- Apr 12, 2007
Wakubwa sasa kazi kwenu hapo kama mnaogopa mademu ushauri wa bure huu hapa.
Smile. Women are smile-addicts. A few well-placed smiles, a happy attitude, some (non-erotic!) jokes here and there and you can win a woman's heart faster than a handsome tall guy, who is grumpy.
One reason why women react so positively to smiling and humor is probably that it shows that the man is not dangerous. It could very well be that many women want strong men, but, at the same time, are afraid of them. Smiling and being friendly compensates this fear.
Another reason could be that smiling shows you are healthy. OK, this is not 100% true, but usually ill persons don't smile, do they?
In this sense: Look like enjoying yourself whatever you do!
Stand straight and sit up. It shows that you are strong, well trained and not ill. And it will make you taller.
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Many women love shaved faces. I wouldn't say that ALL women love shaved men (especially if you live in a country where a beard/moustache is common) but it's safer to be shaved than unshaved.
Moreover many women have bisexual tendencies (or at least consider other female faces as beautiful), thus a soft face may be considered as "pretty".
Use a deep voice. If your voice cracks sometimes (= uses high tones) then you need to train to keep it low. A high tone or cracking voice sounds immature and adolescent.
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Don't sweat, don't smell
Use deodorants. Under normal circumstances most women hate sweat odor. Hate it.
I am not even talking about using perfumes. Perfumes can be used ADDITIONALLY. I am talking about non-smelling, which is more important than good-smelling.
And *cough* pick-up lines as "I am stinking. Please wash me!" are wrong.
Marginal note: You cannot worsen things by non-smelling, you can however worsen things by perfumes (if you use the same/similar perfume her former boy-friend used). Please also read Different aftershaves.
The reason of talking to a girl is to establish a relaxed atmosphere and to be friendly. Thus don't get involved into highly arguable subjects such as "Why death penalties for minors should be allowed" or "Why Greenpeace is doing more harm than good" or "Christmas has been invented by Satan, the Lord of hells" or something of that sort. Keep the affinity high and avoid "field mines".
Moreover the No Sex Talks rule applies and that's why you shouldn't even mention words like "feminism" or "herpes" or "Islam" or "hemorrhoids". Talking about "Why feminism is causing cellulite" OR "It's a pity that there is no cure against hemorrhoids" OR the pick up line "Want some free breast cancer inspection?" is plain WRONG.
Show tolerance, be easy
You should show a tolerant and open-minded attitude towards many subjects. Imagine the following sentences:
A: "All bugga-huggawoks always make trouble. I hate them"
B: "Bugga-huggawoks are often difficult. Some of them are OK though".
Now, whatever bugga-huggawoks are, sentence B seems to be more reasonable. If you start sentences like A and insist that there are no exceptions and get angry then
you involve yourself in an uneasy talk
you show intolerant temper
you show extreme attitudes ("all", "always","hate")
you show that you have less knowledge than someone who says sentence B (because he knows good bugga-huggawoks and you don't)
you show that you have little experience, since there are always exceptions, but you never encountered them
since you have little experience you are a prejudiced hater ("I hate them")
you don't admit that you are wrong most probably
you show sarcasm and negativity and that tells that you are probably on the losing side of life (see Don't symbolize a loser)
ANYTHING that can cause YOU a bad mood or HER a bad mood should be avoided (unless you are self-confident enough to make her smile again). Please also read Smile and Don't be a Crybaby.
Maybe the only exception (where you actually CAN say that you hate something) are "spiders". Women usually hate spiders/bugs/midges/... too. But don't forget to add "I usually kill them whenever I see them" to become her hero
Moreover, don't start fights. Fights are something you do not want to have in a human-human relationship. Fights have winners and losers. But you shouldn't want to make your partner lose. Nor your partner you. Do some "peaceful negotiating" where everybody wins instead.
Say her Name
Get her first name. Say: "Hello, I am John" and then she will most probably tell you her name out of politeness. Use her name thruout the talks with her. This alone creates a more intimate atmosphere.
