Nitakuwa mnafiki nikisema kuwa mimi na mama Ngina hatugombani...........


Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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Inapotokea kutofautiana, ni vyema mkayamaliza kwa amani na maisha yaendelee kama kawaida......

Tunatakiwa kujua kwamba lengo la ndoa siyo kuepuka kukorofishana , hapana . Ukweli ni kwamba kukorofishana kunapotumiwa vema huweza kujenga uhusiano mzuri na imara sana. Kwa sababu kukorofishana hakuwezi kuepukika kwenye ndoa kunatakiwa kutumika kama shule na dawa ya kuimarisha ndoa.
Bila kukwaruzana kwenye ndoa zetu inaweza ikawa vigumu sana kwetu kubandua tabaka la uongo lililotufunika ambalo humfanya kila mmoja kati yetu kushindwa kuona na kumfahamu mwenzake katika tabia yake halisi. Bila kukwaruzana, kila mmoja wetu atajidanganya kwamba anamfahamu mwenzake kama alivyo wakati siyo kweli. Tunapokwaruzana tunapata nafasi ya kufahamiana vizuri katika hali halisi.Inabidi tujue kwamba hakuna binadamu aliyekamili, yaani asiyekosea, kama ilivyo dunia yenyewe.

Kwa hali hiyo hakuna ndoa ambayo haina makosa, kwa sababu ndoa ni binadamu hao ambao siyo kamili. Kwa hiyo, mtu anapotarajia kuwa au kuishi kwenye ndoa isiyo na kukwaruzana, ni sawa na mtu huyo kutarajia kukutana na binadamu ambaye ni kamili, yaani asiyekosea.
Mtu ambaye hakubali au angalau hataki kuelewa kwamba, ndoa ni lazima iwe na mikwaruzo anaweza kukabiliwa na tatizo lingine baya zaidi kwenye ndoa yake. Kwa kutokujua au kuepuka kukwaruzana, hawezi kuwa tayari kukubali kujadili migogoro ya kindoa ili kupata ufumbuzi.

Hawezi kulikubali hilo kwa sababu haamini kwamba ndoa yenye kukwaruzana ni ndoa.
Wakati mwingine rafiki, ndugu au jamaa zetu hutusimulia jinsi ndoa zao zisivyo na kukwaruzana kama kwamba ni za malaika watupu. Bila kujua, huwa tunajikuta tumewaamini. Tunapowaamini huwa tunachukulia kukwaruzana kuliko kwenye ndoa zetu kama jambo au kitu ambacho hakikutakiwa kuwepo. Hapo hujikuta tukitamani kuondoka kwenye ndoa hizo kwa matarajio kwamba tunaweza kukutana na "malaika" ambao tutajenga nao ndoa zisizo na doa.

Hata pale ambapo tunasema wanandoa wanapendana sana, bado ndoa yao ni lazima itakuwa na kukwaruzana. Lakini wanachofanya hawa na ambacho huenda wengine hawafanyi ni kujadili tofauti hizo sawia na kuamua kuzisahau na hapo wote kukubali kujifunza kutokana na tofauti hizo. Wale walio tayari kujadili tofauti zao sawia ndiyo ambao ndoa zao huwa na afya sana hadi wengine kushangaa kama siyo pamoja na kuona wivu. Wale wanaodhani ndoa ni mahali pa kila jambo kwenda kama mtu atakavyo, ndoa zao hupogoka vibaya na kufa kwa kishindo........
 
Mr Rocky

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Umenena na nakubaliana na wewe
Ndoa ambayo iko kimya kimya na haina hata chembe ya kugombana jua kuwa hao watu wanaficha mengi na kila mmoja ameweka yake moyoni
Siku yakija kufumuka ni ndoa kuvunjika
 
Mr Rocky

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Mr Rocky

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tatizo watu wanashindwa kuelewa
kugombana sio lazima mfumuane mateke na mangumi ndani ya nyumba
Kutofautiana kidogo yaani kutoelkewana lazima kuwepo
Ukiona mke na mumu ambao ni yes kwa kila kitu jua hapo kuna mmoja ni bwana na mwngine ni mtumwa yaani mmoja ni mbabe na mwingine ni mnyonge so hana budi kukubali kila jambo
Na hapo jua kuwa upende mmoja unaonewa na hauna sehemu ya kupunguzia matattizo au malalamiko
 
Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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tatizo watu wanashindwa kuelewa
kugombana sio lazima mfumuane mateke na mangumi ndani ya nyumba
Kutofautiana kidogo yaani kutoelkewana lazima kuwepo
Ukiona mke na mumu ambao ni yes kwa kila kitu jua hapo kuna mmoja ni bwana na mwngine ni mtumwa yaani mmoja ni mbabe na mwingine ni mnyonge so hana budi kukubali kila jambo
Na hapo jua kuwa upende mmoja unaonewa na hauna sehemu ya kupunguzia matattizo au malalamiko
Ndio maana tunashauriwa kutumia mbinu hii:
1. Understand and comfort your partner even when you disagree .
2. Tell your partner what you want instead of expecting your partner to know.
3. Stand your ground when it matters.
4. Show support for your partner's goals.
5. Listen to your partner with your heart.
6. Show affection.
7. Heal each other with LACE (Love, Appreciation, Compassion, Empathy).
8. Understand how a sincere intention to change can make a significant difference in your marriage.

