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10 Office Rules:

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Mabel, Nov 30, 2010.

  1. Mabel

    Mabel JF-Expert Member

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    10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.


    9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.


    8. Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.


    7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.


    6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you're always busy.


    5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.


    4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.


    3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).


    2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

    1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!
     
  2. Pilato2006

    Pilato2006 Senior Member

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    poa san hii
     
  3. Bujibuji

    Bujibuji JF-Expert Member

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    Ya ukweli sana hasa kwetu ma addicted wa JAMII FORUMS
     
  4. mfarisayo

    mfarisayo JF-Expert Member

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    imetulia tuuli
     
  5. Utamaduni

    Utamaduni JF-Expert Member

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    ni nzuri sana, from AAR Magazine
     
  6. Mabel

    Mabel JF-Expert Member

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    Hii inafaa sana hasa kwa wale tunaofanya kazi kwa wahindi na kuchangia pato la India.
     
  7. Rubi

    Rubi JF-Expert Member

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    Hii imetulia.
     
  8. Good Guy

    Good Guy JF-Expert Member

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    Nimependa ya computer,wa2 wanadhani nafanya kazi kumbe na comment thread yako.teh teh teh
     
  9. Deodat

    Deodat JF-Expert Member

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    Hii kitu poa sana, nitaanza ku-implement very soon!
     
  10. kipipili

    kipipili JF-Expert Member

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    tehetehetehe
     
  11. B'REAL

    B'REAL JF-Expert Member

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    unalengaaaa
     
  12. A

    Aine JF-Expert Member

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    Hongera kwa kuwa creative, big up sana nimeifurahia
     
  13. chiko

    chiko JF-Expert Member

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    Nita Iprint , nijikumbushe always!!!
     
  14. NATA

    NATA JF-Expert Member

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    boss wangu ni member wa jf atakuwa kaisoma hii! Noma kweli kweli mkuu
     
  15. Mabel

    Mabel JF-Expert Member

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    Unaogopa atakushitukia? Hawezi bwana maana utakuwa busy mda wote
     
  16. Good Guy

    Good Guy JF-Expert Member

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    Busy pretending.
     
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