Safari ya maisha kimapenzi, matarajio na vizingiti!

[Yona F. Maro]

Tupo kwenye safari ya mapenzi, na kila mmoja anapopata mwenzi anakuwa na matarajio yake. Inawezekana yakawa ya dhahiri au siri ya moyo wako lakini yote kwa yote ni kwamba wote maisha yetu ya kiuhusiano huyajengea picha katika fikra na kutamani iwe hivyo bila upungufu wa aina yoyote.

Katika fikra zetu, huwaumba wenzi wetu na kutaka wafanane vile tunavyotaka, huwaza mambo ambayo tunapenda watufanyie, ingawa shaka iliyopo nyuma ya mambo yote hayo ni kwamba hutokea kwa nadra sana mtu kuvuta hisia na kufikiria kumfurahisha mwenzake.

Hata hivyo, ni vema ukajua kuwa matarajio mengi huzaa mambo ambayo tunayaita ni matatizo.
Labda, swali la kujiuliza ni hili, ni kwanini matarajio yazae matatizo?

Jibu ni hili, katika matarajio kuna matokeo ya aina mbili, kutimia au kinyume chake, pia ifahamike kuwa kutotimia ndiyo zao la matatizo.

Ni kwanini matarajio? Mwanasaikolojia Guy Finley ambaye huandika mada zake nyingi kupitia mtandao wa intaneti aliwahi kuandika:

“Kulaumu wengine kwa mateso tunayopata kila wakati, mtu kushindwa kuishi kwa matarajio, haina tofauti na kuunguza ndimi zetu kwa kahawa ambayo ni ya moto mno hata kuitema, lakini katika hilo, tunakilaumu kikombe kwamba ni pumbavu!”

Kimsingi, matarajio katika tamaduni zetu ni jambo la kawaida. Lakini hutofautiana kati ya mtu mmoja hadi mwingine. Watu makini mambo yao huwa na mpangilio unaoeleweka, hivyo matarajio yao hutoa sauti kubwa.

Wenzangu na mimi ambao maisha yao ni rahisi kuyatafsiri kama “misingi penenge”, matarajio yao huwa hayana uelekeo wa kutimia, yaani ni sawa na kumpigia mbuzi gitaa, muziki utachezeka?

Kuna sababu mbalimbali ambazo huchagiza matarajio kutotimia. umalaya, kuwaumiza wenzetu, hivyo kukatishana tamaa ni mambo ambayo mwanasaikolojia Larry James wa tovuti ya Love Celebration, aliyaandika kuwa ni sumu kubwa ambayo hufanya uhusiano uende ndivyo sivyo.

Kwa mfano, kama ninataraji wewe unipende katika njia moja, na penzi lako likawa halikidhi kwangu, hapo ni lazima nitavunjika moyo. Njia nzuri ni kujitahidi kupata mahitaji ambayo yatakamilisha upendo wako.

Katika hilo, ni busara kumruhusu mpenzi wako akupende kama ambavyo unataka. Hebu fikiria hili, unahitaji kupendwa katika njia moja, lakini penzi unalopewa linakuwa halina nguvu, hiyo ni ishara ya wazi kwamba matarajio hayatotimia.

Sumu nyingine ambayo husababisha matarajio yasitimie ni kutokuwa na mawasiliano ya hisia, mmoja anajua mwenzake anataka nini, lakini si ajabu mwingine akawa hajui wala hajishughulishi kutafuta. Unaona tatizo lililopo?

Ni lazima kuwe na mawasiliano. Mahitaji yanapaswa kujadiliwa. Unatakiwa kuwa muangalifu ili kuona ni mambo yapi yanatakiwa kuzingatiwa ili kuuimarisha uhusiano wako.

“Kutarajia mazuri,” ni mtazamo bora kuliko kitu kingine. Baadhi husema, “Kama unarajia mambo mazuri katika uhusiano wako, kila kitu kitakwenda barabara.” Kusema ule ukweli ni kwamba hii ni hadithi.

Hali itakwenda kulingana na wewe unavyoratibu mambo yako, na utavunjika moyo pale utakapogundua kwamba mambo hayaendi katika mpangilio ulioutaka. Hupati yale ambayo siku zote ulitamani.

Mara nyingi huwa tunataka wenzi wetu wafanye mambo sahihi kwa ajili yetu, na pale wanapotenda yale ambayo hayakongi hisia zetu, hujawa na hasira au kuvunjika moyo.

Angalizo: “Bila matarajio, utakuwa na vitu vichache vya kukatisha tamaa!”
Itaendelea wiki ijayo.

SHULUWA JOSEPH

 

[Yona F. Maro]

Utenzi unaofuata ni utenzi wa pili uliotungwa na Ustadh Mahmoud Ahmad Mahmoud (MAU) wa Lamu – Kenya katika mwaka 2004 wenye maudhui yale yale ya Ramani ya maisha ya ndoa. Utenzi wa kwanza ulikuwa wa nasaha kwa wanawake na huu wa pili ni kuwanasihi wanaume. Kama ulivyo utenzi wake wa mwanzo, mtungaji ametumia lugha tamu na nasaha za hekima ambazo ameeleza kua ni wasia kwa mwanawe wa kiume Yahya lakini pia amemkusudiya kila mvulana ili asitupe mila na afuate maamrisho ya dini yetu.
Baadhi ya maneno yaliyotumika katika utenzi huu ambao umeandikwa kwa lahaja ya Kilamu yameorodheshwa moja kwa moja baada ya utenzi huu pamoja na maana yake kwa madhumuni ya kumsaidia msomaji anayehitaji msaada huo.

Burudikeni na UTENZI WA RAMANI YA MAISHA YA NDOA (MUME)