 
Mr Rocky

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Ndio maana tunashauriwa kutumia mbinu hii:
1. Understand and comfort your partner even when you disagree .
2. Tell your partner what you want instead of expecting your partner to know.
3. Stand your ground when it matters.
4. Show support for your partner's goals.
5. Listen to your partner with your heart.
6. Show affection.
7. Heal each other with LACE (Love, Appreciation, Compassion, Empathy).
8. Understand how a sincere intention to change can make a significant difference in your marriage.

Na hiyo na hapo utaona raha ya ndoa mkuu
 
Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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Umenena na nakubaliana na wewe
Ndoa ambayo iko kimya kimya na haina hata chembe ya kugombana jua kuwa hao watu wanaficha mengi na kila mmoja ameweka yake moyoni
Siku yakija kufumuka ni ndoa kuvunjika
Nakubaliana na wewe mkuu.........Ukweli ni kwamba kutarajia kuwa na ndoa ambayo haina kukwaruzana ni chanzo kizuri sana kwa ndoa nyingi kulegalega au kuanguka kabisa. Mtu anapoingia kwenye ndoa akitarajia kwamba huko hatapambana na maudhi au kero za aina fulani, ni lazima ajue kwamba, hatadumu kwenye ndoa yake kwa sababu ndoa hiyo anayoitarajia haipo………………
 
Mr Rocky

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Mr Rocky

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Nakubaliana na wewe mkuu.........Ukweli ni kwamba kutarajia kuwa na ndoa ambayo haina kukwaruzana ni chanzo kizuri sana kwa ndoa nyingi kulegalega au kuanguka kabisa. Mtu anapoingia kwenye ndoa akitarajia kwamba huko hatapambana na maudhi au kero za aina fulani, ni lazima ajue kwamba, hatadumu kwenye ndoa yake kwa sababu ndoa hiyo anayoitarajia haipo………………
kabisa na akioa akitegemea kuwa atakaa kwenye ndoa kwa raha bila kero wala malalamiko wala migongano ya hapa na pale huo ni uwongo
Ndoa hiyo haitadumu wala haipo kwanza
 
Tegelezeni

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Tatizo linalowakabili wanandoa wengi, ni kutojua kutofautisha kati ya kugombana na kutofautiana kimtazamo..........kugombana ni pale mwanandoa mmoja anaposhindwa kudhibiti hisia zake na kumshambulia mwenzi wake kwa kauli zenye kukera na wakati mwingine kipigo hufuatia, wenye udhifu huu wengi ni wanaume hasa wale wasiokubali kushindwa. Kutofautiana kimtazamo ni pale mwanandoa anapokuwa anatofautiana na mwenzi wake katika jambo fulani. kwa mfano mwanandoa angependa mwenzie awe anaweka kipaumbele katika jambo fulani na mwenzie akawa na mawazo tofauti.............. hiyo huweza kupelekea wanandoa kubishana kwa hoja, na kama busara zitatumika wanaweza kufikia muafaka na jambo hilo likaisha na kusahaulika............... lakini wako wengine ambao wanaweza kukubali yaishe, huku mioyoni mwao wakiomba jambo hilo lisifanikiwe ili wao waonekane kuwa walikuwa sahihi......... mara nyingi watu wa namna hii huweza hata kuhujumu mpango huo makusudi ili kuwaangusha wezi wao.... hili si jambo jema kwa ustawi wa ndoa..............
 
Mtambuzi

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Tatizo linalowakabili wanandoa wengi, ni kutojua kutofautisha kati ya kugombana na kutofautiana kimtazamo..........kugombana ni pale mwanandoa mmoja anaposhindwa kudhibiti hisia zake na kumshambulia mwenzi wake kwa kauli zenye kukera na wakati mwingine kipigo hufuatia, wenye udhifu huu wengi ni wanaume hasa wale wasiokubali kushindwa. Kutofautiana kimtazamo ni pale mwanandoa anapokuwa anatofautiana na mwenzi wake katika jambo fulani. kwa mfano mwanandoa angependa mwenzie awe anaweka kipaumbele katika jambo fulani na mwenzie akawa na mawazo tofauti.............. hiyo huweza kupelekea wanandoa kubishana kwa hoja, na kama busara zitatumika wanaweza kufikia muafaka na jambo hilo likaisha na kusahaulika............... lakini wako wengine ambao wanaweza kukubali yaishe, huku mioyoni mwao wakiomba jambo hilo lisifanikiwe ili wao waonekane kuwa walikuwa sahihi......... mara nyingi watu wa namna hii huweza hata kuhujumu mpango huo makusudi ili kuwaangusha wezi wao.... hili si jambo jema kwa ustawi wa ndoa..............
Ndio maana nikasema, nitakuwa mnafiki nikisema kuwa sigombani na mwenzi wangu............... nasema nitakuwa mnafiki kwa sababu mimi sio malaika bali ni binadamu mbaye ninayo maudhaifu yangu, kinachonisaidia ni kujitambua na kujifunza kila siku kupitia kwa mwenzi wangu.........
 
