What Made You Stay?

[Kigarama]

Kwa kweli Chauro inasikitisha sana ni wachache sana wanaoweza kuelezea unyama wanaofanyiwa ndani ya ndoa wengi wao wamekuwa ni waoga sana wanaishi chini ya hicho kivuli huku wakiendelea kupigwa kila kukicha

visa vingi ninavyovijua pamoja na hicho nilichokisimulia kifundo chake ni kwamba familia nyingi zinajitengenezea mazingira ya kukataa kupokea watoto wao pindi wanapoolewa. Mtu akiolewa kwenye familia nyingine anaambiwa "Kitanda chako hapa hakipo tena" kwa hiyo akitendwa anajua kabisa nyumbani kwake ni pale alipoolewa au ukweni.

Swala la umaskini si kweli kabisa kama linahusika kwenye tabia ya wanawake kuvumilia mateso toka kwa waume zao. bali makuzi yana mchango mkubwa sana. Binti tangu akiwa mtoto mdogo anatayarishwa kuoolewa, akipika chakula kimedoda anaambiwa "ukiolewa utampikia chakula kibaya mumeo. akikutana na Babu yake "Mchumba hujambo?" Akivunja ungo mama yake atamwambia "mwanangu umekuwa sasa jua iko siku utaolewa na kuniacha mama yako mkiwa" wakiwa na baba yake sebuleni mzee naye atafyatuka kimafumbo "Jane umepika chakula kizuri sana utakuwa mama mwema huko baadaye"

Yaani hatuwajengi binti zetu kufikiri kwamba wao wanaweza kuwa madaktari. mainjinia, wahandisi, waandishi nK, bali tunawajenga kwamba wao ni watu wa kuolewa na kuondoka nyumbani. Jamii yetu inaona ni sawa mtoto wa kiume akioa na kuishi na mkewe kwenye nyumba ya familia lakini hapo hapo mtoto wa kike akizalia nyumbani songombingo lake ni balaa.

Tatizo jingine ninaloliona ni kwamba wanawake wenyewe ni chanzo cha wanawake wenzao kunyanyasika. ushabiki unaoonyeshwa wanawake mwenzao anapoachana na mumewa unatisha. Wanaowacheka wanawake wanaoachana na waume zao si wanaume bali ni wanawake. Wakati mwingine mwanamke anavumilia kubaki kwa mume wake kwa sababu tu anataka kuwaonyesha wanawake wenzie kwamba nyumba haijamshinda.

 

[Saas]

visa vingi ninavyovijua pamoja na hicho nilichokisimulia kifundo chake ni kwamba familia nyingi zinajitengenezea mazingira ya kukataa kupokea watoto wao pindi wanapoolewa. Mtu akiolewa kwenye familia nyingine anaambiwa "Kitanda chako hapa hakipo tena" kwa hiyo akitendwa anajua kabisa nyumbani kwake ni pale alipoolewa au ukweni.

Swala la umaskini si kweli kabisa kama linahusika kwenye tabia ya wanawake kuvumilia mateso toka kwa waume zao. bali makuzi yana mchango mkubwa sana. Binti tangu akiwa mtoto mdogo anatayarishwa kuoolewa, akipika chakula kimedoda anaambiwa "ukiolewa utampikia chakula kibaya mumeo. akikutana na Babu yake "Mchumba hujambo?" Akivunja ungo mama yake atamwambia "mwanangu umekuwa sasa jua iko siku utaolewa na kuniacha mama yako mkiwa" wakiwa na baba yake sebuleni mzee naye atafyatuka kimafumbo "Jane umepika chakula kizuri sana utakuwa mama mwema huko baadaye"

Yaani hatuwajengi binti zetu kufikiri kwamba wao wanaweza kuwa madaktari. mainjinia, wahandisi, waandishi nK, bali tunawajenga kwamba wao ni watu wa kuolewa na kuondoka nyumbani. Jamii yetu inaona ni sawa mtoto wa kiume akioa na kuishi na mkewe kwenye nyumba ya familia lakini hapo hapo mtoto wa kike akizalia nyumbani songombingo lake ni balaa.

Tatizo jingine ninaloliona ni kwamba wanawake wenyewe ni chanzo cha wanawake wenzao kunyanyasika. ushabiki unaoonyeshwa wanawake mwenzao anapoachana na mumewa unatisha. Wanaowacheka wanawake wanaoachana na waume zao si wanaume bali ni wanawake. Wakati mwingine mwanamke anavumilia kubaki kwa mume wake kwa sababu tu anataka kuwaonyesha wanawake wenzie kwamba nyumba haijamshinda.

