Great Story: I came to know after 28 years that I am adopted, what should I do?


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Think Hard

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Think Hard

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I was born in India and adopted by a Spanish couple when I was four. So I have known it all my life my condition of an adoptee due to the lack of resemblance with my adoptive parents and in fact with any of the people I grew up with who were all white.

When I was a child I hated my biological parents, I hated India, and indians in general, I wanted to know nothing about it and I didn't want to have any connection with it. So I just tried to forget about it, completely. But that was impossible when children at your school were always reminding you of the fact that your adoptive parents aren't your real parents, when people saw first your brown skin rather than you as a person. That made me feel different, I know I was different, so I created my own bubble and I left the reality behind. That was so extreme that when teachers asked us to make a portrait of ourselves I drew myself with white skin and caucasian features, people didn't understand that, but when you don't have a mirror of yourself, your biological parents or people of your etnic, it is difficult to create a real image of yourself, it's difficult to know who you really are.

So it wasn't until my teens that I broke the perfect bubble where I lived in and faced the reality. The moment I realized I was different, then I started to blame my adoptive parents, for taking me of my place to a place I felt I didn't belong to, not because I didn't want to belong to Spain but because people around me made me feel I didn't belong.When this happens you feel a tremendous lack of identity, you don't know your past, you don't know who you really are, you know nothing. I know that when this happened I really hurt my adoptive parents, I didn't meant it, of course, but I needed to express my feelings, and anger was that feeling, anger of being lost in such a complicated world.

So when I read the comments above I think that the importance of biological parents is being underrated, I think it's really important, but not because they are your real parents, but because they posess the information you need to build your identity, you can't grow up without your past, is the base of your identity, is what you were before what you became, without a solid base, everything upon it can fall at any moment. And you must not feel ashamed to want to know about your biological parents, there is nothing wrong about it, in fact what is insane is not wanting to know. And, of course, your adoptive parents must accepted, and perhaps they may actually help you with your journey searching for your past. Just ask them, they may have the questions you want and need to know, if it is done with love and understanding of both parts, anyone won't feel harmed.

Finally, you must love both, your adoptive and biological parents, no matter what happened, your biological parents brought you the Life that your adoptive parents couldn't bring to you, and your adoptive parents brought you the love, security and affection that your biological parents were not able to give to you. No-one of them has to be blamed, it's all matter of circumstances and there must be logical reason behind all of it. Love both, feel lucky, because life gave to you such a wonderful second opportunity, accept life as it is and try to make it better, grow yourself inside, and do good to others in compensation of the gift you were given to.
 
Kasie

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Kasie

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Mshukuru mungu kwa kupata wazazi wa kukulea maana mayatima wengi wanaishia kwenye nyumba za watoto yatima na hawana maendeleo yoyote. Ji council kisaikolojia usonge mbele acha kuweka akilini historia.
 
Mfalme Daudi III

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Mfalme Daudi III

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You dont have to raise the deads at the moment!..Give thanks to God for who you are now and give thanks to your parents that have adopted you. There is nothing you can do now but atleast give a try to find the whereabouts of your biological parents and how you came to be adopted by the parents that have adopted you. Am sure the findings will be astonishing to you. And mind that whatever the findings give no room for blames let your heart forgive and forget and live your life. God loves you.
 
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Luggy

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Sometime life put us in certain situations without our wish, and that is life.Noting just happens,thank God even for that life.You never know,probably your life could have been worse without you going through that path.
 
SHIEKA

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SHIEKA

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I was born in India and adopted by a Spanish couple when I was four. So I have known it all my life my condition of an adoptee due to the lack of resemblance with my adoptive parents and in fact with any of the people I grew up with who were all white.

When I was a child I hated my biological parents, I hated India, and indians in general, I wanted to know nothing about it and I didn't want to have any connection with it. So I just tried to forget about it, completely. But that was impossible when children at your school were always reminding you of the fact that your adoptive parents aren't your real parents, when people saw first your brown skin rather than you as a person. That made me feel different, I know I was different, so I created my own bubble and I left the reality behind. That was so extreme that when teachers asked us to make a portrait of ourselves I drew myself with white skin and caucasian features, people didn't understand that, but when you don't have a mirror of yourself, your biological parents or people of your etnic, it is difficult to create a real image of yourself, it's difficult to know who you really are.

So it wasn't until my teens that I broke the perfect bubble where I lived in and faced the reality. The moment I realized I was different, then I started to blame my adoptive parents, for taking me of my place to a place I felt I didn't belong to, not because I didn't want to belong to Spain but because people around me made me feel I didn't belong.When this happens you feel a tremendous lack of identity, you don't know your past, you don't know who you really are, you know nothing. I know that when this happened I really hurt my adoptive parents, I didn't meant it, of course, but I needed to express my feelings, and anger was that feeling, anger of being lost in such a complicated world.

So when I read the comments above I think that the importance of biological parents is being underrated, I think it's really important, but not because they are your real parents, but because they posess the information you need to build your identity, you can't grow up without your past, is the base of your identity, is what you were before what you became, without a solid base, everything upon it can fall at any moment. And you must not feel ashamed to want to know about your biological parents, there is nothing wrong about it, in fact what is insane is not wanting to know. And, of course, your adoptive parents must accepted, and perhaps they may actually help you with your journey searching for your past. Just ask them, they may have the questions you want and need to know, if it is done with love and understanding of both parts, anyone won't feel harmed.

Finally, you must love both, your adoptive and biological parents, no matter what happened, your biological parents brought you the Life that your adoptive parents couldn't bring to you, and your adoptive parents brought you the love, security and affection that your biological parents were not able to give to you. No-one of them has to be blamed, it's all matter of circumstances and there must be logical reason behind all of it. Love both, feel lucky, because life gave to you such a wonderful second opportunity, accept life as it is and try to make it better, grow yourself inside, and do good to others in compensation of the gift you were given to.
This thread has two parts interwoven: problem and solution kind of question and answer.- this is how I saw it.
 
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Think Hard

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Think Hard

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You dont have to raise the deads at the moment!..Give thanks to God for who you are now and give thanks to your parents that have adopted you. There is nothing you can do now but atleast give a try to find the whereabouts of your biological parents and how you came to be adopted by the parents that have adopted you. Am sure the findings will be astonishing to you. And mind that whatever the findings give no room for blames let your heart forgive and forget and live your life. God loves you.
You are absolutely correct!!Amazing comments!!
 
shonkoso

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shonkoso

shonkoso

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Mshukuru mungu kwa kupata wazazi wa kukulea maana mayatima wengi wanaishia kwenye nyumba za watoto yatima na hawana maendeleo yoyote. Ji council kisaikolojia usonge mbele acha kuweka akilini historia.
English please
 

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