothing had happened. Sandra would also act as though everything was fine, but inside she would withdraw her love and warmth. On the surface she would try to be loving, but on the inside her resentment increased. From time to time it would boil up and she would begin another one-sided interrogation of her husband's feelings. After twenty years of gathering evidence that he did not love her, she was no longer willing to be deprived of intimacy.
     
  18. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Nov 28, 2010
    Messages: 12,582
    Likes Received: 706
    Trophy Points: 280
    Waoh what a great post again!

    Nakubaliana na King'asti, Mtambuzi; hakuna kitu kinachochangia kushindwa kushinda vishawishi kama kutokuwa appreciated nyumbani, hasa ukipata mtu anayeku worship huko nje.

    Tips zote ulizozitaja zinafanya kazi vizuri pale mume ni muelewa hata kidogo. Imagine, unajaribu kuwasiliana naye mara kwa mara lakini hapatikani. Unamuomba kidate, yeye yu busy 24/7 na mbaya zaidi yeye anaona kwa kukuoa amemaliza, unatakiwa kujua kuwa anakupenda ndio maana kakuoa.

    Hiyo ni worst case scenerio, lakini kingine ulichosahau ni KUSALI. Unakumbuka kwenye moja ya nyuzi zako ulizungumzia kitu kama 'power ya positive thinking'; kwa mimi SALA ina nguvu sana katika kujitunza na kujilinda kuliko njia zote hizo hapo juu. Hivyo ukiomba na hasa ukimuona "shetani" katika sura ya huyo mshawishi wako kusema ukweli inamsaada sana, pia muone shetani katika matatizo ya ndoa yenu na vow to fight him; hiyo pia uongeza uvumilivu na jitihada za kutatua matatizo yoyote (kama yapo) yanayo accelerate hiyo emotional infedality.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  19. j

    jeneneke JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Jul 5, 2012
    Messages: 764
    Likes Received: 21
    Trophy Points: 35
    I am tuned.
     
  20. K

    KipimaPembe JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Aug 6, 2012
    Joined: Aug 5, 2007
    Messages: 1,282
    Likes Received: 48
    Trophy Points: 145
    Mtambuzi,

    Hisia za kusaliti hazitokani na mtu mwingine (mpenzi wa sasa au mme). Hisia hizo huja kutoka ndani, si kwamba zinaletwa na kukosa kitu tu!! Mara nyingi mwenye hisia hizo huwa anapata kila kitu kutoka kwa mwenzie; ila mwelekeo wa kuelekea kwenye ukosaji ndo huja.

    Temptations are born out of evil mind! Hapa unaelekea kutushawishi kwamba mtu hujaribiwa kwa sababu amekosa kitu fulani kwa aliyempenda. Hujasikia mwanamke akisema kuna kitu fulani anakitaka ila hakijui?? She may be getting everything but she is tempted for the unkown! Very common!
     
Loading...