1. Kwa ina la Rahamani – Naanda nudhuma hini – Ina ya pili ramani – Namwandikiya Yahaya
2. Kwenye ramani ya kwanda – Banati naliwafunda – Na hini nimeiunda – Wavulana kuwambiya
3. Na asili ya kwandika – Nahisi wana wataka – Baba piya kadhalika – Mimi alinandikiya
4. Baba bwana Ahmadi – Atamjazi Wadudi – Kwani alijitahidi – Kunandikiya wasiya
5. Hapo zamani za yana – Ndiyo la wasiya yina – Alonandikia bwana – Babangu kaniwatiya
6. Nami katika ramani – Tayipinda kubaini – Yale ninayoamini – Yaweza kusaidiya
7. Tanena naloyatuma – Na yale niloyasoma – Tazitaya na hekima – Kwa watu nilopokeya
8. Yale nitayakusanya – Mbali mbali kutanganya – Lengo langu ni kufanya – Kama la maisha boya
9. Boya hili la maisha – Katu halitozamisha – Ashikao tamvusha – Bandari tasikiliya
10. Mwanangu ukiazimu – Kuowa kwanda fahamu – Kuteuwa ni muhimu – Ni amri ya shariya
11. Mtumi alibaini – Akatwambiya owani – Mwanamke mwenye dini – Mungu tawabarikiya
12. Mwanangu sitake mke – Kwa wema wa umbo lake – Nasaba na pato lake – Mayutoni utangiya
13. Wala dini haineni – Owa shuguu la uni – Kishuna kilo na dini – Kukiowa si hatiya
14. Mwenye nasaba tukufu – Na kwa Mola mtiifu – Hawi mtu mekhalifu – Kama huyo kuzengeya
15. Na mke alo na chake – Sikwambii simtake – Bora awe dini yake – Meshika hakumbiriya
16. Dini ni kama bureki – Humziwiya hatoki – Mipakani na haruki – Akiwa taitumiya
17. Na dini humziwiza – Kutenda yasopendeza – Na ndipo kakuhimiza – Mwenye dini kwangaliya
18. Dini ninayoinena – Sikuwa nayo ni ina – Dini ni kwandama sana – Amri zake Jaliya
19. Ni dini kwenye maisha – Mtu iwe humwendesha – Si dini ya kuonesha – Watu kuwahadaliya
20. Ni dini iliyo ndani – Iliyokita moyoni - Ndiyo huwa ni sukani – Ya kumuongoza ndiya
21. Ni ukisa kuamuwa – Ni Fulani tamuowa – Fanya mambo sawasawa – Sandame ya jongo ndiya
22. Usifanye ya sheshegi – Kama watu wenye gogi – Siipeke zigizagi – Harusi nimekwambiya
23. Kula ikiwa ni pesi – Huwa ni bora harusi – Fanya mambo ya kiasi – Kwa gharama ngoma piya 24. Makubwa usiyatake – Na mipaka usiruke – Piya upande wa mke – Waeleze kama haya
25. Zikiwa nyingi gharama – Na mayuto ni lazima – Ngoma zikisa kukoma – Ni lawama husaliya
26. Fanya mambo ya kadiri – Sitake mno fakhari – Nakuusiya sikiri – Hafula za maasiya
27. Hafula za isirafu – Na za magoma machafu – Na kuwa tutu kwa ufu –Dini hayo huzuwiya
28. Mila yetu usiwate – Mfano kuvisha pete – Si yetu usifuate – Wengi wangakazaniya
29. Ni mila ya kinasara – Kuiwata ndio bora – Wangawa watakukera – Waja kwa kutoeleya
30. Na kwenda kupa mkono – Usikiri tangamano – Hata alo nduyo mno – Simuate nawe kuya
31. Nyumba yako siasisi – Kwa msingi wa maasi – Taivutiya nuhusi – Na ukorofi kungiya
32. Na maasi ninenayo – Ni kula mambo ambayo – Mola ayatukiayo – Na kula aloziwiya
33. Moya moya sitoweza – Kutondowa kukweleza – Nimekupa muangaza – Wa ndiya kufuatiya
34. Nimekupa ni kiyasi – Kitumyie nawe basi – Kwa mangineyo kukisi – Kwa mizani kutumiya
35. Nyumba njema ni msinji – Tamu ya chai si ranji – Wengi metiliwa tanji – Kwa fakhari kuzengeya
36. Kiwa ni lazima sana – Hilo la kuandamana – Shemegiyo mvulana – Andamanani pamoya
37. Au mwengine yoyote – Maharimu na fuate – Ajinabu simuate – Mkeo kumwangaliya
38. Rafiki simuamni – Ukamtiya nyumbani – Ila dharura fulani – Sikuye ikitokeya
39. Rafiki usimliche – Ni zaidi huyo mche – Kwa wao mambo ya cheche – Huwa usolidhaniya
40. Zizini kutiya simba – Ni kama moto na pamba – Mara moya huzisumba – Na yivu likasaliya
41. Rafiki kingiya ndani – Sikuye ukatamani – Sambe ona ni nyumbani – Hee utayitongeya
42. Hiyo kwetu siyo mila – Kungiya kula mahala – Pasi hodi na sumila – Siyo yetu mazoweya
43. Yalinakazi madaka – Ni wageni kuwadaka – Madaka ni kuwaweka – Na ndani kutotungiya
44. Ila awe ni mgeni – Wa kushukiya nyumbani – Hungiya na hamuoni – Aliyo ndani mmoya
45. Na uchenda safarini – Kashukiye hotelini – Sipende sana nyumbani – Ila ni kupita ndiya
46. Ukimwendeya nyumbani – Mwenye toto masikani – Au alo masikini – Taabuni humtiya
47. Na iwapo huna budi – Hukufanya kwa kasidi – Siku tatu usizidi – Siongeze hata moya
48. Na hilo wewe sitende – Ila mambo yakushinde – Mteremko sipende – Nyongo hukutumbukiya
49. Lojingi kiwa hapana – Au mfukoni huna – Nenda kwa hadhari sana – Kama kupoteya ndiya
50. Kiwa mtu mekwalika – Ni wajibu kuitika – Shughuli kimalizika – Musiweke mazoweya
51. Na wewe kwako nyumbani – Siifanye mno duni – Kuwa mtu wasitani – Kwa mapambo kuyitiya
52. Mtiliye mke wako – Zitu kwa kadiri yako – Ikiwa nafasi iko – Sibane ukaziwiya
53. Iwe maridadi nyumba – Na kwa zitu kuipamba – Fesheni ambazo kwamba – Kama yeye hutumiya
54. Mtiliye kula kitu – Awe kama wende watu – Simwambiye mimi kwetu – Haya sikuyazoweya
55. Akiwa mbwa minazini – Ukimueta muyini – Simuwate kutamani – Za wende kishuhudiya
56. Ukiwa umeamuwa – Muyini kumtukuwa – Mfanyie sawasawa – Sambe si ya kwenu haya
57. Simwambiye zitu hizi – Kwenu kupata huwezi – Kwenu ni kama kizizi – Hukuona mazuliya
58. Na chakula kadhalika – Mpe anachokitaka – Ambacho tafurahika – Mwenyewe mekizoweya
59. Akipenda biriyani – Mpe mwana simkhini – Maadamu mfukoni – Akiba imesaliya
60. Siku akitaka sima – Simwambiye ewe mama – Kula mtee lazima – Mimi sitaki udhiya
61. Muatiya na khiyari – Apendacho akhitari – Simkaze si uzuri – Masharuti kumwekeya
62. Ila kilicho haramu – Hilo sikiri fahamu – Haramu na kula sumu – Shariya imeziwiya
63. Ama kuhusu mavazi – Ya kaye na siku hizi – Sikiri ya kwenda wazi – Mishono yaso na haya
