Herbalist Dr MziziMkavu
JF-Expert Member
- Feb 3, 2009
- 42,315
- 33,111
PSYCHOLOGIST WARN: NEVER USE THESE 5 PHRASES WHEN TALKING TO YOUR CHILD
It is a fact that no one is perfect and all people make mistakes. But, parents should be aware of the fact that in the eyes of their children, they are not only humans, but they also are guardians, creators and caretakers. In a specific way, parents are superheroes. Psychologists explain that the behavior of the parents is crucial part of a child’s psyche. Children learn every possible step in their life from their parents and they watch, listen and remember how to deal with problems and their mistakes and how to behave in certain situations.
Psychologists advice you to pay special attention to the phrases you use while you talk to your child. These are the phrases which you should NEVER say to your child:
“You are worthless”
Parents are the mental image of their child and this phrase will only damage the self-confidence of the child. Medical experts explain that hearing that it is worthless will send the child on an endless journey in which he or she will seek validation and approval from the other people and the outside world. If your child had make a mistake you should tell him or her: “it is not your day” or “you will do it better the next time” or “nobody is perfect”.
“Stop crying right now”
Children cry when they fall and they feel pain, but they also cry when they know that they are going to be punished. Crying is an emotion that comes out even if there is no reason to cry. The reason for that is because children don’t have full control over their emotions and psychologists explain that children have the right to express how they feel.
If you tell your child to stop crying, it only will suppress its emotions and keep everything inside and that is much worse.
“I’m disappointed in you”
Parents tend to say this phrase to their children, when the child already feels bad about his actions. However, even if you are disappointed in them, you should never say that to your child.
Instead, you should guide the child back to the right path and help him/her to understand what mistake he/she had done.
“You’re not (something) enough”
You should never say to your child “you’re not good enough” as on that way you will paint a restricted picture of themselves in his/her head. This phrase only will make the child feel as if they are lacking something in order to be good enough for themselves.
“Big boys/ girls do not get scared”
Fear is an emotion which reminds people to be more careful. So, if you tell your child that “big boys/ girls do not get scared” the child will try to suppress the fear and that will teach him/her to run away from the thing that scares them.
Psychologists explain that this phrase will teach the child not to face the fear or problem in later life. Parents should tell their children that it is completely okay to be scared and also they should encourage children to do the right thing whenever they are scared of something.
MTAALAM WA SAIKOLOJIA ONYO: USITUMIE MANENO HAYA 5 UNAPOZUNGUMZA NA MTOTO WAKO.
Ni ukweli kwamba hakuna mkamilifu na watu wote hufanya makosa. Lakini, wazazi wanapaswa kufahamu ukweli kwamba machoni pa watoto wao, wao si wanadamu tu, bali pia ni walezi, waumbaji na walezi. Kwa njia maalum, wazazi ni superheroes. Wanasaikolojia wanaeleza kwamba tabia ya wazazi ni sehemu muhimu ya psyche ya mtoto. Watoto hujifunza kila hatua inayowezekana katika maisha yao kutoka kwa wazazi wao na hutazama, kusikiliza na kukumbuka jinsi ya kukabiliana na matatizo na makosa yao na jinsi ya kuishi katika hali fulani.
Wanasaikolojia wanakushauri kulipa kipaumbele maalum kwa misemo unayotumia unapozungumza na mtoto wako. Hizi ndizo misemo ambayo USIWAHI KUmwambia mtoto wako:
“Huna thamani”
Wazazi ni picha ya akili ya mtoto wao na maneno haya yataharibu tu kujiamini kwa mtoto. Wataalamu wa kimatibabu wanaeleza kwamba kusikia kuwa haina thamani kutampeleka mtoto katika safari isiyo na mwisho ambayo atatafuta uthibitisho na kibali kutoka kwa watu wengine na ulimwengu wa nje. Ikiwa mtoto wako amefanya kosa unapaswa kumwambia: "sio siku yako" au "utafanya vizuri zaidi wakati ujao" au "hakuna mtu mkamilifu".
