Un-resolved marriage dispute

[Abu Rashaad]

Hi All,
I am a Kenyan residing in Nairobi; my wife of 7 years whom we were blessed with 3 sons, left after we had a quarrel, promised to be back after a while, but never did so; she is a Tanzanian from Arusha, and its now two and a half years since she left me with all the 3 children;
Some of her family members had initially pretended to ensure that she returned, but I later realised that it was just some sort of gimmick; the father became so in-different to me and my family; he behaved and spoke in a manner which clearly indicated that he didn't want his daughter to return to her matrimonial home, …at one point, I overheard her mother saying that were it not for the father, she'd have returned to her house long ago;
I have a feeling that the mother and some other relatives are opposed to all this, but they fear the father; all this coincided with the father's retirement from employment, so she got some money from the father and started trading; then later we heard that she had settled in Dar es salaam; I got an anonymous call last year informing me that she was married in Dar es Salaam, a fact which her mother denied;
My family has made numerous attempts to get her back, but all this hasn't materialized; she would just make calls, but never returned to even visit the kids; my mother decided to take the kids to visit her, and that was the first time she saw them for two years;
I asked her to seek a divorce notice from the courts, since I hadn't divorced, nor did I have any intention of doing so, but she simply brushed it off, and said that she was so busy to attend to such matters, and that I should be the one to divorce her; I also asked the parents to seek consent from the courts that will nullify the marriage but…; later on, I asked her and her family as well, to simply put this fact in writing, in any form, but all this fell on deaf ears; I don't want to be the one who initiates the divorce; I reminded them that I had followed all necessary procedures, both traditional, religious and legal while marrying her, so it was only fair that they also do the same if they weren't interested in the marriage, but…; I married her in an Islamic marriage and was issued with a certificate from BAKWATA.
All this surprised me and my entire family because we had never has any serious issues; our families maintained very good relations and highly respected each other; they exchanged visits, and always helped each other, in good and bad times. I enjoyed a cordial relationship with my parents in law which was build upon trust, respect and cooperation.
I have a few questions which I'd like to ask you in this regard;
• Is this something normal in TZ (…all Kenyans know that "…wa TZ wako na heshima sana)?
• I would really want to continue living with my wife, despite all what has happened, but she's the final decision maker; what's my obligation, and what's hers?
• Since the differences that culminated to all this were no where near anything that may warrant a divorce, such as infidelity, cruelty, etc. (...although she made some other nasty allegations on me to her family), is it legal for her and her family, especially her parents, and more so, her father to just assume that its over, without taking any measures that will clarify the matter;
• Is it legally correct for her father to entice her daughter, into getting out of a marriage?
• What are the email contacts for BAKWATA, (I got some from the web but they aren't correct)?
• What other organizations may be of help in providing assistance to this matter?
• And by the way, the father is a retired magistrate, who has served in the judiciary for more than 40 years, at one point, he told me on my face that he was untouchable, and that there's nothing I could do in TZ; what does the law in TZ stipulate about such remarks from former social servants?
I have just tried to summarize the story, but there are many other strange happenings which took place that are still a big dilemma and puzzle to me and my family;
Please help me with your views and suggestions on this matter;

Thanx

Abu Rashaad

 

[ngoshwe]

Just be straight 4 ward on what you thnk you need some help?...

 

[Papizo]

Kakutana na Mtz huyo...Maana wanawake wakikenya wanatupenda sana wanaume wa kibongo!! so be carefull bro!!

 

[Abu Rashaad]

Ofcourse I do nid ur help, which I'll really appreciate!

 

[Kiranga]

Kama unachosema ni kweli, huyo mke scumbag.

Unless unataka formal divorce ili uoe tena kisheria, sioni hata sababu ya wewe kutaka mawasiliano naye, being that wao hawataki mawasiliano nawe.

In all reality unatakiwa kumlamba child support.

Ndiyo maana wengine hatutaki kuoa kwa sababu ya ujinga ujinga kama huu.

 

[ChiefmTz]

Abu Rashaad, hopefully your marriage was contracted in Tz, and if so desertation is one of the ground for divorce. However, you also have another room under Islamic laws, where also desertation constitutes a ground for Talak. In such circumstances I dont see why can't you take another woman.

 

[alirashidou]

Pole Abuu Rashaad. Maisha ndivyo yalivyo,nainategemea ulimpendea nini, na je yeye likupenda? huenda ikawa mambo fulani huyawezi sana ama wewe unampeleka puta akaamua apige ndefu. Pole kaka. Bila shaka wajua kiswahili pia japo umeandika kwa kiingereza. Pole tena, kanyaga mwendo usirudi nyuma watoto watajua baadaye nani mbaya.

