A Parody of Presidential Eloquence - Kejeli ya Umahiri wa Rais katika Lugha

...dah, na mi sijui kama hajui sasa ivi tunajua hajui!!!
....Na nasema mimi sijui, hata msiseme sijui
 
Hotuba yenyewe ameiandika Makamba, Mtendaji Mkuu wa CCM, mlitaka aandikeje na uwezo wake ni mdogo!!! Nyie wapeni pole tu, WAMEKWIIIISHAAAAAAA HABARI YAO.
 
Du Mzinga wa Rais. Kayapatia maisha, rais. Lakini naomba kuuliza hivi vichwa kama kina Salim, Warioba, Shivji, Tibaijuka. Mwandosya, Slaa, Lisu,Lipumba wanaomgozwaje na huyu bwana.? Kama nauimia hivi kuongozwa na huyu Rais asiyejua nguvu aliyopewa na watu wake, anabaki analalamika tu badalaya ya kutoa majibu ya mambo rais aliyotafuniwa kama dowans.
 
Ngongo said:
Heshima kwako Mindi,

Mkuu itabidi niwaulize wazazi wangu vizuri upo uwezekano wewe ni pacha wangu,hakika ulichoandika ndicho ninachowaza.
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Heshima kwako pia mkuu Ngongo,
Nafarijika kwamba tunafanana katika hoja kama hizi za kutetea taifa letu, Unajua wengine wanafanana katika kuifuja nchi na kuwaibia watanzania! Inabidi familia ya sisi tunaoumizwa na hali ilivyo tujenge mshikamano mkali zaidi ili tulete mabadiliko. ila mapambano kati ya familia ya wala-nchi na wana-nchi siku zote yanakuwa magumu. wala-nchi wanatumia polisi na nguvu zote za dola. na ndio wanashikilia kihenge chetu cha fedha zetu za kodi. watatumia hata fedha zetu kutupiga wana-nchi. wana-nchi hawana silaha yoyote ila mshikamano wao. Asante ndugu yangu wa damu Aluta Kontinua!!
 
Ikiwa Rais hujui, mawaziri wako wanajua
Na kama ni kweli hujui, Werema ajua
Hatuamini hujui, wananchi twajua
Sisi tunalia twaungua najua
Wajanja wakakinga makapu nchi wanaiua

Kama kweli hujui, muulize Sitta anajua
Atakufahamisha kwa undani ili nawe ujue
Sidhani kama huwajui usinulize wajuaje
Nasisitiza ukitaka kujua, si kazi kujua

CC inafahamu, wewe mwenyekiti hujui
Ni kilio cha wananchi mkuu hutambui
Umeme na gas imepanda nathani hutambui
Maisha yamekuwa duni pia hili huji


Mzee nadhani hukudhamiria bali ulitania
Rai yangu futilia najua unayo nia
Maisha yakuwa shubiri sisi twaumia
Chondechonde mpendwa tuokeo twaumia
 
Kama hajui, mbona sasa twamchagua?
Basi sisi ndo hatujui, kwa kushindwa kupembua!

Ajisemea hajui, kwani sisi twajua?
Heri yeye hajui, kasema anolijua!

Eti sijui! sijui!, ni nani sasa ajue?
Mwenye mali simjui!, jamani msinisumbue!

Loh! hata mimi sijui, sina macho ya kutambua!
Hivi kweli hajui?, na ana vyombo vya kugundua?
 
Gamba la Nyoka said:
Kama hajui, mbona sasa twamchagua?
Basi sisi ndo hatujui, kwa kushindwa kupembua!

Ajisemea hajui, kwani sisi twajua?
Heri yeye hajui, kasema anolijua!

Eti sijui! sijui!, ni nani sasa ajue?
Mwenye mali simjui!, jamani msinisumbue!

Loh! hata mimi sijui, sina macho ya kutambua!
Hivi kweli hajui?, na ana vyombo vya kugundua?
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Mkuu, sisi hatukumchagua, si unajua jamaa wa UWT walichakachua, na wewe HUJUI!!
 
Companero said:
The Mikocheni Report: I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Company...

Remember when Bill Clinton was in the throes of denying his affair with whatsername, the White House intern? Yeah. Tragic, wasn't it? If Bill had just manned up, the world would have been spared all that tedious American puritanism and barely louche jokes about cigars and stained dresses. Decorum, people, is one part savvy and four parts sheer balls.

So, yesterday Jay Kay denied having any sexual relations with Dowans, or knowing anything at all about anything that might be useful to anyone. In a nutshell he said: "I'm clueless. And, I'm powerless too. So don't bother me."

Dude. Seriously? Or, as we say in Bongoland: Duh?! Aiseee....

Sure, we understand plausible deniability. Even understand that Jay Kay was probably not directly involved in the cooking of the Richmondowans books. Because that would take foresight, skill and a certain savoir-faire that we can't accuse Jay Kay of possessing following his recent statements. Hell, TIA: we even understand that it's perfectly acceptable for a rich/powerful/politician dude to throw his friends under the bus for expedience. Sure.

But irrefutable PR disasters? That's just not how we want our Presidents to roll. Which is why I gotta ask: where in the world is the Ikulu Director of Communications? If I held that job (CJ Craig, what what!) and my boss was about to put his foot in his mouth and eat it with ketchup, I would engage him in a flying tackle that would knock his presidential ass out long before he could say anything so damaging to the Office of the Presidency. I mean, c'mon! Half a decade of independence, one pan-african hero, a towering (ahem) international political reputation and our President thinks it's a good idea to come across as a developmentally challenged head of state?

...flying tackle for sure. Because no matter how ignorant you are, as a President and (theoretically) a paramount leader of an independent nation, there is one thing you are not allowed to do: cheerfully admit your fricking incompetence to the world. Jeez, Ikulu: can I buy you a clue?
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“I have decided to break the silence… I don’t have even a single cent in the stakes of Dowans and I don’t know its owners. Those who say that it is owned by my friends should know that I don’t have time to defend my friends when they do evil things,” he said, explaining:
 
Sasa YHM utacheka au utalia?
Sijui nichecke, au sijui nilie,
Sijui kama kucheka ndio kulia au kulia ndio kucheka.
Nasema sijui, sijui mimi sijui

MMKJJ you made my evening
Thanks for good song...sijui mimi sijui!:clap2:
 
Kila mtu akiulizwa kitu ambacho anatakiwa awe na ujuzi nao au ambacho anaweza kujua akitaka aanze kusema "na mimi sijui".. tuone kama nchi itakwenda!
 
Hahahaaaaa!!! Si mlimchagua wenyewe banaa??? Haya sasa, mimi simjui!! Mkuu Mwanakijiji asante sana, ubarikiwe!!
 
hata sisi hatukujui, kua wewe ni nani hatujui,
je mjengoni uanfanya nini? pia hutujui
na utang'ang'ania huko mpaka lini? sisi hatujui
 
Thats why he has a body guard. When he is about to get into the ladies toilet (coz of sijui) anazuiwa
 
Sasa wewe kama siyo prezadaa wa TZ, wewe ni nani basi? Tuambie:

Nasema tena sijui! Kama mimi Rais au Rahisi sijui,
Kama nilichaguliwa na Watz sijui, Kama walinipigia kura sijui Tarehe ngapi, saa ngapi, wapi sijui,
Kama walinipigia kura sijui, Kama waliniteua sijui,
Nilipata asilimia ngapi sijui, tena na hao REDET na Synovate nasema siwajui!
 
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