Poem: I Just Can't

[Mzee Mwanakijiji]

I know!
I know you are mad and upset
That I didn’t leave you alone and yet
I kept pushing and nagging, and asking
About it! I know you wanted me to stop
And leave you alone and be gone!
But I didn’t

I know,
You wanted me to stop asking
Because you didn’t feel like talking
So, your voice was shaking and your hands trembling
Because I made you mad, for not giving up
You wondered how dare me to keep asking
While you told me you would not be talking
About it!

You probably
Thought, I was just being mean and pathetic
I didn’t understand you, or comprehend what you meant
May be you said, he is just like them
Why can’t he leave me alone,
I’m no longer a kid but I’m grown
Why doesn’t he understand,
You wondered!

I know,
I could have just left you, and forget about you
And leave you just in your own misery
In your own anger, and disappointment
That I could have just s forget about you
It is useless to care and dare to share!
I could not do all that, even if you dared me!
But I didn’t!

But then,
I thought about you, and the time we shared
The tears, the joys, the fears, and the words uttered
The whispers, the passion, the longing, and things we talked about
The touches and feelings and anger and more laughter!
How could I just leave you alone, just because you are mad
Or just because, you don’t want to talk about it!
I can’t!

I wish,
You could understand where I come from
Where friends, don’t leave friends even when
Being there, means more pain, and agony!
Especially when what you do or don’t do
Affects the people whom once you cared about and who loved you
Just because, the feelings are not there anymore,
Then just act as if you never knew them before
I could not leave you!

It is,
A sense of abandonment, and humiliation that they would feel
It’ll be a combination of desperation, fascination and hesitation
That you who cared and dared to care, no longer feel the same
So, when you asked me to leave the matter alone
I felt that I couldn’t, but I’ll ask you and let you talk about it
Because I know you can, I believe you can, and I hope
You know that I know that you can!
Talk about it

So,
As I write to you
I want to you know that really care
That my love for you is not a weakness or something to spare
I want you to know that, as your friend, I mean you accept me as such
I would always be there, to tell you the truth,
To stand in your face and say you wrong, and to tell you what you did was unfair
I hope you’ll do the same to me, when the time come
Because that is what FRIENDS DO!

Now know,
From me, to you
I want you to know, that I love you
Even when you act like new
Or as if I never knew you
So, my dear wherever you are and in whatever you are doing
I want you know I’ll be here for YOU!
When you need a real Friend and not a pretend!