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How do you MEND a broken heart?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by PELE, Apr 27, 2010.

  1. P

    PELE JF-Expert Member

    Apr 27, 2010
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    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By pink_warrior32 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 1:56 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Now this question is not from broken heart as far as a lover, it's more of how do u mend it from a lost family member or friend...
    Today is my mother's 56th bday.. she passed away in Oct of 08(@54)...
    I haven't really morn like most folks(whateva that means..giggle) I have shed a few tears here and there, but for the most part.. I had to take care of the buss side of things for my mother that is no longer here....
    I have POA over her mother now that is 87 years old,(no longer grand daughter but have become daughter) I made sure most or all of her debts has been coverd... etc...

    But now almost two years later, I'm mournin for my mother, my best friend etc....

    so I guess my question is, How can i fix this gap that is embedded in my heart, how do i not at nite think of her, how do i not.. play all of her fav songs.... I heard with time it get's betta... but it's almost been two years.. and it's not gettin better for me.. it seems to be gettin worse....

    Ok not tryin to make this out as a WOE is me.. thread.. just wanted to share what was on my heart/...

    whew anywho, I hope this finds u all to be doin well...Much luv to the NA Family...
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By xxxxsoulsnatchaxxxx on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 2:19 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    I don't know how it feels to lose a mother.. But when I look into my grandmother's eyes.. I can see & feel the pain for the recent lost of hers.. It hurts my soul to see her this way...

    I'm not going to tell you how to mourn.. But it's nothing wrong with thinking of her.. You can never erase her from your thoughts.. Maybe it's getting worse.. Because you haven't really mourned... If you feel you need to cry.. Cry sweetie.. There's no need to act "tough"... You may feel better... Even though it's almost two years.. It doesn't mean you don't have to mourn...

    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By eddieg72 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 2:32 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]

    Pink for real...if you never truly went through the grieving process...
    it could hit you at anytime.
    My mother passed in 2002.
    Because my younger and only brother was in prison at the time...
    all I could do was be the strong
    male figure for everyone else.
    My father is really an emotional male
    and I wasn't allowing myself to
    indulge in ANY of that nonsense.
    I was a pillar of strength,to others.
    I never shed ONE tear.
    But I'll tell you something...
    While I was being strong for everyone else...
    I was hurting me.
    That'a my Mom.
    To grieve would have been the RIGHT thing.
    But I didn't. It effected me in other ways.
    My relationship with a girlfriend I was really close to collapsed.
    I had difficulties with my Dad.
    I couldn't get along with people I normally did
    get along with.
    Until I took the time to GRIEVE.
    It's not easy...but it has to be done.

    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By bitch1926 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 2:33 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Each of us has a circle, from birth to death. some circles end way too soon (your Mom) and some last longer than expected (your Grandma)...the time of the end is God's are continuing to keep the matriach strong by the care and love to your is an important and honorable job for a daughter...savor the good memories that you have about your Mom, see the positive that was in your love for each other...connect what you shared with your Mom and what you do now for her Mother...speak to her in your heart, smile and feel her peace within you...God does not make mistakes, and who better to assist your Grandma than you...find joy in what you have, not sadness in what you lost...ask God to give you the confidence to continue doing your best, and thank him for a great family...know that your Mom lives in you and will always be a adoring part of your spirit...visit your memories with love and pride...woe to me does not need to exist in your come from at least 2 generations of precious are blessed, strong and fortunate to have these women within your life and are obviously fruit from good and healthy trees...[​IMG] peace be to your spirit, my Sis.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By pink_warrior32 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 2:47 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Eddie pooh i feel u thanks my babe

    WHEW @ bitch...giggle not sure if u remember when u first came on this board with this name.. i was like BITCHPLEASE..giggle welcome..

    whew thanks honey bunny i'm in agreement and rec what ur sayin.....

    but this is sooooooooo hard for me...

    at my lil wild crazy sis SOul...giggle thanks pooh i hear u as well...
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By philly570 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 3:04 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Having actually had a few Loved Ones spend their final seconds on this planet in my arms.

