BARD AI
JF-Expert Member
- Jul 24, 2018
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"A good woman is not one size, women say"
"Unahitaji kukaa vizuri kama mwanamke!" "Nani atakuoa ikiwa hujui kupika?" Haya ni baadhi tu ya maagizo ambayo wasichana hupigwa navyo wanapokua.
Wasichana wanakumbushwa kwamba sifa inayotamaniwa zaidi na wanaume ni aina ya 'wifey material'. Haishangazi kwamba ukiingia Google na kutafuta kwa neno la "Wife material" utapata matokeo zaidi ya bilioni 700. Kwa mujibu wa marriage.com, neno hilo linaelezea mwanamke ambaye ana sifa za mke mwema.
Wana sifa kama ukomavu, uwajibikaji wa kifedha, na utayari wa kusimama na mwanaume kupitia shida. Urban Dictionary huleta ufafanuzi zaidi wa mijini na kubainisha kuwa ‘Amesoma, anaweza kujizuia katika mazungumzo, ni mkarimu lakini hapendi mauza uza'.
Ataweka mahitaji yako kwanza na atakupa sehemu ya kupumzika kama mwanaume. Siyo lazima kila wakati aonekane kama mwanamitindo bora kwa sababu sura hizo zinapofifia, atakuwa na kitu cha thamani kama vile majukumu yake ya mke ili kuunga mkono jambo hilo.”
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A woman who is (or is willing to be) a wife first, a mother second, and herself last. A woman whose sole mission in the world is to bend over backward to ensure that her marriage works and there is ‘peace’ in the home. Virginia Nicholson, an author of Perfect Wives in Ideal Homes reconstructs the era of the 1950s, where women scrubbed their doorsteps, cared for their families, lived, laughed, loved, and struggled to make their marriage work.
According to Dorcas Nyakio Muhia, a counseling psychologist, society conditions women to be wife material. But this is not so for male children who are not taught to be good men in the society.
“Right from birth, the girl-child is raised by her mother to become a good wife when she grows up. Unfortunately, you don’t see the same energy that is put into equipping boys to become husband material. While the woman comes into marriage having been properly groomed, the man lacks information on how to handle a woman which eventually leads to abuse, the psychologist says.
Now, a number of women are ditching the label. The see wife material as a negative trait, which is meant to box them into puppets and doormats. In pursuit of a balanced view, where differences are celebrated, and everyone puts in the weight for a healthy relationship, women are discarding struggle and hardship in favour of happiness and peace while putting their needs front and centre.
Four women share on why they no longer take the term ‘wife material’ as a compliment.
‘I ended up my recent relationship because of unrealistic expectations’
Maggy Joy, 35, Music Publicist
“A wife is more than a cook or a cleaner. It is quite unfortunate that some men are looking for domestic workers, not mates or equals. I am not against a woman taking on these roles as a wife, but marriage is bigger than just fulfilling some set standards.
Recently, I ended a relationship that lasted a few months because, according to my ex-boyfriend, a woman should be willing to support the man all through even in times when a man can work and meet some needs in the family. He was broke and he demanded I bring all my income to him. When I questioned him about it, he said that an ideal woman should be patient with a man and fully submit.
I couldn’t stand this and I had to quit the relationship. The world has changed and with the tough economic times, a couple should both make ends meet. Women should understand what they want in a relationship, apart from offering unpaid domestic work.”
‘The label wife material has oppressed women.’
Wanjiku, Kariuki, 32, an Entrepreneur
“Culture made women to adhere to some set rules and regulations. I believe a relationship should bring value and not oppress someone. For a long time, women have been viewed as domestic workers which eventually end up oppressing women and not empowering them.
I was once in a relationship where the man demanded I stay home and only do household chores. The man had too many rules on what a wife material should do and it was very straining. Most of our conversations ended with “This is what a wife material should be!” This affected my esteem and I had to let go of the relationship.
Marriage is a beautiful union and both parties should deliberately work as a team.”