“Acha kulia sasa hivi”
Watoto hulia wanapoanguka na wanahisi maumivu, lakini pia hulia wanapojua kwamba wataadhibiwa. Kulia ni hisia inayotoka hata kama hakuna sababu ya kulia. Sababu ya hilo ni kwa sababu watoto hawana udhibiti kamili juu ya hisia zao na wanasaikolojia wanaeleza kwamba watoto wana haki ya kueleza jinsi wanavyohisi.
Ikiwa unamwambia mtoto wako kuacha kulia, itapunguza tu hisia zake na kuweka kila kitu ndani na hiyo ni mbaya zaidi.
“Nimekata tamaa na wewe”
Wazazi huwa na kusema maneno haya kwa watoto wao, wakati mtoto tayari anahisi mbaya kuhusu matendo yake. Walakini, hata ikiwa umekatishwa tamaa nazo, haupaswi kamwe kusema hivyo kwa mtoto wako. Badala yake, unapaswa kumwongoza mtoto kwenye njia sahihi na kumsaidia kuelewa kosa alilofanya.
"Wewe sio (kitu) cha kutosha"
Haupaswi kamwe kumwambia mtoto wako "hufai vya kutosha" kwani kwa njia hiyo utaweka picha iliyozuiliwa katika kichwa chake. Msemo huu utamfanya mtoto ajisikie kana kwamba anapungukiwa na kitu ili ajitosheleze.
"Wavulana wakubwa/wasichana hawaogopi"
Hofu ni hisia inayowakumbusha watu kuwa waangalifu zaidi. Kwa hivyo, ukimwambia mtoto wako kwamba "wavulana wakubwa/wasichana hawaogopi" mtoto atajaribu kuzuia hofu na hiyo itamfundisha kukimbia kutoka kwa jambo ambalo linawatisha. Wanasaikolojia wanaelezea kwamba maneno haya yatamfundisha mtoto asikabiliane na hofu au shida katika maisha ya baadaye. Wazazi wanapaswa kuwaambia watoto wao kwamba ni sawa kabisa kuwa na hofu na pia wanapaswa kuwahimiza watoto kufanya jambo sahihi wakati wowote wanaogopa. ...
It is a fact that no one is perfect and all people make mistakes. But, parents should be aware of the fact that in the eyes of their children, they are not only humans, but they also are guardians, creators and caretakers. In a specific way, parents are superheroes. Psychologists explain that the behavior of the parents is crucial part of a child’s psyche. Children learn every possible step in their life from their parents and they watch, listen and remember how to deal with problems and their mistakes and how to behave in certain situations.
Psychologists advice you to pay special attention to the phrases you use while you talk to your child. These are the phrases which you should NEVER say to your child:
“You are worthless”
Parents are the mental image of their child and this phrase will only damage the self-confidence of the child. Medical experts explain that hearing that it is worthless will send the child on an endless journey in which he or she will seek validation and approval from the other people and the outside world. If your child had make a mistake you should tell him or her: “it is not your day” or “you will do it better the next time” or “nobody is perfect”.
“Stop crying right now”
Children cry when they fall and they feel pain, but they also cry when they know that they are going to be punished. Crying is an emotion that comes out even if there is no reason to cry. The reason for that is because children don’t have full control over their emotions and psychologists explain that children have the right to express how they feel.
If you tell your child to stop crying, it only will suppress its emotions and keep everything inside and that is much worse.
“I’m disappointed in you”
Parents tend to say this phrase to their children, when the child already feels bad about his actions. However, even if you are disappointed in them, you should never say that to your child.
Instead, you should guide the child back to the right path and help him/her to understand what mistake he/she had done.
“You’re not (something) enough”
You should never say to your child “you’re not good enough” as on that way you will paint a restricted picture of themselves in his/her head. This phrase only will make the child feel as if they are lacking something in order to be good enough for themselves.
“Big boys/ girls do not get scared”
Fear is an emotion which reminds people to be more careful. So, if you tell your child that “big boys/ girls do not get scared” the child will try to suppress the fear and that will teach him/her to run away from the thing that scares them.
