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You want To Be a Tanzanian? Read These Options

Discussion in 'Habari na Hoja mchanganyiko' started by Yona F. Maro, May 8, 2009.

  1. Yona F. Maro

    Yona F. Maro R I P

    May 8, 2009
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    How to be a Tanzanian is one of the more enduring challenges of our
    lives. The phrase raises questions about identity and national
    culture; it is about the interconnection between state and society. It
    is invariably also about survival. How truly can one be a Tanzanian ?
    To be a true Tanzanian is to develop a sense of home and a feeling of
    belonging. But if a man is not a Tanzanian at heart, does that make
    him a non-citizen?. If a citizen is not a Tanzanian, in the sense of
    our intended construction, does that indicate a disconnect with the
    immediate environment? How to be a Tanzanian is an important
    consideration because we live anyway, in rather challenging
    circumstances, which require greater creativity than may be needed

    To be a Tanzanian, you must learn the lesson that nothing is ever
    fair, and that indeed anything is possible, and you may have to pay
    your way through life by offering and taking bribe to facilitate many
    of life's processes. Babies are switched at birth in Tanzania and
    offered for sale; to leave the hospital with the right baby, and not
    fall victim of cradle-snatchers, you may have to pay the nurses a
    little "something" to guarantee their loyalty. Or better still you may
    have to patronise an expensive hospital where reputation is still
    important. Death is equally expensive in this country. Mortuaries and
    cemeteries are raided for spare parts by ritualists and their agents.
    To ensure that your beloved reaches the gates of Heaven or Hell,
    without a missing ear, tongue or genitalia, you have to pay the
    mortuary and cemetery attendants to have mercy on the dead from your
    household. Being alive in Tanzania is worse. Every activity involving
    life and movement has to be facilitated with cash. It is not for
    nothing that Tanzania is among the most corrupt country in the world.
    This is not a country of saints.

    If you insist that you will not offer bribe, then you face a long life
    of frustration. You will never be able to get anything done. In
    Tanzania , parents pay a special fee to get their children into
    schools from nursery to the university. If you are a Tanzanian parent,
    you may also discover that teachers need to be bribed before your
    child can pass examinations. To be a Tanzanian truly, you must realise
    that official rules and regulations serve very little purpose. The
    meaning of the law depends on the man in charge of a particular office
    at a particular time. Positions and uniforms are to be respected by
    all means. Policemen, customs and immigration officials live on bribe.
    Local government officials expect you to grease their palms. To bend
    the law, you must pay a token fee, and once you do so, you are offered
    a special salute by the policeman on the highway or the immigrations
    officer at the border and allowed to do exactly what you wish. Thus,
    to be a Tanzanian , you must learn to beat the system.

    The law can be bought. Justice is available for the highest bidder.
    The man who is loaded with more cash than sense is king. If you can
    flaunt wealth, your contemporaries will worship the very ground on
    which you walk. Just get rich by any means and as quickly as possible.
    Nobody will dare question the source of the wealth. With money, you
    can buy the protection of the state. The high and the low will queue
    up at your doorstep to pay homage, what they really want is their own
    share of your loot. Traditional rulers will offer you chieftaincy
    titles. The state will offer you national honours. Women will throw
    themselves at your feet. And not just any woman, but the most
    beautiful ones who used to be beyond your reach. Newspapers will name
    you among the most fashionable men in society. A rich man is always
    fashionable. I have never heard of a poor man, being labelled the best
    dressed Tanzania. To be a Tanzanian, you must be loud with your wealth
    and accomplishments. Even if you are poor, you must carry on with life
    with a certain amount of swagger. Don't ever forget that you are a
    Tanzanian; your country is the largest producer of Tanzanite in the
    world, and maybe the most populous black nation on earth, and the home
    of the happiest people in the universe.

    Indeed, to be a Tanzanian , you must be an optimist. This is the only
    way to survive in a country where there is so much distance between
    government and the people in form of widespread poverty, incompetence
    in high places and established disregard for the rights of citizens.
    The roads are bad, electricity supply is epileptic, salaries are not
    paid on time, there is food scarcity, and the scarcity as well of the
    basic necessities of life, but you must learn to take everything in
    your stride. To be a Tanzanian, you must see even death, any death at
    all, in a positive light. You live in a country where accidents are
    common and death is cheap. But in the midst of it all, you must learn
    to be joyous. Every weekend, attend a party, wear the best clothes in
    your wardrobe, and tell yourself that the biggest achievement that any
    man can be proud of is to remain alive.

    It doesn't matter if you are trapped in squalor. If you are lucky to
    have some means, then you are truly lucky. You can throw parties
    everyday if you wish. You can even dictate the kind of women you want
    at the parties and the kind of clothes that they must wear. You would
    be surprised that there are many women including housewives who are
    ready to appear half-naked just to be seen among the happening crowd
    in society. If you are rich, then you can create your own government
    inside Tanzania by providing your own basic amenities, and using the
    state to rob the poor.

    If you are lucky enough to have a small business of your own with
    employees working under you, then you do not have to pay salaries.
    Nobody is going to arrest you for failing to pay your own workers. If
    the workers are not happy, they are free to go. But because they are
    Tanzanian , they are not likely to resign en masse. They too will find
    a way. They will steal from your company. They will use company time
    to do business on the side. One day, try and investigate your workers,
    the same ones who are complaining about salaries and poor conditions
    of service. You will be surprised that this is the only country where
    a messenger who has not been paid for six months lives in a mansion of
    his own. Your managers have houses abroad. Your directors have their
    children in foreign schools. And you begin to wonder whether indeed a
    Tanzanian labourer deserves his wages.

