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Mawasiliano na Mahusiano

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by MwanajamiiOne, Nov 8, 2011.

  1. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #1
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    Wapendwa natumaini wote mu wazima,

    Katika kupitia pitia mada mbalimbali humu jamvini, nimekutana na post hii ya muhanga ambayo imenifanya niwaze mengi kiasi cha kujikuta nachanganyikiwa na hivyo kuona ni vema mkanisaidia kunijuza walimu wangu. Recently kumekuwa na mada nyingi zihusuzo kucheat ambazo zimekuwa zikichangiwa sana na bado kujikuta hatujapata muafaka kutokana na kuwa kwa inavyoonekana kuna uafadhali/unafuu/tolerance flani kama anayecheat atakuwa ni mume kuliko mke (at least hii ndo picha niliyoipata mimi MJ1)...............ambao wengi wamekuwa wakionekana kuwa wana what they regard kama "Genuine" reasons i.e. Mke mjeuri, ana dharau, hanitumikii e.t.c

    Kwa upande wa wanawake wanaocheat, the only 'Genuine' reason ambayo angalau imeonekana kukubalika ni kutokujaliwa, mume kuwa buzy na mambo mengine, kumuignore kama anavyoiweka Dada muhanga katika post yake hii, nanukuu...........

    .................."no what? changamoto mojawapo kubwa kwenye ndoa ni mawasiliano, wanandoa wengi hawana guts za kuambiana ukweli au kuwekana chini kujadili mambo yanayowahusu, matokeo yake mmoja akizidiwa nguvu anaanza tu kujifeel inferior, helpless as a result and create a kind of depression! hali hiyo inakuwa ni ugonjwa mbaya kwenye mapenzi, na pindi akipata mtu anaemjali, anamsikiliza na kumshauri, anajenga tabia ya kumuamini na hata ck ya kuanza katabia ka kucheat ataona kama anamtendea ukarimu mtu wake wa karibu! (hii inawakumba zaidi wanawake)" .............mwisho wa kunukuu.

    Na hata baada ya kupekua pekua na kuchakura chakura nikakutana na nukuu nyingine hapa;

    ............"Ukosefu wa Mawasiliano (communication) kuhusu matatizo mbalimbali ya ndani ya ndoa mf. kutoridhishwa kihisia, kitendo na hata ukosekanaji wa kujaliana inaweza haribu ndoa na kuiteketeza kabisa na kupelekea mwenzi wako kutoka nje ya mahusiano ya kindoa"...........Mwisho wa kunukuu

    Na kama ambavyo tumeona mwenye mada ya MADAM T ya "Siku ya Kwanza ya kucheat, ulimtazamaje mwenzi wako" tumepata picha kuwa kwa sasa kuna wanawake wengi wenye ndoa zao ambao wanacheat na imekuwa ni kawaida..

    Sasa ni sahihi kusema kutokana na hayo maelezo hapo juu, tutakuwa sahihi tukisema kuwa for every cheating wife, the blame should go to the husband kwanza kabla ya kumtafuta mchawi?.

    NB: There is no "Genuine" reason for cheating
     
  2. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

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    mmmmhh...........??????
     
  3. Chauro

    Chauro JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    MJ1 kama kuna tatizo sugu ni hili ulilosema hapa ngoja nile nishibe kwanza nisije nikaharibu menu!
     
  4. olele

    olele JF-Expert Member

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    Mchawi ni aliye cheat, mtu huwezi kusahihisha kosa kwa kufnya kosa jngne tna kubwa kulko, kucheat ni ksa kubwa mno regadless umesabbshwa na nn. Kwangu mm haina utetezi. mtu anayefanya hvyo ni mbaya sana.
     
  5. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

    #5
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    No way Jose! I fundamentally and categorically reject that assertion. Cheating is a premeditated act. No one can make anyone cheat. The cheater cheats on his or her own will.

    Deflecting blame to others is irresponsible and stupid. It is about time we start shooting straight and call things for what they are. How can a grown ass man or woman say that their spouse made them cheat? Did they tie you up or put a gun to your head and told you to go cheat?

