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When you think of divorcing, think twice!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by WomanOfSubstance, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Sep 29, 2008
    Joined: May 30, 2008
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    My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

    Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

    I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive, hot, when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I WANTED A DIVORCE.

    "Why?" he asked, shocked.
    "I am tired, there are no reasons for every thing in the world!" I answered.
    He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

    My feeling of disappointment only increased; here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

    And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"
    Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

    Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

    He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...."
    My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

    I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

    My dear,
    "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."
    This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

    "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.
    You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.
    You love travelling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
    You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms, so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
    You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism . I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

    You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the
    color of the glow on your young face...

    Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "
    My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .. And as I continue on reading...

    "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk..."

    I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

    Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

    That's all...

    Will you divorce your spouse just because its no longer exciting to be with them?
     
  2. P

    Paullih Member

    #2
    Sep 29, 2008
    Joined: May 12, 2008
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    Womenofsubstance, hope the name sounds like there are more than one of you. Anyhow, the beauty of love and relationship dates back to the very first moment of love acquisition, be it at first sight or secretly admiring someone.

    Now whatever happens in the future, mostly negative feeling agaisnt someone, one has to deeply dive in thoughts and remember those good old days feelings you had against this one.

    I tell you what, there is no reason to hate your lover.... cause wherever you might think of going and perhaps fall again into r´ship for the second and or third time, the huddles are just there waiting for you. It is better to sit back, relax and enjoy your curent r´ship cause you have a reason to stick to that! that is the very first intimate moments you had with this lover... the candle light dinners, bouquet of flowers, crazy jokes to mention but a few. Three years down the line... these start to disappear... the question is, what have replaced them wit?! keep on nurturing your r´ship each day. talk to each other!!!!
     
  3. Sam GM

    Sam GM JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Sep 29, 2008
    Joined: Mar 3, 2008
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    Womanofsubstanc,

    Nafikiri Paullih kakujibu sawa kabisa, swali ni hili when this love was slowly turning to be boring what were you doing, did you just watch from a distance to find faults in him or did you try to save the little magic that was left in him? Hakuna njia iliyonyooka na kama itakuwepo itakuwa boring kuendesha for hours, I guess my take is, you both need to talk the details of what went wrong in honesty and figure out how best to either rejuvenate yourselves or agree to exist in such a predicament. Getting out is not always the best answer, it is called running away from your responsibilities or matatizo, how long will you run, or when will you stop running? I guess it is time to stop running and use a drawing board to analyze and look for probable solutions.
     
  4. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Sep 29, 2008
    Joined: May 30, 2008
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    GM and Paullih,
    I agree with both of you to a large extent..
    you may jump from the frying pan into the fire so they say....
     
  5. M

    Malila JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Sep 29, 2008
    Joined: Dec 22, 2007
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    Also you need to think twice before marriage.
     
  6. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Sep 30, 2008
    Joined: May 23, 2008
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    Take it from me who is in his second marriage,if you have lived with someone for more than a few years and you get used to the way she does things now in your next relationship you will be expecting the other to do things in the same way and this creates tension.If you can save a present marriage please do,and only leave if continuing affects your health[peace of mind].
     
  7. Sam GM

    Sam GM JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Sep 30, 2008
    Joined: Mar 3, 2008
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    Khoryere,

    Hii ndio usitupe chungu cha zamani nini?? LOL
     
  8. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Sep 30, 2008
    Joined: Feb 11, 2007
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    Maybe we need a definition for "exciting" :)
     
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