LET'S TALK SEX: How do you rate yourself on the love scale? Today I have a tough question for you; how do you rate yourself as a lover on a scale of 1 to 10? Do I hear someone confidently say 9? Yeah right! Well, maybe The indicators are your spouse's enjoyment, your ability to up your game, spontaneity, and submission vis-à-vis love. I can imagine many expected the indicators' list to read like: penile size, longevity (how long you last during sex), beauty, and so on. Sorry to disappoint you. Those are indicators to fan your own ego and make you overrate yourself with disastrous results sometimes. For example, a man who thinks he is the most endowed this side of the equator may take that as an indicator that he is also the best thing that ever walked into his wife's life, when actually she finds him a selfish, inconsiderate and hurtful lover. A woman with looks that could inspire a fairytale book may think she is the best lover her husband could ever land; even if she just lies there hoping her pretty face is single-handedly draining all the blood from his head. Those indicators are good for your self esteem and if used properly, yes, they can translate into you being a very good lover. But in many cases, they actually get to their owners' heads and do more harm than good in the bedroom. The real indicators should be the ones listed before that. Ask yourself, how often does your spouse look satisfied with your duties and glows from all the ministrations from you? Some even say a heartfelt word of gratitude afterwards, if they have enjoyed it. How many times have you thought about the sex in your marriage with the sole intention of improving yourself and making it better for your spouse? Many people are stuck in rigid perceptions of themselves. They want things done a certain way, whether it is boring or not, and as a result, they bore their spouses to death. So there is another indicator: how flexible are you when it comes to upping your game when it comes to making love to your spouse? Also ask yourself, how many times this past year has the sex in your marriage been a result of pure spontaneity and not premeditated duty or chore? And lastly, how much do love and submission - in their right places - feature in your marriage and sex life? If you answer those questions truthfully, then you will be able to circle the right number on the scale of 1 to 10, as regards your capabilities as a lover. If your score is still low, set out to do things differently. I am reading the book Excellence in Ministry by Robb Thompson and a line in there caught my eye: "Today's excellence is tomorrow's mediocrity." And how much that applies to marriage and sex! You can pull off something amazing today and leave your spouse gasping with awe. But don't think you will keep repeating that day in, day out and get the same results. When you pulled it off the other day, it was breathtaking but when you think you will get the same results everyday, then you are joking. How do you think routine and monotony happen? Out of good things, of course. I see it at my place of work; every time we change a caterer for our lunch, the comments from the staff are amazing. One time someone even joked: "If you ever sack this caterer, I will resign!" A few weeks later, that very staff member was opting to have his lunch elsewhere. At a fee. Similarly, don't dwell on a good thing too long and turn it into something predictable and thereby disgusting. Learn to tap into the creative juices when it comes to the sex in your marriage. A lot of us take that department for granted and watch it curl up and die. Look at how advertising agencies are constantly thinking up new ways of advertising the same product to win more customers for it What is wrong with you appointing yourself the account manager of this product called your marriage and all the sex in it? Think of new ways to keep it exciting. Find exciting ideas that will package and market you to your customer (read spouse) in sexy ways. When a businessman (read husband) starts taking his established customers (read wife) for granted and never offers incentives or improved products, the customer will shift to where waters are more exciting. Learn to constantly improve yourself as a lover through communication, focus and opening up to new ideas. It is one way you will stay married longer without someone holding a gun to your head.