‘I have decided to be a modern wife material’
Grace Kiboi, 39, Real estate investor and Gospel Artist
"Unahitaji kukaa vizuri kama mwanamke!" "Nani atakuoa ikiwa hujui kupika?" Haya ni baadhi tu ya maagizo ambayo wasichana hupigwa navyo wanapokua.
Wasichana wanakumbushwa kwamba sifa inayotamaniwa zaidi na wanaume ni aina ya 'wifey material'. Haishangazi kwamba ukiingia Google na kutafuta kwa neno la "Wife material" utapata matokeo zaidi ya bilioni 700. Kwa mujibu wa marriage.com, neno hilo linaelezea mwanamke ambaye ana sifa za mke mwema.
Wana sifa kama ukomavu, uwajibikaji wa kifedha, na utayari wa kusimama na mwanaume kupitia shida. Urban Dictionary huleta ufafanuzi zaidi wa mijini na kubainisha kuwa ‘Amesoma, anaweza kujizuia katika mazungumzo, ni mkarimu lakini hapendi mauza uza'.
Ataweka mahitaji yako kwanza na atakupa sehemu ya kupumzika kama mwanaume. Siyo lazima kila wakati aonekane kama mwanamitindo bora kwa sababu sura hizo zinapofifia, atakuwa na kitu cha thamani kama vile majukumu yake ya mke ili kuunga mkono jambo hilo.”
=====================
A woman who is (or is willing to be) a wife first, a mother second, and herself last. A woman whose sole mission in the world is to bend over backward to ensure that her marriage works and there is ‘peace’ in the home. Virginia Nicholson, an author of Perfect Wives in Ideal Homes reconstructs the era of the 1950s, where women scrubbed their doorsteps, cared for their families, lived, laughed, loved, and struggled to make their marriage work.
According to Dorcas Nyakio Muhia, a counseling psychologist, society conditions women to be wife material. But this is not so for male children who are not taught to be good men in the society.
“Right from birth, the girl-child is raised by her mother to become a good wife when she grows up. Unfortunately, you don’t see the same energy that is put into equipping boys to become husband material. While the woman comes into marriage having been properly groomed, the man lacks information on how to handle a woman which eventually leads to abuse, the psychologist says.
Now, a number of women are ditching the label. The see wife material as a negative trait, which is meant to box them into puppets and doormats. In pursuit of a balanced view, where differences are celebrated, and everyone puts in the weight for a healthy relationship, women are discarding struggle and hardship in favour of happiness and peace while putting their needs front and centre.
Four women share on why they no longer take the term ‘wife material’ as a compliment.
‘I ended up my recent relationship because of unrealistic expectations’
Maggy Joy, 35, Music Publicist
“A wife is more than a cook or a cleaner. It is quite unfortunate that some men are looking for domestic workers, not mates or equals. I am not against a woman taking on these roles as a wife, but marriage is bigger than just fulfilling some set standards.
Recently, I ended a relationship that lasted a few months because, according to my ex-boyfriend, a woman should be willing to support the man all through even in times when a man can work and meet some needs in the family. He was broke and he demanded I bring all my income to him. When I questioned him about it, he said that an ideal woman should be patient with a man and fully submit.
I couldn’t stand this and I had to quit the relationship. The world has changed and with the tough economic times, a couple should both make ends meet. Women should understand what they want in a relationship, apart from offering unpaid domestic work.”
‘The label wife material has oppressed women.’
Wanjiku, Kariuki, 32, an Entrepreneur
“Culture made women to adhere to some set rules and regulations. I believe a relationship should bring value and not oppress someone. For a long time, women have been viewed as domestic workers which eventually end up oppressing women and not empowering them.
I was once in a relationship where the man demanded I stay home and only do household chores. The man had too many rules on what a wife material should do and it was very straining. Most of our conversations ended with “This is what a wife material should be!” This affected my esteem and I had to let go of the relationship.
Marriage is a beautiful union and both parties should deliberately work as a team.”
‘I have decided to be a modern wife material’
Grace Kiboi, 39, Real estate investor and Gospel Artist