Wear a fluffy pullover
If it's cold outside then wear the most fluffy pullover you can find. Many women will get the desire to hug and snuggle this pullover. It will create a friendly hug-atmosphere.
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If you are dating a woman on several days then use a different aftershave/perfume each time. Ask her how she likes it and then use the one she gave the most positive response to.
You may also use more expensive perfumes to not smell like anybody else. If a woman knows a little bit about how other men smell she will notice the difference.
Don't be drunk
For women who want to make the first step and are incredibly shy a drunk man may be welcome. But for most women a drunk man is a no-go. The alcohol stench and the slavering is usually UNWANTED. Moreover you may also get a bad fame.
Wear good clothes, e.g. a good shirt and a tie. Probably you should ask some girls what clothes they like a man to wear or you should go clothes-shopping with a female relative or a female co-worker.
Important note: A lot of women pay a lot attention to SHOES.
Don't wear those clothes at all costs even when they are inappropriate or don't suit you. Example: Don't wear a tie and your new shoes while swimming. OK, this is an exaggeration, but imagine yourself going bowling and you wear beautiful but uncomfortable clothes that make you sweat? Or going to the movies with a Hawaiian T-shirt.
On the other hand (since you are looking for a girl-friend anywhere) dress well whenever and wherever you go. You go shopping? Shave and dress well! You go to an exhibition? Shave and dress well. You go to a football match? Shave and dress well!
Another important thought: Woman are usually very "clothes-aware". In fact they communicate thru clothes and thru make-up (they wear shorter skirts and redder lipstick to show they are datable). Thus by wearing good clothes YOU establish immediately a communication line, too.
Be fit. Do some sport.
If you are fit it will make you look better
If you are fit it will increase your self-esteem
If you are fit it will help you in the bedroom department
Now what can happen if you are not looking fit and healthy? Two major things:
Others may think you are ill and this will cause a repulsive reaction
You yourself may think you are ill and thus you may walk around with the "hidden wish" that "others should stay away"
In this sense: Do some walks, take some vitamins and lose some pounds.
The difference in thinking of a man and a woman can produce great misunderstandings but can help you to date more women.
Imagine the following situation: You sit alone at the bar. A woman comes along and wants to stand you a beer and go home with her. You would go most probably. Most men would.
Now consider the opposite: You are a man and you go around and ask other women directly to stand them a beer and come home with you. Most probably they won't go with you! The reason is a difference in thinking. For you as a man an offer must make "logical sense" or "sexual sense". For a woman it must make "emotional sense" and "friendship sense".
That means every approach to a woman should have the ingredient of "Look, lady, I could be the father of your children. I am well-dressed, discreet, humorous and understanding".
Would you (as a man) ever refuse a sex offer from a woman just because a) she is not well-dressed b) she is not humorous c) she often talks about sex d) she is not understanding? Most probably you wouldn't. You see? A total differing perception system "Woman vs. Man".
Even if she wants a one-night-stand only you should approach her as the "future father of her children". I am not talking about cheesy pick up lines as "Wanna be pregnant by Christmas?". I am talking about the "approaching attitude".
Another theme related to the Future father is that of the Serious boy-friend. Although a woman wants probably merely a short affair it doesn't mean that you should not take her seriously. I don't mean to pounce on her with statements like "We will stay together forever". I am talking about a "serious attitude". I am talking about "not treating her as a day fly". Treat her politely, don't take her for granted. Treat her as a potential partner for a longer lasting relationship.
You can corroborate your serious intentions by mentioning future plans: Plan to go out next Friday to X, and next week to Y and next month to Z.
This also applies to the time AFTER you have established a relationship (or after sex). Reassure her, that you still like her. If you go, then tell her where to and when you will meet again. Make her breakfast and read Little Things for big Love.
Don't be a shock for parents
The Future Father rule also explains why you have to dress nicely: The girl has to be sure that she can introduce you to her parents (or to close friends) without making a fool out of herself. OK, this is not a strict motif but why shouldn't you dress well anyway?
Please also read: Be presentable.
Don't shout, don't interrupt
If you watch TV talks closely you will notice that women are nearly always interrupted by men but not vice versa. Try to be different in that regard. Do not shout, do not interrupt a woman.