64. Kwetu sisi Isilamu – Mavazi kitu muhimu – Na sisi yatulazimu – Ya zipimo kwangaliya
65. Mpe mwenyewe nafasi – Ya kuteuwa libasi- Lako wewe ni fulusi – Towa za kununuliya
66. Mpe yako masharuti – Za mshono kudhibiti – Akikhalifu mehiti – Ni haki kumziwiya
67. Ama kitambaa gani – Kikuuliza mwendani –Au ni ipi launi – Wewe waifurahiya
68. Hapo makosa hapana – Kikuuliza kunena – Rangi hini naiona – Matoni imeningiya
69. Ama kiwa ni tamasha – Wataka mfurahisha – Si haja kumuonesha – Maoniye kwangaliya
70. Kata utakachopenda – Umtunukiye nyonda – Nawe hili ukitenda – Chochote takongoweya
71. Mke wako simdhiki – Simwambiye sina hiki – Na nyingi mno sitaki – Sizoweye kutumiya
72. Mpe kwa yako kadiri – Usifanye taqtiri – Ni twabiya si nzuri – Ubakhili kwenye haya
73. Na wewe upande wako – Ipambe kiyasi chako – Bora usivunde miko – Khatiyani ukangiya
74. Kuwa mtu maridadi – Utunge yako jasadi – Hata kufukiza udi – Ukiweza si khatiya
75. Iweke uwe nadhifu – Sionekane mchafu – Hini ni sunna tukufu – Ya tumwa wetu nabiya
76. Kiwa nyee umeweka – Zangaliye kadhalika – Siwate kusokoteka – Shungururu kusaliya
77. Ikiwa wafurahika – Mkeo akipambika – Yuwa nayeye hutaka – Nawe uwe huvutiya
78. Hiyo naye ndake haki – Takuwa hafurahiki – Iwapo hushughuliki – Muilio kwangaliya
79. Naye piya hutamani – Akikuona ndiani – Uwe nawe hisabuni – Penye watu utangiya
80. Au kiwa yako kazi – Kutenda haya huwezi – Wisapo vuwa magozi – Sivae kutembeleya
81. Sitembee na magwanda – Wala harufu za n’gonda – Fahamu watu hutunda – Na akilini hutiya
82. Na kadhalika ulimi – Ipinde uwe husemi – Yalo mawi huatami – Mke wako kumwambiya
83. Mno sana jitahidi – Kwa maneno maridadi – Wake hutaka zaidi – Yalo tamu kusikiya
84. Nena naye kwa dhihaka – Afurahi akicheka – Mwanamke huudhika – Mno kumnyamaliya
85. Mfanyie na ubishi – Kwa maneno yaso ghashi – Na kwake kuwa mteshi – Bila ya kupindukiya
86. Mwanamke ahitaji – Kuvishwa lasi fataji – Kwa hilo kuwa mpaji – Usichoke kumwambiya
87. Mwambiye kula namna – Sifa zake tena sana – Mfano ukimuona – Nyee mefunga upiya
88. Kiwa mesuka mikili – Au kuruni mawili – Siliwate yambo hili – Bila ya kulitumiya
89. Mwambiye umependeza – Kwa nyee kuzitengeza – Sina budi takutunza – Umshumu mara moya
90. Kiwa ametiya wanda – Mwambiye mno napenda – Siifanye hukutunda – Au hukumwangaliya
91. Kijifunga asumini – Au kikuba kitwani – Sichelewe kubaini – Neno lema kumwambiya
92. Yaani kula wakati – Mwambiye kitu katiti – Na kama bubwi siketi – Au duko tongo piya
93. Piya mpe shukurani – Kwa shughuli za nyumbani – Mfano pilau hini – Mno umeipatiya
94. Usichoke kumsifu – Kwa nyumba kuwa nadhifu – Na ukiona uchafu – Usiwe tamuukiya
95. Na faragha ukipata – Mbee yako kikupita – Usiwe utamuata – Mkono kumpekeya
96. Mshike wake mkono – Wala simkaze mno – Hutosha nukuta tano – Ujumbe kumpekeya
97. Kiwa amekukabili – Siitiye mashughuli – Inuwa yako mawili – Na yake kumwelekeya
98. Wata mato yafumane – Katiti yangaliyane – Kwa ulimi usinene – Lugha ya mato tumiya
99. Mato yana lugha tamu – Hunena mukafahamu – Mato kiungo muhimu - Cha huba kupaliliya
100.Mato yana kuu siri – Na mara hukuadhiri – Kakutoleya khabari – Moyoni uloziwiya
101.Hili nimenena sana – Ni muhimu naliona – Wala gharama halina – Na si kazi kutumiya
102. Walakini si sahali – Kwa kila alo mvuli – Kwa wangine ni thakili – Katu hawakuzoweya
103. Mbinu hizi izoeze – Zitumiye sizipuze – Utaona faidaze – Mwenyewe tashuhudiya
104. Mambo hayana gharama – Kwangaliya na kusema – Na mtu mke daima – Kama haya huzengeya
105. Mke huwa una mwako – Kuyuwa maoni yako – Kusikiya neno lako – Ni haja ahitajiya
106. Yuwa hatosheki mke – Kuvaa na kula kwake – Ataka na utu wake – Na hishima kumwekeya
107. Kula alo mtu mke – Hili ndilo umbo lake – La mapambo hilo kwake – Ni yambo meyazoweya
108. Hutokeya kwa nadira – Kwa hili wasoikera – Hina hapendi kuchora – Na wala wanda kutiya
109. Hana hayo mashughuli – Ni kama mtu mvuli – Ya urembo hayajali – Wala hakuyazoweya
110. Kiwa nawe wako mke – Hilo si shughuli yake – Basi nawe sisumbuke – Mashughuli kuyitiya 111. Na lengine la dharura – Ifunde mno subira – Kuna mambo ya kukera – Maishani yatokeya
112. Hakuna maisha tamu – Yenye raha ya kudumu – Mambo takuwa magumu – Kiwa hutovumiliya
113. Kuna tamu na utungu – Kwenye huu ulimwengu – Yalianda haya tangu – Yalipoumbwa duniya
114. Hini ndino kawaida – Kuna raha kuna shida – Ndiyo ya maisha ada – Na watu huwapitiya
115. Basi na kwako nyumbani – Siote kuwa peponi – Maadamu hapo ndani – Si wewe pweke mmoya
116. Mke wako si kivuli – Bali ni mtu wa pili – Una na yake akili – Una na alozoweya
117. Usitake kwa lazima – Kula yambo ukisema – Alikubali daima – Papo hapo kuridhiya
118. Muatiye makawanda – Anene anolipenda – Na kwa huja kikushinda – Siwe vito tatumiya 119. Ukiona sawa ndake – Ikubali uridhike – Na wala sikasirike – Mdomo kumfungiya
120. Kubali mezolinena – Umuunge tena sana – Na faida utaona – Mambo taandama ndiya
121. Na yeye kikasirika – Wewe usipande shuka – Na akizidi ondoka – Kishindwa kuvumilya
122. Mwanangu moto tizama – Hauzinyiki daima – Bali huzidi roroma – Kuni ukiutiliya
123. Moto kitotiwa kuni – Utazinyika mwendani – Na utesi wa nyumbani – Kunize ni neno baya
124. Ziwiya wako ulimi – Siwe na mwingi usemi – Ukinena hayakomi – Maneno huendeleya
125. Zidi na kuikukusa – Ulimi kutotapasa – Zita zenu zitakwisa – Moto mayi hutatiya
126. Na alo mume hodari – Kishindwa yeye hukiri – Ili kwepuka dothari – Ya ufa sini kutiya
