Kugombana mbele ya watoto...wapo wanaopenda sana! | JamiiForums | The Home of Great Thinkers

Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Kugombana mbele ya watoto...wapo wanaopenda sana!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mzee Mwanakijiji, May 11, 2012.

  1. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #1
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Mar 10, 2006
    Messages: 30,759
    Likes Received: 4,122
    Trophy Points: 280
    [​IMG]

    Wapo watu wanaopenda - kwa kujua au kutokujua - kugombana mbele ya watoto wao. Utakuta kitu kidogo kinaanzisha majibizano makali kati ya wapendanao kiasi cha kwamba wanashindwa kujizuia kabisa kugombana na watoto. Mara nyingi majibizano ya namna hii yanaweza kuanza na kitu kidogo na wakati mwingi kuna aina mbili za vitu vinavyosababisha vurugu hizi.

    a. Masuala ya fedha - kati ya vitu vinavyosababisha ugomvi wa haraka zaidi ni suala la matumizi ya fedha au mambo yanayohusiana na fedha. "Umefanyia nini fedha yote ile"; "fedha haitoshi" au majibu ya mkato kuhusiana na masuala ya fedha. Kwa mfano mtu anasema "umenifanya miye ATM" au "au una mwanamke wako huko unayempa pesa". Masuala haya ya fedha yanaweza kuwa ndio mambo makubwa yanayosababisha majibizano ya haraka haraka (snap arguments).

    b. Majibu mabaya - hakuna kitu kinachoudhi sana kwenye mahusiano kama majibu mabaya ambayo hayana heshima wala staha mbele ya watoto. Wazazi wanapojibizana hivi huwa wanashindana na mwisho wa siku wanaanza kusemezana yale maneno ambayo kwa kweli wangekuwa na uwezo wasingeyasema mbele ya watoto.


    Tatizo kubwa hapa ni kuwa yote hayo yote huleta 'mashindano' yaani mke na mume huanza kushindana nani anaweza kusema zaidi, na nani anaweza kusema kitu kibaya zaidi kwa mwenzake. Mara nyingi hili hutokea kwa watu ambao wanaamini wako sawa kwa kila kitu na hivyo hakuna ambaye yuko tayari kunyenyekea kwa mwenzake. Mmoja anapomvunjia mwenzie heshima na mwingine naye anarudisha jibu hilo hilo la kumvunjia heshima - 'ukimwaga unga, miye namwaga maji!'

    Sasa wataalamu wa saikolojia wametuonesha mara nyingi kuwa kuna uhusiano wa tabia ya mtoto na tabia anayoiona ya wazazi. Mtoto ambaye amezoea kuona wazazi wake wakigombana gombana au kujibizana jibizana naye anauwezekao mkubwa wa kuwa kama wazazi wake. Kuna watu ambao wanapofikia utu uzima wanapoanza kujibizana na wenza wao wanajikuta wanatumia maneno na kauli zile zile walizozisikia utotoni kwa wazazi wao wakigombana! Watoto wamegeuka kuwa wazazi wao na mnyororo wa tabia hizi za ugomvu hurithishwa toka kizazi kimoja kwenda kingine.

    Tabia hizi za kugombana zinarithisha siyo tu kugombana bali pia aina ya mahusiano ambayo mtu anakuja kuwa nayo anapofikia utu uzima - wengi wamekuja kujikuta wakivutwa na watu wenye tabia za wazazi wao. Kwa mfano, wapo wanawake ambao wanaweza kujikuta wanaolewa na kuvumilia wanaume wenye tabia zinazofanana na baba zao. Wanaume nao hujikuta wako hivyo hivyo na matokeo yake huanza kuwatendea wanawake wale kama baba zao walivyowatendea mama zao!

