Fikiria kabla ya kutenda:Unaporuka kimanga kisa mwanamke kakwambia yu mjamzito!

[WomanOfSubstance]

Mahusiano yanayopelekea kupeana mimba yanaleta uchungu ama furaha kutegemeana na maelewano na makubaliano ya wahusika.Wanawake wengine hudhani kuwa njia ya kumkamata sawasawa mwanaume anayerukaruka ni kupata ujauzito.Wapo pia wanaume hufanya hivyohivyo, wakidhani ati ni kumshikisha adabu mwanamke anayeringa! Lakini wanaume wengi hawataki kusikia kwamba kitendo walichofanya kimezaa matunda na ndiyo hapo utakaposhangaa mtu anaruka futi 1000 kwamba hahusiki! Thanks God kuna kipimo cha DNA siku hizi - kwa hiyo hakuna kuruka wala kubambikiwa tena.
Maswali kadhaa hunijia akilini ninapofikiria wanawake wanaotelekezwa baada ya kupewa ujauzito:
1.Mtoto anayezaliwa bila ridhaa ya wazazi anaonekana vipi katika jamii?
2.Mwanamke anayetelekezwa baada ya kupewa ujauzito, anakuwa na mtihani gani kulea mimba na hatimaye mtoto?
3.Je kwa wale wanawake wanaojua raha ya kupata ujauzito uliopangiliwa au unaokubalika na wote ( mwanaume na mwanamke wahusika) mnaweza kusema nini kuhusu wanawake wanaoachwa wakipitia kipindi hiki kigumu cha matazamio na mashaka makubwa na hatimaye kuja kubeba mzigo wote unaoendana na malezi?

Hebu tuangalie takwimu kuhusu watoto wanaozaliwa na mzazi peke ( single parent)Kufuatana na Wade Horn and Andrew Bush, "Fathers, Marriage, and Welfare Reform," Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997, Hudson Institute,

• Kwa wafungwa wa muda mrefu ,asilimia 70 ni watoto waliozaliwa bila kuwepo na baba kwa maana mama tu ndiyo alilea mtoto
• Asilimia 60 ya wabakaji na asilimia 75 ya vijana wadogo walioshtakiwa na mauaji wamekuwa bila kuwa na baba nyumbani.
• Watoto wasiokuwa na baba wanafeli mara tatu zaidi masomo kuliko wanaolelewa na baba na mama.
• Vilevile watoto hawa, wana uwezekano wa karibia asilimia 40% zaidi ya wenzao kunyanyasika kuliko wale walio na baba zao.

Naombeni tujadili hili na tushauri wanaume wanaotelekeza watoto.

 

[KIFARU]

WOS
Mi napendekeza kungekua na elimu inayotolewa mashuleni namna ya kujiweka ili uwe mama wa familia, Baba wa familia,

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Asante ndugu yangu Kifaru,
Hilo ni wazo zuri sana.Na pia nadhani elimu hiyo ingeanzia nyumbani ..maana watoto huwaamini wazazi kwanza kabla ya mtu yeyote.Najua kuna shule ambazo hufundisha masomo ya kuwasaidia watoto wajitambue wao na majukumu yao katika jamii sina uhakika elimu hiyo inaingiza mambo gani.Labda wenye kujua zaidi watuhabarishe.

 

[Kyachakiche]

Nafikiri pia tungejadili sababu za wanaume kuzikataa mimba ama kuwatelekeza wanawake wanaodai kupewa ujauzito. Kwa mfano, utakuta mwanamke ana wanaume zaidi ya mmoja, wakati jamaa anamuaproach huyu mwanamke huenda aliambiwa haitawezekana kutokana na kuwa na mtu mwingine. Kwa wanaume hiyo haimvunji moyo kama keshapenda. Atatumia mbinu zote ili ampate, na ikiwa hivyo wanaweza kutumia kinga mara kadhaa( siyo wote) na baadaye kuziacha. Kama ikatokea mwanamke akadai ana mimba, jamaa hatakubali kwa urahisi kwani anajiua kwamba hayuko mwenyewe. Kwa mantiki hiyo kama hawataamua kutumia njia za kitaalam (DNA) kuthibitisha ukweli, itakuwa vigumu kwa jamaa kukubali huo ujauzito labda hadi mtoto azaliwe. Hata kwa mwanamke pia nafikiri atakuwa fifty fifty kama anatoa huku na huko.

 

[Masanilo]

Kukataa mimba kunachangiwa na sababu nyingi mfano msichana anaposingizia mimba alonayo kwa wanaume watatu tofauti tofauti, unategemea mimi hapo? Kila mmoja atakaa maana atahisi huenda ni ya mwenzake!