Rose1980

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nipe nipeni darasandoa manake ehh naona watu full kutema matestimony.....

so mkikwaruzana ndio ndoa inaimairika..?
friction is CRUCIAL?
 
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Tunatakiwa kujua kwamba lengo la ndoa siyo kuepuka kukorofishana , hapana . Ukweli ni kwamba kukorofishana kunapotumiwa vema huweza kujenga uhusiano mzuri na imara sana. Kwa sababu kukorofishana hakuwezi kuepukika kwenye ndoa kunatakiwa kutumika kama shule na dawa ya kuimarisha ndoa.
Bila kukwaruzana kwenye ndoa zetu inaweza ikawa vigumu sana kwetu kubandua tabaka la uongo lililotufunika ambalo humfanya kila mmoja kati yetu kushindwa kuona na kumfahamu mwenzake katika tabia yake halisi. Bila kukwaruzana, kila mmoja wetu atajidanganya kwamba anamfahamu mwenzake kama alivyo wakati siyo kweli. Tunapokwaruzana tunapata nafasi ya kufahamiana vizuri katika hali halisi.Inabidi tujue kwamba hakuna binadamu aliyekamili, yaani asiyekosea, kama ilivyo dunia yenyewe.

Kwa hali hiyo hakuna ndoa ambayo haina makosa, kwa sababu ndoa ni binadamu hao ambao siyo kamili. Kwa hiyo, mtu anapotarajia kuwa au kuishi kwenye ndoa isiyo na kukwaruzana, ni sawa na mtu huyo kutarajia kukutana na binadamu ambaye ni kamili, yaani asiyekosea.
Mtu ambaye hakubali au angalau hataki kuelewa kwamba, ndoa ni lazima iwe na mikwaruzo anaweza kukabiliwa na tatizo lingine baya zaidi kwenye ndoa yake. Kwa kutokujua au kuepuka kukwaruzana, hawezi kuwa tayari kukubali kujadili migogoro ya kindoa ili kupata ufumbuzi.

Hawezi kulikubali hilo kwa sababu haamini kwamba ndoa yenye kukwaruzana ni ndoa.
Wakati mwingine rafiki, ndugu au jamaa zetu hutusimulia jinsi ndoa zao zisivyo na kukwaruzana kama kwamba ni za malaika watupu. Bila kujua, huwa tunajikuta tumewaamini. Tunapowaamini huwa tunachukulia kukwaruzana kuliko kwenye ndoa zetu kama jambo au kitu ambacho hakikutakiwa kuwepo. Hapo hujikuta tukitamani kuondoka kwenye ndoa hizo kwa matarajio kwamba tunaweza kukutana na “malaika” ambao tutajenga nao ndoa zisizo na doa.

Hata pale ambapo tunasema wanandoa wanapendana sana, bado ndoa yao ni lazima itakuwa na kukwaruzana. Lakini wanachofanya hawa na ambacho huenda wengine hawafanyi ni kujadili tofauti hizo sawia na kuamua kuzisahau na hapo wote kukubali kujifunza kutokana na tofauti hizo. Wale walio tayari kujadili tofauti zao sawia ndiyo ambao ndoa zao huwa na afya sana hadi wengine kushangaa kama siyo pamoja na kuona wivu. Wale wanaodhani ndoa ni mahali pa kila jambo kwenda kama mtu atakavyo, ndoa zao hupogoka vibaya na kufa kwa kishindo........
Saafi mtambuzi
 
vukani

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vukani

vukani

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Bora umesema ukweli.......................
 
Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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Mtambuzi

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nipe nipeni darasandoa manake ehh naona watu full kutema matestimony.....

so mkikwaruzana ndio ndoa inaimairika..?
friction is CRUCIAL?
Sio kwamba inaimarika tu, bali pia wanandoa wanakuwa na afya imara na wanakuwa na umri mrefu..............
 
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Ave Ave Maria

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Mtambuzi nakuaminia, endelea kutupa masecret ili nasi tuyajue!
 
Mtambuzi

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Mtambuzi

Mtambuzi

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you are very right mtambuzi!
Hute baadhi ya wanandoa hususan vijana wanaamini kuwa maisha ya ndoa ni kama peponi au mbinguni...................
Wanakosea sana
 
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