    I know it's not something one truly ever gets over but if during those times of reflection if one focuses on his or her fondest memories, I've found that concentrating on positive thoughts/moments/memories the pain of remembrance is lessen.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By bitch1926 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 3:12 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Sis...the sooo hard parts don't get easier, you live and learn to balance the heavy loads...hugs
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By soundsofsoul on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 3:13 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    It is all about the time. Your grieving was delayed it seems due to what you had to deal with. But even delayed grief just needs to run its course. When my father passed, I took it hard. And there was nothing I could have done, I just had to ride it out. Yeah, you never get over it. You never get passed it. It becomes a part of you. The pain is always there, at least that is my experience.

    I was offered to take anti depressants but I just couldn't drop a pill to take the grief away. I'm not one of these folks that feels like taking meds is wrong. I just felt like it would have dishonored him to use a pill to avoid what I felt. If it had gone on for a very long time and had gotten in the way of me raising my kids, my work or my marriage I would have taken the meds for sure.

    Grieving is just a part of the process.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By godivaedible on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 3:22 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    You never gonna get over it. You may think about her less or play the music less but a part of you will always mourn but not in a bad way. My mother died when I was 16 and I still think about her alot. When I hear certain songs or somebody says something she uses to say. No it makes me smile instead of cry.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By wizardofahhs on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 3:52 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    I tend to think it's not grief you're feeling so much as everlasting life.
    When someone you know and love passes to the other side some folk think you're suppose to be able to forget. There's very little you forget entirely and certainly not anyone or thing that was cherished.
    We somehow accept bad memories as a part of life, well accept that good memories as a great part of life.
    Love ones find everlasting life by living thorough you.No more than you want to be forver forgotten when you go to the otherside,nor do they.
    Honor the memories and welcome them because believe it or not if those memories start to fade from your mind, you'll truly know grief.

    Trust me, you'll come to understand the feeling I'm trying to relate and it'll come like a thief in the night.You'll be amazed at how you'll feel and find yourself clinging to every memory.

    Just understand life is not all good nor is it all bad so don't expect memories to be segregated either.

    Bless your heart [​IMG]
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By casper33 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 6:41 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Took me a long time to heal, 17 yrs in fact.. My mom was everything to me and I couldnt stop crying, Yes me a grown man crying everytime i realised she wasnt here anymore, I cried because I was focusing on my loss and not on the good times we shared when I did see her goodness the pain went away. So grieve if you must but celebrate her life.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By blklove1 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 7:38 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    aww this a tough one...i don tthink anyone can say how long that takes..just try to deal as best you can
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By je67 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 7:49 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT] and when you greive is up to you.. I lost my grandmother Aug 26,2006 (same day I hit 20yrs in the Marine Corps) and it hit me hard because she raised me from the time I was 2yrs old. She was my world and I would do anything for her at the drop of a dime..I never really cried for her loss but instead found myself looking back on all the good times we had and to this day she still lives in my heart.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By blackwolf33569 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 8:50 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    I lost my mother last June. So we are coming up on a year now, and it's still unreal. I still find myself calling her number to tell her something funny I read or ask her if she wants some fruit I see them sell on the side of the road. All I can say is it's going to take time. How long , who knows. Just let it take it's course.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By chocviper on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 9:11 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    From my experience, you never get over it, only adjust. My mother died in 1998 and I go by the cemetary, talk to her and visit my grandmother that I was very close and my younger brother. And I still ched a tear when I go there. I miss them all very much. My mother's birthday was April 24th and mines is April 29th. We used to celebrate them together, with the family. As a GOD fearing family, I know one day, we will all be together again having fun!
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By 1brownsugar on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 10:38 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Wow God bless each and everyone of you.....I don't know what it feels like to lose a mother and I used to say I hope I go before her, but that was selfish......... Her birthday is today...(74) And I just try to cherish every moment
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By theblack on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 11:34 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    When my mother passed I was the strong one for the sake of my sisters. After the funeral one of my cousins commented to me that he didn't know how I could not show emotion during the service.