Psychologists explain that this phrase will teach the child not to face the fear or problem in later life. Parents should tell their children that it is completely okay to be scared and also they should encourage children to do the right thing whenever they are scared of something.
MTAALAM WA SAIKOLOJIA ONYO: USITUMIE MANENO HAYA 5 UNAPOZUNGUMZA NA MTOTO WAKO.
Ni ukweli kwamba hakuna mkamilifu na watu wote hufanya makosa. Lakini, wazazi wanapaswa kufahamu ukweli kwamba machoni pa watoto wao, wao si wanadamu tu, bali pia ni walezi, waumbaji na walezi. Kwa njia maalum, wazazi ni superheroes. Wanasaikolojia wanaeleza kwamba tabia ya wazazi ni sehemu muhimu ya psyche ya mtoto. Watoto hujifunza kila hatua inayowezekana katika maisha yao kutoka kwa wazazi wao na hutazama, kusikiliza na kukumbuka jinsi ya kukabiliana na matatizo na makosa yao na jinsi ya kuishi katika hali fulani.
Wanasaikolojia wanakushauri kulipa kipaumbele maalum kwa misemo unayotumia unapozungumza na mtoto wako. Hizi ndizo misemo ambayo USIWAHI KUmwambia mtoto wako:
“Huna thamani”
Wazazi ni picha ya akili ya mtoto wao na maneno haya yataharibu tu kujiamini kwa mtoto. Wataalamu wa kimatibabu wanaeleza kwamba kusikia kuwa haina thamani kutampeleka mtoto katika safari isiyo na mwisho ambayo atatafuta uthibitisho na kibali kutoka kwa watu wengine na ulimwengu wa nje. Ikiwa mtoto wako amefanya kosa unapaswa kumwambia: "sio siku yako" au "utafanya vizuri zaidi wakati ujao" au "hakuna mtu mkamilifu".
“Acha kulia sasa hivi”
Watoto hulia wanapoanguka na wanahisi maumivu, lakini pia hulia wanapojua kwamba wataadhibiwa. Kulia ni hisia inayotoka hata kama hakuna sababu ya kulia. Sababu ya hilo ni kwa sababu watoto hawana udhibiti kamili juu ya hisia zao na wanasaikolojia wanaeleza kwamba watoto wana haki ya kueleza jinsi wanavyohisi.
Ikiwa unamwambia mtoto wako kuacha kulia, itapunguza tu hisia zake na kuweka kila kitu ndani na hiyo ni mbaya zaidi.
“Nimekata tamaa na wewe”
Wazazi huwa na kusema maneno haya kwa watoto wao, wakati mtoto tayari anahisi mbaya kuhusu matendo yake. Walakini, hata ikiwa umekatishwa tamaa nazo, haupaswi kamwe kusema hivyo kwa mtoto wako. Badala yake, unapaswa kumwongoza mtoto kwenye njia sahihi na kumsaidia kuelewa kosa alilofanya.
"Wewe sio (kitu) cha kutosha"
Haupaswi kamwe kumwambia mtoto wako "hufai vya kutosha" kwani kwa njia hiyo utaweka picha iliyozuiliwa katika kichwa chake. Msemo huu utamfanya mtoto ajisikie kana kwamba anapungukiwa na kitu ili ajitosheleze.
"Wavulana wakubwa/wasichana hawaogopi"
Hofu ni hisia inayowakumbusha watu kuwa waangalifu zaidi. Kwa hivyo, ukimwambia mtoto wako kwamba "wavulana wakubwa/wasichana hawaogopi" mtoto atajaribu kuzuia hofu na hiyo itamfundisha kukimbia kutoka kwa jambo ambalo linawatisha. Wanasaikolojia wanaelezea kwamba maneno haya yatamfundisha mtoto asikabiliane na hofu au shida katika maisha ya baadaye. Wazazi wanapaswa kuwaambia watoto wao kwamba ni sawa kabisa kuwa na hofu na pia wanapaswa kuwahimiza watoto kufanya jambo sahihi wakati wowote wanaogopa. ...