 

[carmel]

I believe in Islamic laws, divorce is allowed, why havent you divorced her and move on with your life? its so evident that she doesnt love you anymore and also she doesnt care for the kids. just accept the reality and move on. pole tghough.

 

[Masikini_Jeuri]

Do pole sana Mkuu!

She does not deserve you at all; Inadaiwa kuwa kina mama wanatakiwa kuwa na huruma na haswa kunapokuwapo watoto; but she seems not to care at all; Kwanza umshukuru Mungu kakuacha na uhai wako!

 

[ngoshwe]

Ofcourse I do nid ur help, which I'll really appreciate!

ABu Rashaad:

To respond to some of your raised issues, this is so far as I know:


Desertion or whatever bad character in the marriage or family affairs is not normal thing every where in the world. It is mostly a personal altitude and not a common thing in any society especially where a contracted marriage survived for a more than two years as yours. Given the fact that your marriage is blessed with 3 issues, I guess that the decision of your wife to quit from matrimonial home and living back the kids with you for those number of yrs is associated with a lot of undisclosed family problems between you (husband & wife) as you told and this can only be resolved at first instance between you two rather than involving parents who might have their own personal interests on the matter than yours.

As for Kenya, herein Tanzania "desertion" is one of the grounds entitling a party to a marriage transaction to petition for a separation or divorce depending on the circumstance prevailing on each case under the Law of Marriage Act of Tanzania .

I see you have opted to find good option to start reconciliation and may be through Marriage Reconciliatory Board (BAKWATA), this is mandatory requirement to comply before filing a matrimonial cause (Petition for Separation or Divorce) in the Court (normally for Court, jurisdiction issues is a matter of fact and under the Law of Marriage Act of Tanzania, original jurisdiction for matrimonial proceeding is vested concurrently in the High Court, a court of a Resident Magistrate, a District Court and a Primary Court). The matter as to be taken to Court in support with clearance certificate that the marriage reconciliatory Board such as BAKWATA as in this Islamic marriage has failed to resolve the same.

However, as from your on story it appears that you intend not to separate or divorce your lovely wife and may be behind the scene, you can think of resolving the matter when you get in physical contact with her rather that calling or writing from Nairobi. In any case you still need to end up your relation, as the marriage was contracted in Tanzania, you will need to cross border to Tanzania and file your reconciliatory claim with BAKWATA's Office in there.

Mind you that unless you separate or divorce, the law considers you as the parties to marriage and anything you gain or loss between now and up to the effective date of separation or divorce is regarded as matrimonial "pain" or "gain" in which either of you can claim a matrimonial right on it. Therefore you better chose for a better option asap!.

In respect ton the rights and duties upon separation or divorce, depending on case to case, among others, the law allows for distribution of jointly acquired matrimonial assets and maintenance and custody of the infant children. BUT all in all the facts or evidence from the parties is the criteria to guide the Court to reach to a fair decision as to who is entitled for what!.

Search for the BAKWATA's Office through google to get their telephone number in use.

 

[Principessa]

pole sana shemeji,ulikutana na mtoto wa mjini,na nikuhakikishie tu kwamba huyo ameshaolewa na mwanaume mwingine ndio maana hataki kurudi kwako.huenda huyo baba yake ndio kamtafutia huyo mwanume.

kwasababu hayo mambo mengine yameshajibiwa ngoja niongelee hili la baba eti kwa sababu yeye alikuwa magistrate basi huwezi kufanya lolote kwake,anakutisha tu sababu wewe ni mkenya.kuwa kwake magistrate hakukufanyi wee ukose haki zako hapa TZ sababu ndoa ulifungia hapa.wewe endelea na utaratibu wa talaka na kuwa siliana na BAKWATA ili wamwite na huyo mkeo mzungumze na kuona tatizo liko wapi,kama hiyo marriage itaonekana haiwezi kuwa repaired basi uamuzi wa talaka utafuatiwa.if u play ur cards right,huyo mwanamke hawezi kupata kitu,because in law,no one benefits from his own wrongs!!na kama kuna mali umepata baada ya yeye kuondoka,basi yeye hana haki maana hakuna efforts zake zilizotumika kupata hizo mali,maana ili mgawane mali lazima kuwe na JOINT EFFORTS!!!!!!!

lea watoto wako,Mungu atakubariki na mke mwingine.

Anyway,hiyo haimaanishi kuwa wabongo ndivyo walivyo,ni tabia mbaya tu ya mtu mwenyewe!!!