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Financial meltdown/cost cutting measures

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Masanilo, Apr 24, 2009.

  1. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

    Apr 24, 2009
    Joined: Oct 2, 2007
    Messages: 22,303
    Likes Received: 168
    Trophy Points: 160
    Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been
    revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

    1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage
    shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

    2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

    3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are
    Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in
    triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified
    dietician report as supportive documentation.

    4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be
    watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only
    plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

    5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while
    bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

    6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants
    shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

    7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food,
    drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing
    for them.

    8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs;
    doing so shall carry aninstantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

    9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The House, shall
    immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace
    such broken item(s).

    10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate
    and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village
    Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their
    homes. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate,
    upon arrival