    About nine years later I was emailing a friend, giving her comfort after the recent loss of her father. That's when the loss of my mother really hit me. I broke down so hard I almost scared myself.

    Coping with losing your mother is an individual thing, I think. The pain will fade in its own time, but you'll still miss her every time you think about her.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By chocolatedeluxe on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 11:50 am:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Wow! Your post hit me hard. For me its only been four months but not a day goes by that I don't cry. When it first happened I had to handle business and I didn't really take it all in. But wow now I am hurting bad.

    I hope and pray that soon I can at least get through the day without crying. Trust me losing your mother hurts like hell. I really have no advice for you but to say I feel your pain. I was thinking about therapy if it doesn't get any better by the end of the year. Crying everyday is not the answer, I don't even wanna do anything (I push myself to get out of bed everyday). So I'm just taking it day by day.

    I keep thinking if I would have put her on life support would she have lived longer? All these thoughts were going through my mind. I was right there in the hospital when she passed. The last words she said to me were go get the nurse I can't breath. I sat in there and watched her go from talking to the nurses saying she couldn't breath to not being able to respond to passing away. All in a matter of I would say 12 hours. I don't know if I had the option to be there if I would want to. Its just too painful.

    I just hope it gets easier.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By blackteacher1 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 1:20 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Pink, you've been so busy handling business put before your lap, you've haven't had a chance to mourn...I mean, really mourn.

    I've lost a parent and I too had a lot on my plate regarding family affairs. I didn't know it than but I didn't really mourn when most of my family did. I cried a little...but my mourning came much, much later. It hit my hard too and stayed with me for a while. It truly gets better with time darlin'.

    When time permits, find a good family member or friend that you can talk to. Prayer and walking helped me too...especially when it gets too hard to bear.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By __sexxxystlintx~ on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 1:27 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    i don't know what to tell you ...other than to say will always have my love and support...
    my ear and my email...

    i guess you never get over it you just have to pray for strength to carry are still here and have to live for her can't let it hold your heart have to find a happy place...your mother would want it that way...

    i can't imagine your pain...but i know that God can help you deal with it...
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By rosescented on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 1:32 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    Oh do we love our mothers! You'll always feel the sweet love of your mom when you expect it and when you least expect it. She's embedded in your heart and her love shines through you. Let your heart feel what it feels and through the passage of time, those feelings of utterly heavy loss will ease somewhat as well as ebb and flow. We wish we could tell you that time heals (it does to a certain extent) but the timetable for when that happens is so different for everyone.

    When you're feeling especially low, consider all she left behind - her legacy in you and others in your family. What beauty there is in knowing the impact she had on the world through you and yours. Cry if you need to, play her music when you want to, laugh about a funny moment you shared when you can.

    My mom left this world when I was young....1985. She was a jewel and is thought of daily.

    The thoughts of everyone here are with you. Thanks for sharing your story.
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By pink_warrior32 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 3:05 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    I want to take the time and thanks each and everyone of u guys... Luv u all
    [FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica][SIZE=-1][SIZE=-1]By smoothblack66 on Monday, April 26, 2010 - 4:53 pm:[/SIZE][/SIZE][/FONT]
    i have never lost anyone close to me so i dont know how i am going to respond when it does happen. i just pray i can be strong and still be able to grieve. it seems like that is what is so hard for those that have lost loved ones.
  2. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    Apr 27, 2010
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    ooooooooooooooooops !nimeshindwa kuendelea !!!
  3. Preta

    Preta JF-Expert Member

    Apr 27, 2010
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    me too....something short is nice
  4. Lily Flower

    Lily Flower JF-Expert Member

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    I have to find my glasses, pheeeeew.
  5. Janjaweed

    Janjaweed JF-Expert Member

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    take two glasses... ya maji na ya whisky