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Don't be a Crybaby
If you give vent to your feelings this can tell the woman that you are weak and she needs to be your talk friend. But to date her you need to show the direct opposite: That YOU are HER strong shoulder; that you are self-confident; that you know what to do; and that SHE can rely on YOUR emotional strength to be a help for HER.
Thus starting to talk about "your past mistakes", about "your problems", about "why girls have left you" is the wrong thing to do.
Let women talk and help
Women love to talk (just think of how long they talk on the telephone). Women like to help (just think of a typical "female" job: nurse, kindergarten teacher, geriatric nurse...). Combine those attributes and you got a talk up and running by asking the woman: "Could I ask you for help? Could you tell me why/what/how/...". Ask her any question you like as long as the question is non-answerable by a simple "Yes" or "No".
Believe it or not, but maybe you have failed in your last dating attempt because you maneuvered yourself into dead-end answers. If you ask a girl "Have you been long here?" then practically anything she can answer is a dead end. She could answer "No, not long" or "A couple of minutes" but both answers do not lead into a nice conversational flow.
Many men (since men are practical-minded) want a "clear and simple" answer. For dating purposes that kind of "questioning strategy" is absolutely wrong.
Train by simply re-phrasing some of your question. Wrong: "Do you like this place?", right: "What do you think about this place?". You get the idea. In other words: Let her TALK. (This is just a simple example and I am not telling you to ask women that question).
Or ask her something like: "What do you think is the most common flaw men have?" or "I am writing for dating-forum.com. Could you help me by telling me what feature your ideal man should have?". Let her talk for hours.
Typical "open questions" start with
You get the idea.
Be a Friend
There is an important side note to Let women talk and help: Women need good friends. Start to be her understanding friend and she will be grateful and rewarding. She may even introduce you to her other girl-friends. This Be a friend rule is also a side rule of Future father and Serious boyfriend.
Women have the fear to "open up" too much. To "invest too much emotions". To be "hurt too easily". That is a barrier you must overcome by making her TRUST you.
Imagine a world where women had more muscles than men and were taller and were known to be more aggressive. Now additionally add the need to have a real friend and the urge to share emotions. I bet in such a world men would build these "trust barriers", too.
Don't touch a Woman
Don't touch. Being touched without having agreed to be touched IS a real turn-off for women. You can spoil everything.
However you can touch her by accident after a certain relaxed atmosphere has been established: While reaching to something, while sitting down...
Moreover you can use "excuses" to touch her, e.g. when slow dancing. Read also Learn how to palm read.
Touching shows her that you are a man. A possible boy-friend. And not one of those too-friendly-nice-guys. Moreover a touch cuts directly thru her social barriers (= bypasses her defense system) and thus is a form of heavy non-verbal communication.
If you touch her, then very softly. Hug, snuggle, cuddle. Women love soft touches. So once you managed to be more intimate with her (dancing, holding hands) don't spoil that by being "too blatantly sexual".
You can hold her hands and let her feel that she is admired.
Magnetic Mystery Man
Many women don't simply date YOU. They date a mysterious man who actually happens to walk by with your body. Thus clouding yourself in a mystery can help. If you walk in and the girl thinks "Wait a minute, who is this man??" then you have already hit the first target. "Aroused by curiosity" so to speak.
You could tell things from your life, but without giving the full background just to "mysteriousify" yourself . You could say, "I saved many lives of stray cats... these poor little creatures." (only if it's true, of course) but not telling WHY. She wouldn't know whether you are a veterinarian or a fireman or whatever. Woman LIKE to be in a wonderworld with their fantasies going (= too much information spoils fantasies).
As a continuation of the Magnetic Mystery Man rule you can fascinate a girl by making incomplete sentences: "Hey, you know whom you remind me of? By the way I am John. Do you like this place here?"
Learn how to palm read
This is a highly interesting technique because is combines several tips on this site: Learn how to read the future from her palm:
You can hold her hand while reading.
Reading palms is always good for fun, smiles and a relaxed atmosphere. Women love that.
You can get sexual without actually being sexual ("You will have three children and many love affairs"). You just tell the "facts" as an "independent" third party. It will put her in a sexual mood anyway.
