Bujibuji Simba Nyamaume
JF-Expert Member
- Feb 4, 2009
- 74,883
- 155,855
TYPES OF HUSBANDS
MR MONKEY
Mr Monkey is only married on paper but in
reality he is still a bachelor. He married
because of some family pressures, maybe
impregnating the girl out of wedlock.
Monkey is not responsible, he doesnt realize
he is now a man and has a wife and child
(ren) to look after. He still hangs around
with his bachelor friends. They go out, braai,
drink and be merry with young girls and his
car pumps out loud music, its actually a
mobile disco. His house is like a lodge to
him, he only comes home to sleep. He sleeps
out once in a while and has his friends to
testify to his wife that he slept at their place
after drink or when the car had broken
down. He is really a nuisance to the family.
MR LION
He is very violent and is always boiling like
acid and suffers from mood swings. His
home is run through intimidation and
dictatorship. There are strict rules and
regulations for the wife and children and
whoever breaks these is thoroughly beaten.
His home is run like a high school. There are
strict meal times and heavy padlocks at the
gate. He takes pride in being in charge and
behaves like a high school perfect. Half the
time he is engaging in compensatory
behaviour verbally and physically abusing
his wife and children to compensat6e for
his inadequacies elsewhere especially at the
workplace.
MR GORILLA
This one wants to be treated like an
Igwe (a King). He treats his wife and
children like his subjects. He wants the wife
and children to perform some traditional
respect gestures. He doesnt want to be
called by his first name. The children found
out his first name by mistake on a utility bill
and they enjoy using this name when he is
away and they are gossiping about him.
When his food is served, the wife kneels and
puts food in front of him and she retreats
two metres and kneels again and
announces that she has brought the food,
as if he is not aware. He eats from plates
that have lids. Only the wife knows what he
is eating. The children dont. Gorilla has a
strong rural background and has a number
of beasts at his rural home/farm, where he
goes almost every weekend. The cattle are
his friends, they are more important than
the wife and children for he spends most of
his free time with them than with the family.
The cattle are not sold to improve his life; he
delights in seeing them multiply and enjoys
the numbers. Hes a very stingy man.
MR COCKEREL
He is that man who has a soft spot for
women.. They are his friends, just friends;
he has no relationships with them. He is a
husband for every women; he doesnt want
to see a woman cry and is given to caring
for these other women than his own wife.
He gives these other women more than his
wife in terms of his resources and time. At
the work place, the women know him and
they take advantage of him and take loans
they never payback.
MR BABOON
He is very selfish, he thinks about himself
first before the family. He is the best dressed
in the family. His favourite word is my.
Everything is HIS my car, my house, my
wife, my children, my trees, my lizards (those
that hang around his house). He is a very
greedy man. He is heavily involved in what
happens in the kitchen, even knows how
may slices are in a sliced loaf of bread and
how many oranges are on his oranges tree.
He doesnt consider the emotions of the
wife and the children. He is a dry man with
no sense of humour and he rarely smiles
and takes life too seriously.
MR FOX
He is a very cunning man. He doesnt care
much about the marriage. He is using his
wife to solve his own personal and
extended family problems. He knows his
wifes weaknesses and capitalizes on these
to use the wife for his personal gain. When
he needs the wife to do something, he is
friendly and loving and when he gets what
he wants he relapses to his usual dry self.
His habits are very fast and his eyes swift, he
wont look at you directly in the eye, speaks
very fast as if he is reciting a poem. Its not
clear what exactly he does for a living but he
is always in town running from one corner
to the other.
MR TICK
Is a very lazy husband. He lives off his wife;
he is literary hanging on his wifes skirt. Hes
stuck to the wife because of her money. He
is dependant on the wife as much as the
children. He is very loving in his own way
fond of calling the wife all sorts of little
nothings, honey, sweetheart, sweety, lovely
and all but will siphon money off the wife
and spends it with other women. He has no
initiative and has negated his role as a
bread winner in the family.
MR PUPPY
This is a husband who is a cry baby, very
childish and irresponsible. He is mummys
boy. Behaves as if he is married to his
mother. He cannot make a decision without
consulting his mother (and sisters). His
mother and sisters run his home and family.
He is always comparing his wife to his
mother and expects the wife to behave like
his mother. It is rumoured behind closed
doors that maybe the mother bewitched
him to make him loyal to her. His sisters are
busy trying to get him girlfriends from
among their friends so that they will even
spend more time with him through
frustrating his wife. A very useless husband.
MR PYTHON
There is the visiting husband. Mr Python, a
rare species. His house is a lodge. He only
comes to sleep. Leaves home when the
children are still sleeping and comes back
when they are in bed. He is always at work
or making deals to make money but
unfortunately he has no time for his family.
He does provide materially for his family but
he is always absent.
MR ELEPHANT
Finally there is Mr Elephant, the man who is
caring and loving and provides for his
family. He will not allow anything to come
between him and his family and will fight
tooth and nail to protect his family. He tries
his best to fend for his family but only
through honest means. He spends most of
his spare time with the family and guides
his family spiritually as well. A very
responsible man who treats his wife as a
partner and cares for the welfare of his in-
laws. He values the children as God given
gifts to be cherished, with no gender bias.
and I know that all husbands who read this
column are Elephants. A perfect example of
this kind of guy is ..
