How to spend the "vijisenti"


BAK

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How to spend the "vijisenti"
Adam lusekelo
Daily News; Sunday,April 20, 2008 @00:04

Yesterday I went to my favourite watering hole and started dreaming - what will I do with a million bucks (1.2 billion Tshillings) after I have successfully stolen from the people of Tanzania?

I will first start by buying a shangingi. It will be custom made, with a bedroom which vibrates, bar and things. Naturally it will have air-conditioning automatic deodorants which emit scents after reading my mood.

Like any normal man, with all that offshore dosh at my disposal I will get myself an offshore chick or two, or three. Or even four! I will also get a year's supply of "Viagra" or "Cialis" to rev up my system up. What's wrong with four offshore chicks eating from my hands. I will buy all of them a Rav-4, or a Merc each or even a shangingi if they demand one.

If one of my concubines dares as gets a pimple on the nose, I will insist that she sees a acne expert in London, Paris or New York. Tanzanian doctors don't have the expertise to pinch pimples because these are not normal pimples they are offshore pimples!

I will have a public relations office to buy some trash calling themselves "journalists". They go for a song and their job will be to make me look great in some trashy papers. Thankfully as a Tanzanian politician I will know that and take appropriate measures.

It's a year and a half before the farce we call elections starts. So I will have my media goons on the ready. I will even approach some musicians who will bay out and extol, not my thieves skills, but my virtues of goodness.

Needless to say that I will be buddies with the inspector- general of police and director of the Anti-Corruption squad. Very useful guys to know, if you get my drift. My financial sums could go a bit awry and so I will need have some back up to boost my offshore accounts.

I could start a project to call investors to start making a rain making project. The idea is that the rain should fall into the Mtera dam - spot on. Everyday. Naturally I will have the majority shares in this enterprise. Then I could go to Rome to say "hi" to the Pope. One needs to thank the Almighty for a good fortune. Some malicious people call it stealing, while I call it being clever with a pen. Wivu tu!

A loud bang and I was woken up from my dream. The waiter wanted his money. I rummaged through my pockets and realised that I had left my "fortune" at home. I lied to the bar owner that I will pay the next day. I have not been seen in that part of Dar for a week!
Mbwene2@yahoo.com
 
Pundit

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Wiki hii naona alikuwa na some chemical reactions kichwani.
 
Masanilo

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Masanilo

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Lusekelo you mad me laugh with ur vijisent spending spree .....

I will also get a year's supply of "Viagra" or "Cialis" to rev up my system up
 
Nyani Ngabu

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Nyani Ngabu

Nyani Ngabu

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Mbona ina makosa leo?
 
RR

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RR

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Looks great, but the must have been in a hurry.
 
Gaijin

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Gaijin

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hahaha .....u lighten up my day
 
DMussa

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DMussa

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well well well.....this is quite interesting!!!
made my day... lets all stop dreaming and get the visenti back from Jersey etc, na tuwafikishe watu kama hawa vizimbani washughulikiwe na mkono wa sheria (kama zinafanya kazi lakini)! Tunazihitaji sana kwa wakati kama huu...
 

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