The Oscars: the dos and don'ts of red carpet fashion - in pictures

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[h=1]The Oscars: the dos and don'ts of red carpet fashion - in pictures
[/h] Natalie Portman found 'her' designer, Jennifer Hudson was bold with colour and Grace Kelly was Grace Kelly. Yes, the Oscars have had more memorable red carpet outfit Dos than Joan Rivers has had trips to the surgeon. But, then, where would we be without Celine Dion, Kate Hudson and Kim Basinger's jawdropping don'ts? Ahead of the Oscars on Sunday, Anna-Marie Crowhurst recalls the sartorial highs and lows of the academy awards

DO find your designer

Ah, Rodarte! Rodarte and Natalie Portman go together like Marchesa and, um… J-Lo. No, but seriously, if you are a famous actor thinking about hitting some red carpets in the near future, it'd be a good idea to build up a relationship with a (good) designer and make it even easier for you to nail it come Oscar time. They might even design some things with you in mind, or in colours that suit you, making it more likely you don't rock up looking like you've been involved in an road traffic/drunk/Cher incident. Just sayin' (2009)

 

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DON'T be too 'out-there'

An understatement. There is a point where words almost fail. And that point is the unholy combination of Kim Basinger's two-in-one top, one sleeve, one glove, some appliquéd sleeve-letters that don't mean anything (to us), shiny white fabric and scrunchy mousse hair hanging down. That is also the point when a discourse on what to wear or not to wear to the Oscars almost becomes arbitrary and we move instead towards a feeling that perhaps this was just some sort of Pavlovian experiment, where this dress provides the unconditional stimulus that makes us cry and/or laugh and/or wee (1990)

 

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DO keep it simple

Greetings from the red carpet, mortal. I am WINSLET and I am ALL-POWERFUL. SEE how my simple mint-green, slightly Grecian Valentino gown manages to flatter my figure and yet not be too boring or like a bridesmaid? SEE how my statement earrings and cocktail ring add a fashion-y twist but I don't need a bodyguard to shadow my every move to make sure I don't nick them? SEE how my hair is neat and pulled back and not too 'done'? That is because I am WINSLET. RAH! I will stand here like this now and look down on you. (2007)

 

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DON'T wear a hat

The alternate title for this was Don't get dressed when you are really high*. But let's focus on hats. Not wearing a hat to the Oscars seems like an obvious suggestion – to us. It's not really a 'hat' event, is it? But clearly in 1999, Sealion Dion felt it was. Maybe she looked at herself in the mirror (actually, it would have to be two mirrors) and felt that somehow a shiny, white, Dior tuxedo, turned around and worn back-to-front was not quite, I don't know, attention-grabbing enough. She was wrong. *To our knowledge, Dion was not high when this picture was taken

 

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DO consider a theme

Julie Christie was/is so insanely cool. What you can't see in this picture is that this is actually a trouser suit with wide harem-pant legs and that everyone else there was dressed like Ena Sharples in horn-rims and frills. It's nice to think that, when Julie Christie got ready on that fateful (she won) evening way back in 1966, she was like, 'D'you know what, Julie Christie? It's the swinging 60s and it's the Oscars. I think it would be fun to get in the theme a bit and look a bit like an Oscar in a groovy gold lamé jumpsuit." Win

 

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DON'T 'over fabric'

This is a very hungry dress. A dress that has grown tired of its time on the hanger and taken the first possible opportunity to consume its wearer and suck her deep within its scary, voluminous folds. See how it threatens to cover Loretta Young's entire body with its monstrous puffy top bit? It is shiny. It is humungous. It has frills. It has matching gloves. It is eating its wearer. And that is just the top half. The bottom half is like Scarlett O'Hara in a civil war whorehouse (1948)

 

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DO stick to what works

Let's take a moment to enjoy this shot of Katy Perry, looking all purdy, back when she was still working the 1950s va-va-voom/Ooh get you, you saucy pot of sauce-type thing – back when concealed LEDs, Krazy Kolor and Tank Girl goggles were just twinkles in the eye of a deranged and vicious stylist. Ignoring the matchy-matchy clutch, this curve-licking number looks both flattering and 'her' enough without being, well, completely ludicrous. The moral is: if you find something that works, stay with it, Katy Perry. (2010)

 

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DON'T do 'sexy'

Much as I adore the wondrous, fabulousness of Cher both as a concept and as a reality, those quote marks are very much relevant to my point. Because I'm certain Cher's thought process (was there one?) in selecting this outfit involved the concept that a (I snigger as I type) sheer, embellished, be-tasselled belly-dancing costume with a (not seen) staggeringly enormous tribal-style headdress was just a little bit sexy. Or a lot? It must have been? She had some work done, she felt sexy and she wanted to get things out. Maybe? Oh I give up(1988)

 

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DO consider colour

Zinnng! That's what this gown is saying to me. Is it you? Zinnng! Look at my vividorangeyness! (There's also the muffled, 'I'm a bit tight at the top and I'm squashing these boobs down into a weird shape, but let's gloss over that). So, colour. It is too easy when you are a big famous actor to get intimidated by the flashbulbs and the e-vile, slavering, fashion critics and just wear nude. I'm glad that Jennifer Hudson saw that tangerine looks beautiful on her. Bravo (2011)

 

