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Inashangaza mno!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    Inashangaza mno!

    Training: How to cuddle [​IMG] Wanaume wengi huwa hawaoni umuhimu wa kuwabembeleza wake zao kwa kuwakumbatia, pakata (cuddle, hold, touch), busu, shikashika nk) baada ya ya sex.
    Kibaolojia mwanaume akimaliza sex anarudi kwenye hatua yake ya kawaida (pre- aroused state) na mwanamke akimaliza sex (baada ya kufika kileleni) huwa anarudi katika yali ya kuwa nusu yaani semi- aroused state) yaani kwake bado moto upo na anaweza kupika tena chakula hahahaha!

    Hii ina maana kwamba mwanaume akimaliza tendo la ndoa anakuwa ameishiwa nguvu (total system shut down/crashing) au anaenda ICU kwa matibabu ya karibu, hajiwezi wengine ndo huishia kukoroma kiasi kwamba hata vibaka hawawezi kuingia hiyo nyumba, wakati huohuo wanawake wao wakimaliza bado huhitaji kuendelea na tendo la ndoa zaidi na zaidi na kwao cuddling ni kuwapa connection na wakati mwingine kuwa na sex tena na tena.

    Hivyo ili mwanamke asiamini kwamba mwanaume huna feelings kama jiwe (stone), inakupasa wewe mwanaume baada ya kumaliza sex fanya hitimisho (conclusion) kwa kuendelea kumkumbatia, busu na kumpa maneno matamu ya sifa na kimapenzi, kumbuka ni mkeo hivyo mpe kila anastahili na utaona mabadiliko.

    Pia wanawake wengi wanashangaa kwa nini mwanaume anaweza kutenganisha sex na love (tafsiri kwa Kiswahili mwennyewe)
    Wakati wa sex wanawake huzalisha kiwango kikubwa sana cha homoni ya oxytocin ambayo husaidia kuwasisimua katika emotions zao na wanakuwa connected na mume wake wakati wa sex na hii husababisha mwanamke kujihusanisha (integrate) sex na emotions (love).
    Wanaume hawazalishi na kama yupo anayezalisha hiyo momoni basi ni kiwango kidogo sana kiasi kwamba kwake sex na love ni vitu viwili tofauti.

    Ndiyo maana ni rahisi kwa mwanaume kufanya mapenzi na mwanamke ambaye hampendi na kwa mwanamke ni ngumu kwani mwanamke upendo kwanza ndipo huwa tayari kwa sex.

    Mume ambaye hamjali mke, hampendi, hampi sifa kwa yale mke anafanya na kumkosesha upendo atajikuta kila siku anaomba sex na amke akijitetea kichwa kinauma
  2. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    B ill Maher recently declared on his new HBO show, Real Time with Bill Maher, that "Cuddling is for girls." He went on to humorously advise against Cuddle Parties for men, stating that the only time a man should say that he needs a hug is if he's choking.

    Maybe a good spooning would sway Bill Maher's view point, but his humor is right on. The opinion that "skipping the screwing entirely" and going "right to the boring part afterwards (cuddling)" is a sure sign of the "neurotic and emasculated" is funny because it's so on-target with what many people think. It's exactly what a virile, All-American, He-Man is supposed to say about non-sexual touch, right?

    Real Men don't eat quiche, and Real Men DON'T cuddle... Or do they?

    I must admit, even as the creator of all this Flannel Snuggledom, that I thought men would be the last to catch on to the idea of cuddling as something other than post-coital obligation. That I, a martial artist and ex-collegiate football-player-turned-massuser and sex educator, could see the value of non-sexual touch as healing and socially beneficial for men and women, was just a fluke of life, right? Most of the real men I knew were going to need some coaxing to wrap their "Men are from Mars" outlooks around meeting women in their pajamas and practicing touch and communication so they could NOT get in their pants.

    I figured that the only reason men would come to Cuddle Parties would be to spoon all the women who were lining up for a welcomed, pajama-clad break from the grope-fest bar scene of bad pickup lines, or the incessant snoring of husbands and crying of kids.

    What we got was a growing newsletter mailing list with two or three men on it for every woman, and calls and emails from slews of men asking when could they get to a Cuddle Party. For almost every Cuddle Party we've thrown, Marcia and I have had to waitlist a handful of men because we had too many RSVP'd to keep the 50/50 man-to-women ratio.

    At first, I just figured we'd been contacted by the same jerks and pushy "can I get your number" ding-a-lings who plagued my female patrons all the years I was slinging drinks as a New York City bartender. Of course they'd want to come and cuddle next to all the women, right? And Marcia and I were just lucky that the initial guys who showed up to cuddle seemed to be nice. As a good Cuddle Lifeguard on Duty, I was prepared to step in and put an end to those brainless pickup lines as soon as they started.

    But the "pick-up line guys" never showed up.

