BAK
JF-Expert Member
- Feb 11, 2007
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How to spend the "vijisenti"
Adam lusekelo
Daily News; Sunday,April 20, 2008 @00:04
Yesterday I went to my favourite watering hole and started dreaming - what will I do with a million bucks (1.2 billion Tshillings) after I have successfully stolen from the people of Tanzania?
I will first start by buying a shangingi. It will be custom made, with a bedroom which vibrates, bar and things. Naturally it will have air-conditioning automatic deodorants which emit scents after reading my mood.
Like any normal man, with all that offshore dosh at my disposal I will get myself an offshore chick or two, or three. Or even four! I will also get a year's supply of "Viagra" or "Cialis" to rev up my system up. What's wrong with four offshore chicks eating from my hands. I will buy all of them a Rav-4, or a Merc each or even a shangingi if they demand one.
If one of my concubines dares as gets a pimple on the nose, I will insist that she sees a acne expert in London, Paris or New York. Tanzanian doctors don't have the expertise to pinch pimples because these are not normal pimples they are offshore pimples!
I will have a public relations office to buy some trash calling themselves "journalists". They go for a song and their job will be to make me look great in some trashy papers. Thankfully as a Tanzanian politician I will know that and take appropriate measures.
It's a year and a half before the farce we call elections starts. So I will have my media goons on the ready. I will even approach some musicians who will bay out and extol, not my thieves skills, but my virtues of goodness.
Needless to say that I will be buddies with the inspector- general of police and director of the Anti-Corruption squad. Very useful guys to know, if you get my drift. My financial sums could go a bit awry and so I will need have some back up to boost my offshore accounts.
I could start a project to call investors to start making a rain making project. The idea is that the rain should fall into the Mtera dam - spot on. Everyday. Naturally I will have the majority shares in this enterprise. Then I could go to Rome to say "hi" to the Pope. One needs to thank the Almighty for a good fortune. Some malicious people call it stealing, while I call it being clever with a pen. Wivu tu!
A loud bang and I was woken up from my dream. The waiter wanted his money. I rummaged through my pockets and realised that I had left my "fortune" at home. I lied to the bar owner that I will pay the next day. I have not been seen in that part of Dar for a week!
Mbwene2@yahoo.com
Adam lusekelo
Daily News; Sunday,April 20, 2008 @00:04
Yesterday I went to my favourite watering hole and started dreaming - what will I do with a million bucks (1.2 billion Tshillings) after I have successfully stolen from the people of Tanzania?
I will first start by buying a shangingi. It will be custom made, with a bedroom which vibrates, bar and things. Naturally it will have air-conditioning automatic deodorants which emit scents after reading my mood.
Like any normal man, with all that offshore dosh at my disposal I will get myself an offshore chick or two, or three. Or even four! I will also get a year's supply of "Viagra" or "Cialis" to rev up my system up. What's wrong with four offshore chicks eating from my hands. I will buy all of them a Rav-4, or a Merc each or even a shangingi if they demand one.
If one of my concubines dares as gets a pimple on the nose, I will insist that she sees a acne expert in London, Paris or New York. Tanzanian doctors don't have the expertise to pinch pimples because these are not normal pimples they are offshore pimples!
I will have a public relations office to buy some trash calling themselves "journalists". They go for a song and their job will be to make me look great in some trashy papers. Thankfully as a Tanzanian politician I will know that and take appropriate measures.
It's a year and a half before the farce we call elections starts. So I will have my media goons on the ready. I will even approach some musicians who will bay out and extol, not my thieves skills, but my virtues of goodness.
Needless to say that I will be buddies with the inspector- general of police and director of the Anti-Corruption squad. Very useful guys to know, if you get my drift. My financial sums could go a bit awry and so I will need have some back up to boost my offshore accounts.
I could start a project to call investors to start making a rain making project. The idea is that the rain should fall into the Mtera dam - spot on. Everyday. Naturally I will have the majority shares in this enterprise. Then I could go to Rome to say "hi" to the Pope. One needs to thank the Almighty for a good fortune. Some malicious people call it stealing, while I call it being clever with a pen. Wivu tu!
A loud bang and I was woken up from my dream. The waiter wanted his money. I rummaged through my pockets and realised that I had left my "fortune" at home. I lied to the bar owner that I will pay the next day. I have not been seen in that part of Dar for a week!
Mbwene2@yahoo.com