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Nafikiri pia tungejadili sababu za wanaume kuzikataa mimba ama kuwatelekeza wanawake wanaodai kupewa ujauzito. Kwa mfano, utakuta mwanamke ana wanaume zaidi ya mmoja, wakati jamaa anamuaproach huyu mwanamke huenda aliambiwa haitawezekana kutokana na kuwa na mtu mwingine. Kwa wanaume hiyo haimvunji moyo kama keshapenda. Atatumia mbinu zote ili ampate, na ikiwa hivyo wanaweza kutumia kinga mara kadhaa( siyo wote) na baadaye kuziacha. Kama ikatokea mwanamke akadai ana mimba, jamaa hatakubali kwa urahisi kwani anajiua kwamba hayuko mwenyewe. Kwa mantiki hiyo kama hawataamua kutumia njia za kitaalam (DNA) kuthibitisha ukweli, itakuwa vigumu kwa jamaa kukubali huo ujauzito labda hadi mtoto azaliwe. Hata kwa mwanamke pia nafikiri atakuwa fifty fifty kama anatoa huku na huko.

Asante Mkuu,
Mwanaume kama huyu mwenye kujua hayuko peke yake halafu pia ana risk kutokutumia kinga huwa anajiaminisha vipi?
Si afadhali mimba..je ingekuwa kirusi angerukia wapi?
Mada inaendelea kunoga wachangiaji!

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Kukataa mimba kunachangiwa na sababu nyingi mfano msichana anaposingizia mimba alonayo kwa wanaume watatu tofauti tofauti, unategemea mimi hapo? Kila mmoja atakaa maana atahisi huenda ni ya mwenzake!

lakini Masa,kuna wanaume wanakataa mradi wamekataa tu! Ina maana walikuwa wanamchezea tu huyo mwanamke au msichana.Wanaogopa majukumu yanayoambatana na ulezi.Na haijalishi ni mwanaume wa namna gani.Sababu nyingine hadi zinachekesha.
soma hapa:

Family lawyer Jan Koh from Harry Elias Partnership said the men who shirk their duties as fathers range from businessmen to coffeeshop owners.
One unmarried doctor in his 30s dumped a student in her early 20s, refusing to believe that a one-off fling could make her pregnant;
in another case, a businessman in his late 40s ditched his pregnant mistress after initially planning to divorce his wife and marry her. The woman in her 30s had to take him to court to get child-support payments.
Sasa mwanaume unapofanya kitendo bila hata kinga na huku huna mpango, unakuwa unategemea nini?

 

[Kyachakiche]

Asante Mkuu,
Mwanaume kama huyu mwenye kujua hayuko peke yake halafu pia ana risk kutokutumia kinga huwa anajiaminisha vipi?
Si afadhali mimba..je ingekuwa kirusi angerukia wapi?
Mada inaendelea kunoga wachangiaji!

Nakubaliana na wewe WOS, ila hata kama hujaambiwa kwamba ana mtu, muonekano na uhalisia wa kimaumbile utajieleza tu na hivyo kupelekea mtu kutokuinga kichwa kichwa kukubali mimba.

 

[Marlenevdc]

WOS,
This is a relevant topic. I cannot emphasize more that by bringing this to our attention you are contributing to raise awareness amongst all of us. People, especially young men and women should be made aware of their sexuality, responsibilities and consequences arising from it whether at home (by parents and caretakers), at schools or even through religious teachers and teachings.
Furthermore, young women/ girls should be promoted and encouraged to pursue education and careers that will empower them economically and allow them to be socially responsible, thereby becoming self reliant in their lives and needs. Instead of depending on men (so-called buzi's, ATM's) to provide for their needs. This will decrease and eventually eliminate sex for benefit attitude and exploitation by one another.
Women should abide by a 90 day (in critical cases even longer) minimum limit period before allowing benefit to open relationship and trust with men!
The combination of above (and many more other measures) will promote common understanding of sexual and man-woman relationships, which is a major cause of single parenthood.
I do not claim to have covered everything.
I trust that WOS will forgive me for that!