    Nini cha kufanya:
    Makubwa ni mawili tu; kwanza mkubaliane kutojibishana mbele ya watoto - NO MATTER WHAT. Nakumbuka baadhi ya wazee wetu walikuwa na tabia ya kwenda chumbani ambako huko walisemezana na kuambiana ukweli na mara nyingi ili kuhakikisha watoto hawasikii; walisubiri hadi watoto wameenda kulala tena usiku wa manane. Lengo siyo kwamba ni kukwepa matatizo bali kulinda watoto na hisia zao. Kuwapatia mfano mzuri wa mahusiano.

    Jambo la pili ni kuahirisha majibizano kama mahali na muda si mzuri kuanza mjadala. Hii ina maana ni vizuri mmoja kuwa tayari kunyenyekea kwa mwingine kwa lengo la kuahirisha mjadala badala ya kuanza kushindana. Kwa mfano, mmeenda kwenye harusi na mara moja mmoja anajisikia kuondoka na mwingine hataki na kuanza kulalamika. Sasa, anaweza kutumia maneno mabaya na ni kweli yule mwingine hayuko tayari kuondoka bado. Well, katika mazingira hayo mmoja anaweza kuamua kuondoka ili kuacha kufanya vituko hadharani au mbele ya watoto (mara nyingi watu wengine huamua kukubali kuondoka baada ya kufanya vituko vya kutoshaaa na kuacha simulizi!)

    Kimsingi ni kuwa wazazi wanajukumu kubwa la kuwa mfano kwa watoto hasa kwenye suala la kutatua migogoro kwenye mahusiano. Kama wazazi hawajui jinsi ya kutatua matatizo matokeo yake kwa watoto yao ni mabaya sana. Na yanakuwa mabaya zaidi kama namna yao ya kugombana huendana na kupigana na kutia kucha! kuna msemo kwenye sociology kuwa "the abused becomes the abuser" hivyo mtoto ambaye anapata emotional abuse anaweza kujikuta na yeye ana abuse wengine.

    Ili kuanza kuvunja mnyororo wa tabia hizi za kugombana na kuumizana mbele ya watoto, wazazi wanatakiwa kuamua kwa makusudi kuchagua ni vitu gani vya kubishania, ni wapi pa kubishania na namna gani ya kubishania. Na njia kubwa ya kupunguza hili ni utani!

    next time!

    JISOMEE ZAIDI KUHUSU ATHARI ZA KUPIGANA MBELE ZA WATOTO HAPA
     
  2. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #2
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Nov 28, 2010
    Messages: 12,581
    Likes Received: 741
    Trophy Points: 280
    Thanks Mwanakijiji, uzi wako umemenifanya niwaze jinsi gani tunaweza kulea watoto in a way wakaja kuwa viongozi (wanasiasa) responsible. Na kuwa hawa mafisadi tuliona nao; role ya malezi yao wakiwa wadogo inahusika au ni environment ya ukubwani (kwenye system) ndio inahusika zaidi!

    My 11yrs son, alivyo kuwa 9 alikuwa anataka awe president akiwa mkubwa niliwaza how do l prepare him, sikupata jibu; na later nikalearn kuna shule moja (academy) iko SA inaandaa future leaders of Africa. Anyway kifupi ni kuwa tunaandaaje watoto wetu kuwa responsible citizens? BTW sasa hivi anataka kuwa engineer awe na company yake; who know what he will want to be akiwa 18.
     
  3. HOPECOMFORT

    HOPECOMFORT JF-Expert Member

    #3
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Feb 25, 2012
    Messages: 2,520
    Likes Received: 3,224
    Trophy Points: 280
    Nimeshuudia sana swala hili zaidi kwenye familia zinazo nizunguka, mpaka nikajiuliza ndo zama za uwazi na kweli au? Na wazazi nao wanadhani watoto wanapendezwa na matendindo yao,au yawezekana hawajali.

    Wazazi wanapaswa kufikiri kabla ya kutenda wasiwe watu wa kutanguliza jazba haswa mbele ya watoto
     
  4. BAGAH

    BAGAH JF-Expert Member

    #4
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Jan 17, 2012
    Messages: 4,513
    Likes Received: 10
    Trophy Points: 135
    nimelipenda somo na nimekumbuka mambo mengi katika familia yangu nilyokulia...asante mzee!
     