    People can call me whatever they want (eccentric, weird, odd, or whatever) but I just don't buy those kind of sorry ass excuses. You take off your clothes and sleep with someone other than your spouse, that is your fault. Man up or woman up and own it.

    Heck, you were courageous enough to get naked and have sex with someone other than your spouse and now you don't have the courage to own up to what you did and you gonna blame someone else for it? Give me a break!

    People, if you cheat don't start blaming others for it. Fess up and take responsibility.
     
  6. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Haya ukimaliza ukuje, tusaidiane hapa
     
  7. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #7
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    Pole chauro mwenzio ninachanganyikiwa kadri siku zinavyozidi kwenda utafikiri ndo naingia ukubwani leo, kumbe mtu hadi menopause inakataa!!
     
  8. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Nakubaliana a wewe asilimia mia kwa mia.
    Kelvin sweetheart, msitari wangu wa mwisho unaelezea kabisa kuwa hakuna sababu yoyote inayokubalika kwa kucheat. Ishu yangu ipo kwenye hizo nukuu mbili. Cheating an lack of communication.

    Chukulia mifano hii
    Scenerio I. Mwanamke mwenye mumewe ambaye (kwa sababu anazozijua yeye) anamdharau, anamuignore, hamjali na kumwuumiza psychologically. Na mwanaume huyo huyo hana compromise wala haitaji discussion yoyote ndani ya nyumba hata kama analeta chakula, analipa ada kwa watoto n.k But hana intimacy na mkewe. Na kwa bahati mbaya mke huyu hana guts/ uwezo wa kuquit hiyo relationship (either watoto, jamii n.k)

    Scenerio II. Mwanaume anayeishi na mke anayemdharau, hamjali, yeye na remote (kama mnavyolalamika hapa). Mke ambaye kushiriki tendo la unyumba ni nadra, e.t.c..

    Jamii inapoombwa kutoa ushauri kati ya hawa, mara nyingi utasikia mwanaume anaambiwa ......Kiboko ya mkeo, mtafutie msaidizi (nyumba ndogo) atanyooka. Lakini mwanamke anaambiwa avumilie ndio maisha ya ndoa yalivyo!!

    Tukisema tuapply communication skills hapa, hebu tupeni ujuzi wengine hapa, katika situation kama hii, unavunjaje ukimya??
     
  9. Chauro

    Chauro JF-Expert Member

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    kiini cha matatizo mengi na makubwa achilia mbali cheating kwenye ndoa na mahusiano mengi ni mawasiliano nafikiri wakati tunajadili tunaweza fikiria suala la wanandoa wengi kutokuwa marafiki inaweza kuwa sababu nyingine ya mawasiliano mabovu.
     
  10. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

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    I know. I am sorry if I came off as reprimanding you. I wasn't. I was just addressing the issue in general.

    Poor souls. Hapo solution ya kudumu niifikiriayo mimi nitaitwa "eccentric". Kwa hiyo, I better just give the popular, mainstream solution to such a problem. Ni kuvumilia tu kwa sababu jamii haitamuelewa huyo mwanamke akiamua kufungasha virago vyake. Mwanamke kaumbwa na uwezo wa kuvumilia mengi na makubwa. Karaha za mume sidhani kama zinalingana na machungu ya labor. So uvumilivu ndo mpango mzima.

    Aisee...

    Na kuna wanawake wengi tu wanaokubalina na hayo. Hata humu wapo wengi tu. Dawa ya yote hayo ni kusamehe tu. Si tunaambiwa tusamehe mara 70.

    Ni kumwambia tu mwenzio kwa upole kuwa hayo anayoyafanya si mazuri. Ukishamaliza kumwambia hivyo unamsamehe tu halafu mnaendelea na maisha yenu kama kawaida. Kumbuka...samehe mara 70.
     
  11. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    it takes two to tango.......
     
  12. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

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    Dah! sredi hii mie naomba niwe nagonga likes na kuondoka tu.
    Endeleeni wakuu, nawasoma
     
  13. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...ilikuwaje wakafikia hatua hii ya ndoa?
     
