Msaada: Nimekuwa na mawazo ya kujiua kwa zaidi ya miaka 15

andoza

JF-Expert Member
Nov 26, 2018
2,191
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Nianze kwa kusema kwamba ningependa huu uzi uchukuliwe kama simulizi inayonihusu mimi au inayomuhusu mtu mwingine. Ila katika kuielezea nitatumia nafsi ya kwanza.

Mimi sasa sio kijana kwani nina karibia miaka 40. Nino watoto wanane,Sina mke ingawa nimewahi kuishi na wanawake tofauti ambao wamenizalia watoto hao kama mke ni mume na niliwapenda na kuwajali kwa kadiri ya uwezo wangu ila sikuwahi kuwatazama kama wake zangu ili niliwatazama kama wanawake ninaowapenda na hata leo najua kwamba wale ni wanawake ninao wapenda inagwa siwaoni kama wake zangu.

Ninao watoto wanane na ninawapenda a kuwatakia mambo mengi mema na mazuri kwa kadiri ya uwezo wangu lakini siwaoni kama watoto wangu.

Ninapoandika andiko hili ninafikiria kujiua, kutoa uhai kabisa. SIO KWA SABABU YA MATATIZO YANGU INGAWA NINAYO MENGI ila ni kwa sababu I cannot find meaning or purpose in anything or any person. Niliijaribu kuwapenda sana wanawake wote ambao nimewahi kuwa nao nikifikiri kwamba watanipa sababu ila ilishindikana, I am still EMPTY on the inside. Nimejaribu kuwapenda watoto wangu sana lakini bado NAJISIKIA NIKO TUPU ndani.

SIJUI kama ni tatizo la kiimani, kiakili au ni la nini lakini nianchojua ni kwamba nimekuwa na hili TATIZO KWA ZAIDI YA MIAKA 15-20. Hata wakati nikiwa shule sikujali kama nakuwa best performer in the class au na kuwa mwisho. To me I knew I was smart. Nilikuwa na uwezo wa kuwa wa mwisho Darasani-Na nimewahi kuwa wa mwisho na NIlikuwa na uwezo wa kuwa wa kwanza na nimewahi kuwa wa kwanza.

Katika ajira pia nilikuwa tofauti nobody could boss me around, those who tried to boss me around I went after their position.Ukiwa BOSS wangu ilibidi tuwe level moja, If you BOSS me around I take your position fair and square.My last POWER struggle costed me my JOB. Cha kushangaza ni kwamba bado hata nilipokuwa nje ya ajira I waso the same person, My own person with my own principles.

Kwa ufupi Mimi niko DEPRESSED ALL THE TIME. Yaani wakati wote niko katika msongo wa mawazo and I love thinking about depressive issues. Vile vile mimi niko very suicidal kwa zaidi ya miaka 15 nimefikira kujiua, nimefikiria njia bora na painless za kutoa uhai wangu mwenyewe. Sijawahi jaribu kujiua BUT nawazaga sana kuhusu kujiua.

JE HILI ni TATIZO gani. Nimekwepa kutumia wataalamu maana nimegundua kuwa ninapoenda kwa wataalam wa kidini naona na wao wana demons wao wanawasumbua naishia kuanza kuwapa somo mpaka wanahisi labda mimi nawaigizia. Nimeenda kwa madaktari wa akili nao tunafika hatua wanahisi I am faking it because I take over theirpractice.

Baada ya kujikuta hivo nikaamua kujitibia mwenyewe nyumbani.Nikijihis kuchoka Naweza kuja JF na kuandika andiko na Mara nyingi huwa nikimaliza kuandika huwa SIPOST nalisoma tu kisha nalifuta. Au naamua kuzungumza na watu tofauti kuhus complex issues ili tu ubongo wangu ukae kwenye mstari. Nikishindwa kabisa natumia ALCOHOL. Alcholol inanitesa kwa sababu tu inanituliza halafu inanipadisha.

Kama sasa hivi ninvoandika andiko hili nimemaliza kasichana kamoja na SAFARI tatu kubwa na KITOKO kimoja. Nimekaa kitandani tangu saa moja ili nilale sijalala, nimetoka nimetembea KM 5 nikarudi nikaoga bado usingizi hauji.Nimesali na mwisho nimechukua PC nikaandika huu uzi. UNAJUA NINACHOWAZA SASA HIVI? Well I thinking of KILLING MYSELF.

Nimewatafuta watoto niongee nao but wamelala.SIKAI nao kwa sababu ya CONDITION yangu.Nimejitenga na familia yangu kabisa kwa sababu kila mmoja anafikiri mimi ni aina fulani ya kichaa who is unstable na sitaki hali yangu iwaathiri watoto wangu.

