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Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mrs Mtaba, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. M

    Mrs Mtaba Senior Member

    #1
    Jan 23, 2009
    Joined: Jan 21, 2009
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    Jamii Forum members hamjambo?

    Nimefurahi sana kupata hii site, kwa kweli inaniburudisha sana. Swali langu leo nilikuwa nauliza hivi, Je is it right for a hubby to open letters or any document of his wife while himself anapenda kuficha sana mambo yake. Kuyajua nimpaka utumie nguvu za ziada? Maana one of my yearly statements came and he opened the envelope.
     
  2. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jan 23, 2009
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    ...Jibu ni HAPANA. "asikufanyie jambo asilopenda kufanyiwa,"
     
  3. Kituko

    Kituko JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jan 24, 2009
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    mi nadhani inategemea tangu mwanzo mlikuwa kwenye uwazi kiasi gani , kama ndivyo mlivyoanza basi ni shida sana kukubaliana kwenye mabadiliko na hiyo sio kwenye documents peke yake hata cellphone, mimi nadhani kwa mtazamo wangu kama mmeamua kuishi maisha ya pamoja sidhani kama kuna siri inayoitajika, hakuna privacy kati ya mume na mke, imagine mmelala na simu ya mkeo inaita anaichukua na kukimbia nayo sehemu ambayo akiongea wewe usisikie na akirudi ukimuuliza ni nani hanakwambia haikuhusu
     
  4. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jan 24, 2009
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    kwangu mimi sio sahihi kabisa, aache hapo nije nifungue mwenyewe coz ni yangu kama ninavyoachaga za kwake but akishafungua/nikishafungua ndipo hapo tutakapoelezana hiyo parcel/envelope inahusiana na nini.
     
  5. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jan 24, 2009
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    Na akifungua akishaisoma akasema alifungua kwa bahati mbaya akidhania ni yake?
    Wako watu wenye tabia hiyo..na tabia haina dawa.Mtaishia kugombana tu.Kama huna cha kuficha wewe vumilia tu maana hata ukilalamika na kusema hupendi itampa wasiwasi zaidi.Kama una la kumficha basi tafuta njia nyingine za kupokea waraka na nyaraka zako.
     
  6. Kafara

    Kafara JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jan 25, 2009
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    ni kweli, hususan kama mwanzo wa mapenzi hilo la kufunguliwa nyaraka
    zake hazikuwa tatizo. akianza sasa kulalamika huyo hubby atashtuka na
    kuanza kuhisi vibaya.

    pamoja na hayo mimi naamini katika mahusiano inabidi kila mtu awe na "space"
    yake. hivyo mambo ya kufunguliana barua, kupokeleana cellphone au kusomeana sms au email naona hayafai. inabidi kujengeana imani na kuamini
    kwamba kama kwenye barua au barua pepe, sms nk kuna linalomhusu mwingine ataelezwa vinginevyo mmoja akiona kimya ajue hayamhusu.
     
  7. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jan 25, 2009
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    Hii inanikumbusha jinsi baadhi ya shule hasa za wasichana walivyokuwa na kawaida ya kufungua na kusoma barua za wanafunzi!Kwa watu wazima wenye kuheshimiana ni vema kupeana nafasi... inaongeza upendo.Ukipenda sana kumchunguza mwenzio... ujue unachochea chuki/resentment na hutafanikiwa kupata unachofikiri utapata.
     
  8. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jan 25, 2009
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    Mweke chini and discuss the issue with him.If it has come to astage yeye anfungua doc zako then you should all decide kama its both okey eith you kukaa chini angalau once or twice a week mfungue documents pamoja maana kama ni issue ya transparency it should be promoted at your family level!
     
  9. Yo Yo

    Yo Yo JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jan 25, 2009
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    Hebu nyie acheni mambo yenu ya TGNP.....mmekula kiapo kanisani/msikitini wherever kuwa shida yako ni yake raha zako ni zake...kila kilicho chako ni chake iweje leo mje na ideas zenu za TGNP kuhalalisha ndivyo sivyo katika ndoa? eeh?
    Wewe mwanamke/mwanamume una siri gani za kumfuicha mumeo?? ehh? kama mmeweza kufunuana iweje leo kufunua karatasi ya posta yenye jina lako iwe mbaya?

    Hii kitu ndio inasababaisha ndoa nyingi za kiTGNP hazidumu angalieni majuu kila leo ndoa zinaparaganyika....
    Mna siri gani ambazo muemo hatakiwi kuzijua??haya mambo ya siri siri ndio mnaleteana matataizo ndani ya nyumba......mimi mwanamke akileta siri siri warning mara ya kwanza ya pili kwao akakae huko ambapo sitaweza kujua siri zake...yoobee
     
  10. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jan 25, 2009
    Joined: Feb 11, 2007
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    Kama anataka uwazi wa kufungua barua zako na documents zako nyingine basi nawe uwe na uhuru huo wa kufungua kila kitu chake. Kipi anachoficha kwa kukataa kwake ufungue barua zake?
     