127. Sini ikingiya ufa – Hupunguwa zake sifa – Na mahaba nayo hufa – Ukiwa mwingi udhiya
128. Hakuna katu hakuna – Kiumbe kamili sana – Na watu hutukuwana – Ndipo waishi pamoya
129. Kiwa lazima wataka – Mke alokamilika – Juwa na wewe hakika – Takubidi kutimiya
130. Aso taa ni tomomo – Hunu ni kweli msemo – Watu hupitana zimo – Huzidiyana twabiya
131. Mke kikukasirisha – Jaribu kuyikumbusha – Piya hukufurahisha – Mezani hini tumiya
132. Usiyaone ya jongo – Kwa mema ukawa tongo – Sangaliye penye pengo – Kawata palotimiya
133. Huna budi kupuuza – Na mangine kuyamiza – Ndipo muweze kufuza – Na maisha kwendeleya
134. Mke kitenda makosa – Kumwambiya yakupasa – Kwa hishima na siyasa – Na hikima kutumiya
135. Kosa kulisahihisha – Penye watu hujeresha – Ipinde kupurukusha – Faragha kuizengeya
136. Simwambiye penye watu – Haukiri wake utu – Wala hutengezi kitu – Bali ni kinyume huya
137. Kumsifu ni uzuri – Penye watu na dhahiri – Kulaumu ni kwa siri – Ndipo atakusikiya
138. Mwanaadamu kukosa – Ni yambo limetupasa – Ni sawa kuyikukusa – Mangine kuvumiliya
139. Lisamehe kosa dogo – Kosa likiwa mzigo – Halipeleki kishogo – Zengeya nyengine ndiya
140. Tafauti za nyumbani – Ziwe ni siri za ndani – Sizitowe hadhirani – Watu wakazisikiya
141. Siri za ndani zibane – Usimwambiye mngine – Wewe na yeye munene – Suluhisho kuzengeya
142. Ila mukikosa budi – Kunena ikawabidi – Wazee wawasaidi – Hapo haiwi hatiya
143. Tafauti ikizuka – Ni mikono kuyandika – Yua nde ikitoka – Huzuwa nyingi balaya
144. Khususwa siri za siri – Kunena ni kuadhiri – Ila iwe dakitari – Suali mewataiya
145. Mambo ya tini kwa tini – Yawe ni ndani kwa ndani – Hayo muwe hamuneni – Ila yakiwaemeya
146. Kiwa mno mewaganya – Mukashindwa la kufanya – Kwa hapo sitowakanya – Ushauri kuzengeya
147. Ni bora uwe hodari – Na kushindwa usikiri – Wala usitahayari – Kwa halali kutumiya
148. Ni hiko hiko kitendo – Kiwa wa halali mwendo – Haramu iweke kando – Katu kutokaribiya
149. Wa haramu simguse – Kimuona igegese – Hata nyangwani mpise – Sandamane naye ndiya
150. Usende hata karibu – Epuka hizo iqabu – Utapata na thawabu – Mkeo kumngiliya
151. Elewa sana elewa – Ni jukumu umepowa – Mkeo kumwisa ngowa – Kwa haya nimezotaya
152. Mkeo mtosheleze – Haja yake amalize – Na shauku asisaze – Mparo Ukamwatiya
153. Ongeza wako uyuzi – Wa kufanya hiyo kazi – Mwendo kiwa hamalizi – Fahamu wamkoseya
154. Huwa ni kuu dhuluma – Wewe ukisakukoma – Hutaki geuka nyuma – Na yeye kumngojeya
155. Simalize yako haja – Mngoje mwise pamoja – Hili hataki mmoja – Ni nyote hulizengeya
156. Angaliya ufikiri – Kiwa mwendo taghairi – Na wewe penye bandari – Bado nanga hujatiya
157. Utakuwa hali gani – Usingizi huuoni – Hali hiyo ubaini – Na mwendo humuiliya
158. Atakuwa na mtaro – Na dhiki mno na kero – Na hasira na mfuro – Kiwa hutomridhiya
159. Nyumba nyingi huvundika – Zikikosa muafaka – Kwa ngono kutotosheka – Mke na mume pamoya
160. Kwa hili mukitoshana – Mengi huvumiliyana – Mno hukorofishana – Hili lisipotimiya
161. Na lingine kadhalika – Ambalo kwako nataka – Ni mkeo kiudhika – Usiwe tamfuriya
162. Pangine utamuona – Hufura sababu hana – Muelewe tena sana – Na mno kumuyuliya
163. Ifahamu tafauti – Waliyo nayo banati – Hawezi kuidhibiti – Hali inapowadiya
165. Mke si kiumbe dufu – Walakini ni dhaifu – Moyo wake ni khafifu – Hushindwa kuvumiliya
166. Wanawake wana umbo – Huathirika kwa mambo – Katiti yakenda kombo – Wasi wasi humtiya
167. Katika siku za ada – Ya mwezi hupata shida – Ndipo hata na ibada – Mungu kawapunguziya
168. Mno huwa ya thaqili – Na hubadilika hali – Na chote kiwiliwili – Huwa katika udhiya
169. Huwa sana ni wayavu – Hukosa uvimilivu – Huwa kama ivu ivu – Kutumbuka huzengeya
170. Huwa mno ni wakali – Nadhani hata akili – Haiwi sawa kamili – Na punguwani hungiya
171. Kula mara tamuona – Huwarukiya zijana – Na kwa ukali hunena – Kinyume cha mazoweya
172. Ni muhimu kula mume – Mke wake amsome – Kwa zipimo ampime – Siku zikikaribiya
173. Ukisa kumfahamu – Uwate kumlaumu – Hili mno ni muhimu - Yataka kulizoweya
174. Kuna na muda wa mimba – Mara kwa mara huvimba – Ukaona kana kwamba – Mekuwa hukuzengeya
175. Kukosa yambo katiti – Huwa wewe umehiti – Angaliya kibiriti – Kidarika tete huya
176. Mara nyama haitaki – Ataka nsi wa siki – Alacho hakimshiki – Akitiyacho humwaya
177. Zielewe siku hizi – Mimba na siku za mwezi – Kiwa humbembelezi – Taona wamuoneya
178. Mpembe kama kijana – Tena aliyo mnuna – Ndipo mutasikizana – Na yadumu mazoweya
179. Sharuti uwe mwerevu – Na mno mvumilivu – Usifurishe mashavu – Kiwa naye meteteya
180. Kuna mambo ya umito – Ni makuu si matoto – Wengine hula tototo – Na mtanga hubugiya
181. Ni mambo ya miujiza – Zao hali hugeuza – Kiwa hutobembeleza – Mara taona huliya
182. Mwanamke kwa taabu – Mara hufanya ghadhabu – Hata alo taratibu – Hubadilika twabiya
183. Neno lolote aweza – Hajali kuvurimiza – Ni sharuti kuikaza – Mizani kutopoteya
184. Mara aweza talaka – Akakwambiya nataka – Nawe ukikasirika – Mayuto yatasaliya
185. Akikwambiya niwata – Siwe naye mutateta – Ni kiwingu kitapita – Hakiwezi kusaliya
186. Twalaka siiteleze – Aitakapo mpuze – Wala siitendekeze – Lake kumtimiziya
187. Twalaka Mungu meweka – Kwa dharura kutumika – Iwapo mumedhikika – Mumekosa zote ndiya
188. Kushaliki mushindwapo - Twalaka huwa ni hapo – Na muda uitowapo – Usiizidishe moya
189. Timiza na masharuti – Ya hali piya wakati – Na hukumu zitafiti – Kabula ya kutumiya
