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Protecting Your Marriage

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Felixonfellix, Apr 26, 2010.

  1. Felixonfellix

    Felixonfellix JF-Expert Member

    Apr 26, 2010
    Joined: Feb 16, 2010
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    "Most people don't think twice about insuring their home or car or things that are valuable. They don't think twice about installing security measures like screens and alarms. But what about protecting your marriage? What can you and I do to protect our marriages?" To answer these questions (posed by Dale Harcombe), we'd like to share some tips we gathered from many "experts" -- praying you will find them helpful. (On the message posted Sunday on our web site at we will have additional information, quotes, and links to articles to help you further on this.) So, to help you to guard your heart, protect your marriage and your Christian integrity and testimony:

    -- "Don't be naive. Most people who end up in affairs don't set out to have one. Infidelity usually begins with an innocent relationship that, in time, moves to an emotional depth that crosses a line of fidelity." (Jill Savage)

    -- "Become aware of your choices. A major battle is won when we stop asking what's wrong with certain choices, and instead, ask what's right with them. Everyday I read a poem above my computer. 'The choices we make everyday dictate the life we lead. To thine own self be true!' Basically, this is the message that Luke talks about in the Scriptures. "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much" (Luke 16:10). In other words, how we handle the small things dictates how we react to the bigger ones. As Christians, we must learn what God desires for our lives and remain true to His wishes." (Michael Smalley, adapted from article "Protecting Your Marriage from Infidelity")

    -- "Know your boundaries. Put fences around your heart and protect sacred ground, reserved only for your spouse. Many married people don't understand that a chemical reaction can occur with someone other than their mates -- a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls. This is emotional adultery -- an int-macy with the opposite s-x outside of marriage. Emotional adultery is unfaithfulness of the heart. When two people begin talking of int-mate struggles, doubts or feelings, they may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for the marriage relationship. Emotional adultery is friendship with the opposite s-x that has progressed too far." (Dennis Rainey, adapted from the article "Avoiding Emotional Adultery")

    -- "Quit kidding yourself. Understand the tremendous capacity of every human being to deceive him or herself when not connected to God. Know that, once you start making excuses for wrong behavior, each excuse will sound more plausible, and you will sink deeper and deeper into sin and ruin. Admit that you can't trust your own self apart from God, and decide to stay close to Him." (Jerry Jenkins, from book "Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It")

    -- "Avoid Temptation. Innocent chat room visits can endanger a marriage when someone discovers a 'Cyberspace soul mate.' When the honesty that's missing in a marriage gets spilled out on the computer screen, emotional affairs can result. Preventative measures include: * Avoid discussing emotional topics or personal problems over the Internet. * Avoid chat rooms and Internet sites designed for meeting people and socializing. * If necessary, limit your time on-line. If you are sharing emotional closeness with someone of the opposite s-x other than your spouse in any arena, STOP!" (From article "Immunized Against Infidelity")

    -- "Recognize that work can be a danger zone. Don't lunch alone or take coffee breaks with the same person (of the opposite s-x). When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public rooms only." (Shirley Glass)

    -- "Realize the power of your eyes. As it has been said, your eyes are the windows to your soul. Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of your windows. I realize that good eye contact is necessary for effective conversation, but there's a deep type of look that must be reserved for your spouse." (Dennis Rainey, from article, "Avoiding Emotional Adultery)

    -- "Avoid emotional int-macy with attractive alternatives to your spouse. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you." (Shirley Glass)

    -- "Beware of recreating alone with a member of the opposite sex. For instance, if I like to horseback ride and my husband doesn't, but this guy will go with me, sharing something I love with another man might get to me to develop feelings I don't want to have for him. But that is the difference between me and someone who cheats -- I don't put myself in the position to get those 'uncomfortable' feelings." (Lucyloo)

    -- "If a friendship with the opposite sex meets needs that only your mate should be meeting, end it quickly. It may be a painful loss at first, but it isn't nearly as painful as temptation that has given birth to sin." (Dennis Rainey, from article "Avoiding Emotional Adultery")

    -- "Plant protective hedges early before problems take root. Know that if you plant hedges in your marriage before you find yourself in a threatening situation, you can prevent many problems from taking root and nip affairs in the bud." (Jerry Jenkins, from the book "Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It")

    -- "Don't play the comparison game. We all make mistakes, have bad habits and annoying behaviors. When we compare a 'new friend' to our spouse, it's an unfair comparison because we aren't seeing that person in a 'living under the same roof, taking care of kids at 3 a.m., struggling to make ends meet' reality." (Jill Savage, from article "8 Safeguards Against Getting Too Close")

    -- "Be honest with yourself. If you're dressing to please someone else or lingering in the parking lot hoping that person will ask you to lunch, stop now, before you've gone too far. If you're in doubt as to what conduct is inappropriate, ask yourself, 'Would I do this in front of my spouse?' And if you're still now sure, ask yourself, 'Would I do it in front of the Lord?' (You are, you know.) Here is a simple rule to keep you on the straight and narrow: If you'd have to hide it or lie about it -- don't do it!" (Nancy Anderson, from the book "Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome")

    -- "Whenever you're faced with the temptation of attraction to someone other than your spouse, realize that there is only one response that will work -- TO FLEE! Any other approach, such as trying to rationalize your way out of it, is doomed to failure. Decide to run from the situation as from a contagious disease." (Jerry Jenkins, from book "Hedges")

    -- "Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage. Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don't believe in fooling around." (Shirley Glass)

    -- "Increase your investment at home. Solid marriages are built by spending time together, laughing together, and playing together. If you aren't dating your mate, set up dates for the coming months and make spending time together a priority." (Jill Savage, from article "8 Safeguards Against Getting Too Close")

    -- "If your spouse is unwilling to build a marital hedge with you, know that any hedge you attempt to build yourself will be blessed by God. Most of all, keep praying. Because your marriage is a portrait of His relationship with His church, you can be sure God desires it to be a beautiful one." (Erin Prater, from Focus on the Family article "How to Build and Maintain a Hedge")

  2. p

    prosperity93 Member

    Apr 27, 2010
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