...kama kuzungumzia siku utayokufa, ngoja leo nilete 'uchuro' kuzungumzia (iwapo itatokea) mas'ala ya kuachana/kutalikiana. katika pita pita zangu kwenye magazeti ya leo, nimekutana na mawaidha haya, si vibaya nika share nanyi; Manage your emotions: This is the most important thing -particularly managing your anger. It's OK to let your child know it's a difficult and painful time for you, too, but remember strong emotions can frighten a child. Your children need to know the world is still a safe place where their needs will be met. One of the most destructive things you can do is blame your partner. It's essential the kids know they can continue to have a good relationship with both of you. Break the news together: Parents should tell the children together wherever possible. Timing and sensitivity are crucial. Once the decision is final and you've got a rough idea of how and when changes will happen, sit down together and explain. They don't need to know the ins and outs of why you've broken up, but they do need to know you are still committed to them, even if you're no longer partners. Children's reactions vary depending on their age and personality. For all, there will be a huge sense of shock, confusion and anxiety. They may also be angry. Be ready to answer their questions as honestly as possible and make sure they know they can come to you whenever they need to. Reassure, reassure, reassure: Children of all ages need to know that the separation is not their fault and that neither of you will stop loving them or leave them. They need to be given confidence about new living arrangements and know that it's OK for them to keep on loving both of you. It's essential that parents realise divorce is not a one-off event for children but a decision that will affect them for the rest of their lives. That means the reassurance needs to continue over the coming months and years. Maintain routines and boundaries: External routines can help to minimise internal turmoil. Therefore, where possible, keep life the same as it has been bedtimes and mealtimes, brushing teeth and going to school. Regressing to an earlier stage of development is common for younger children and older ones may be more challenging than usual. Accept these changes as normal but support and encourage your children to get back on track as soon as they're ready. Establish regular contact: This is important, as soon as possible, especially for younger children who will find long separation difficult. As well as face-to face contact, agree regular phone times or use text and email. Many children will feel insecure about contact at first and lateness or cancellations can easily be taken as rejection, so never let your kids down unless it's absolutely unavoidable. Become a co-operative co-parent: If you've always argued about the children, then co-operative parenting may be harder than ever. But, for many, once the tensions of the relationship come to an end, it can be easier to both focus on what's best for the kids. Try to keep in regular contact with each other to discuss parenting concerns and plans, and never use your children as go-betweens. Even relaying simple, practical information can soon become a burden.