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Daddy's 10 rules of dating

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by BAK, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    Dec 21, 2008
    Joined: Feb 11, 2007
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    Daddy's 10 rules of dating

    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
    package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,
    so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
    keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
    wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
    hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends
    are complete ******. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this
    issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your
    underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
    However, inorder to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off
    during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail
    gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing
    a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it
    comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
    other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
    day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is
    an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
    house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
    date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
    daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
    will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If
    you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
    and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
    be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
    putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the
    Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
    something useful, like changing the oil in my car.

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
    Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
    stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing,
    holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is
    warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
    T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
    parka-zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual
    theme are to be avoided; movies which features chainsaws are okay. Hockey
    games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
    dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
    all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are
    going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
    truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
    behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
    sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
    paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my
    head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
    daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the
    car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce
    in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
    then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The
    camouflaged face at the window is mine.
  2. s

    shonge Member

    Dec 22, 2008
    Joined: Dec 11, 2007
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    Duh, haya masharti si afadhali uachane tu na huyo binti??
  3. S

    Semjato JF-Expert Member

    Dec 22, 2008
    Joined: Jun 26, 2008
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    am'date mwenyewe,asitutanie...ebo!
  4. Mtaalam

    Mtaalam JF-Expert Member

    Dec 22, 2008
    Joined: Oct 1, 2007
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    dah basi amuoage binti yake huyo mzee asitake kuturusha stimu,kwani ameambiw ahuyo bintie ana dhahabu ndani????!dat if ukimdate u become rich?