You get her fantasies going
You make her interested (everybody wants to know the future)
You make her feel interesting (since you even want to "read her life's destiny")
You do her a favor (since palm reading usually costs something)
You show that you are something special (not many people can read palms)
You show her that you are empathic and spiritual and non-materialistic (not many boys are esoteric-minded)
You learn a lot of things about her (since she will be telling you "Yes, this is true" or "No, I don't think so")
You show her that she can be your friend (since she already tells you her secrets)
You are surrounded by a mystery ("Hey, does this boy really know everything about me? Who is he anyway?")
Nearly automatically she will propose (after you have finished to read her palm) to read the palms of her girl-friends.
It takes only a palm reader book and a one or two days of reading.
One of the best methods ever.
Have that something special
Would you (as a man) EVER wear those fancy fashion clothes women wear? Would you ever color your eyelids green? Would you ever walk around in tight high heels?
You see, this is another example of different thinking between a woman and a man: Women love that "special something". Woman love to look attractive.
This gives you advantages if you
wear a hat, neckerchief, necklace....
wear new designer clothes. Even if a women is not a style-addict your new clothes will make an impression
wear a, say, teddy bear with you. As stupid as it may sound, but you will get attention and women will probably ask you questions. You can start a talk by saying that you repair the teddy bear, or what the bear's name is etc
Having something "quirky" shows that you are self-confident. Self-confidence is another thing women love. Please read Be successful and self-confident.
In fact some women are so fixated to wear something special themselves that they begin to HATE the other girl on a formal party who by accident wears the same dress.
What your Outfit symbolizes to a Woman
Combine Shaved face + Dress nicely + No hunchback and the woman sees in you
a man who is self-confident
a man who takes care of himself
a man who looks good (shaved, clean, non-smelling)
These are features women LOVE to see in a man. Even if they themselves run around shabby you WILL make an impression.
In other words: These are things you could apply immediately (today!) without much hassle or money.
Don't be too polite
Times changed. Opening every door for a woman is inappropriate. It can make them think that you treat them as helpless little girls.
Moreover be careful: If you meet a woman who expects you to behave with these outdated "good manners" she can be fond of exploitation: You do everything for her, you pay everything for her and everything she does for you is soooo valuable.
Know who you are
If a woman asks questions who you are and what you do and what you want to achieve in life, then you should know what to answer. If you begin to stutter, flush red and say "Well, I have no clue, I am too helpless for this world" then this is NOT what they want to hear.
By mentioning your hobbies, your job, sport interests you describe yourself as someone with a stable background whom she can classify and trust. And trust is important to give you her telephone number.
Please also read Use Business Cards.
Use Business cards
You should have business cards with your contact information. Try fancy cards or simple cards, but at least you can give her something to remember you. Maybe you can use a business card with your face on it.
Little Things for big Love
After you established a relationship and after you decided to continue it show the woman that you love and appreciate her. You can do this by little things as buying flowers from time to time.
Don't stare, don't stalk
If you see a woman you want to make the first contact with then don't stare and don't follow her around corners. Eye contact is very good and important as long as you don't behave as a pervert staring at her body only. Don't scare the girls off by being a creepy guy watching them from behind a corner!
Oh, and by the way: Telling a girl on a first date "I love you" or "You are my dream girl" is so ridiculous that you can easily be interpreted as potential prospective stalker.
Close your zipper
If you see that your shirt is lurking out of your trousers then correct it. Even in front of a woman. Women do this the whole time. Even checking in a hand mirror whether they need to re-make-up. So don't stand there with an open zip and hope she won't recognize it.
Do you have a dating advice? Any comment? Write us!
Women thruout all countries and ethnical groups LOVE men who can dance. If there are some steady rules of attraction on planet Earth then it is "happy attitude" and "dancing".
Have you recognized how even "stupid" boy-groups make young girls crazy? Or Michael Jackson? Did you ever see such an effect on males with girl-groups or Janet Jackson?
If you can dance and women see what a flexible body you have then you are already melting them. Maybe it is a glimpse of how flexible you are during sex. But who knows?
