Confessions of a COUGAR

[Steve Dii]

Je wafahamu 'ma- cougar' ni akina nani?!

Bila shaka Mack Lessons zilizoletwa na BRAZAMENI (https://www.jamiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=11407) zitakuwa zimepata majibu kinamna yake...

Tafadhali soma zaidi hapa chini..

Confessions of a cougar​

By: Jane Ganahl

Much has been made lately of the “cougar” phenomenon—so much so that you might assume the dating universe is now littered with Demi-Ashton wannabe couples. Not necessarily so, although cougars are becoming more visible with each passing month.

For the uninitiated, a cougar is a powerful, sexy woman of a certain age. She is not looking to get married or have babies. She loves nothing better than to pick up man-cubs and have her wicked way with them. Think of the 40-something Samantha on Sex and the City, who rode off into the night with her beloved 20-something Smith, howling an (ahem) ecstatic tune.

Why cougar-cub pairings make sense
So what’s wrong with that scenario, you ask? Nothing that I can see! Think about it: Women reach their sexual peak roughly 15 years later than men. So it makes perfect sense for a 25-year-old guy to date a 40-year-old woman—for them to “meet at the peak,” so to speak.

I had a cougar phase in my 40s, and sweet it was. I was just coming off a divorce, my daughter was just off to college, and it was playtime! I salved my “empty nest” heartbreak with a series of enthusiastic younger lovers who brought a wonderful energy to my life and reminded me that there were plenty of miles in me yet.

Like me, many women hit a self-esteem dip in their 40s due to divorce; for those women, I heartily endorse reclaiming self-esteem by dating younger guys—they are generally far more worshipful than our contemporaries.

The pros and cons of cougar-hood
I grew out of my cougar phase when I realized that great sex, while an important part of a relationship, wasn’t as important to me as shared life experience. (As Nietzsche famously noted, “A good marriage is based on the talent for friendship.”) I became more interested in a suitor’s brain, spirituality and music preferences than I was his washboard abs. And I definitely viewed my cougar activities as just-for-fun; it didn’t occur to me that a December-May relationship could have a future.

Perhaps it should have! Many so-called cougars have found long-term love with their junior swains. The 15-year age difference between Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — so tittered about at first — now seems like a big so-what; their marriage seems solid and real and adoring.

But taking the cougar route is not for the faint of heart. There are still some ugly stereotypes out there that suggest cougars are pathetic, lonely, bored creatures, rather than powerful sexual beings. Pshaw, says Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.

“If the sexes were reversed, would they say that about an older man bedding a young woman? Of course not!” she says indignantly. “I’ve spent the last several years trying to change that image, but society hasn’t quite gotten it yet.”

She points out that this social phenomenon has a lot to offer mature single women: “The whole cougar movement is about giving women the opportunity to think differently about aging. Where it used to be all over at this age, now it’s only beginning. These women have everything to offer and should not allow society to put them down.”

Gibson also sees no reason why such unions can’t lead to love and marriage. “It’s foolish to assume that love can’t blossom no matter what the age difference. And unlike the old days, when women had to marry someone older than they were, dating younger expands romantic opportunities significantly,” she says.

What every would-be cougar should know
So if you’re a woman who’s considering dating younger (perhaps way younger) men, consider this advice:

• Some women are better suited to this lifestyle than others. If you have a hard time dealing with raised eyebrows and tittering among family members, consider whether you have it in you to color outside the dating lines in this way.
• If you decide your younger man is worth it, then set the tone for your friends’ and family’s reactions by presenting your relationship to them as healthy, happy and loving. And when you do, they are likely to respect your choice!
• Be aware of potential issues that might arise if you do fall in love with a cub. Compare your long-term goals; if he’s anxious to get married and have kids and you have been there/done that, that might be an insurmountable problem.
• Be open-minded to maximize your experience! More important than years on the planet are shared values, similar interests, and chemistry.

Remember, such liaisons are becoming more commonplace all the time! And we don’t all have to look like Samantha to score. And with any luck (and a big dose of love and lust), you can ride off into the sunset with your younger man, as she did.

Jane Ganahl is author of Naked on the Page: the Misadventures of My Unmarried Midlife, editor of the anthology Single Woman of a Certain Age, journalist of two decades, and co-director of San Francisco’s Litquake literary festival.

Source link: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.as...gID=523934&BannerID=566942&menuid=6&GT1=26000


SteveD.

 

[Steve Dii]

by the way, neno gani la kiswahili linaloweza kufit neno 'cougar'?.....

 

[Icadon]

Haha ebanae earlier on kuna mtu nilikuwa naongea naye kuhusu Cougar...na akaniambia inabidi tukacheck out bar yao moja hapa mjini.....

 

[Steve Dii]

Haha ebanae earlier on kuna mtu nilikuwa naongea naye kuhusu Cougar...na akaniambia inabidi tukacheck out bar yao moja hapa mjini.....

....je, mlizuka huko na kubahatika?!

