A Soulful Relationship

BAK

JF-Expert Member
Feb 11, 2007
99,507
2,000
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a
low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes
open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that
what you see as faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more
obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing
bother you.

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to
share a life together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do
you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare, and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past
relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't
make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your
happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not
the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting
relationship!

Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to
be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily
exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).

Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow
together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow
without feeling insecure.

Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be
together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of
commitment.

Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family
situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't try to be your husband's mother he already has one. He wants a
wife. Don't try to be your wife's father she already has one.
She wants a husband.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for
richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the
relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect,
dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
 

Mbu

JF-Expert Member
Jan 11, 2007
12,736
2,000
...and 'quoted' is where all the misunderstandings 'may' start to surface... \I/

...Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be
together.
:(
 
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Haika

JF-Expert Member
Mar 3, 2008
2,340
1,225
Ni kweli katika mahusiano lazima kuna some sort of growth.
You either grow closer or apart.
You cant stay in the same place.

so you have to choose which way you want the relationship to go.
 

Eli79

JF-Expert Member
Jan 9, 2013
26,165
2,000
Committment is overrated...
I say once u get married open ur eyes even wider..
Maisha mafupi jamani..
 

MSATULAMBALI

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2012
183
225
Ni kweli katika mahusiano lazima kuna some sort of growth.
You either grow closer or apart.
You cant stay in the same place.

so you have to choose which way you want the relationship to go.
Hii ni zaidi ya sms

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using JamiiForums
 

Fixed Point

JF-Expert Member
Sep 30, 2009
11,311
1,225
..............., and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that
what you see as faults aren't really important..........
Huu ujumbe kwa kweli kwa ujumla wake ni mzuri sana......
natamani kuongea kidogo kuhusu hii niliyo-quote.
hapa ndo watu wengi sana hasa wadada tunakosea katika kuingia kwenye mahusiano ya kudumu (ndoa).
Utakuta mtu anaona mapungufu fulani toka kwa mwenzi wake ambayo kiukweli kabisa hayapendi na yamakwaza sana lakini bado anang'ang'ania kuingia kwenye ndoa akijifariji kuwa atamrekebisha.....hili ni kosa kubwa sana. Ni afadhali mtu aje abaduilike mkiwa tayari mmeoana, hutajilaumu kuwa ulikosea kuingia kwenye mahusiano, kwamba hiyo ilikuwa nje ya uwezo wako, hukujua kama atabadilika.
Nafurahiaga sana wakaka wanapotaka kufanya hii life time commitment. Utakuta mkaka alikuwa anatoka na wadada wa ajabu sana wakati anarukaruka, lakini anapotaka kuoa anatafuta "wife material", mtu ambaye hatamwumiza kichwa..... mtu ambaye atampa sababu ya kuifurahia familia yake. Kuna mahali niliwahi soma ujumbe ambao una tafsiri hii "mwanaume anaoa anakitegemea kuwa mkewe hatabadilika.......lakini anabadilika", hii inamaana kuwa anapoingia kwenye ndoa ana-wish mkewe abakie vile vile kama alivyokuwa anamuoa, akimaanisha kuwa chaguo alilofanya ni sahihi kabisa na hataki chochote kibadilike toka kwa mwanamke wake, Ingawa kwa bahati mbaya kadiri maisha yanavyomsukuma huyo binti anaweza kubadilika. hiyo siyo fault ya mwanaume, alijitahidi lakini imeshindikana.
But kwa upande wa wanawake huo msemo unasema kwamba "mwanamke anaolewa akitegemea mumewe atabadilika...... lakini habadiliki"..... hapo sasa, umeolewa na mtu mwenye tabia za ajabu unajipa moyo kuwa atabadilika tu, miaka inakatika mtu anabaki na mitabia yake..... unabaki kujilaumu maisha yako yoteeee, ulipoteza mwenyewe kete yako.
MAJUTO NI MJUKUU........
Asante rafiki BAK kwa ujumbe mzuri, asante aliyeufurumua huko ulikojificha
 