190. Kuna watu huwatana – Kisa mara huwaona – Kwa haramu watakana – Zipengee huzengeya
191. Huzengeya muhalili – Fikiriya yambo hili – La kuazima fahali – Mke kwenda mpekeya
192. Na langine kadhalika – Ni kwa mmoya tosheka – Ila kiwa medhikika – Haikupinga shariya
193. Mke siowe wa pili – Ni udhiya kweli kweli – Na ingawa ni halali – Ni uzito kutumiya
194. Na wanawake si sawa – Kwa wengineo ni dawa – Utaiyuta kuzawa – Nimekwambiya Yahaya
195. Kuna wanao ridhika – Wangawa wanun’gunika – Kuna wangine huwaka – Fununu wakisikiya
196. Kuongeza si haramu – Walakini ufahamu – Ni kuu mno jukumu – Mbali na wake udhiya
197. Ikiwa sababu iko – Kwa mfano mke wako – Mepowa mikali miko – Kwa dharura za afiya
198. Labuda hana kizazi – La kuzaa haliwezi – Nawe wataka pumbazi – Yapo ni mwana mmoya
199. Au yale mashughuli – Yeye humpa thaqili – Nawe kusitahamili – Huliwezi hilo piya
200. Kwa dharura ziso budi – Usitende kwa kasidi – Kuengeza wa zaidi – Kitosheleza mmoya
201. Kwa mmoya kutosheka – Ndiyo bora bila shaka – Kuengeza ukitaka – Ni kama nilokwambiya
202. Usiwe kiruka mto – Khasa kiwa na watoto – Kuna hisabu mzito – Akhera takungojeya
203. Usiifanya cha nyuki – Hutuwi na hudiriki – Ukishikwa hushikiki – Mara huwa umeteya
204. Kiwa umependa tunda – Huna budi na kupenda – Mti wake tangu kwanda – Wazee walitwambiya
205. Nawe kimpenda mke – Wapende wazee wake – Wakwe mbwako siepuke – Na hishima kuwekeya
206. Muhishimu wake mama – Piya babake daima – Kuwadharau si wema – Tono nawe tamtiya
207. Kwa uovu siwanene – Itunge siwatukane – Hata kama huyo mwane – Hishima mewavundiya
208. Wewe katu sisubutu – Kudharau hao watu – Hata kama utukutu – Kwao umeshuhudiya
209. Kiwa ni watu matata – Sio nao utateta – Kheri mbali kuivuta – Na mambo kuangaliya
210. Ukiwa una nafasi – La kuwapa sikuwasi – Ila fanya kwa kiasi – Siye dewe kakutiya
211. Kuna wakwe wa wangine – Kwa kupata wadengene – Kiwa nao upembene – Hadhari nakuusiya
212. Wangine ni watu sana – Katu hawakudangana – Hata kiwa haja una – Haandami kukwambiya
213. Hanandi hata nyumbani – Kwa mwanawe katamani – Kucha watu wasidhani – Amekwenda kutawiya
214. Ndiyani mukikutana – Huwa na haraka sana – Hamakiniki kunena – Kwa lilo kulikimbiya
215. Wakiwa wakwe wa wako – Kwao hizi sifa ziko – Basi ni bahati yako – Ni hapo pa kuziwiya
216. Ama wakweo wakiwa – Ni wa kupenda kupowa – Kuwapa hukuzuwiwa – Mkono kuwanyosheya
217. Usiweke kama ada – Kisa takweteya shida – Ila wawe si labuda – Ni watu wahitajiya
218. Wakiwa ni wahitaji – Siwangoje kutaraji – Wakiwa kwako hawaji – Ni sawa kuwapekeya
219. Ukiwa umewaona – Si watu wenye maana – Ni wale wa kudangana – Wa kupenda kupapiya
220. Ziwiya sitowe chako – Na mwambiya mke wako – Ila hutofu sumbuko – Birika mbovu kutiya
221. Ama wasio wazazi – Wajomba na mashangazi – Hapo kuna ngumu kazi – Kwa yetu hini duniya
222. Kwanda usiwatapiye – Keti mbali wangaliye – Ukiyaona mamboye – Ndiya hayakwekeleya
223. Usende sana karibu – Taivutiya taabu – Ni wengi wa kuharibu – Katika nimezotaya
224. Ama mashemegi zako – Dada zake mke wako – Mwanangu sivunde miko – Ilowekwa na shariya
225. Usiondowe mipaka – Kwa mzaha na dhihaka – Mara mambo hugeuka – Kizaazaa kikaya
226. Kheri wambiwe muovu – Kuliko kupata kovu – Kheri wambe una wivu – Kuliko kukuvundiya
227. Wivu ni kama kiungo – Ukizidi ni tewengo – Piya kuyifanya tongo – Uduyuthini hungiya
228. Na kuukosa kabisa – Ingawa ndiyo kisasa – Hiyo si njema siyasa – Ya nyumbani kutumiya
229. Ni lazima kuwa nao – Kwa aliyo ni mkeo – Kikuzumbuwa hunao – Matoni hutomngiya
230. Kuwa nao wa kadiri – Hiyo ndiyo dasituri – Na kwa mke ni fakhari – Kwa wende tayivuniya
231. Na fufnunu ukipata – Kuwa mke ni mtata – Siinuke na kuteta – Kwanda zidi kwangaliya
232. Simtukuliye dhana – Kwa kuwa waja hunena – Hilo ni khatari sana – Mayutoni takutiya
233. Iziwiye usubiri – Uhakikishe khabari – Tena ufanye kwa siri – Pasi na kupija mbiya
234. Ikiwa umetosheka – Hilo ni yambo hakika – Kwa taratibu epuka – Bila sababu kutaya
235. Sitaye yako sababu – Utazidi kuharibu – Zitatangaa aibu – Na si wema kueneya
236. Na hilo kisa kutenda – Huna budi kuipinda – Hata kama una nyonda – Siwe nyuma tarejeya
237. Ipinde ipinde mno – Sibadili lako neno – Mwiso tapata usono – Yatatoka mazoweya
238. Utasukikasukika – Kiwa moyo wamtaka – Fahamu tafedheheka – Kiwa hutoiziwiya
239. Iziwiye ikukuse – Mpaka mahaba yese – Penyenye usiyapise – Moyoni kakurudiya
240. Mwisowe yataondoka – Na wewe utaafika – Kuliko kufedheheka – Na izarani kungiya
241. Lakini nakukumbusha – Kiswa cha nana Aisha – Vurumai walizusha – Mawi wakamzuliya
242. Walionena ni wengi – Wakafanya na magengi – Na zikao za mitingi – Madina zikaeneya
243. Kwa yambo liso asili – Kwa mke wake rasuli – Katu halikuwa kweli – Ni uvumi walitiya
244. Mwangaliye na mtumi – Alikuwa haatami – Aliziwiya ulimi – Mpaka wahayi kuya
245. Yataka mno hadhari – Katika hizo khabari – Siwe mpesi kukiri – Yambo ukilisikiya
246. Tafiti tafiti sana – Hata shaka uwe huna – Ndipo hapo lako nena – Bila sababu kutaya
247. Hapa sasa nitakoma – Wala yote sikusema – Lakini ukiandama – Haya takusaidiya
248. Niya na yangu dhamiri – Kwandika kwa mashairi – Ni kueneza khabari – Kwa wenye kuyasikiya
249. Ni sahali kusikiza – Kaseti moya huweza – Wengi wakapulikiza – Wakasikiza pamoya
250. Lau kama ni kitabu – Wasomaji ni hububu – Wengi huona taabu – Kusikiza mezoweya
251. Kauli yangu tamati – Ni zenu hizi baiti – Wavulana mabanati – Nyote nawakusudiya