MR MONKEY
Mr Monkey is only married on paper but in
reality he is still a bachelor. He married
because of some family pressures, maybe
impregnating the girl out of wedlock.
Monkey is not responsible, he doesnt realize
he is now a man and has a wife and child
(ren) to look after. He still hangs around
with his bachelor friends. They go out, braai,
drink and be merry with young girls and his
car pumps out loud music, its actually a
mobile disco. His house is like a lodge to
him, he only comes home to sleep. He sleeps
out once in a while and has his friends to
testify to his wife that he slept at their place
after drink or when the car had broken
down. He is really a nuisance to the family.
MR LION
He is very violent and is always boiling like
acid and suffers from mood swings. His
home is run through intimidation and
dictatorship. There are strict rules and
regulations for the wife and children and
whoever breaks these is thoroughly beaten.
His home is run like a high school. There are
strict meal times and heavy padlocks at the
gate. He takes pride in being in charge and
behaves like a high school perfect. Half the
time he is engaging in compensatory
behaviour verbally and physically abusing
his wife and children to compensat6e for
his inadequacies elsewhere especially at the
workplace.
MR GORILLA
This one wants to be treated like an
Igwe (a King). He treats his wife and
children like his subjects. He wants the wife
and children to perform some traditional
respect gestures. He doesnt want to be
called by his first name. The children found
out his first name by mistake on a utility bill
and they enjoy using this name when he is
away and they are gossiping about him.
When his food is served, the wife kneels and
puts food in front of him and she retreats
two metres and kneels again and
announces that she has brought the food,
as if he is not aware. He eats from plates
that have lids. Only the wife knows what he
is eating. The children dont. Gorilla has a
strong rural background and has a number
of beasts at his rural home/farm, where he
goes almost every weekend. The cattle are
his friends, they are more important than
the wife and children for he spends most of
his free time with them than with the family.
The cattle are not sold to improve his life; he
delights in seeing them multiply and enjoys
the numbers. Hes a very stingy man.
MR COCKEREL
He is that man who has a soft spot for
women.. They are his friends, just friends;
he has no relationships with them. He is a
husband for every women; he doesnt want
to see a woman cry and is given to caring
for these other women than his own wife.
He gives these other women more than his
wife in terms of his resources and time. At
the work place, the women know him and
they take advantage of him and take loans
they never payback.
MR BABOON
He is very selfish, he thinks about himself
first before the family. He is the best dressed
in the family. His favourite word is my.
Everything is HIS my car, my house, my
wife, my children, my trees, my lizards (those
that hang around his house). He is a very
greedy man. He is heavily involved in what
happens in the kitchen, even knows how
may slices are in a sliced loaf of bread and
how many oranges are on his oranges tree.
He doesnt consider the emotions of the
wife and the children. He is a dry man with
no sense of humour and he rarely smiles
and takes life too seriously.
MR FOX
He is a very cunning man. He doesnt care
much about the marriage. He is using his
wife to solve his own personal and
extended family problems. He knows his
wifes weaknesses and capitalizes on these
to use the wife for his personal gain. When
he needs the wife to do something, he is
friendly and loving and when he gets what
he wants he relapses to his usual dry self.
His habits are very fast and his eyes swift, he
wont look at you directly in the eye, speaks
very fast as if he is reciting a poem. Its not
clear what exactly he does for a living but he
is always in town running from one corner
to the other.
MR TICK
Is a very lazy husband. He lives off his wife;
he is literary hanging on his wifes skirt. Hes
stuck to the wife because of her money. He
is dependant on the wife as much as the
children. He is very loving in his own way
fond of calling the wife all sorts of little
nothings, honey, sweetheart, sweety, lovely
and all but will siphon money off the wife
and spends it with other women. He has no
initiative and has negated his role as a
bread winner in the family.
MR PUPPY
This is a husband who is a cry baby, very
childish and irresponsible. He is mummys
boy. Behaves as if he is married to his
mother. He cannot make a decision without
consulting his mother (and sisters). His
mother and sisters run his home and family.
He is always comparing his wife to his
mother and expects the wife to behave like
his mother. It is rumoured behind closed
doors that maybe the mother bewitched
him to make him loyal to her. His sisters are
busy trying to get him girlfriends from
among their friends so that they will even
spend more time with him through
frustrating his wife. A very useless husband.
MR PYTHON
There is the visiting husband. Mr Python, a
rare species. His house is a lodge. He only
comes to sleep. Leaves home when the
children are still sleeping and comes back
when they are in bed. He is always at work
or making deals to make money but
unfortunately he has no time for his family.
He does provide materially for his family but
he is always absent.
MR ELEPHANT
Finally there is Mr Elephant, the man who is
caring and loving and provides for his
family. He will not allow anything to come
between him and his family and will fight
tooth and nail to protect his family. He tries
his best to fend for his family but only
through honest means. He spends most of
his spare time with the family and guides
his family spiritually as well. A very
responsible man who treats his wife as a
partner and cares for the welfare of his in-
laws. He values the children as God given
gifts to be cherished, with no gender bias.
and I know that all husbands who read this
column are Elephants. A perfect example of
this kind of guy is ..
