- Sep 24, 2010
Perhaps men - some - are super creatures who do not fear rain, storms, clouds or lions. But there some things would not want their women to know. Until it is too late to ditch the relationship boat and both partners have sailed into the deep blue sea with no tropical island in sight to rekindle fading romance.
Some stuff men happily narrate to their drinking buddies but will not tell their women unless on pain of death. For example the number written at the bottom of a salary slip. You probably
know the bottom line, where it is written net pay for the month X. The real bottom line is many men are uncomfortable to reveal to their partners their true earnings.
No man worth his beard would appoint his woman to be home auditor general, checking every expenditure item, demanding copies of proforma invoices for the few beers a man may have offered his buddies to soak in. In the socially-tolerated crime of drinking while watching European soccer live, offering a round of drinks is in perfect order.
You see, in the heat of the moment when a crucial goal is scored like the one against Burundi or Ivory Coast in the just ended Challenge Cup, a man may imbue one Safari on his way to leading one friend to the top of Kilimanjaro and another to the plain taste of the Serengeti.
One safari leads to another journey so a second round of drinks can follow the first and before you know it, one red Msimbazi is used up to drown the sorrow of being defeated by the boys from the Zambian copper belt.
When women discover the real earnings of their partners, they might demand explanation as to why it is always them who pay for food and clothing for the family? Is there an unwritten prenuptial agreement saying salaried women should pay household costs?
Men do not want an argument about the price of the latest Iphone or Samsung Amoled that every Dick the geek is clamouring for. Lady, if you know anything about home peacekeeping, pretend you did not see the latest toys men blow their earnings on. And God bless your silence.
Money is a big issue even if men say it is not. Men really wince with pain when the women in their lives earn more than they do. Knowing is bad enough but when women decide to brag about it or smear mens noses into the moola, it feels like a knife being stuck into mans bare chest.
There are a few brave men who bring home their entire salaries andplace it at the feet of their long-term partners. The women decide how much money their men can play with. It is as if cave men from the past are bringing home the proverbial deer to house matron, hoping for a lions share. Clever matrons would carve out a major portion for household and hair-care expenses, leaving the man with too little cash for a nights drinking with buddies.
When this rare breed of male Homo sapiens is pitted against a female of the same species but Praying mantis variety, the male is beheaded figuratively speaking. The woman becomes head and man the tail of the family. Many men would gladly give thanks for having understanding wives who leave pi as pi without squaring the radius to get the circumference of the husbands salary and expenditures.
If a man told you during courtship that he loves cooking and cleaning, he was probably lying through his teeth. Yes there are men who are so cleanliness-conscious that their lives are regimented like an army sergeant. Their shoes have to be put in certain specific positions and orientation, their working tables must be clean and without clutter.
Such a man would drive any normal woman nuts. Many men can spend hours in the kitchen cooking up a storm and yet serve nothing edible. They leave the milk so long on the stove it turns brown. No amount of tea leaves can mask the smell of burnt milk. The result is brown tea. If there is white tea and black tea, there surely must be brown tea. Like there is white bread, brown bread and black bread.
If we offer to make dinner, there is something we want in return. As they say, you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. A good turn deserves another, right? So keep your man away from the kitchen unless he is a good chef who loves cooking at home. There are quite a few male gourmet chefs who cook gourmet meals in hotels and restaurants, yet come home and pretend they left their cooking skills in the Garden of Eden.
We men like your friends so if you catch us ogling at their mathematics figuratively speaking, it does not mean we do not appreciate your geography. It is just that boys like to peek-a-boo.
Hey, we are still with you arent we? Those others we sometimes observe from the car window do not matter. We are scared you might just discover it could be more than a look-see.
Men are frightened by the idea of life-long commitment yet they swear to be with their women till death. Once married, it is a done deal. There is no turning back. Can love and fear coexist peacefully in our hearts?
Sunday December 19, 2010 Columnist
tonyzakaria, 18th December 2010 @ 16:00, Total Comments: 0, Hits: 69
Secrets and fears men keep from wives and girlfriends
Yes, like beer and wine. Women have their wine, men have the beer bottle. Together men and women can make good music.
Men are terrified when their women commandeer the family car, leaving the men in the front seat without any pedals. At which point a man feels as if the phrase till death do us part is about to come true. This may explain why husbands and boyfriends make terrible read terrified - driving instructors. So ladies, drink tea and drive safely.