A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr Schwartz, he made an amazing discovery - Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry, Mr Schwartz," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And with that the coroner used his scalpel to remove the dead man's privates. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, opening his briefcase. "Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"