MWISHO WA UTENZI.

Mtungaji: Ustadh Mahmoud Ahmad Mahmoud (MAU) – Lamu mwaka 2004


Maana ya maneno yenye lahaja ya Kilamu ambayo ndiyo iliyotumika katika utenzi huu.

Beti

13. Shuguu la uni = Imekusudiwa asiekuwa na thamani au asie kufu yako
15. Hakumbiriya = Kutupa
18. Ina = Jina
21. Jongo = Ya makosa
22. Sheshegi = Vishindo ; Gogi = Kukinai mpaka kufikiya kudharau
27. Tutu = Mahindi ; Ufu = Nazi
Tutu kwa ufu hapa imekusudiwa mchanganyiko wa wanaume kwa wamawake
28. Wangakazaniya = Ingawa wengi wamekazaniya
29. Kutoeleya = Kutoelewa / Kutojuwa / Kutofahamu
39. Usimliche = Usimuache ; Mche = Muogope
43. Madaka = Baraza ya nje ya nyumba ; Kutotungiya = Kutochunguliya
46. Toto = ndogo
54. Wende = Wenzake
72. Taqtiri = Ugumu ( Hili neno TAQTIRI si katika lahaja ya Kilamu)
73. Ipambe = Jipambe
75. Iweke = Jiweke
81. Hutunda = Huchunza / Huangaliya
86. Fataji = Inayon’gara
92. Katiti = Kidogo ; Bubwi = Bubu ; Duko = Kiziwi
94. Tamuukiya = Utamrukiya
105. Una mwako = Una kiu
116. Una = Ana
118. Makawanda = Nafasi
120. Mazolinena = Alilolinena / Alilolisema
125. Kutotapasa = Kutosema
125. Sini = Harufu ya SIIN “S” mfano sitaki, siwezi, sina, sipendi nk
130. Aso taa ni tomomo = Aso hili ana lile
132. Sangaliye = Usiangaliye
135. Kujeresha = Kutahayarisha
139. Kishogo = Kichogo ( Kwenye ubeti imekusudiwa “Haikurudishi nyuma” )
141. Mngine = Mwengine
146. Mewaganya = Yamewaelemeya / Yamewazidi
149. Igegese = Nenda pole pole ; Nyangwani = Jangwani
158. Mtaro = Sababu ya kutafuta ugomvi
175. Umehiti = Umekoseya ; Kidarika (ikidarika) = Ikigusika ; Tete = Cheche
176. Nsi wa siki = Samaki wa siki
180. Tototo = Matope
188. Kushaliki = Kukarabati
203. Umeteya = Umeteleza
210. Dewe = Khasara
211. Wadengene = Wanapaparika ; Upembene = Umepata mtihani
213. Hanandi = Haji
227. Tewengo = Matatizo ; Uduyuthi = Ubaradhuli / Uzembe
233. Kupija mbiya = Kupiga mbiu / Kutangaza
237. Usono = Kipumbazi
239. Penyenye usiyapisa = Upenyo usitowe / Usitowe nafasi hata ndogo

 

[Yona F. Maro]

Angel,

I found myself sitting here tonight on our first anniversary reminiscing about all the unforgettable times we’ve shared together. Just thinking about it makes me glow inside. More so than being happy, I am proud to be part of something extraordinary, you.

I was going to write a lengthy, detailed letter confessing my unconditional love to you, but it would be somewhat of a waste. It would be a waste to write a letter so extensive when my feelings remain so logically simple in my mind. It only takes a few words to clearly describe how I feel about you.

To everyone else who knows you, you are a bright, capable over-achiever who is beautiful and remarkably confident. Without you, their lives would be a little more difficult and a little less pleasant. To me, you are me. Without you, I would not be me. I would not faintly resemble the man I am today.

It’s that simple.

Happy 1st Anniversary!

Love always

 

[Yona F. Maro]

“I heard one of the Policemen say, ‘Glove up, this one’s got HIV.” John
I was out by myself one Friday, standing at the bar, and I pulled. I made eye contact with this guy, and eventually he came over and he seemed nice enough so I took him back to my place. When we started having sex, I was thinking about how to let him know about my HIV, but he was being very forceful and not listening to the cues that I was giving out about not wanting it that way. Then he decided he was going to penetrate me without a condom. I said stop. I said it several times. But he carried on until he came.

No-one has ever done that before. It was just disgusting and I didn’t know what to do. I went into the lounge, thought about it and I went back and said; ‘Why didn’t you stop when I asked you to? I’m really upset about what you’ve just done. Why didn’t you stop?’ And he said, ‘People don’t always mean it when they say no.’

Then he started getting agitated, but I thought here goes I have to tell him about my status: I have to suggest that he gets post-exposure prophylaxis. So I told him and I was expecting some kind of upset or anger, but he was just weird. He started stroking me and it was very, very scary. He kept saying things like, ‘You know I’ve tried to kill myself? And I’ve tried to kill other people.’

I so wanted to be out of there. My heart was pounding and I just knew I was in danger. I tried to get to the door, but before I knew it, he pinned me down and punched me in the face. Blood sprayed all over the place and I couldn’t see properly. There was blood everywhere.

His hands were round my neck, but I pushed him off, and ran out of my flat. I grabbed my mobile phone and ran into the street, semi naked, and called my sister and told her what had happened. She called the police and it took forever for them to come. I could hear him smashing things up. He just trashed the flat. He was totally manic. He even threw a table through the window. My neighbours couldn’t believe what they were seeing. I couldn’t believe it. It was like a madman had been set loose.

But he was cunning too. He’d managed to call the police and claimed that I agreed to have sex with him and didn’t tell him about my status until after. When the police came I had virtually nothing on and was bleeding in the street. It was the middle of winter and I had to huddle outside my flat. But the police wouldn’t put me in a car. It was crazy. I thought, ‘I’m the victim, you know, come on, treat me like one.’

I had to beg them to put me in the car because I was scared that he still might come after me, which they eventually did, and I was taken to A&E. But as soon as they finished at A&E, I was arrested and taken to a police station and banged up in in a cell. The assault must have happened about one o’clock; I was taken to a cell about four in the morning and they didn’t release me until nine o’clock the next evening. When I was waiting to be interviewed I heard one of the policemen say to another, ‘Glove up, this one’s got HIV.’ I felt sick.

When I eventually got a solicitor and was interviewed by the police, I said I’d been raped and then they suddenly got up and disappeared for about half an hour. Then they came back and said they were going to refer me to a special unit and sent me home. I hadn’t even been given a chance to wash. It wasn’t until a couple of days after it all happened that I was able to go to a rape crisis centre.

I felt very ashamed of what had happened and right from the word go I felt that the police treated me like the person in the wrong. I know they had a tough situation on their hands because there were two people making different allegations, but they weren’t particularly sensitive in the way they went about it. The language they used, the things they said made it feel even worse.

After all this I was completely traumatised; I couldn’t go back to my flat because it was completely smashed up and there was blood all over the walls, so I stayed for a few days with my sister. I got really scared because this guy had threatened to kill me. So I moved, but about six weeks later I got call on my mobile. I picked it up and I heard his voice. He said ‘I’m going to make sure that your life is such hell that you’ll want to kill yourself. I’m going to wait outside your flat and tell all your neighbours what you’ve done.’ Crazy, scary stuff.

The police didn’t do anything about it for a month. I found out that he hadn’t even been arrested until after I had reported the death threats, which I recorded on tape. I was scared the police would lose the evidence; which they did. They lost the tape.

At this point, I rang up the detectives and said: ‘This guy’s calling all the time; I can’t cope. He shouldn’t be speaking to a witness. What are you going to do?’ They said: ‘Well, you need to realise that you’re not just a victim in this case.’ Eventually they came to interview me and I had things flung in my face like: ‘If you really didn’t want him to rape you; why didn’t you just shout out that you had HIV? You wanted it to happen didn’t you?’ That’s what was said, verbatim. No matter what I said, I was going to be in the wrong. It was like I imagine women feel who have been raped and are made to feel they’re sluts or something. A bit like, ‘You were wearing a short skirt, so what do you expect?’

The outcome? They charged me for reckless transmission of HIV. I was numb, so numb when I found out. They didn’t find any evidence that I had penetrated him. But they proved that he penetrated me, and that he came. He actually tested negative anyway, so I found it strange that the Crown Prosecution Service would decide to carry it forward. It went on and on, and I ended up in Magistrates’ Court. Then they changed the charge from reckless transmission to intentional transmission and the case was adjourned to Crown Court. The day I was supposed to appear in Crown Court, the prosecution dropped the case. This was the following year.

They dropped it because there wasn’t enough evidence, but there never was. I don’t know what happened, but if I try and look at the facts it’s bizarre. I now know that my assailant was already known to the police on assault charges. It’s like they added two and two and got seven. But why?