Nimepost huu uzi kwa faida ya wengine. Kama unapitia hali kama hii tushauriane ila SIJUI ni nini hasa kinaendelea kwenye ubongo wangu BUT it is FREAKING mad. Ninachukia zaidi kwa sababu to the rest of the world I am this normal and cool guy but on the inside I am an empty hole. WTF

Nasisitiza unaposoma huu uzi una option ya kuassume I am talking about some else or myself or you can relate.Ninahisi wapo watu wengi sana kama mimi around ambao kwenye macho ya jamii wana kila kitu but wao wenyewe wanafeel EMPTY. Je, na wewe ni mmoja wao?How do you deal with that.
 

Madame S

JF-Expert Member
Mar 4, 2015
15,826
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Jipe furaha mwenyewe usisubiri kupewa furaha, jipende jichanganye na watu usipende kukaa peke yako ni mbaya zaidi

Mungu akuondoshee wazo la kujiua, yan ujiue sababu unajiona empty inside?? usiruhusu mawazo mabaya yakutembelee

Muna msemo unasema, aliwazalo mjinga ndio humtokea na wahenga hawakuongopa

Jipende wewe mwenyewe kwanza, tafuta furaha ya moyo wako usisubiri mtu aje akufurahishe
 

Jesusfreak08

JF-Expert Member
Jul 20, 2019
727
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Unacho hitaji kwenye maisha yako ni Yesu tu ndio anaweza kuziba hilo shimo

Hata mimi nilitaka kutoa uhai lakini nilikubali Yesu atawale saivi ni raha moja matata

Mathayo 11:28 Njoni kwangu, ninyi nyote msumbukao na wenye kulemewa na mizigo, nami nitawapumzisha.
Mathayo 11:29 Jitieni nira yangu, mjifunze kwangu; kwa kuwa mimi ni mpole na mnyenyekevu wa moyo; nanyi mtapata raha nafsini mwenu;
 

Iceberg9

JF-Expert Member
Nov 6, 2012
20,214
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Unacho hitaji kwenye maisha yako ni Yesu tu ndio anaweza kuziba hilo shimo

Hata mimi nilitaka kutoa uhai lakini nilikubali Yesu atawale saivi ni raha moja matata

Mathayo 11:28 Njoni kwangu, ninyi nyote msumbukao na wenye kulemewa na mizigo, nami nitawapumzisha.
Mathayo 11:29 Jitieni nira yangu, mjifunze kwangu; kwa kuwa mimi ni mpole na mnyenyekevu wa moyo; nanyi mtapata raha nafsini mwenu;
Jesusfreak id yako
 

Shupavu

JF-Expert Member
Apr 23, 2015
352
500
Na-assume kama ifuatavyo mkuu.

Una akili nyingi sana (logical intelligence) kiasi imeingilia uwiano wa akili kwa ujumla (Total intelligence i.e Logical intelligence + emotional intelligence).

Logical intelligence inatusaidia ku-facilitate maisha yetu hapa duniani kwa kutuwezesha kutambua na kuelewa mazingira yetu kwa kuyasoma na kujifunza sheria za kimaumbile na kimfumo. Na hii ndiyo wengi wetu hui-consider kua akili.

Emotional intelligence inatuwezesha ku-interact na mazingira yetu ya ndani (oneself) na ya nje (other people, creatures and structures) kwa ku-connect nayo na kuyapa value. E.g upendo, loyalty, sense of belonging, chuki, hasira n.k

Kikizidi kimoja maana yake kina-overshadow kingine na kuathiri impact yake kwetu. Mfano logical intel ikiwa juu sana kuliko emotional intel kila kitu kisicho na logical meaning kinakua hakina maana, mfano wataalam wa mambo mbalimbali na suala zima la usafi na mpangilio kwao hua sio muhimu sana maana it's all about looks na arrangements tu. Unakua kama mashine au robot, unatekeleza your mission basi, bila mission you are useless.

Emotional intel ikizidi unakua more of an animal kuliko binadamu, unakua sensitive na reactive zaidi kwa emotions kiasi cha kuonekana huna akili. Mfano hasira sana na visirani, upendo kupitiliza au chuki bila sababu mpaka unaonekana mjinga.

Ukiziangalia hapo utaona yeyote katika hao waliozidi aidha logical intel au emotional intel wanaonekana kama zimeruka kidogo au dishi limeyumba (at least wa logical anaweza akapretend kua sawa na jamii lakini asione umuhimu au value yake deep down inside).

Ubongo uko very tricky na una-operate in strange ways. Nakupa task moja ijaribu kwa uadilifu kisha tutatafutana mkuu tujadiliane kwa kina.

Iko hivi, ukimpenda sana mtu au kitu uou end up thinking very positive about that person or thing to the extent hata kukiwa na fault you just excuse them.