  14. Nemo

    Nemo JF-Expert Member

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    Mwanajamiione
    I think whether to cheat or not, is ultimately the decision of the cheater. However we can not deny that in some cheating cases, how one reaches that point has a positive correlation with their spouse's actions!!

    ps
    Keyword here being "ultimately"
     
  15. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

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    Mwenye kubanjua/kubanjuliwa nje ya mahusiano yake ndiye mwenye kubeba lawama.....Hakuna habari ya ku-share lawama katika kosa la uzinzi!

    Kuhusu mawasiliano......hili ni janga kuu katika ndoa nyingi...Kama likiweza kupatiwa ufumbuzi...watu wanaweza kuongeza lifespan kwa zaidi ya 30%!!!

    Nitarudi baadaye kidogo,

    Babu DC!
     
  16. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ndio maana nilihoji inakuwaje wana ndoa hufikia hapo?
    mada hii si ngumu kiviiile....

    ...kwa mtizamo wangu, ukishaamua ku cheat, umejikubalisha na
    matokeo ya kuachana/kuachika,...na katika na hayo....
    Hakuna utetezi kwamba, "nime cheat sababu umekuwa una ni ignore!"
     
  17. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

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    Realer than the real deal Holyfield!
     
  18. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #18
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    Aksante Darl. Tunakubaliana lkuwa kuna sababu hakuna marefu yasokuwa na chanzo. Baadhi ya marefu haya ni
    Kwa Mke
    1. Mume kwa sababu moja au nyingine he doesnt find the wife attractive anymore- anaanza kudoubt penzi lake kwakev2. Baada ya kuwekwa kwenye himaya ya mume, mume akaamua kuyarudia makoloni au koloni lake na mapenzi yote kuhamia kwa small houses na yale maviapo ya laiti ningejua nisingemuoa. (Ikifikia hali hii jua kuwa uwezekano wa mke kumketisha mume chini kumweleza kuwa hapendi alivyobadilika siku hizi, ni ndogo sana. Mume atafanya juu chini asimpe nafasi mke kumbana.
    2. Mume ameshamchoka, (after three to four years love lifespan yake imekwisha - kuwa alimwoa outs of infatuation and not love. Sasa all he feels kwa mkewe ni hatrage and hata muda wa discuss naye issues anaona kero e.t.c.

    Mume:ri ikamtia jeu nzu1
    1. Mke amepata kazi nzuri ikamtia jeuri na kumwona mume mwanaume suruali hana hali wala muhali
    2. Mke amepata mshefa huko barabarani mwenye kumfanya amwone mumewe si mali kitu asimbabaishe (kumbuka victim hapa ni Mbaba anayenyimwa haki zake za ndoa. e.t.c.

    Sasa hapa victims tunawashauri vipi kurejesha mawasiliano?????

    Aksante Nemo. Siongezi neno hapa nitaharibu. Natamani wote waisome hii kwa loud speekers

    Kwa kuanzia BAbu unakubali kuwa kuna reasons behind??
     
  19. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    wa unajitetea ... but kuna ile ya nakwenda motoni lakini nakwenda motoni nikiwa clean. Found guild out of cicumstances. Naimagine mwanamke/mume ambaye mkewe/mumewe amekuwa busy kwa muda mrefu (sijui kama tunakubaliana kuwa kuna wanandoa wengine wanakaa hata miaka miwili. mitatu wakiwa ignored simply because mume amejipatia mahali pa kulaza kichwa chake. Anahemea (Ingawa amepata pa kulaza kichwa chake.

    How do we help??
     
  20. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

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    Hakuna kitu hapo, tatizo ni kuendekeza ubinafsi tu...Hebu uliza kila mtu kama anapenda kutendewa hayo anayotenda? Hata tungeshauri vipi, mtu akishafikia point ya kwenda kufanya uzinzi ni basi tena....Tumwombee yasimkute mabaya!!



    Sababu ya kuhalalisha uzinzi sijui kama ipo! Watu wanaamua tu kwenda kutimiza matamanio yao yasiyo na mwisho na baada ya hapo ndio wanaanza kuokoteza vijisababu!!
     
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