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BAK

JF-Expert Member
Feb 11, 2007
99,507
2,000


Huu ujumbe kwa kweli kwa ujumla wake ni mzuri sana......
natamani kuongea kidogo kuhusu hii niliyo-quote.
hapa ndo watu wengi sana hasa wadada tunakosea katika kuingia kwenye mahusiano ya kudumu (ndoa).
Utakuta mtu anaona mapungufu fulani toka kwa mwenzi wake ambayo kiukweli kabisa hayapendi na yamakwaza sana lakini bado anang'ang'ania kuingia kwenye ndoa akijifariji kuwa atamrekebisha.....hili ni kosa kubwa sana. Ni afadhali mtu aje abaduilike mkiwa tayari mmeoana, hutajilaumu kuwa ulikosea kuingia kwenye mahusiano, kwamba hiyo ilikuwa nje ya uwezo wako, hukujua kama atabadilika.
Nafurahiaga sana wakaka wanapotaka kufanya hii life time commitment. Utakuta mkaka alikuwa anatoka na wadada wa ajabu sana wakati anarukaruka, lakini anapotaka kuoa anatafuta "wife material", mtu ambaye hatamwumiza kichwa..... mtu ambaye atampa sababu ya kuifurahia familia yake. Kuna mahali niliwahi soma ujumbe ambao una tafsiri hii "mwanaume anaoa anakitegemea kuwa mkewe hatabadilika.......lakini anabadilika", hii inamaana kuwa anapoingia kwenye ndoa ana-wish mkewe abakie vile vile kama alivyokuwa anamuoa, akimaanisha kuwa chaguo alilofanya ni sahihi kabisa na hataki chochote kibadilike toka kwa mwanamke wake, Ingawa kwa bahati mbaya kadiri maisha yanavyomsukuma huyo binti anaweza kubadilika. hiyo siyo fault ya mwanaume, alijitahidi lakini imeshindikana.
But kwa upande wa wanawake huo msemo unasema kwamba "mwanamke anaolewa akitegemea mumewe atabadilika...... lakini habadiliki"..... hapo sasa, umeolewa na mtu mwenye tabia za ajabu unajipa moyo kuwa atabadilika tu, miaka inakatika mtu anabaki na mitabia yake..... unabaki kujilaumu maisha yako yoteeee, ulipoteza mwenyewe kete yako.
MAJUTO NI MJUKUU........
Asante rafiki BAK kwa ujumbe mzuri, asante aliyeufurumua huko ulikojificha
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Ave Ave Maria

JF-Expert Member
Apr 22, 2011
10,743
0
Huu ujumbe kwa kweli kwa ujumla wake ni mzuri sana......
natamani kuongea kidogo kuhusu hii niliyo-quote.
hapa ndo watu wengi sana hasa wadada tunakosea katika kuingia kwenye mahusiano ya kudumu (ndoa).
Utakuta mtu anaona mapungufu fulani toka kwa mwenzi wake ambayo kiukweli kabisa hayapendi na yamakwaza sana lakini bado anang'ang'ania kuingia kwenye ndoa akijifariji kuwa atamrekebisha.....hili ni kosa kubwa sana. Ni afadhali mtu aje abaduilike mkiwa tayari mmeoana, hutajilaumu kuwa ulikosea kuingia kwenye mahusiano, kwamba hiyo ilikuwa nje ya uwezo wako, hukujua kama atabadilika.
Nafurahiaga sana wakaka wanapotaka kufanya hii life time commitment. Utakuta mkaka alikuwa anatoka na wadada wa ajabu sana wakati anarukaruka, lakini anapotaka kuoa anatafuta "wife material", mtu ambaye hatamwumiza kichwa..... mtu ambaye atampa sababu ya kuifurahia familia yake. Kuna mahali niliwahi soma ujumbe ambao una tafsiri hii "mwanaume anaoa anakitegemea kuwa mkewe hatabadilika.......lakini anabadilika", hii inamaana kuwa anapoingia kwenye ndoa ana-wish mkewe abakie vile vile kama alivyokuwa anamuoa, akimaanisha kuwa chaguo alilofanya ni sahihi kabisa na hataki chochote kibadilike toka kwa mwanamke wake, Ingawa kwa bahati mbaya kadiri maisha yanavyomsukuma huyo binti anaweza kubadilika. hiyo siyo fault ya mwanaume, alijitahidi lakini imeshindikana.
But kwa upande wa wanawake huo msemo unasema kwamba "mwanamke anaolewa akitegemea mumewe atabadilika...... lakini habadiliki"..... hapo sasa, umeolewa na mtu mwenye tabia za ajabu unajipa moyo kuwa atabadilika tu, miaka inakatika mtu anabaki na mitabia yake..... unabaki kujilaumu maisha yako yoteeee, ulipoteza mwenyewe kete yako.
MAJUTO NI MJUKUU........
Asante rafiki BAK kwa ujumbe mzuri, asante aliyeufurumua huko ulikojificha
Santeeee . .
Mwenye masikio na asikie.
Hii habari ya kuingia kwenye ndoa kwa matumaini kuwa mwenzio atabadilika into a type/character you want him/her to . . . ina gharimu sana. So far isn't even promising!!
 

Himidini

JF-Expert Member
May 8, 2013
5,542
1,225
^^
From tasteless relationship to a soulful relationship..it needs certificate of emotional control
^^
 

shmd65

JF-Expert Member
Aug 13, 2012
527
225
Santeeee . .
Mwenye masikio na asikie.
Hii habari ya kuingia kwenye ndoa kwa matumaini kuwa mwenzio atabadilika into a type/character you want him/her to . . . ina gharimu sana. So far isn't even promising!!
Characters za mtu ni kama ngozi na hatuwez badili ngozi ya mtu,once yu mess up ndo basi
dont hope for a change in some1 characters n altitudes
 

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