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DON'T forget your stylist

I can't believe a stylist came anywhere near this. Is it the deconstructed national dress of a mysterious, possibly eastern, country? Is it meant to be a bit 'piratey'? A bit net-curtainy? How does the big blue bow work? There are many questions to which the answers may now be lost in the mists of time. Uma Thurman has said that wearing this Lacroix creation was one of her most embarrassing experiences ever. It shows that even if you've got lovely giantess legs up to your ears and you waggle them about a lot, you still need a STYLIST (2004)

 

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DO embrace silver screen dressing

When uncertain of what to wear, you can't go far wrong channelling Grace Kelly, seen here in 1955 at the peak of her demure, 'I'm so Grace Kelly', look. Know what the fashion press love? Demure. They also love sleek up-dos featuring pin curls and/or romantic waves, sweeping floor-length gowns and hardcase and/or beaded handbags barely visible to the naked eye. The only thing I am advising here is losing the gloves. Unless you are Helena Bonham Carter, in which case, as you were *capers maniacally*

 

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DON'T do princess

What would Tyra Banks say to this picture of herself with post-ANTM hindsight? Something like, 'I'm not seeing much energy with the eyes, here girl. You've kind of lost your hands in this shot and you just look a bit lifeless. Being a model is about… zzzzfrfrfrfrf.' Well, you get my point. Yes, going to the Oscars is FLIPPING exciting and it's definitely all about getting an amazing dress. It is NOT about living out your childhood dreams of being Prom Night Princess, Barbie, right? Right (2000)

 

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DO look like 'you'

Part of the reason I think Audrey Hepburn looks so cool here is she is still in her stage makeup from a play she was in earlier that evening (hence the OTT brows and scruffy, wig-flattened fringe). But nevertheless, the point is, despite being all togged up for a posh awards do, she is very much still herself in her gamine-tastic Givenchy gown and trademark cropped pixie cut. So, slebs, please be a little bit yourself this Oscar night. Find your style, work the style, win(1954)

 

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DON'T show too much

Gwyneth Paltrow knew this was see-through, right? There was no way she looked at a top made of sheer mesh and thought, "That looks decent." Did she? It's a well-known fashion fact that celebs sometimes get caught out by that 'camera flashbulbs make things more see-through"'thing. But this is not really that. It is just see-through. Showing too much is the Oscar equivalent of standing on your chair at work and screaming, "LOOK AT MY PERKY, LITTLE BREASTS!" Really not appropriate and could result in a lot fewer job offers in the future (2001)

 

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DO be experimental

Just look at this splendid Givenchy Couture dress. It is AWESOME, kind of like a She-Ra battle harness but stylish, and with skin. Cate Blanchett generally gives good red carpet because she's one of the few slebs (xref the mighty Swinton) who's not afraid to try something a bit different, whether that's an armour-esque shoulder construction or a fash-clash lilac/yellow colour scheme(2011)

 

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DON'T annoy your hairdresser

Or she will give you (in this case, Kate Hudson) a dodgy spiral perm, but with straight bits and fluffy bits, backcomb you, pouffe you up, somehow arrange some curls across your forehead, cascade the rest of your hair in an '80s pineapple' fountain spilling out at the sides, forget to do your roots, finish you off with shine mousse, then tell your makeup artist to match your eye shadow to your dress and your lipstick to someone recently deceased. A lesson learned (2005)

 

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DO play to your strengths

Helloooo, booby-lady. Sorry, where was I? Ah, yes! Liz Taylor, looking amazing here in 1970, proves the point that above ALL else, your gown must flatter your body. Ergo, if you have colossal boobs, get them out a bit (not a lot) and hoike them nicely for everyone to admire. If you have nice arms, consider strapless. If you have a nice back, think about baring it. If you are boyish, what about a bit of drapey? If you are not, what about a nipped-in waist? Do you see where I'm going with this, A-listers?

 

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DO remain current at all times

Here's the thing, celebrity Oscar-goers. Even if you're doing something with a slightly vintage feel, eg a floor-length Valentino gown with a deep v-neck and a sort of 70s-ish chiffony layer, we really like it when you make like lovely Michelle Williams here and ring the changes. We know it's the Oscars and there's only so much you can do at such a formal event, but still! Consulting the catwalks for colour palettes is a good tip (egg-yolk yellow and a pillar-box lip, tick), keeping your hair tousled and a bit thrown together works for us, too. Thank you (2006)

 

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DON'T design your own outfit

Demi Moore: Tra la la la laaaa. Look at this cheeky little number with its floaty train thing that I am wafting! I designed this! Yes, all by myself! Me! La la laaaa.

Bruce Willis: Keep. Looking. Straight. Ahead.

Demi: Behold my breasts! Behold my bra that matches my train thing! Behold my black velvety cycling shorts and corset concoction. I am an artiste!

Bruce: Do. Not. Register. Surprise. On. Face. Do. Not. Look. At. Train. Thing.

Demi: Also the shoes match! Matchy matchy moo! Move over, Versace!

Bruce: Jaw. Is. Locked. Jaw. Is. Still

(1989)

 

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DON'T go goth

I slightly (only slightly) hesitate to include this look, because I secretly liked the madness of Angelina Jolie circa Billy Bob – ya know, when she was all voluptuous and crazy: getting tattoos every three minutes, talking about snakes and wearing phials of blood as statement jewellery. Lest we forget, the year (2000!) she went to the Oscars with this Morticia montage, she also shared what was later described as an 'amazing moment' (read: lip action) with her brother in front of the paparazzi. Because rocking cheap waist-length hair extensions and a ton of white face powder was a little too mainstream. Huh