    To remain sane as a Tanzanian, you must be religious. And you must
    advertise your piety. Sleep in the church. Proclaim your religiousity
    from the rooftops. Mention God's name in every conversation. In a land
    where there is so much madness, religion offers you the only
    opportunity to cling on to a measure of holiness. It is the only way
    to remind yourself that you are human after all, and that there is
    something that you still believe in. There are too many forces
    compelling you to disbelieve the very existence of God. You will see
    highly placed persons who are no better than scoundrels. Wives of
    important persons who are no better than cheap prostitutes. Men and
    women of power who are sexual perverts: Fraudsters and common
    criminals who are nevertheless accorded the respect that they do not
    deserve: Children who have sold their souls to devil: Young girls who
    are in the hands of men who are old enough to be their fathers:
    Housewives who should be in Hell. To be a Tanzanian, you can only look
    at all these and take your troubled soul to God.

    If you are unable to cope, perhaps you may consider the option of
    exile. There are many Tanzanian abroad eking out a living as economic
    refugees. Unable to cope with the many disasters of life in the
    country of their birth, they have fled to other countries where there
    is less stress and shock. To be a Tanzanian, you must ordinarily learn
    to live with shock. This is a country where anything can happen.
    Public buildings go up in flames routinely. Bombs can explode anyhow
    in busy neighbourhoods, claiming lives and property and even
    government officials would join the people to express frustration and
    anxiety. This is a country where the police run away from criminals.
    It is a country where criminals consider themselves gentlemen, and are
    so treated in many ways. Politicians are not interested in public
    service; they want access to the public treasury so they can steal a
    part of the national cake.

    To be a Tanzanian, you must learn to relate to the National Anthem as
    if it were a disco tune. I have heard versions of the national anthem
    which belong more to the hip-hop genre. The average Tanzanian
    considers the anthem a joke. There is a musician who has even worked
    out a remix version of the song, and it is played regularly in disco

    To be a Tanzanian , you must take life as one long joke. Don't bother
    about patriotism. You will be better served by ethnic affiliations. If
    you feel you are not getting your due in certain circumstances, allege
    that you are being discriminated against on ethnic grounds. Link up
    with persons of your own tribe, and get them to push advantages in
    your direction. It doesn't matter whether you are qualified or not.
    This is not a country where merit counts for much. Sycophants,
    mediocre persons and hypocrites stand a better chance of getting up
    the ladder than the man of talent. They know what to say in the right
    places. They are experts at blackmailing competitive and able rivals.
    For such persons, life itself is about politics, and they are prepared
    to push down anyone who stands in their way. To be a Tanzanian , you
    must always remember this: you are in the midst of Sharks. Every other
    Tanzanian has a small dagger in his pocket, hoping to draw blood. Get
    your own dagger! Be on your guard. And may the Lord be with you
  2. Steve Dii

    Steve Dii JF-Expert Member

    May 8, 2009
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    ..watakao kuwa wamesoma article yote na wajitokeze, nitawapa thanks!!!

    Weekend njema!
  3. Yo Yo

    Yo Yo JF-Expert Member

    May 8, 2009
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    tehe tehe tehe jamaa kakopi kitabuu kizima na hajui weekend ishaanza watu hawaoni vema......
  4. Wun

    Wun JF-Expert Member

    May 8, 2009
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    siyo lazima usome yote muhimu kuelewa dhumuni inatosha
  5. Steve Dii

    Steve Dii JF-Expert Member

    May 8, 2009
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    ...mkuu, wewe sema tu kama umeshasoma yote nikupe thanks...
  6. Nemesis

    Nemesis JF-Expert Member

    May 8, 2009
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    Jamani haya yanaukweli?
  7. Ndamwe

    Ndamwe Senior Member

    May 8, 2009
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    Nimesoma, really nice piece!

    heshima kwako mwandishi
  8. Wun

    Wun JF-Expert Member

    May 9, 2009
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    ndiyo nimesoma but kwa nchi yetu rushwa ni machache sana yanayo zingatiwa zijui kutoka na umaskini wetu.
  9. takashi

    takashi JF-Expert Member

    May 9, 2009
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    thanks for the wonderful article. well written, i must say. i will just ask to put one more in swahili. i am ashamed to be Tanzanian . i wish, i was born in Pemba.
  10. E

    Epitome Member

    May 9, 2009
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    Its a very nice article and well articulated. You think about it and you realise however horrible it may be, but its mostly true. Isn't it? A signficant portion of what is written in the article is suprisingly true in a country where outsiders believes affluence and peace is widespread.

    Shame, and as one of you has said, sometimes you feel sorry to be a Tanzania, which is not good. Wewe kweli nchi yenye watu wenye akili timamu mnakuwa na Katibu Mkuu wa chama tawala Makamba. By just looking at our leaders brains, the likes of Makamba, Sophia Simba, Hawa Ghasia, Steven Wasira etc utagundua kwamba kama ndo viongozi wenye vichwa kama vya hawa tumewakabidhi wafikirie kwa niaba yetu na walete maendeleo, basi tutakaa sana. It's very unfortunate.
  11. Abdulhalim

    Abdulhalim JF-Expert Member

    May 11, 2009
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    Hii article imekwanyuliwa kutoka

    hapa Kama kawa the favourite command Find & Replace Nigeria with Tanzania.. lol
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2009
  12. rmashauri

    rmashauri JF-Expert Member

    May 11, 2009
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    Du! Yaani umembamba jamaa kiulainiiiiii. Nafikiri siku nyingine hatarudia tena.