However there's a drawback: BAD dancing can be one of the worst turn offs. So it's a dangerous game.
Things you need to know
Each conversation with a new woman should result in
Knowing her (first) name
Knowing common ground and mutualities
Knowing her telephone number (plus know WHEN you can call her = the day time)
If you don't get her number you have lost. You can try to give her yours. But it is highly unreliable that she will call you back.
See also Use a business card.
Knowing whether she has a boy-friend (don't bring this up until the very last minute) or if she is even married.
Knowing what she dislikes (this is not that necessary, but can save you headaches)
Here are some suggestions how you can keep the conversation starting/going:
Say "Hi" and smile at her (pretty simple, isn't it?)
Ask her for the time, the date, the time the bus comes etc.
Comment on her. Examples can be to make a note about clothes she wears or to compare her with a movie star. That shows that it's not the standard "Can I stand you a beer?"-talk
Compliment her. See Make compliments.
Follow up by asking her a question like: "Is there any secret behind your shiny hair?". This keeps the conversation going.
Talk about food (e.g. when you meet her in a restaurant/coffee shop). This gets the senses going and creates a "stimulated" atmosphere.
In the end, it's up to you and the kind of woman you talk to.
Woman have a deep fear that they are ugly. Just think of how women buy ANY cosmetic product on the market. Just think of all the make-up they have in their handbags. I was once in Hong Kong (China) and the owner of a fruit juice shop told me: "Men will never drink unsavory juices. They only drink sweet juices. But many women will drink them as soon as you tell them that it makes them prettier."
In fact this desire in women to look attractive is so strong that women in Afghanistan (although the Taleban introduced the death penalty for using make-up) still colored their eyes/lips secretly.
Women love compliments. It eases the fear of being rejected because of her outlook.
Moreover: If you compliment her she feels confirmed that somebody actually noticed her outfit and comments on it rather than the notorious "Can I stand you a beer" teaser.
You can make compliments on anything you notice: Her skin, her hair, her clothes...
BUT: Don't make a great deal about it. Don't start to write poems and name flowers after her. Because the No sex talks rule and the The irresistible Resistible rule still apply: You can make a "casual" compliment (as if it just slipped into your mind) and then continue to talk about something else.
Be successful and self-confident
"Success makes sexy" and "Sexy smell of success", they say. Women love men who know what they want. Women love men who achieve their goals. Taking risks and breaking rules CAN be a turn-on, even driving too fast. (This is one of the reasons why hard rockers date models). And men know that women want powerful men. In secretly observed female-male flirt encounters scientists found out that most men start to list their "life achievements" shortly after the first "Hello": Where they have been, what they have achieved, what cars they have etc. In other words: Production & seduction go hand in hand.
Thus you should "work and progress" in your life. It is the wrong dating strategy to look shaken up by life and "merely surviving". It is wrong to hope that a woman takes pity on you. Instead of the pick up line "Can I buy you a beer?" the pick up line "Can I buy you a car?" could work better (I didn't try it myself).
Moreover you should mention signs of bravery in your life: You organize seminars and speak in front of a lot of people? Mention it. You are a skydiver? Mention it. You are a fireman and saved a lot of women? Mention it.
This is a side rule of Dress nicely, because clothes emulate success.
Don't symbolize a loser
This is a very important note to many tips on this site:
Being friendly can send out the wrong secret signal to a woman.
Being friendly can make a woman think that you are a loser who has been conditioned by life to knuckle under. Or that there are so many men stronger than you that you have to be subservient to merely survive. This could be the deep "genetical" reason why the "nice guys" may be considered as lie-down-dogs. Thus this rule emphasizes related rules on this site:
In other words: Women seek the combination of "safe+dangerous". Dangerous for others (= you win against others) but safe for herself (this is a reason why some life sentenced criminals get proposals from female strangers).