 

[NakuliliaTanzania]

teh teh teh, msee usijivunje bana unaweza pata limama likakulea!! LOL....hivi McBush nae si ni cougar la kiume!!? kuna raha yake kuvinjali na kibibi kinachovaa dentures, hasa ktk suala la kula koni......

tobaaa....madentures tena akiyatoa si unahisi kukimbia

 

[Msanii]

hili neno kwani ni kichina... can someone help in translate?

 

[Icadon]

SteveD watu wanataka kucheck out the joint leo jioni.....alafu nasikia kuna site yao.....
NN unaweza ukawa unajua bar yao moja wanahang out sana iko mitaa ya Buckhead....

 

[Icadon]

By: Jessica Leshnoff | Source: AARP.org | Date Posted: February 2008


The 21st-century answer to Mrs. Robinson, Valerie Gibson, a self-professed 'cougar,' shares dating tips in 'Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.'


*Editor's note: Names of some of the interviewees have been changed for privacy.

Annette Wheeler* didn't recall the exact moment she first heard the term "cougar," but she did remember dashing to her computer to look it up. To her shock and bemusement, there was a new term to describe what she had been doing most of her life-dating younger men.

Wheeler, a fiery redhead who lives outside Baltimore, leaned back in her chair and sighed. "I adore younger men," the 60-year-old purred. "I liked younger guys even when I was in high school-like a year or two younger. I was a cougar before there were cougars."

Indeed, Wheeler's pre-marriage and post-divorce dating history reads like a steamy screenplay. She listed a string of young men with whom she had various relationships, occasionally punching numbers into a calculator to determine age differences she had never considered in the first place. She never analyzed her attraction to younger men (or their attraction to her), but with "cougar" an increasingly popular term used to describe older women dating significantly younger men, her longtime preference is suddenly in the spotlight.

For Wheeler and other women like her, younger men-many of them 15 years or more their juniors-are a natural fit. Boomer women are looking and feeling better than ever. Widowed, separated, or divorced, a growing number seek young men for dating and companionship. And since men have been dating younger women for ages, why are so many of us surprised-shocked, even-that women would follow suit?

* * *

Valerie Gibson, author of "Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men," is all too familiar with this double standard. The self-proclaimed cougar wrote her first book on the topic-"Younger Men: How to Find Them, Date Them, Mate Them, and Marry Them"-14 years ago, "and let me tell you something," she said in a whisper. "It caused an awful stir-and not a good one. People were horrified. They were absolutely horrified that older women should be having sex with younger men."

When many of us think "cougar," we picture the ultimate cougar of the big screen: The Graduate's legendary, martini-sipping Mrs. Robinson. These days, real-life cougars are stars like Demi Moore (who, in her 40s, married then-twenty-something heartthrob Ashton Kutcher), the coiffed reality-show cast of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and, yes, everyday women-suburbanites and city-slickers alike.

While there's no denying that cougars are slinking into the mainstream, there's still an element of taboo surrounding these age-spanning relationships.

"It's definitely considered creepier for women to go out with younger men," admitted Junie Smith*, a 52-year-old cougar who lives on Manhattan's Lower East Side. "For a 70-year-old guy to go out with a 40-year-old woman, as opposed to a 70-year-old woman going out with a 40-year-old guy? A 70-year-old woman going out with a 40-year-old guy is considered creepy."

Why the double standard? Smith figured it comes down to science: "It probably has something to do with the concentration of the species on procreation," she quipped.

All scientific notions aside, older women opt for younger men for the same reasons that older men select younger women.

"The mentality of having a youthful person on your arm who makes you feel good, who makes you feel ageless, makes you feel desired and desirable," Gibson said.

Statistics compiled by AARP The Magazine back up the trend.

A whopping 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men, according to a 2003 survey. The same poll, which surveyed 3,500 single people (both women and men) aged 40 to 69 year old found that 56 percent are currently separated or divorced from a spouse, 31 percent have never been married, and seven in 10 (74 percent) of formerly married singles in their 50s have been single for five years or more.

The study stated that the divorce rate now, compared to when cougars were married some 25 years ago, has contributed to the amount of single, 50+ women, said to be "on the prowl" in today's dating pool.

* * *

For Wheeler, younger men have been a natural fit for an energetic lifestyle that her male peers have never quite matched.

"I can't explain why, but I've always been," she said, pausing. "Without even knowing someone's age, you can be sure I'm going to gravitate toward the younger guy. And I don't know if it's a function of I'm attracted to younger guys or younger guys are attracted to me. It's just their energy, their enthusiasm" and-the biggie-"less baggage."

In fact, the stuff of the past may be what keeps her from dating men closer to her age altogether. That and music, of course.

"They're always going on and on about their exes and the kids," she said of her male peers. "The baggage, the baggage, is the main thing. And being stuck in the music they listened to in college. I want to know what's new. I want to hear what's new. Younger guys seem to have more to contribute to my life, and they're just adorable."

The AARP study concludes that the No. 1 complaint from both single men and single women-42 percent and 35 percent, respectively-dating in their 50s was the history a partner of the same age carried into a relationship.