    The dolts who can't take No for an answer aren't the men who are coming to get their cuddle on. Nor are they the "neurotic and emasculated" mass that has Bill Maher's PJs in a bunch. The men who are coming to spoon, massage and nuzzle are the kinds of guys I, and my female friends, didn't think existed, much less roamed the globe in large numbers.

    After seven months and 60-plus Cuddle Parties, I can say with what was at first astonishment, and is now warm satisfaction, that REAL MEN DO CUDDLE. And they're coming to Cuddle Parties.

    REAL MEN DO CUDDLE. And they're coming to Cuddle Parties.

    When I say "Real Man" I don't mean the Fonz from Happy Days meets the Last Action Hero meets Gone With The Wind's Rhett Butler. I mean smart, funny, kind men who know how to touch, who respect a woman's No, and who give women space to decide what they actually want. The kind of man who not only gets all this, but realizes WHY it's important. I'm talking about men who are interested in getting to know you before getting your number.

    And I'm not talking about skinny, oversensitive wimps either.

    I've met men who are just as into fixing your flat tire as massaging your tired feet. I've seen men show up in their $1200 business suits and change into their Old Navy PJs and not even blink an eye. We've had millionaire Cuddle Monsters and blue collar Cuddle Monsters, lawyer Cuddle Monsters and computer programer Cuddle Monsters grace our puppy piles. Insurance salesmen and college professors, artists and architects... and what do they have in common? They get it. Or at least they're tired of what they've been getting.

    Let's face it, as fun as the bar/dating/hanging out scene can be, it can get old trying to play the role of the pick-up guy. And even the greatest relationships can be vulnerable to the occasional predictability.

    For me, as a man, it's been awesome meeting other like-minded men, men who respect women and aren't afraid of acting like it. It's as if I've finally stumble onto a whole secret society of males who have taken the concept of what a "Real Man" is and upgraded it beyond a competition of "who banged the most chicks" and "let me impress you with my Rolex." Men, I admit I misjudged you.

    And now, ladies, a question: what if Indiana Jones or Rhett Butler asked you to spoon and it wasn't just after sex?

    If you want to meet a man who enjoys loud music and drinking, a bar might be the perfect place to look. If, on the other hand, you want to surround yourself with funny, intelligent, REAL men who like to cuddle, who aren't afraid to communicate what they want, and who want you to say No when you're feeling like a no (and, incidentally, say Yes when you're feeling like a YES!)... Well, then, Cuddle Party might be the place to look.

    The "Real Men," it turns out, do cuddle.
  3. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    n speaking to people about Cuddle Party, REiD and I have frequently experienced a lot of wariness and disbelief from women. Many women simply don't believe that engaging in such a thing could be safe, much less fun.
    • Why would I want to pay for a Cuddle Party when I can get groped by strangers in a bar for free? their raised eyebrows seem to say. Guys don't listen, they don't respect us, they just want sex. Men are bastards.
    The responses of these women, while depressing, are hardly surprising. In my own experience of the "real world," I've been on the receiving end of repeated breast- and butt-grabbing, overly-aggressive making out, a near sexual assault at age 15, rude comments, sexual discrimination, co-workers making passes at me, and men exposing themselves in order to get off on my discomfort. It's not pretty.

    The fact of the matter is that I'm hardly alone. MOST women have experienced, at worst, sexual trauma, and at best, inappropriate touching, grabbing and physical intimidation. The last thing they want is to put themselves into a situation where they are subjected to more of this.

    The good news is that Cuddle Parties are not those situations.

    A male Cuddle Monster once commented that the women seem to have more control than the men do at a Cuddle Party. While I'm not sure if that is true or not, the fact of the matter is that at a Cuddle Party, women have more control over what happens to them than most of them are used to in their everyday lives.

    At a Cuddle Party, men and women alike are required to ask before they can touch you. No one is required to do ANYTHING they don't want to. And everyone is encouraged to ask for exactly what they want and to reject any activities they DON'T want to do. Which means that, for possibly the first time, women are allowed to make decisions about whether or not they WANT to be touched. This newfound freedom can feel a little weird for some. And as unhappy recipients of unwanted attentions in much of their everyday lives, other women can find the degree of choice downright disorienting.

    Fortunately, it's not entirely unpleasant. The experience of being able to act, to set one's own boundaries, and to decide in advance what one wants to do, can be profoundly liberating for a woman who is used to always reacting to whatever the people around her throw at her. The experience of being able to kiss anyone who says yes, or being held and cuddled by a hot guy of her choosing can make some women heady, light-hearted, or elated. One women said that her experience left her feeling as if she had fallen in love.

    Given my history with inappropriate, indecent and unacceptable behavior from guys, one would think that I would have had enough of men, and everything they stand for. And for a while, I did.