I think it was HIV discrimination pure and simple. I was got at by a system that felt that because I’ve got HIV I am bound to have some massive chip on my shoulder and want to infect lots of other people. He said that in a statement to the police, apparently. He said I had actually told him that. I don’t feel that way. Never have. If I really had wanted to infect him I wouldn’t have suggested that he go to get post-exposure prophylaxis. None of it makes sense. I felt that they chose to believe him over me simply because I’ve got HIV.

I have more sympathy for the people who are prosecuted that you read about in the papers, because you never know the full story. Certainly with gay men a lot of sexual encounters are not verbally negotiated. People don’t even talk, so assumptions, wrong assumptions, are made quite often. There is a huge expectation on people who are positive to do a lot more than anyone else is expected to, rather than sharing responsibility. Obviously, I have a responsibility, but the law’s not helping.

I have to be honest, what happened to me has made me much more phobic of telling anyone else I have sex with my status. It’s not made it easier for me, if that’s the intention. It’s actually made it a lot harder.

It’s like the law is intended to stop positive people having sex. It’s almost as if, morally, people with HIV shouldn’t be having sex. Even if someone chooses to have unprotected sex they are seen as innocent, whereas someone with HIV is a villain. But it’s not plausible in this day and age that people are completely unaware of the risks. As a gay man, we’ve been talking for too long about the prevalence of HIV, in big cities especially. You can’t claim that you don’t know.

In my view, all these issues shouldn’t be left to the law. It should be left to health education organisations and the NHS. If the aim is to reduce onward transmission they are failing the population by going about it the way they are, because it’s going to encourage a lot of people to be very dishonest when they go to clinics, or with their partners.

All Names used are for illustrative purposes only and do not necessarily represent the actual HIV status of Names depicted. Names have been used to protect the identity of the person who shared his experiences of discrimination

 

[Yona F. Maro]

BINADAMU ameumbwa na Mungu aweze kuishi kwa amani na upendo, kwani vitu hivi viwili humwezesha yeye binafsi kuishi vizuri na watu wengine katika mihangaiko ya kimaisha.

Binadamu anatakiwa kuepukana na kujenga chuki na watu kwani watu hao kwa njia moja ama nyingine huwa wanaweza kuwa na umuhimu wa kipekee katika maisha ya mhusika, chuki ni mbaya sana na katika vitabu vya Mungu watu ambao huwajengea chuki wenzao na hasa pasipo sababu humchukiza mwenyezi Mungu.

Leo ndiyo mada yetu na baada ya kusoma kwa makini, kwa nafasi yako uweze kujipima uko upande gani, je, umewahi kumchukia jirani yako, rafiki yako, ndugu yako au hata mwanao kwa makusudi kabisa? Au je ni mara ngapi watu mbalimbali wamewahi kukuchonganisha na watu na kufikia hatua ya kushindwa kusalimiana nao kwa kuwajengea uhasama?

Haya yote haya yanatokea katika maisha yetu ya kila siku. Kuna baadhi ya watu ambao wanaweza kuwa wanaishi mtaa mmoja, au hata katika nyumba moja ya kupanga, lakini kutokana na hulka walizo nazo au hata maneno ya watu wabaya, wakajikuta wakijengeana uhasama na visasi.

Uhasama ni tabia mbaya katika maisha ya mwanadamu kwani hujenga hisia mbaya miongoni mwa jamii. Wengi wanaweza kujiuliza namna binadamu anavyoweza kumwekea uhasama mwenzake. Ni kweli kwamba uhasama hutokana na sababu, lakini hata hivyo waweza kukuta sababu hiyo haina msingi wowote.

Kwa mfano katika nyumba za kupanga baadhi ya akina mama hupenda sana kuwekeana uhasama. Uchunguzi wangu mdogo nilioufanya nimebaini unababishwa na tofauti za kipato kati yao. Kwamba anaweza kumwona mwenzie anao uwezo fulani kimaisha kuliko yeye na kujenga chuki na hatimaye uhasama.

Kadhalika kuna tabia mbovu za kuoneana gere, wivu na husda kutokana na mambo mengi ya kimaisha. Katika ili wanawake ndio waathirika wakuu tofauti na wanaume walio wengi ambao hupenda kujishughulisha zaidi na shughuli zao za kila mara. Kwa hili kwa baadhi ya akina mama ambao hushinda majumbani na ambao 'wamejaaliwa' tabia ya kupenda kuchunguza maisha ya wenzao hupata muda huo na hatimaye kuwawekea uhasama wenzao.

Kuna kundi lingine la watu ambalo kazi zao ni kuhakikisha kuwa watu fulani hawapatani kimaisha, na hili mara linapokuwa limefanikiwa basi wao hufurahia zaidi. Ama kweli tabia ya mtu haina dawa, kwani kama dawa ingelikuwa inapatikana watu hawa ingebidi wapewe dozi kubwa sana tena kwani maradhi yao ni hatari kubwa sana kwa jamii.

Hukaa vikao na kujadili mbinu watakazotumia kuhakikisha kuwa mahusiano mazuri yaliyojengwa na watu yanabomolewa. Utaweza kujiuliza, ni faida gani hasa watu hawa wanapata jamani? Ukweli ni kwamba hakuna wanachokipata isipokuwa ni tabia yao mbaya.

Hili ni tatizo kubwa katika jamii, na linaota mizizi katika jamii ya watu wastaarabu. Lakini kwa mawazo yangu ni kwamba linaweza kuepukika kwa kiwango kikubwa sana. Jitahidi kujishughulisha na shughuli mbalimbali za kiuchumi ili uweze kukosa muda hata kidogo wa kuwasikiliza wambea ambao wana malengo. Kukufanya uwachukie watu, lakini hata hivyo kubwa zaidi na la msingi kwako ni kujitahidi kujiongezea marafiki wema zaidi kuliko kujenga maadui.

 

[Yona F. Maro]

My boyfriend is going to propose. I know this for a variety of reasons, but mostly because he took me to two different jewelry stores to try on rings. “Just want to get an idea of what you like” he said. I broke a sweat sitting under those diamond flattering lights while my mind did loop-de-loops trying to get a handle on what exactly was going on here.

Then he started making comments like, “You looked good with a ring on your finger.” To which I promptly turned and walked away without replying. What am I supposed to say to that?

Do you know how many times he has said, “I can’t believe you’re not married” to me? More than I can count on my fingers and toes combined. I finally said, “Maybe there is something terribly wrong with me that you just haven’t discovered yet.” He just shook his head. He doesn’t see it.

I’m not married because no one has wanted to marry me. Well, ok, I did stay married through the first serious boyfriend after my separation, for the mere reason that if I was still married then said boyfriend could not propose. I also bought a house in my name and not his, which was I guess a sign of things to come but at that exact moment he worked for me.

Maybe I just never ran across Mister Right. Maybe marriage scares the crap out of me. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I wouldn’t settle. Maybe I didn’t want to take the risk. Maybe it wasn’t right. Maybe I was petrified.

But I’m not scared.

There is no reason to be scared when it’s Prince Charming that is about to pop the question. I love this man. This weekend we went to the lake. We walked in the woods, and fished and sat by the fire and sang songs. He came over a ten am on Thanksgiving and peeled fifteen pounds of potatoes for me and my family to enjoy while he was at his family’s Thanksgiving. My mom said when she saw the flowers on my bookcase, “I don’t know what it means that he buys her flowers all the time.”

I yelled from the kitchen, “It means he’s really really nice!”

