Gamba la Nyoka
JF-Expert Member
- May 1, 2007
- 7,022
- 9,285
Mark,
The worst kind of betrayal from someone we love is them doing something that loses our trust, and in this case, cheating is one of the top on the list of trust-breakers. (It's happened to me, so know exactly how you feel).
True faith was on the spot when she said:
She KNEW what she was doing.. She KNEW she was with YOU. She wanted it to happen and she made it happen.
Every action we take is a reaction to a sequence of thoughts on our mind. She did what she did 'consciously' and 'willingly'. She realized the other guy was not as good as you (to her), so she came back. Do you think she would have come back to you if she felt more attracted or more 'in love' with the other guy?
Humans use the words 'friend', 'love', 'care' and other such word so loosely it bothers the ---- out of me. When we say we love someone, we're doing something selfishly. We 'love' them because it they satisfy our selfish needs... we have 'friends' because they feed our ego and make us feel better when we need no one but ourselves to make us feel amazing about ourselves.
The point I'm getting to is this girl may think she 'loves' you, but she has no clue what love is. I don't know how old you and her are (not that age matters most of the time), but the chances are you're both still young (at least relationship-wise) and have a lot of maturity to do.
For her - she has to learn to appreciate who she's with and not go opening her legs to every 'hot' guy just because she can take for granted the fact that she's young and attractive and knows you'll be good to her nonetheless (she knew you would before she cheated, believe me... something you said or did gave her that insurance).
For you - still wanting to be with someone who betrays your trust. I don't care how much you think you love a person, once they break the trust, it's never the same. Let me be clear here: I'm NOT saying relationships cannot be worked on after cheating happens (some relationships have worked out, with lots and lots of effort and time), but most of the time the opposite is true.
You're attached to her, you're used to her and you love so many things about her, I get that, but you start 'loving' someone when they're good to you, when they have passed enough time with you to grow with you and be there for you when you're at your worst. You begin to 'love' someone when they've been a true friend to you, not judging you whenever you do something silly because they understand that no one is perfect and she can accept you with all your faults. You begin to 'love' someone when everything they do is for the best of both you and her.
Mark, you don't want to know the details of what happened between your girlfriend and that guy. First, it's only going to give you mental images of whatever you hear and it's going to eat you up inside and play in your mind constantly. Second, every time she's out without you, you'll wonder if she's doing it again (especially when things are not so good between the two of you). And third, I guarantee that she will never give you the whole truth. Do you think she wants to share intimate details about what happened and really expect you to be OK with that? She knows that the less she says, the higher the chances of you sticking around.
The last question you asked was 'what's a good process to go through?'
The best process, buddy, is the process of elimination. If you truly understand what I said above, you'd know that you deserve a life-partner, someone who will stick by your side and is truly in love with you. This girl may grow up and mature and come back in 10 years and sit you down and tell you she has understood the meaning of trust and loyalty. At that time you may want to give it a second chance (if you're still single), but for now, you will always have your doubts.
Why do you think the divorce rate is so high nowadays? Because people rush into relationships to fill empty voids created by our constant need of being wanted and loved. You got to love yourself before you can have someone love you. And I'm not using the word love 'loosely' here. Think about all this.
The worst kind of betrayal from someone we love is them doing something that loses our trust, and in this case, cheating is one of the top on the list of trust-breakers. (It's happened to me, so know exactly how you feel).
True faith was on the spot when she said:
She KNEW what she was doing.. She KNEW she was with YOU. She wanted it to happen and she made it happen.
Every action we take is a reaction to a sequence of thoughts on our mind. She did what she did 'consciously' and 'willingly'. She realized the other guy was not as good as you (to her), so she came back. Do you think she would have come back to you if she felt more attracted or more 'in love' with the other guy?
Humans use the words 'friend', 'love', 'care' and other such word so loosely it bothers the ---- out of me. When we say we love someone, we're doing something selfishly. We 'love' them because it they satisfy our selfish needs... we have 'friends' because they feed our ego and make us feel better when we need no one but ourselves to make us feel amazing about ourselves.
The point I'm getting to is this girl may think she 'loves' you, but she has no clue what love is. I don't know how old you and her are (not that age matters most of the time), but the chances are you're both still young (at least relationship-wise) and have a lot of maturity to do.
For her - she has to learn to appreciate who she's with and not go opening her legs to every 'hot' guy just because she can take for granted the fact that she's young and attractive and knows you'll be good to her nonetheless (she knew you would before she cheated, believe me... something you said or did gave her that insurance).
For you - still wanting to be with someone who betrays your trust. I don't care how much you think you love a person, once they break the trust, it's never the same. Let me be clear here: I'm NOT saying relationships cannot be worked on after cheating happens (some relationships have worked out, with lots and lots of effort and time), but most of the time the opposite is true.
You're attached to her, you're used to her and you love so many things about her, I get that, but you start 'loving' someone when they're good to you, when they have passed enough time with you to grow with you and be there for you when you're at your worst. You begin to 'love' someone when they've been a true friend to you, not judging you whenever you do something silly because they understand that no one is perfect and she can accept you with all your faults. You begin to 'love' someone when everything they do is for the best of both you and her.
Mark, you don't want to know the details of what happened between your girlfriend and that guy. First, it's only going to give you mental images of whatever you hear and it's going to eat you up inside and play in your mind constantly. Second, every time she's out without you, you'll wonder if she's doing it again (especially when things are not so good between the two of you). And third, I guarantee that she will never give you the whole truth. Do you think she wants to share intimate details about what happened and really expect you to be OK with that? She knows that the less she says, the higher the chances of you sticking around.
The last question you asked was 'what's a good process to go through?'
The best process, buddy, is the process of elimination. If you truly understand what I said above, you'd know that you deserve a life-partner, someone who will stick by your side and is truly in love with you. This girl may grow up and mature and come back in 10 years and sit you down and tell you she has understood the meaning of trust and loyalty. At that time you may want to give it a second chance (if you're still single), but for now, you will always have your doubts.
Why do you think the divorce rate is so high nowadays? Because people rush into relationships to fill empty voids created by our constant need of being wanted and loved. You got to love yourself before you can have someone love you. And I'm not using the word love 'loosely' here. Think about all this.