  11. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Jan 25, 2009
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    Yoyo uliyosema ni kweli tupu, lakini kumbuka hapa Mwanaume ndiye mwenye matatizo, yeye anataka kufungua kila kitu cha mkewe lakini wakati huo huo hataki mkewe afungue kila kitu chake. Hivyo mwenye matatizo hapa ni mwanaume, kama anataka kujua kila kitu cha mkewe basi naye awe tayari mkewe ajue kila chake. Vinginevyo ndiyo mwanzo wa shari kwenye ndoa.
     
  12. Yo Yo

    Yo Yo JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jan 25, 2009
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    BAK nimeelewa sana na nilitoa hoja kwa woote wanaume na wanawake,soma vizuri
     
  13. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jan 25, 2009
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    sasa Yo Yo kama ulikuwa na nia ya kuwasemea wote wanawake na wanaume..kulikuwa na haja ya kuwaingiza TGNP au any other institution katika hii hoja? Nadhani kinachoongelewa hapa ni fairness...mume akitaka kupekenyua vya mke nae awe tayari kuweka vyake bayana.
     
  14. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jan 26, 2009
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    Ni lazima uwe muwazi kwake. Ni lazima umweleze kwamba hupendi anavyofungua docs zako wakati zake anaficha (ukikaa kimya hatajua - most african men are very selfish!). Kama hakuamini let him say it.

    Matatizo mengi katika ndoa yanasababishwa na kukosekana kwa mawasiliano. Jaribuni kuzungumza na kufahamiana. Mumeo ni sharti ajue nini hupendi na nini unapenda na wewe pia vivyo hivyo. Kwa vitu ambavyo kutakua na confilict (kwa mfano kitu hichohicho yeye anachokipenda wewe hukipendi!) basi ni lazima mlizungumze na mkubaliane.Kila mmoja wenu awe tayari ku-compromise baadhi ya vitu. Mbali na haya ni lazima mmoja wenu (kama sio wote) atanung'unika.

    Itakuwa vizuri kama mtajenga tabia ya kushare vilivyoandikwa kwenye hizo docs. Kwa mfano, kila mkipokea (yeye au wewe) document, kama ni convenient mfungue mkiwa pamoja na kama ni yako ukishasoma mpe nae asome au mwambie inahusu nini (and vice versa). Ukishaifungua usijaribu kuificha maana hili litampa mashaka.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2009
  15. M

    Mfumwa JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Jan 26, 2009
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    Uwazi ktk ndoa ni muhimu, kama mchangiaji mmoja aliposema uwe na mwenza wako, then anapigiwa simu, anainuka na kwenda kuisikilizia mbali nawe, hapo utawaza vibaya tu?. Na mara nyingi hii huwa mifumo dume, mfano utakuta mtu hataki kabisa mke wake ajue kipato chake halisi, lakini kipato cha mke lazima kijulikane.

    Tukija kwa suala la barua, hii inatakiwa kuwa wazi. Wote muwe na tabia baada ya kufungua barua yako kumshirikisha mwenza wako baada ya kuisoma. Lakini hata kama mnashirikishana kwa barua, haitakiwi mmoja kufungua barua ya mwenzake, bali inatakiwa kusubiri mpaka mwenye (mme ama mke) barua aifungue na kuisoma ndio mshirikishane. Kwa nini nasema hili, kuna barua inabidi mmoja akishafungua asimpe mwenza wake bali amueleze contents tu kwa kifupi, mfano "Mama anatatizo la afya, anahitaji fedha kiasi kadhaa...", si vizuri mme kujua ugonjwa wa ndani wa Mama (mkwe wake), hasa magonjwa ya siri ya kijinsia na hivyo hivyo mme akisoma baadhi ya barua atamwambia mke wake "Baba amepatwa na maradhi ya kijinsia, hivyo anahitaji msaada". Sio lazima uutaje huo ugonjwa kwa mke.

    Pia kabla ya Ndoa ni vizuri kuwekana wazi, kila mtu aseme anafikiria nini kupata toka kwa mwenzake, ili tangu mwanzo muwekane sawa, kuwa hili linawezekana, lile haliwezekani. Ama hapa tutafanya hivi, kusubiri kuja kuyaongelea masula fulani fulani baada ya ndoa huwza kuleta tafsiri ya kuchokana. Kuna watu wako ndani ya ndoa ndio unaanza ugomvi kuwa wapate watoto wangapi, mume anataka 6, mke anataka 2. Hivyo bora kuwekana sawa mapema kwa yale mtakayokumbuka kabla ya ndoa.
     
  16. Kireka1980

    Kireka1980 JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Jan 26, 2009
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    kwenye relation source ya migogoro ni kuchunguzana, lkn mtu hawezi kukuchunguza kama hana wasiwasi (doubt) na wewe.
     
  17. Bonnie1974

    Bonnie1974 JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Jan 26, 2009
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    BAK
    Matatizo kama hayo yako very much related na umri.Kuna umri fulani mkishakaa katika ndoa, suala la kugombania kufungua barua ,kusoma sms za mwenzako na mambo kama hayo,halipo.
     
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