- No sex talks (because you are a loser if you need sex so badly and couldn't get it nowhere else)
- Be successful and self-confident (because you have to symbolize a winner not a loser)
- The irresistible Resistible (because you show your strength by resisting. Moreover if she can seduce you then she triumphs over a winner)
- Don't be a Crybaby (because crybabies are losers)
- Be brave and fast (because slowness and shyness show that you knuckle under to a "weak" girl)
- Dress nicely (because clothes make losers or winners)
- Smile (because a few well placed jokes show that you are not afraid of talking)
Maybe the term "dangerous" is a bit misleading. Maybe "stable" describes it better. Stable in the sense of "He can hold his position no matter what". This combo is what women mean by "Nice guy". Please read What "nice" in "Nice guy" means and What a woman asks & what a woman wants.
What "nice" in "Nice guy" means
There is a misconception about the term "Nice guy". Women often talk about "How much they want a nice man". However, "nice" doesn't mean "friendly". The following are the real meanings in a woman's sense:
nice = normal
You have a stable background (work, family, hobbies) and are no psycho
nice = presentable
She can show you her parents, friends
nice = desireable
Other girls want you, too = She won't be laughed at
nice = not grim
She can have fun with you and laughs and a relaxed atmosphere
nice = discreet and trustable
You won't tell anybody her sexual kinkiness
nice = helpful and friendly
You can be her friend and her "crying shoulder"
How to survive though a nice guy?
I think I made myself clear in Don't symbolize a loser that "being nice" alone doesn't get you anywhere. It is the COMBINATION of "being safe" and "being stable/dangerous" that matters. So what should you do to be more successful with women?
Don't be too friendly. Don't make too many compliments. Act as if you don't have to, and those which you make are really meant and casual.
Tell her normal stable things from your life/work/family: What you do, some interesting adventures etc.
YOU decide where to go.
She: "So what shall we do?"
You: "Errrr, mmmmm, it's ladies' choice"
She: "Let's take a walk"
You: "OK" (thinking what a friendly guy you are, but the girl thinks you have no clue and are an insecure loser)
You: "Let's take a walk, shall we?"
Please also read It is your Duty start the action and "No sex" Step by Step.
What a woman asks & what a woman wants
Since some women are kind of "complicated" when it comes to express their wishes in clear words (please read It is your Duty to use Words) there CAN BE A REAL DIFFERENCE in what a woman says and what she wants. Thus when you are too friendly (= make her every wish come true) while dating for the first time, it may symbolize that you simply do what she asks for and not what she needs.
There are even some jokes regarding this:
What she says What she means
"We need" "I want!"
"I am too fat" "Tell me I'm beautiful!"
In other words: She knows very well that sometimes she wants you to read her real mind. She knows that she needs to cry sometimes or that she has ups and downs. If you are too friendly (= sensitive) it can mean that her everchanging mood involves you so deeply that you won't be her stable rock, who KNOWS what to do. You have to show that whatever happens YOU keep an eye on the overall situation. That you can hold your position. That you can have your OWN opinion of what she needs and what not. That you know when a "yes" is a "no". That you know when her "oh, nothing" is in reality "something really bad".
If a girl comes into your apartment it should look mature:
How would you like a girl who has yellow puppets and orange teddy bears sitting in dozens on her bed and wants you to eat with her and her barbies from pink plastic plates?
- Take off the pin-up girls posters from the fridge door
- Put away your Star Wars toys
- Lock away your Hustler collection
- Buy a big bed
- Buy some plants
- Buy some pictures to hang on the wall
- Buy candles
- I don't advise you to buy alcohol (wine, champagne...) because it's a drug. But since you will probably drink it anyway, you can buy some wine.
- Buy coke, chocolate, popcorn, thus something to create a relaxed atmosphere.
- Keep your flat clean and tidy
- Keep the bathroom non-smelling/well-smelling
- Put the latrine cover down
You see? A non mature girl can be a turn-off.
Be brave and fast
Women love bravery and enterprise. Bravery is a reason why women like successful and self-confident men (because they proved they are brave) [Be successful and self-confident] and why wearing something quirky works (because they prove they are not afraid of others' opinion) [Have that something special].
So if women like brave men do they dislike boring cowards then? YES.