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

WOS,
This is a relevant topic. I cannot emphasize more that by bringing this to our attention you are contributing to raise awareness amongst all of us. People, especially young men and women should be made aware of their sexuality, responsibilities and consequences arising from it whether at home (by parents and caretakers), at schools or even through religious teachers and teachings.
Furthermore, young women/ girls should be promoted and encouraged to pursue education and careers that will empower them economically and allow them to be socially responsible, thereby becoming self reliant in their lives and needs. Instead of depending on men (so-called buzi's, ATM's) to provide for their needs. This will decrease and eventually eliminate sex for benefit attitude and exploitation by one another.
Women should abide by a 90 day (in critical cases even longer) minimum limit period before allowing benefit to open relationship and trust with men!
The combination of above (and many more other measures) will promote common understanding of sexual and man-woman relationships, which is a major cause of single parenthood.
I do not claim to have covered everything.
I trust that WOS will forgive me for that!

bravo my friend!
You have driven the points home very well...I believe through more dialogues such as these we can save lives, relationships and more..
lets keep this talk alive wherever we are.
Stay blessed!

 

[Buswelu]

Wos

Unajua hii mada naweza kusema ni nzuri kwa maana kwamba ina raise ufahamu lakini...kuna sehemu umesema kuwa huyu bwana anaye jua wako wawili harafu anauza mechi(mapenzi bila kinga) anafikiri nini....

Jamani hili swala la maamuzi ya kutumia kinga kubaki kwa wanaume ndio mara kwa mara chanzo cha mimba zisizo tarajiwa.....na watu kukataa...hiii ni kwa sababu wanaume na wanawake pengine hawana uelewa mkubwa kuhusu uzazi...kuna watu bado wanaamini mapenzi bila kinga mara moja hayawezi weka mimba.

Kingine hata wadada nao....hata kuhesabu calendar,kutumia dawa za uzazi wa mpango kama wajua bwana uliye naye ni muuza mechi sana...jitahi na wewe kujikinga..kwani mazingira yanakushinda kumwambia atumia kinga....

Kingine kutokuwa na mawasiliano kwenye mahusiano...yaani tunafanya tu mapenzi bila hata kuongea kwanini tunafanya je kikitokea kitu tufanyaje...hii hatuwezi kataa wengi hatuzungumzi tukifika ni kufanya tu....bila kuongea...na hili ndio maana wenzetu weupe wanatuzidi...mimba hizi za ajabu ajabu na watoto wasiojulikana baba zao ni ndogo sana kwao...
Tukiweza kuwa na mawasiliano ndani ya mahusiano haya hili linaweza zungumzika na kupata suluhisho...

WOS vidoge vya uzazi wa mpango kwa wadada ambao hawajazaa vina madhara gani...nasikia kuna uwezekano wa kuzaa watoto wenye mtindio wa ubongo.Kwani kuna rafiki yangu girlfriend wake hataki kabisa tumia hizo...

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Wos

Unajua hii mada naweza kusema ni nzuri kwa maana kwamba ina raise ufahamu lakini...kuna sehemu umesema kuwa huyu bwana anaye jua wako wawili harafu anauza mechi(mapenzi bila kinga) anafikiri nini....

Jamani hili swala la maamuzi ya kutumia kinga kubaki kwa wanaume ndio mara kwa mara chanzo cha mimba zisizo tarajiwa.....na watu kukataa...hiii ni kwa sababu wanaume na wanawake pengine hawana uelewa mkubwa kuhusu uzazi...kuna watu bado wanaamini mapenzi bila kinga mara moja hayawezi weka mimba.

Kingine hata wadada nao....hata kuhesabu calendar,kutumia dawa za uzazi wa mpango kama wajua bwana uliye naye ni muuza mechi sana...jitahi na wewe kujikinga..kwani mazingira yanakushinda kumwambia atumia kinga....

Kingine kutokuwa na mawasiliano kwenye mahusiano...yaani tunafanya tu mapenzi bila hata kuongea kwanini tunafanya je kikitokea kitu tufanyaje...hii hatuwezi kataa wengi hatuzungumzi tukifika ni kufanya tu....bila kuongea...na hili ndio maana wenzetu weupe wanatuzidi...mimba hizi za ajabu ajabu na watoto wasiojulikana baba zao ni ndogo sana kwao...
Tukiweza kuwa na mawasiliano ndani ya mahusiano haya hili linaweza zungumzika na kupata suluhisho...

WOS vidoge vya uzazi wa mpango kwa wadada ambao hawajazaa vina madhara gani...nasikia kuna uwezekano wa kuzaa watoto wenye mtindio wa ubongo.Kwani kuna rafiki yangu girlfriend wake hataki kabisa tumia hizo...

