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Women, careers and marriage can’t mix...TRUE?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mkeshahoi, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. Mkeshahoi

    Mkeshahoi JF-Expert Member

    Mar 18, 2010
    Joined: Jan 4, 2009
    Messages: 2,494
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    Nimeisma ktk gazeti pepe la New Vision.. Wadau.. mwalionaje hili?

    “MY son,” said my 70-something year old dad, “I am sad for you. This generation is never going to know the importance of a husband!”

    My father, who had visited us in Kampala, told me he was embarrassed by what he called my wife becoming the husband at home.

    I assumed he was referring to the nights we watched TV as we waited for my wife to return. Being a businesswoman, she returns home at about 9:00pm, laden with bread and milk. She has no time to cook and iron my shirts. She wakes up later, long after I have gone to work and makes most of the decisions concerning the home. I have no qualms with this, but my father does.

    “How can a wife ask a husband whether the kid bathed or reproach him over an untidy sitting room?” he wondered. “I can never marry a ‘husbanding’ wife! I fear to think of the future of my grandsons!”

    Dad belongs to the generation that abhors the idea of a working wife. Indeed, recent studies reveal that professional women are more likely to ignore their wifely duties, divorce, be adulterous and less likely to have children. And if they do, they are more likely to be unhappy about it.

    “A modern man is likely to get attracted to a well-educated, informed and focused woman,” says Rev. Bamutungire, a marriage counsellor. “However, after marriage, the same traits may either make her more successful or disgruntled with her achievements. Either way, she is more likely to grow dissatisfied with life and, God forbid, her husband.”

    Bamutungire advises when you marry a career woman, you have to work harder to remain relevant to her, which can be challenging.

    From peer discussions, it is evident that marrying a career woman means a number of things. It can be from less time together, less sex to less dependency, the risk of cheating increases, money squabbles rise, dirtier house, less respect and a disgruntled husband.

    Children miss their mother and the family relies more on the house girl. The Forbes magazine published in 2006 on career and women boils down the problem to economics. In classic economics, there is labour specialisation in marriage. Traditionally, men have tended to do “market” or paid work, while women have tended to do “non-market” or household work. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, accomplishes that goal.

    Nobel laureate Gary Becker was quoted as arguing that when the labour specialisation in a marriage decreases, for example when both spouses have careers, the overall value of the marriage is reduced for both. This is because less of the work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

    Most traditional marriages survived because wives depended on husbands for their livelihood and they had no confidence to abandon ship. Now the wife’s ability to adjust to the inconvenience of marriage is low, arguments arise over small issues like the day’s menu to big ones like the number of children.

    Frustrations over what a man thought was a wife’s role and what modernity prescribes, take hold. Men fight all this to reclaim their role as husbands because sadly, marriage as our fathers knew it, is no more. Instead of whining about it, the modern man had better find means of adjusting to the new husband-wives.

    Marriages where the gap between husband and wife in education and income is small, have greater fulfilling potential.

    Choose careers, which are complementary, for example, doctor-nurse companionship is better than politician-business person.

    Discuss and agree on how you share the domestic responsibilities when both of have jobs.

    Get involved in your partner’s work. Help where possible, it keeps you relevant to each other.

    Become friends with your spouse’s workmates.

    Unless mutually agreed upon, work should not overshadow romantic privileges.

    Encourage each other to improve in education and career.

    Talk about your fears over your spouse’s workmates, who seem too close and scary.

    Declare your income and budget together.

    Be supportive of each other’s careers and desist from viewing the other’s career as competition.

    Compiled by Hilary Bainemigisha