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1) Vigogo.....hawawezi tena kuhonga magari, Nyumba na kusomesha vibinti vya chuo kwa sababu posho marupurupu na safari hamna. 2) Wafanyakazi wa kati......hawatabadilisha vigari wala kuhonga Samsung au iPhone kwa vibinti vya chuo kwa sababu hakuna madokezo na wanalazimika kujibana kamshahara...

A CONDOM said to PAD, Mshenzi wewe!!!! every month you stop my business for about a week. PAD replied Wewe ndiyo mshenzi mkubwa!!!!!if you make one mistake I will lose my job for 9 months

Mzungu: Hi bro, I need $100, wil pay u back on Monday. Mswahili: Kaka vipi, shwari? Dah hatuonani mzee, vipi mishe, mnatunyima nini, juzi nimekuona kwa mbali shavu dodo full kipupwe, siye tupo bwana, shida tu, halafu misiba mingi tu,wife nae kajifungua ghafla, sasa kuna cheque naisubiri...

1. Huna muda wa kushinda na mpenzi wako kutwa nzima mkipiga stori za mapenzi 2. Ukihitaji kufanya mapenzi mahali unakokufikiria ni kitandani 3. Unaanza kujaza friji lako kwa vyakula zaidi kuliko pombe 4. Muziki unaoupenda unausikia ukiwa kwenye lifti ama kwenye gari lako ukienda na kutoka...

No english dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words,"complete and finished". Some people say there is no difference between complete and finished, but there is: when you marry the right woman, you are complete, and when you marry the wrong woman, you are...

Katika kusherehekea miaka 10 ya ndoa yao, Salma aliamua kumpeleka mumewe John kwenye 'strip' club mpya iliyofunguliwa miezi mitatu tu iliyopita. Sababu kubwa iliyomfanya aamue kumpeleka mumewe kwenye club hiyo iliyojaa machangudoa, ni ushawishi wa marafiki zake wa kazini ambao (wote watatu)...

Watu wawili, mwanamke na mwanamme walikwenda kwa daktari mtaalamu wa mambo ya uzazi. Daktari akawauliza, "Ninaweza kuwasaidia nini?" Mwanaume akamwambia, "Tafadhali daktari unaweza kututazama tukifanya mapenzi ili uweze kufahamu tatizo letu?" Daktari akashangaa. Hata hivyo akakubali...

Kulikuwa na mashindano kwa familia zenye watoto kumi (10), mshindi alitakiwa apate zawadi ya sh million moja. Jamaa mmoja alikuwa na watoto 9 nyumbani akamwambia mkewe,samahani mke wangu nilifanya kosa kuzaa nje ya ndoa subiri nikamlete huyo mtoto niliyezaa nje ili watimie 10 tushinde hii...

Teacher asked! You know the importance of the period? Kid said!Yeah , once my sister said she missed one!, my mum fainted, Dad got heart attack and our driver disappeared

Mama: Umeleta kiberiti? Mtoto: Ndiyo mama Mama: Ni kizima? Mtoto: Ndiyo, kwani nimejaribu njiti zote zimewaka!

Kuna wanandoa walikubaliana kuwa, wakiwa pamoja na watoto au watu wengine, na wakataka kwenda kupeana ULODA chumbani waseme wanataka kwenda KUPIGA SIMU Basi siku moja baba akawa na hamu akamtuma mtoto kwa mama yake kwamba kamwambie mama yako nataka kupiga simu. Yule mtoto akaenda hadi kwa mama...

John aliingia chumbani kwa mama ambaye ndiyo tajiri yake bila kupiga hodi na ikawa hivi Mama: Wewe John mbona unaingia chumbani kwangu bila kupiga hodi??? John: Kwani kuna ubaya mama??? Siwezi kukukuta hujavaa Mama: Pumbavu wewe, hujui hapa ni chumbani, na je kama ukinikuta sijavaa...

John aliingia chumbani kwa mama ambaye ndiyo tajiri yake bila kupiga hodi na ikawa hivi Mama: Wewe John mbona unaingia chumbani kwangu bila kupiga hodi??? John: Kwani kuna ubaya mama??? Siwezi kukukuta hujavaa Mama: Pumbavu wewe, hujui hapa ni chumbani, na je kama ukinikuta sijavaa...

Demu mkaliiii alikaa na mzee kwenye daladala siti ya nyuma, mzee kavaa viatu vinatema kishenzi demu kashindwa kuvumilia na kuropoka, "wee mzee ni VIATU vyako vinanuka au?" Mzee akamjibu akasema, "Hapana hebu angalia CHUPI yako labda iko upande mjukuu wangu!" Yule demu kimyaaaa. Chezea Wazee...

Mwanaume hahitaji Mwanamke mwenye Sura nzuri kama Miss Utalii na Makalio yanayoweweseka akitembea kama mshumaa uliopulizwa na upepo wa bahari ya Hindi...Hizi ni sifa temporary kwa ajili ya tamaa ya macho na ngono...THERE IS LIFE BEYOND ATTRACTION AND SEX Ndo maana utashangaa kusikia Mr X...

Wageni wengine noma. Mwenyeji: Utakunywa soda au chai? Mgeni: Ntakunywa soda wakati nasubiri chai ichemke! Mwenyeji: Hapa kuna Sprite na Coca nikupe ipi? Mgeni: Nipe Coca Sprite niwekee kwenye friji iendelee kupoa. Mwenyeji: Nikupe mkate au maandazi? Mgeni: Nipe maandazi kwanza...

Wanaume walikuwa kwenye semina wakaulizwa. Mara ya mwisho kumwambia mkeo unampenda ni lini? Wengine wakasema leo asubuhi, wengine muda sio mrefu. Muwezeshaji akawaambia kila mmoja sasa hivi amuandikie mkewe sms amwambie nakupenda mke wangu halafu badilishaneni simu kila mmoja asome majibu ya...

Kwame Nkrumah came out from prison and became president. Nelson Mandela from prison to president.Obasanjo from prison to president.Theodore Orji from prison to governor.Omisore Iyiola from prison to senator.Al Mustapha from prison to brigadier.Robert Mugabe from prison to prime minister then...

Kuna Wanaume mnaachika sio kwa sababu hamna hela,au mna tabia mbaya,ila kwa sababu mkoo too serious, not romantic at all na ratiba zenu sio za kimapenzi hata kidogo. Muda wote mnawaza kazi,mkienda outing unampeleka wapenzi wenu wakawaone shangazi zako na bibi, no shopping, no dinner...

Kuachwa kusikupe Stress, Haijalishi umeachwa mara ngapi, Jali kile ulichojifunza kutoka kwa mtu aliyekuacha.. Kila anayeingia maishani mwako ana Syllabus mkononi mwake, Every topic anayokufundisha ichukulie serious huwezi jua mtihani wako utatungwa kwenye Topic ipi..Usipojifunza lolote...