    So how did I get here, running Cuddle Parties, where I have to deal with men, of all things? And absolutely LOVING them? How did it come to be that my best friend is a man, a gem of a guy who has the softest brown eyes imaginable, a huge heart, a razor-sharp analytical mind, and a sense of humor that can keep me in stitches for hours? How did I acquire a business partner who is a man, a creative whiz whom I trust enough to get wrapped up financially with? My boyfriends, it might go without saying, have been men, and even as exs I remain friendly with all of them. You might even say that "some of my closest friends are guys." And they are good friends indeed.

    How did this come about, if my experience with men had been that they are grabby and inappropriate and over-sexed and oblivious? Not to mention rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful. Am I just a low-self-esteem queen, willing to put up with things that make me uncomfortable in order to keep the guys around? Or is something else going on here?

    Anyone who knows me knows that the idea of my being a glutton for punishment is laughable. I was not about to put up with that kind of behavior, and if it meant not having men in my life, so be it.

    Instead, something else happened. I learned how to communicate with men. I learned to set boundaries, to make requests, to ask for things, to inquire if they were okay with what was happening, to listen to what they really wanted.

    I stopped seeing them as the enemy, and started seeing them as human beings.

    Cuddle Parties provide a similar opportunity. Because everyone is coming in their PJs, nervous, uncertain, and about to experience something entirely new, everyone, men and women alike, are on the same page. This isn't the bar scene with its tried and true patterns of "use a line, buy a drink, get a number." At a Cuddle Party, everyone is coming in as a human being, with all their vulnerabilities and an inability to hide behind a fancy suit or expensive car.

    At Cuddle Parties, people open up. Guys start talking about how they don't know if they're doing the right thing with this girl they're seeing, or how they don't know how to relate to their daughter now that she's 13, or how they feel alienated from other guys because their mothers taught them to treat women with respect. They laugh about embarrassing 7th grade moments and ask questions about things they genuinely want to know more about. They get REAL.

    Women get to see what that looks like right off the bat, in a whole new way. Guys as human beings, not paychecks or protectors or macho studs or any of the other myriad roles they get placed in... What's THAT like?

    My transformation into a woman who genuinely loves men didn't take place in a vacuum. At my most male-skeptical (and keep in mind I was taking LOTS of women's studies courses!) I was lucky enough to find a few guys who treated me with respect and encouraged me to speak my mind. These guys had a profound effect on me, both in terms of me discovering my value as a human being and in terms of recognizing men as potential allies.

    Reid has already written an article about the kinds of men who come to Cuddle Parties, so I won't go in to detail here. But suffice it to say, they are the kinds of men who "get it," who treat women with respect, and who know that they are not the enemy they're sometimes mistaken for. In short, they are that seemingly rarified species: gentlemen. And we make sure it stays that way. How? Because if anybody is less than that, out they go.

    The women who come to Cuddle Parties seem to be getting something far beyond some cuddling and an opportunity to possibly meet a mate. Many have reported a radical transformation in how they interact with men. They have begun asking men on dates... and getting yesses. They have begun setting boundaries with men who have been acting inappropriately or who have just been making them feel uncomfortable. They have begun breaking down the little bubbles of "no-touch" zones around themselves. They have begun communicating their desires to the world at large and experiencing wonderment at the results. They are less afraid of asking, less afraid of rejection, and less afraid in general. They are taking control. And many of these women are finding that they are no longer operating out of want or need of men.

    They just LOVE men.
  4. M

    Mike 1234 JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    Ndiyo maana ni rahisi kwa mwanaume kufanya mapenzi na mwanamke ambaye hampendi na kwa mwanamke ni ngumu kwani mwanamke upendo kwanza ndipo huwa tayari kwa sex.
    Hapo mkuu umenena asante kwa darasa
  5. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    Ndiyo maana ni rahisi kwa mwanaume kufanya mapenzi na mwanamke ambaye hampendi na kwa mwanamke ni ngumu kwani mwanamke upendo kwanza ndipo huwa tayari kwa sex.
    Hapo mkuu umenena asante kwa darasa


  6. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    Ni nzuri sana hii PDiddy!Nimeifurahia, wengi wetu hapa ndani tukipiga bunduki tu, basi hatutaki disturbance tena, ni usingizi wa pono!...mhhh....kumbe maisha ni kujifunza! Asante Mkulu.
  7. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    Oct 14, 2009
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    eeh eeehe eeehee imetulia hiyi pdidy nacheka kimaisha plus
  8. Jerome

    Jerome Senior Member

    Oct 15, 2009
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    acgeni mambo ya kizungu babu zetu walikuwa wanakumbatiana? ndiyo maana walikuwa wanalea mtoto mpaka anakua hakuna kubemenda,hitimisho la shughuli ni kutema mzigo ukishamaliza kupanda mlima kinachofuata ni mapumziko tena hayataki bughudha yaani acha nipumue kwa raha zangu nivute kasi ya kipindi cha pili babu
  9. Gudboy

    Gudboy JF-Expert Member

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    nimeipenda hii thread thanx