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hot za weekend

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by snochet, May 18, 2012.

  1. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    Wachaga na Pesa..

    Mhindi,mpare na mchaga walienda kutoa msaada wa pesa kwa maskini.lakini waliweka masharti ya kupata huo msaada.na mambo yalikuwa hivi:-

    mhindi>mimi ntachora duara kisha ntarusha pesa juu,zitakazoingia zenu,zitakazo toka nje zangu

    mpare>mimi ntachora mstari kisha ntarusha pesa juu,zitakazo dondokea kwenye mstari zenu,zitakazo toka nje zangu

    mchaga>mimi ntarusha pesa juu zitakazobaki juu zenu,zitakazorudi chini zangu!
     
  2. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #2
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    Mke 1 alimpa mume wake radio aende nae chooni asiboreke kwa vile huwa anakaa muda mrefu,basi akaenda nae,alipotoka mke akamuuliza:eehee,mume wangu vp umeenjoy? mume:ah, wajinga hawa wameniekea wimbo wa taifa nimekunya huku nimesimama!
     
  3. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #3
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    Mume akiwa ametoka kazini na uchovu huku akiwa mnyonge kufika nyumbani mke akamuuliza " vp kulikoni"??Mume akamuambi "Jengo la ofisi yetu limewaka moto na wafanyakazi wenzangu wote wamekufa"Mke asema Mungu wangu!Dah ilikuwaje hadi wewe ukanusurika?Mume akajibu"Nilikuwa nimeenda nje kununua sigara"Mke akasema kwa huzui" Nawaonea huruma sana Familia za wafiwa cjui zitaishi kwenye hali gani?Mume akajibu "watalipwa Bima kila familia milioni 20"Kusikia vile yule mke akasema kwa sauti ya juu""UNAONA SASA ,,,,MASIGARA YAKO YAMETUKOSESHA MAMILIONI ??""
     
  4. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #4
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
    Messages: 1,233
    Likes Received: 43
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    Vodacom waanzisha M-Gomba kwa mkoa wa Arrusha ikishirikiana na safaricom ya kenya kutokana na biashara murua ya mirungi,,,


    BX07YB153 Confirmed. You have received 2.5KG of MIRAA from 0722123456 on 18/05/12 at 06.10pm.Your New M-GOMBA balance is 3KG ALELE.!.Visit any MURUME nearby for withdrawal.happy handas!and a very gud Taxima!
     
  5. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #5
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    kuna mvuta bangi mmoja alivuta kupindukia .akwa anarud nyumbani kwake akamkuta mkewe kalala na chupi aina ya bikini jamaa akaanza kucheka kwa sauti ya juu mpaka mkewe akaamka alipoulizwa ancheka sana alafu akasema hajawahi kuona ******... yamevaa kanda mbiiiii
     
  6. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #6
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
    Messages: 1,233
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    Jamaa wawili walikuwa wanacheza karata porini.
    Mara wakapita wakulima, wakasikia sauti inasema,

    "Weka jembe chini. Wakaweka majembe yao chini.

    "Weka kisu, wakaweka visu chini.. "
    naomba kopa, wakaangaliana hawana kopa......."Weka mavi chini, ikabidi mmoja wao anye palepale.

    Mara wakasikia "Kama huna mavi lamba, ikabidi yule ambaye hajanya alambe ya mwenzake.................... Mara wakackia " GAME OVER".

    Wakashtuka kumbe kuna watu walkuwa wanacheza karata!
     
  7. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #7
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    Siku moja mlevi kurudi na rafiki yake mgeni nyumbani kwake,na kuanza kumwelezea,Hii ni nyumba yangu na lile ni gari langu,wakaingia ndani wakakuta njemba na mke wake mlevi,bila wacwac mlevi akaendelea kueleza kile nikitanda changu, yule ni mke wangu na yule aliyelala naye ni MIMI!!!,Jaman teh!teh!teh!teh!
     
  8. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #8
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    Jamaa alikuwa Amekaa ndani ya Club , kicheche akamsogelea na kumuuliza "Unataka ku-duu" Jamaa akamwambia "Ndio lakin unaweza kunipa kama Mke wangu ? " kicheche akamjbu "hapa ucpime mimi ni Nouma ntakupa Mbaka Mkeo Ucmkumbeke Tena !" Kwani huyo Mkeo anakupaje Jamaa akamjbu" Mke wangu ananpaga bure " kicheche akaondoka huku akimtukana "Utampata huyo huyo Nyooooo!
     
  9. snochet

    snochet JF-Expert Member

    #9
    May 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 31, 2011
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    MWIZI na POLICE MAKABURINI,POLICE:alikuwa anamkimbiza mwizi makabulini,mwizi alipochoka akaamua kuvua nguo na kukaa Juu ya kaburi,POLICE alipofika akamkuta mwizi uchi Juu ya kaburi ikabidii amulize POLICE samahani hujamuona mwizi hapa? MWIZI Mie sijui maana nimezikwa jana,labda ulize kaburi lile pale lina mwezi sasa atakuwa anaju
     
  10. Babkey

    Babkey JF-Expert Member

    #10
    May 25, 2012
    Joined: Dec 10, 2010
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    ....hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
     
  11. Mtanzanika

    Mtanzanika JF-Expert Member

    #11
    May 25, 2012
    Joined: Feb 27, 2012
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    hahah!!!!ya mwizi makaburini na ya kicheche ni nouma!
     
  12. Mitchell

    Mitchell JF-Expert Member

    #12
    May 25, 2012
    Joined: Oct 29, 2010
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    you made my day
     
  13. S

    Safhat JF-Expert Member

    #13
    May 25, 2012
    Joined: May 19, 2012
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    Zte kali.
     
  14. S

    Shiwawa Member

    #14
    May 25, 2012
    Joined: Nov 30, 2011
    Messages: 30
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    Oya hii ndio imeshinda alie tunga anitafte nimpe zawadi
     
  15. mkuyati og

    mkuyati og JF-Expert Member

    #15
    May 28, 2012
    Joined: Apr 19, 2011
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    hahaha, hiyo ya wakulima ni noma.
     
  16. D

    Dan Geoff P Member

    #16
    May 29, 2012
    Joined: Jan 16, 2012
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    Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
     
  17. Shine

    Shine JF-Expert Member

    #17
    May 29, 2012
    Joined: Feb 5, 2011
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    Kwani taarabu inamnyima mtu kukaa!?
     
  18. Shine

    Shine JF-Expert Member

    #18
    May 29, 2012
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    Kufa kufaana hiyo teh teh!!
     
  19. Shine

    Shine JF-Expert Member

    #19
    May 29, 2012
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    Teh teh kweli bangi mbaya!
     
  20. Shine

    Shine JF-Expert Member

    #20
    May 29, 2012
    Joined: Feb 5, 2011
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    Ohooo! Hao wakulima watakuwa waTz ndo waoga namna hiyo ingekuwa wakenya yote hayo yasingetokea!
     
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