Chicken Philosophy WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? * NURSERY TEACHER: To get to the other side. * PLATO: For the greater good. * ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. * KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. * SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. * RONALD REAGAN: I forget. * CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. * MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: ... I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question. * MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. * JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?" * FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. * GEORGE W. BUSH (2): We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. * OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" * DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads. * EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. * BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. * ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. * NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die. * THABO MBEKI: We need to establish if really there is a connection between the chicken and the road. * ROBERT MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them. * ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken's motion * MOHAMMED ALDOURI: ( Iraqi Ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken. * RAILA ODINGA: Had the chicken signed an MOU not to cross the road? *MWAI EMILIO KIBAKI: Kuku ilivuka pale, ikienda pale pale!