If you show that you are too shy to talk to her then you have already made the wrong impression BEFORE YOU EVEN SPOKE ONE WORD. For example if you wait too long to talk to her: She sees you, you see her, she sees that you see her and then...... you shy away for minutes or hours. Wrong behaviour, wrong impression. There is even a "Fast Eddie" rule: 1) you see her 2) she sees you 3) you have to approach her fast. As simple as that. THIS SPEED ALONE makes an impression.
Do you have a dating advice? Any comment? Write us!
Outfit & Behaviour warning
Please keep in mind that you can spoil the best outfit by behaviour and the best behaviour by words. After all YOUR WORDS make it or break it. Imagine a beautiful woman: Attractive, dressed well and she says to you "I cannot stand your face and I am a lesbian". You see? What is more important? The dress or her words+attitude?
Seduction by words
There are ways (= communication strategies) to achieve wanted results. These strategies apply to
any personal relationship
Following strategies are highly effective:
If a person is asked 2 times (or more) a question and agrees 2 times then the person is more willing to agree to the 3rd question, too.
John: "We are having fun, haven't we?"
John: "Do you want something to drink?"
John: "Hey, I know a nice cafe. Let's go there, shall we?"
Don't ask often questions that can be answered with a simple "No". Even if it's a question like "Do you like Coca Cola?" it can produce a defensive attitude towards you. Please also read Let women talk and help.
A person doesn't buy products because of obtrusiveness but because of honesty and sympathy. Thus you have to establish an "affinity line", e.g. "Hey, I have a cat, too". Read also Opposites attract?
Leave her the freedom of choice or the illusion of freedom of choice. It's very good that the woman feels unpressured by you but instead thinks SHE is leading.
The Michael Jackson example
I want to give Michael Jackson as a "dating example" because he is a phenomenon. Since years his female fans shout and cry although it may seem unexplainable for other men. He combines several features mentioned here on this site that makes this more understandable:
- Have that something special (this applies to his face and clothes)
- Be successful and self-confident
- Shaved face
- Magnetic Mystery Man
- Dress nicely
- The irresistible Resistible (he is quite non-sexual, neither man nor woman)
- No sex talks
- Impotent homosexual
- Do something for others (he sings "Save the world"-songs and engages in charity organizations)
- Don't symbolize a loser (he is one of the top earners and one of the best dancers)
- He fails however at Deep voice (but he has a strong voice)
Calling her via Telephone
When you have the telephone number of the girl and want to call her for the first time there are some things to consider:
- Don't call her too soon. This could scare her away. Please also read The irresistible Resistible and Don't stare, don't stalk.
- Call her 2 to 4 days after you met her. These are reasonable numbers but you can try different ones. You could even tell her when you will call her in the very moment when she tells you the telephone number. Stick to your word then!
- If you get her answering machine then you can leave a message saying WHEN you call her back.
- Have a plan of what to say. A blank head and stuttering give the wrong impression.
- Turn off any TV set or any music.
- Do a little bit of small talk
- After a conversational flow is established offer to meet her.
- Try to find out whether she is really your type.
- make a few suggestions where you could go together, but don't force her to a specific place and don't criticize her if she doesn't want to go there.
- A few places where you can go on the first date:
- Bowling, ice-skating
- Restaurant/Coffee shop
- Something special (Circus, theatre, local events)
The first meeting
On the first date all other rules apply: No sex talks, Shaved face etc.
You want to have great fun on the first date and know each other a little better. Don't be so formal, don't be too serious, have a lot of laughs together. Say good-bye when you feel you had a great time. You can ask her to meet you again. Be patient. Don't confuse your own feelings with hers.
If she had a good time, she would be foolish to not to go out again.
Make memories vs. Take memories
When you meet a girl then use your chance to make it memorable. Talking for hours is just sharing/taking memories. But doing something special is MAKING memories: In other words: Do something unusual. I am talking about action. This could be something small as a walk around the block instead of spending the whole night in a bar. Or invite her for next week to go to the circus or a flea market.
By the way: MAKING memories is also one of the best ways to keep a long relationship going. Even during hard times you have a "full pack of mood enhancing old experiences" that protects you from easily splitting up. It can be a small habit like: Going to a restaurant every Friday night. Or going on holidays every year.