Likewise ukimchukia sana mtu au kitu utafikiria mawazo hasi zaidi kumhusu/kukihusu to the extent hata kukiwa na manufaa you end up doubting about it.

Reverse engineering is also possible though it takes time. Ukimfikiria sana mtu in a positive way you'll end up liking/loving them.
Na ukimfikiria sana mtu in a negative way you end up hating/disliking them. Ila huu mchakato wa kuanza kufikiria kwanza kisha hisia zifuate huchukua muda zaidi na huhitaji concentration nzuri (ambayo unayo).

Task nayokupa ni hii mkuu, tuliza kichwa kisha tafuta binti ambaye anakuvutia kiasi (attractive kwako na personality yake uikubali). Study her very well. Kisha jenga nae ukaribu wa kirafiki tu hila kulenga kuanzisha uhusiano au kumpenda. Jaribu ku-connect nae kirafiki kawaida ila kwa ukaribu kuanzia mawasiliano na kuonana na kufanya vitu pamoja ikiwa ni pamoja na kubadilishana mawazo (hii ya kukutana physically ni muhimu kuliko mawasiliano ya simu).

Hakikisha unakua number one priority yake na rafiki yake mkuu. Msamehe anapokosea na umuelekeze vitu unavyopenda wewe.
Na pia hakikisha unamuweka kwenye mawazo yako kama mhusika mkuu kila unapokuwa kwenye mawazo na imagination zako.
Including mawazo yako ya kujiua ukijaribu ku-analyse atakuaje na atafanyaje muda una-commit suicide and after.

Kisha jaribu kuobserve kama atakua na impact yoyote kwako then tuangalie namna ya kujadiliana vyema kuhusu maisha na nini maana na thamani yake.

Na kwanini tukawa created such complex creatures kisha tukawa hapa duniani.

Why are we here?

Is it worth it ukilinganisha na gharama za uundwaji na utendaji wetu kimifumo na kila kitu?

All the best mkuu.
 

andoza

JF-Expert Member
Nov 26, 2018
2,191
2,000
Na-assume kama ifuatavyo mkuu.
Una akili nyingi sana (logical intelligence) kiasi imeingilia uwiano wa akili kwa ujumla (Total intelligence i.e Logical intelligence + emotional intelligence)...
Mkuu for the past 15 years I have testing this theory and Nafikiri ndio imenipa nguvu ya kuwapo hapo BUT shida ni kwamba these other objects of my passion kwangu hazidumu sana.It is like I build them and destroy them at the same time.

Wengine wanaogundua tatizo langu coz huwa nawaambia hawaamini,hujitahidia kunisaidia mpaka wanakuwa kero na wengine hunikimbia na kuendelea na maisha yao huku wakinitazama kwa mbali.

Najua kwamba napendwa sana and it is easy for to be loved. Mimi pia napenda but with its crazy and confused kind of love.

Ila kwa sababu uminishauri I am going to do it again nione maana all this time I was doing it bila kushauriwa.
 

Iceberg9

JF-Expert Member
Nov 6, 2012
20,214
2,000
Mkuu for the past 15 years I have testing this theory and Nafikiri ndio imenipa nguvu ya kuwapo hapo BUT shida ni kwamba these other objects of my passion kwangu hazidumu sana.
Kwahiyo mkuu ni mapenzi pekee ndiyo yanakuendesha hivi au pia na mambo ya financial? Vyote kwa pamoja maana unaonekana una stress za kutosha.
 

andoza

JF-Expert Member
Nov 26, 2018
2,191
2,000
Unacho hitaji kwenye maisha yako ni Yesu tu ndio anaweza kuziba hilo shimo

Hata mimi nilitaka kutoa uhai lakini nilikubali Yesu atawale saivi ni raha moja matata

Mathayo 11:28 Njoni kwangu, ninyi nyote msumbukao na wenye kulemewa na mizigo, nami nitawapumzisha.
Mathayo 11:29 Jitieni nira yangu, mjifunze kwangu; kwa kuwa mimi ni mpole na mnyenyekevu wa moyo; nanyi mtapata raha nafsini mwenu;
Mkuu, I do religion, alot. Its just that it gets more confused so Huwa I worship GOD my WAY
 

andoza

JF-Expert Member
Nov 26, 2018
2,191
2,000
Kwahiyo mkuu ni mapenzi pekee ndiyo yanakuendesha hivi au pia na mambo ya financial? Vyote kwa pamoja maana unaonekana una stress za kutosha
SIo mapenzi wala financial,I am very basic person kwenye financial na hata kwenye Mapenzi.I do alot of dating.Its not something but ME.Hata nikiwa na PESA au MAPENZI bado nakuwa na this situation.
 

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