Naomba nianze na la mwisho ndugu yangu.
Matumizi ya vidonge kwa wanawake ambao hawajazaa.- Inategemea maana vidonge hivyo ni homoni inayoiga homoni za uzazi za mwanamke.Kuna mitizamo tofauti kwenye hili.Kuna wenye kusema siyo vizuri kutumia kwa maana kama ilivyo dawa nyingine yoyote inaweza kuleta madhara ikiwa ni pamoja na saratani.Kuna wenye kusema hakuna madhara.Bila kuingia kwa undani sana kwenye hili suala lenye controversy nyingi, mimi ningesema hivi, mdada kama hujazaa ni afadhali ama uache hadi utakapokuwa tayari kuanza familia ndipo ujiingize katika ngono.Kama hutaweza ni afadhali condom maana itafanya kazi ya kuzuia maambukizi ya UKIMWI na STD/STIs na pia mimba zisizotarajiwa kwa uhakika zaidi.

Mawasiliano katika masuala ya uzazi na mahusiano ya kingono - hili ni eneo muhimu mno na ziko program mbalimbali zenye kulenga kuwaelimisha vijana -kuanzia adolescents au vijana walio kwenye balehe hadi waliopevuka zaidi.Mashule mengi yanajitahidi kutoa elimu ya kujitambua miili na kupevuka ikiwa ni pamoja na mambo yahusuyo kujamiiana na madhara yake pale kijana hatakuwa responsible.Lakini wazazi nao hawapaswi kukaa kiti cha nyuma kusubiri waalimu au waelimishaji rika( peer educators) wafanye hii kazi.Ni wajibu wa kila mzazi kuwa muwazi kwa mtoto wake na kumpa taarifa sahihi ziendazo na umri wa mtoto.

Uwazi kwa wote wanawake na wanaume - ni muhimu kuzungumza malengo ya mahusiano yenu.Kuna uelewa tofauti baina ya wanawake na wanaume inapokuja suala la kujamiiana.Wanawake hudhani hilo tendo ni kielelezo cha juu cha commitment ilhali wanaume wengi kama sikosei inawezekana isionyeshe hivyo.Sasa malengo yanapokuwa tofauti ndipo wanapokuja kutofautiana mimba inapotokea.Ni vema basi kuweka bayana malengo yenu - kwamba uhusiano huo hauna commitment ya kuoana au kuzaa ili ikitokea basi kusiwepo na lawama.

 

[Ndahani]

Kukataa mimba kwa kukimbia majukumu wakati mwanaume unajua fika ndo muhusika ni uoga wa majukumu.Uzoefu unaonyesha baadae huwa inaleta shida kubwa kuungana na mtoto uliyemkataa kwa makusudi.

 

[Mbu]

... Lakini wanaume wengi hawataki kusikia kwamba kitendo walichofanya kimezaa matunda na ndiyo hapo utakaposhangaa mtu anaruka futi 1000 kwamba hahusiki! Thanks God kuna kipimo cha DNA siku hizi - kwa hiyo hakuna kuruka wala kubambikiwa tena.

...WoS, nini gharama ya hicho kipimo cha DNA kwa hapo nyumbani Tanzania?

tatizo sio kumpa mimba 'demu', kugeuzwa ATM ndio shughuli pevu!

...utasikia mwanangu havai Nepi, yeye pampers tu,...halafu licha ya kumuwekea order ya maziwa ng'ombe, mama mtu anataka S26 kopo kila baada ya siku mbili, kama hilo halitoshi, Kliniki lazima mtoto apelekwe na kurudishwa na teksi,...kamshahara kenyewe ka KCC itawezekana vipi?

Wengine wana hila, akishajua ana mimba yako basi atahakikisha mpaka mkeo anajua umeugonga mwamba! Nuksi tupu

 

[Mbu]

Kukataa mimba kwa kukimbia majukumu wakati mwanaume unajua fika ndo muhusika ni uoga wa majukumu.Uzoefu unaonyesha baadae huwa inaleta shida kubwa kuungana na mtoto uliyemkataa kwa makusudi.

pamoja na kujijua mhusika (mtuhumiwa) lakini bado haiondoshi lawama pekee kwa 'mamsapu', kwani yeye hajui siku zake za hatari bana?

 

[Mama Joe]

Mahusiano yanayopelekea kupeana mimba yanaleta uchungu ama furaha kutegemeana na maelewano na makubaliano ya wahusika.Wanawake wengine hudhani kuwa njia ya kumkamata sawasawa mwanaume anayerukaruka ni kupata ujauzito.Wapo pia wanaume hufanya hivyohivyo, wakidhani ati ni kumshikisha adabu mwanamke anayeringa! Lakini wanaume wengi hawataki kusikia kwamba kitendo walichofanya kimezaa matunda na ndiyo hapo utakaposhangaa mtu anaruka futi 1000 kwamba hahusiki! Thanks God kuna kipimo cha DNA siku hizi - kwa hiyo hakuna kuruka wala kubambikiwa tena.
Naombeni tujadili hili na tushauri wanaume wanaotelekeza watoto.