  5. j

    julisa JF-Expert Member

    #5
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Dec 15, 2011
    Messages: 206
    Likes Received: 7
    Trophy Points: 35
    Ni thread nzuri ktk kuboresha makuzi ya watoto..nimependa hapo ktk mmoja kujishusha ili msolve tatizo baadae wkt watoto hawapo..ila kuna wengine wakiambia tutaongea baadae wanaona km wamedharauliwa kumbe mhusika was considerate na situation
     
  6. mtotowamjini

    mtotowamjini JF-Expert Member

    #6
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Apr 23, 2012
    Messages: 4,540
    Likes Received: 5
    Trophy Points: 0
    i dont condone kugombana mbele ya watoto..its not healthy sana sana mnapunguza hata heshima mbele za watoto zenu..kama mna ishuz zenu mjifungie chumbani mmalizane huko huko...
     
  7. fazaa

    fazaa JF-Expert Member

    #7
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: May 20, 2009
    Messages: 2,986
    Likes Received: 8
    Trophy Points: 0
    Oh rafiki yangu mwanakijiji umekuja na thread nzuri sana....hii thread ni shule kabisa.
     
  8. Mzee Mwanakijiji

    Mzee Mwanakijiji Platinum Member

    #8
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Mar 10, 2006
    Messages: 30,759
    Likes Received: 4,122
    Trophy Points: 280
    Ni nini hata kinasababisha watu wagombane mbele ya watoto au mbele ya watu?
     
  9. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #9
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Nov 28, 2010
    Messages: 12,581
    Likes Received: 741
    Trophy Points: 280
    Ni kutokuwa na busara tu, na kutojali kuhusu watoto. Imagine mtu ambaye anatumia 70% ya mshahara kulewa huku watoto wakila mlo mmoja; atajali kuhusu kuhusu effect ya kugombana na mkewe/mume mbele ya watoto?
     
  10. E

    Elizabeth Dominic Platinum Member

    #10
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Dec 7, 2007
    Messages: 4,542
    Likes Received: 34
    Trophy Points: 145
    Ni kweli mara nyingi mahusiano yanapoenda mrama watoto uwa wanahusishwa kwa namna tofauti, na inakuwa sio healthy kabisa. Na wakati mwingine unaweza kukuta wazazi wanahusisha watoto either kutafuta sympathy au hata ku justify position yake na hayo hufanyika kwa kumhusisha mtoto moja kwa moja.
    Inasikitisha sana kwasababu impact yake ni kubwa
     
  11. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #11
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Mar 21, 2011
    Messages: 36,138
    Likes Received: 220
    Trophy Points: 160
    hili ni tatizo la kitaifa kwa kweli.

    Baadhi ya wenza hupenda kuonekana wana 'powe' hasa mbele za watu
    ila jinsi ya kuonesha power hizo ndo inakuwa kwa kuwa mkali kwa mwenza hadharani.
     
  12. OLESAIDIMU

    OLESAIDIMU JF-Expert Member

    #12
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Dec 2, 2011
    Messages: 19,199
    Likes Received: 129
    Trophy Points: 160
    Taken for implementation................merci monsieur
     
  13. m

    mzeelapa JF-Expert Member

    #13
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Jul 14, 2010
    Messages: 992
    Likes Received: 41
    Trophy Points: 45
    Sawa sawa Mwanakijiji, lakini yote haya pia yanasababishwa 50 kwa 50 au Beijing. Wanawake kutaka kuwapanda wanaume hata pasipostahili.
     
  14. s

    sverige JF-Expert Member

    #14
    May 11, 2012
    Joined: Apr 3, 2012
    Messages: 362
    Likes Received: 23
    Trophy Points: 35
    maneno yako sahihi
     
Loading...