Umeongea mambo ya msingi sana ni dhahiri kuwa inabidi tuangalie mienendo yetu kwenye familia ikoje

 

[Rubuye123]

Mkuu pole sana kwa matatizo yaliyokupata

asante kaka.kwa upande mmoja limenifundisha na kunipa deni to my lovely son ya kuwa nitakuwa baba mwema mno kwake na kumpa kila ambacho nadhani ningestahili kupata na sikupata.i wont disappoint him hata kidogo na Mungu anisaidie!Kumbukumb zingine ni mbaya sana kuwa nazo,bahati mbaya i kan do nothing about it.mtoto hakuombwa kuzaliwa na wewe,tafadhali msiwafanyie ubaya.kumbukumbu hizi uhuwa hazitoki kichwani mwa mtoto kwa maisha yote.mi ni mwnaume na sitakuwa mpumbavu kufanya mwanangu aishi nilivyoishi mimi.Mungu anipe uhai nimtengenezee binti mmoja mume mwema kabisa...amen!

 

[morio]

Remember my 8 yrs na mkaka ambaye niliamini ni love of my life from my teen years to twenties! Better angeninipiga mangumi nikavimba that was emotional abuse. Despite my degree, CPA n MBA the guy managed to take off all my confidence crying like ...uuuhfff for him to stop abusing me. I hate him for one reason he killed my confidence, nilipoona naanza kuchemsha kazini ilibidi nijitoe kimya kimya, he never come back n telll me he is sorry. Still picking up my pieces sema thanks to kazi as kazini nina kacheo fulani so I had to make sure nadeliver by raising my spirit whenever possible, kuna wakati i would break in tears in the middle of meeting! Mabosi wakawa wanasema shida sana uongozi kwa mabinti ambao hawajaolewa ila uzuri wwamarekani walitrust so nikarudi kundini. Sijawahi trusting another person again n all my realtionships i treat them as casual mtu akipropose that is the end of us na hakuna kuhamia kwangu wala kwake we visit each other. period! But it is between those years of emotional abuse I channeled my energy to studies to show him i can make it without him, was a profitable move coz nilisoma nikiwa na kisasi moyoni hence kuperfom vizuri na obvious a lady with good education kazi nje nje hence success. Last week was in certain conference n saw him after 3 yrs bila kumtia machoni hana pete ya ndoa ! N he could hardly shake my hand, all the time he was totally depressed, sikumuuliza what is wrong although I used nguvu sana nilijifanya I dont care. Huwa najiuliza why I wasted all those yrs naye? Mimi si mfano wa kuigwa coz I had all reasorces za kuniback up akiondoka so its takes more than material thing to call it off n move on

 

[Freema Agyeman]

Nitavumilia polygamous relationship, yes, as long as najua kuplay cards zangu vizuri; kuliko kuvumulia abusive relationship.

 

[Kigarama]

so its takes more than material thing to call it off n move on

You said it all my sister!! Kufanya maamuzi hakuhusiani na umaskini wala utajiri. Si sote tunamkumbuka Whitney Huston alivyokuwa abused na Bobby Brown. Jee alifanyiwa vile kwa sababu alikuwa ni maskini? Familia nzima ya kina Whitney ilimchukia Bobby lakini wapi!!

 

[Darlingtone]

Wengi wanabaki kwenye ndoa kwa sababu ya WATOTO

 

[Saas]

Remember my 8 yrs na mkaka ambaye niliamini ni love of my life from my teen years to twenties! Better angeninipiga mangumi nikavimba that was emotional abuse. Despite my degree, CPA n MBA the guy managed to take off all my confidence crying like ...uuuhfff for him to stop abusing me. I hate him for one reason he killed my confidence, nilipoona naanza kuchemsha kazini ilibidi nijitoe kimya kimya, he never come back n telll me he is sorry. Still picking up my pieces sema thanks to kazi as kazini nina kacheo fulani so I had to make sure nadeliver by raising my spirit whenever possible, kuna wakati i would break in tears in the middle of meeting! Mabosi wakawa wanasema shida sana uongozi kwa mabinti ambao hawajaolewa ila uzuri wwamarekani walitrust so nikarudi kundini. Sijawahi trusting another person again n all my realtionships i treat them as casual mtu akipropose that is the end of us na hakuna kuhamia kwangu wala kwake we visit each other. period! But it is between those years of emotional abuse I channeled my energy to studies to show him i can make it without him, was a profitable move coz nilisoma nikiwa na kisasi moyoni hence kuperfom vizuri na obvious a lady with good education kazi nje nje hence success. Last week was in certain conference n saw him after 3 yrs bila kumtia machoni hana pete ya ndoa ! N he could hardly shake my hand, all the time he was totally depressed, sikumuuliza what is wrong although I used nguvu sana nilijifanya I dont care. Huwa najiuliza why I wasted all those yrs naye? Mimi si mfano wa kuigwa coz I had all reasorces za kuniback up akiondoka so its takes more than material thing to call it off n move on

Halafu watu wa namna hii pamoja na kuwa alikuwa anaku-abuse lakini baada ya kuwa mmeachana akiona masiha yako yanaendelea vizuri anakuwa anashangaa sana wengi huwa wanategemea masiha yako yaporomoke ili usifanikiwe lakini Mungu naye ana njia zake

 

[Saas]

You said it all my sister!! Kufanya maamuzi hakuhusiani na umaskini wala utajiri. Si sote tunamkumbuka Whitney Huston alivyokuwa abused na Bobby Brown. Jee alifanyiwa vile kwa sababu alikuwa ni maskini? Familia nzima ya kina Whitney ilimchukia Bobby lakini wapi!!