Ahsante WoS, lakini kama mwanamke naona umeangalia upande mmoja tu, hujasikia wanaume wanaowatia mimba wanawake ili wakubali kuolewa nao kwasababu ya hizo mimba au watoto?
binafsi, Nadhani suala ni maadili tu, kwanini kuwe na tendo hilo bila ya kanuni:
1. kufanyika kabla ya ndoa (marafiki, wachumba etc)
2. nje ya ndoa (wanandoa wanawake na wanaume pia)
3. kama biashara (changudoa, wanawake wanaohitaji mitaji ya biashara etc)
4. kama rushwa (wanawake wanaotaka kazi, promotion, passing marks etc)

nadhani kila mtu angesimama ktk maadili kusingekuwa na makundi hayo hapo juu, hao wote ni risk takers ambao hata wangevaa kinga gani wanaweza kushika mimba, mambo ya kuzingatia:
1. watoto wengi wasio baba ni wa wakina baba wenye ndoa zao wanaotoka nje ya ndoa aidha kwa tamaa tu, kutafuta uzazi, kuongeza watoto wa jinsia anayotaka etc lakini hapa je huyu mwanamke naye anafikiri nini? na kwanini sie wanawake hatuwakemei watu wa namna hii?
2. kulazimisha ndoa kwa wanaowapa mimba haisaidii kwani wanawake wengine wanafukuzwa na watoto wao baada ya kuzaa nje ya ndoa, mke wa mtu asiyetulia naye anawaza nini kuhusu matokeo yake?
3. pia wakinababa wengi wanaowatia mimba wasichana wadogo wanandoa zao sasa umlazimishe aoe wangapi wakati inaonekana ndoa kwake ni msamiati mgumu, wanafunzi wasichana wawaogope kabisa hawa sugar daddy!
4. wazazi muwafundishe binti zenu kuwa boyfriend hata mchumba sio mume, wakatae kulala nao (hapa naona ndo tatizo kubwa siku hizi)
5. hawa maCD na wanawake wajasiriamali wanaotafuta vimtaji aidha kwa kujiuza au kumzalia mtu nao mtasema waolewe au waletwe ktk ndoa hizo wanazoziibia? Hawa wawezeshwe kielimu na kimtaji basi wamefata hela tu
6. wote mumwogope Mungu basi, yote haya ni kukosa hofu ya MUngu.

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

Asante Mama Joe,
Nashukuru kwa kuleta dimension nyingine kwenye huu mjadala - maadili jamani..... ndio uzuri wa penye wengi maana hapaharibiki neno.

 

[MissKitim]

WOS,
Samahani hizo takwimu ulizoweka ni za dunia nzima...ama ni za nchi fulani?

 

[WomanOfSubstance]

WOS,
Samahani hizo takwimu ulizoweka ni za dunia nzima...ama ni za nchi fulani?

hahaha..ni za Marekani ndugu yangu na nimezitumia kama mfano.Kwa TZ bahati mbaya nimeshindwa kupata takwimu halisia apart from anecdotal evidence.

 

[MissKitim]

Kwa TZ hicho kipengele cha watoto waliolewa na mama zao %wise itakuwa tu juu..Familia nyingi Dar..kwa walio katika umri wa kujitegemea sasa hivi wengi ukifuatilia wamelelewa na mama.

Sijui ni nini kinatokea familia nyingi huvunjika kabla ya watoto hawajafikisha 5-10years. Na utakuta Baba anaondoka anamwachia Mama watoto..
Inasikitisha sana..Na mara nyingi sababu ni nyumba ndogo.

Halafu sasa utakuta mwanamme anakuja kujirudi mtoto anapokuwa anajitegemea..ndio akili zinamrudi kuwa alitenda makosa. Hapo unajiuliza anakuwa serious kweli na kosa lake?? au anataka huruma ya mtoto ili alelewe na kubeba sifa za achievement za mtoto wakati sio yeye aliomuhangaikia.

Na mara nyingi Mungu huwa mkubwa...malipo huwa hapa hapa. Wengi utakuta wanaishia maisha ya kifukara wakati Mama aliyemwacha fukara ndio anapeta kipindi hiki...

I believe somo la uwajibikaji katika familia linatakiwa lianze kufundishwa pindi watoto wanapofikia ujana....