Men, of course, have their reasons for dating older women, too. In the fast-paced world of Los Angeles, "dating" may mean going out a few times or spending just one night together. "This isn't about dating," said Kevin Mercer* candidly. The 27-year-old works in L.A.'s entertainment industry and isn't shy discussing his city's cougar phenomenon. "It's a total transactional situation."

And that works out just fine for these young men, who often prefer relationships-whether fleeting or long-term-with cougars.

"These older women are confident, sexually mature, they don't have inhibitions, they know what they like, and they know what they want," said Nancy D. O'Reilly, clinical psychologist, researcher, author and host of Voice America's radio program "Timeless WomenSpeak." Cougars are independent, career-oriented women who have a been-there-done-that attitude towards marriage and "don't need anyone to take care of them," she said. "They're looking for companionship, sexual contact, and someone good to talk to and spend time with. So be it if the relationship goes further."

* * *

While women aren't exactly shouting their cougar status from the rooftops ("Women never want to be called a "cougar," because it implies they're older," Mercer explained nonchalantly), men aren't shy about their relationships with older women. On the contrary, they'll even boast about them, wearing them, in the words of Mercer, "as a badge of honor."

According to Gibson, young men are driving the trend, sometimes even calling themselves "cougar hunters" when they're out on the town looking for sexy older women. "Younger men have no problem whatsoever in approaching an older woman who's single or obviously not wearing a wedding ring anyway," she said. "They don't mind at all what age she is as long as she's vital and gorgeous or something attracts them. Young men have no fear now of being put down by their peers when there's cougars like Demi Moore and all these beautiful women around, and they say, ‘My gosh, I would love to bed her!"

Smith has found young men to be quite enthusiastic about spending time with her, and she definitely enjoys the attention. After all, she has worked hard for it, with ample sessions of yoga, calculated vitamin concoctions, a good diet, and even a little Botox here and there.

And while she's not thrilled with the term "cougar" ("slightly dangerous and prone to wearing animal-print clothes," was her initial cougar visual), she's certainly not changing her dating habits anytime soon. Wheeler isn't either, but she's warming up to the term-slowly.

"It's silly," she said laughing. "But I use it. I use it now."

 

[Nyani Ngabu]

SteveD watu wanataka kucheck out the joint leo jioni.....alafu nasikia kuna site yao.....
NN unaweza ukawa unajua bar yao moja wanahang out sana iko mitaa ya Buckhead....

Ahahahaaa....Buckhead Cougars kibao....kuna moja hivi ipo Lenox Road chini ya hotel...something cafe...opposite na Lenox mall.....jina limenitoka kidogo. Itabidi nipitie mitaa hiyo sometime this weekend....ninaweza nikawa prey...Lol

 

[TIMING]

hivi cougar ndio mama kokoo???

 

[Abdulhalim]

Hey, stop spreading IGNORANCE/

 

[Mbu]

by the way, neno gani la kiswahili linaloweza kufit neno 'cougar'?.....

Men, of course, have their reasons for dating older women, too. In the fast-paced world of Los Angeles, “dating” may mean going out a few times or spending just one night together. “This isn’t about dating,” said Kevin Mercer* candidly. The 27-year-old works in L.A.’s entertainment industry and isn’t shy discussing his city’s cougar phenomenon. “It’s a total transactional situation.”

And that works out just fine for these young men, who often prefer relationships—whether fleeting or long-term—with cougars.

“These older women are confident, sexually mature, they don’t have inhibitions, they know what they like, and they know what they want,” said Nancy D. O’Reilly, clinical psychologist, researcher, author and host of Voice America’s radio program “Timeless WomenSpeak.” Cougars are independent, career-oriented women who have a been-there-done-that attitude towards marriage and “don’t need anyone to take care of them,” she said. “They’re looking for companionship, sexual contact, and someone good to talk to and spend time with. So be it if the relationship goes further.”

hivi cougar ndio mama kokoo???

...Shuga mami huyo baba'ke!...kulelewa tu hapo. Muhimu good looks na kutii amri/kufuata maamrisho yake.

 

[Noname]

Hey, stop spreading IGNORANCE/

HEY YOU 2 Stop spreading VIOLENCE

 

[Masikini_Jeuri]

Nimeona nili neno kwenye series fulani ya TV juzi ndo nikawa nataka leo nicheck ni kitu gani! I wanna be a Cub.................teh teh teh

 

[Gaijin]

mmmmh ...................hivi lazima kila kinahchopita duniani mkijaribu au?

 

[Abdulhalim]

HEY YOU 2 Stop spreading VIOLENCE

Sikiza ujumbe huko bibie..

kingflex-Special Episode Of The Mack Lessons Radio Show - AOL Video

 

[TIMING]

...Shuga mami huyo baba'ke!...kulelewa tu hapo. Muhimu good looks na kutii amri/kufuata maamrisho yake.

AHAAAA basi sisi was kaskazini tunaita mama kokooo... utawakuta pale arusha wengi wamevibana vitoto vya kiarusha vina rasta kavu kama mswaki wa mti

balaaah