We started going to church together. His mom and my grandma have becomes fantastic friends, they met through me at church by accident. My Gram knows gossip about me before I tell it to her. It’s weird how it all fits together.

He’s not perfect, and neither am I, but together, I think we are JUST RIGHT.

I’m going to cry. I always thought it was lame that people cried on what should be a happy momentous occasion, but now I get it. I can see how knowing you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone you are crazy about inside and out might make you a little emotional. I hope he does it when there’s no one else around to see.

He’s given himself a good case of anxiety over the whole thing, I can tell. Last night he said, “Remember when we were in Duluth and we played that game where you had to write a wish down?” I said I did. “And remember that your card said ‘Tell me what we’ll be doing a year from now?’” I nodded. “Did I ever answer you?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, I think we’ll be broken up and you’ll be dating an ex.” He has a complex about some phone numbers still in my phone. I’m going to delete them soon, I swear. I gasped.

“Just kidding. I was thinking, well I hope…I think that we’ll still be together.”

“We will,” I said.

“And I hope…” at this point I think he feels so uncomfortable in his skin that he might crawl out of it through his nose, “that we’ll be taking our relationship to the next level.”

I smiled.

“If you’ll have that,” he finished.

“Of course I would,” I answered kissing his cheek.

He should get it over with already.

I asked him why he was feeling so anxious. He skirted around it a little, and then he said, “I’ll feel better after the first of the year.”

Our one year anniversary is coming up, January 5th. “What’s happening at the end of the year?” I asked innocently. (What? WELL, I couldn’t resist.)

“I just know I will feel better.”

So, here’s to a new chapter in the continuing adventures of Nikki. Wish me luck.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was mine and John’s one year anniversary on Monday. Weeks ago he asked me to find a sitter for Maria, and told me we had dinner reservations at seven thirty. After that, he wouldn’t tell me anything. Not where we were going or what we were doing, he just told me not to dress up too much. I had freaked out all day that day we had our first date a year ago. I text my friend Steve and told him I had a blind date and I was scared to death. He spent three hours telling me I was going to be just fine.

I felt like I was getting ready for a first date all over again on our anniversary. My stomach had been upset all day, and I smoked a zillion cigarettes trying to get my nerves to calm down. Maria was following me around the house which wasn’t helping. I sent John a text and asked him why I felt like I was getting ready for a first date again. He answered back, “I don’t know, it’s just me honey. Relax.” I text Steve, who told me to just jump John’s bones. He was much more supportive on my first date. He hasn’t appreciated the reduction in attention he has received since I fell madly in love with John.

On our very first date, we went to a nice Italian restaurant. John had picked me up at home and brought me flowers. We were seated in a romantic booth in the corner- surrounded by a whole room full of people from one family celebrating their Grandpa’s sixtieth birthday party. The room was loud and distracting and the waiter kept saying, “Hold on let me check on my romantic couple in the corner…” to the crowds of family members. We spent hours after that tucked together in a booth watching a band play, but for a first dinner, the crowds and noise were a welcome ice breaker and distraction from the painstaking array of first date questions.

This time, John reserved our same booth, but we had the whole room to ourselves. We sat at the bar for a drink first, laughing and talking, and then went to our table. He snuggled in next to me on my side of the booth, something we have always liked to do. The waitress brought us our menu’s and then left us alone. John got up to retrieve a letter that he had tucked in the inside pocket of his jacket.

He stood next to me at the table, reading me this beautiful letter about our love and our relationship and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He stopped three times because he was getting all choked up, and it touched my heart to see him so genuine, so emotional. When he finished the letter I asked him to sit next to me so I could hold him, he was so obviously beside himself. He pulled the ring out of his jacket pocket and sat next to me. He looked me in the eyes, with his beautiful wet blue eyes and asked me to marry him. I threw my arms around him and said, “YES!” He is still laughing about me practically jumping out of my seat with my yes.

Food was about the last thing on my mind at that point. When dinner came I just stared at it. Neither of us ate too much. I think John was so relived to have the proposal over with, and I was so happy, that we could have just ended our date right there and gone home to bed.

We have a lot to figure out. We are telling the kids tonight. We have two houses to figure out what to do with in a crummy market and a wedding to plan. John is tense. I am overwhelmed. Last night I said, “You know, let’s not stress, ok? We don’t have a dead line, we have the whole rest of our lives to figure it out.” I get the feeling John would like us to hurry- we’re spending just about every day of our lives together as it is, and we’re splitting time between our two houses. It would be nice to come home to the same place every day.

I, for one, am still a little shocked. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to be with him and love him forever, I just can’t believe sometimes that I am actually going to get married again.

“I thought you were never getting married again,” my sister Belle said to me.

“I changed my mind,” I said.

I guess when the right person comes along, you just know. This is a very big deal to me. I never thought I would intertwine my life with anyone again. I was all about safe guarding my assets, providing stability for my daughter, and looking out for the life and family we make together. One engagement ring later and I don’t care if the bank takes my house, so long as it means I get to be with John.

I am looking forward to happily ever after. It feels so good, and so right.
BY NIKKI

 

[Yona F. Maro]

Pretty jay, six years could have led us to a lifetime union but we slipped along the way. Who knows what wud hv happened thereafter. I remember you in my prayers.


Hello Ritochi, our friendship of nine years taught me that friendship has a splendour that love knows not. If only we knew that entering into a relationship could see us with a future of indifference. My apologies.


Hey Halima, still remember how we secretly met at the valley. Special holds a greater part of your life. We couldnt have made it. Good woman.


Hmm Nikky Steamboat, I added STEAMBOAT to your name cos you really loved me. Two years of us could be likened to a timeless tune. I praise you.

Ritty, alot has happened to me since you left with a traceless trace. I think i did all i could to make you see what i carried for you but you had your plans.


Ravishing Eghosa, we set sail and couldnt steer forward , we were too smart for each other. You were such a caring girl.


Val Ejie, over ready bn worry me! you re sweet, gentle and romantic but you went on and off my life and blamed me. Maybe you really loved me but didnt get the vibes.


Dear Odegwa, just as there are bus stops , i see you in every bus stop of my life. Like shakespear said ‘our seperated fortunes shall keep us both safer’


Bukky, your exam was too hard for me, i was expelled from your class with no room for a second chance. Remember these words of yours alwaz 'Go out with a woman that wud be useful to you' Thanx.


Nike i still keep intact my memories and tastes the salt of remembrance of our friendship. Thanx for those rides to FRCN. Though i offended you along lines. i wud make sure you attend my wedding. best wishes.


Pearl pearl, we got along and did all we could. Maybe it was mama.


Chosy Shuzy, ours was like a sad movie that wud alwaz make you cry. Who can say where the roads lead, its only time. Maybe we are where we sincerely belong. I think so.


GODWIN WEMYS EKHAYEME

 

[Akili Unazo!]

Japanese Jeans. Bringing Sexy Back(A)

Japan has come out with yet another sexy, wild, and edgy fashion trend with these Bikini Jeans, that act as both underwear and jeans.

Sandra Tanimura, a Sanna designer, created these jeans after customers mentioned they had a hard time keeping their low cut jeans up.

“We specialize in making low-rise trousers and our customers wanted them to get even lower. It was very difficult meeting these demands without the trousers falling down. I came up with the idea of using the bikini strings to let the trousers hang really low without falling,â€� she added.
​

Below are some shots of the jeans on a popular Japanese television show:


You can purchase these Bikini Jeans for about $88.
Like all trends, not everyone can pull it off quite the same.