Hiki kisa cha Bobby Brown na Whitney nafikiri ni mfano mzuri yaani mpaka mdada wa watu akawa drug addict ukimuona Whitney yule wa enzi zake sio huyu wa sasa hivi

 

[MVUMBUZI]

mambo ya ndoa hayo mimi nina aleji nayo

Kuna tofauti ya kukosa na kuwa na aleji dada uwe wazi kusema ukweli

 

[Ikunda]

dha! nakosa cha kuandika, hizi ndoa hizi???? aah!

pole kwa Angel,na MJ1 hongera sana kwa kujitambua.

na sisi wanawake tubadilike, unapopigwa sio unalia, chukua stuli ,glass mrushie, tujitahidi kujitetea, kwani kama huyo kidume ananguvu kweli si akapigane na wanaume wenzie??

 

[The Finest]

dha! nakosa cha kuandika, hizi ndoa hizi???? aah!

pole kwa Angel,na MJ1 hongera sana kwa kujitambua.

na sisi wanawake tubadilike, unapopigwa sio unalia, chukua stuli ,glass mrushie, tujitahidi kujitetea, kwani kama huyo kidume ananguvu kweli si akapigane na wanaume wenzie??

Duh!!! Ikunda nimejikuta nacheka tu kwa comment yako hii

 

[morio]

Kuna tofauti ya kukosa na kuwa na aleji dada uwe wazi kusema ukweli

Kweli mkuu kuna sizitaki mbichi hizi........!

 

[Saas]

finest

in every relationship there are abusive experiences... physical and emotional and all are inevitable as we have different backgrounds....

However, this one is too much and unacceptable... and the lady should ahve left looong time ago... my few coins tell that you dont have to wait until your are permanently debilitated to look out

thanks

Mkuu you're right kabisa sijui kwanini huwa wanasubiria hadi situation iwe worse kabisa au ni ile kufikiri kwamba may be he will change

 

[Billie]

-kwanza ni kutojitambua ndiko kunafanya wanawake wengii kubaki katika maisha hayo
-jamii zetu jamani, haya mambo huwa yaanza taratibu,unapigwa mara ya kwanza hata watoto huna, malezi yetu wanawake tunaaambiwa mamboo ya ndoa siri usiseme,unavumilia humwambii mtu, anarudia tena unakaa kimya, akirudia tena tayari mna watoto, na wewe ndio unapata akili ya kwenda kushtaki kwa wazazi, unaambiwa vumilia tuu sasa mna watoto unafikiri ukiondoka itakuwaje?
-uchumi tegemezi sio wote lakini wapo wanawake ambao wapo kwenye maisha hayo coz ahahisi akiondoka hataweza kuhudumia watoto peke yake so heri apate hiyo shida ili watoto wake hata waende shule
-ukiachika jamii itakuonaje, hutaeshimika tena, hupewi nafasi kwenye jamii so ni bora kuvumilia mateso kuliko jamii kukunyoshea kidole umeshindwa ndoa
- viapo vya dini esp wakristo ndoa maanake hadi kifo kiwatenganishe so no matter wat u hv to hold on
-experience, haya mambo yapo sana kwenye familia zetu mwanamke aliyetoka kwenye familia ambayo mama yake alikuwa abused na baba yake hata yeye akipata shida kama hizo ataichukulia hiyo hali ni kawaida na kwamba maisha ya ndoa yanapaswa kuwa hivyo
- hoping that atabadilika siku moja!!

Nailyne umemaliza kila kitu kuhusiana na hii mada kilichobaki ni kufungua NGO kuraidia wahanga wa jambo hili itakufaa sana.

 

[Ashangedere]

Thread hii imenigusa moja kwa moja, mimi mwenyewe na shule yangu niliyomzidi huyo mume wangu pamoja na kuwa mshauri kwa watu wengine waondoke, na kipato pia nimemzidi naweza kuishi mwenyewe vizuri lakini nimeshindwa kuondoka huwa nasema sana nitaondoka lakini nikiangalia watoto roho inauma, napigwa mie mpaka sime limeshanikosakosa kuna siku nilinyofolewa weaving nywele zikatoka kisa eti nilifoka kwa nini alisafiri hakulala nyumbani na hakuniaga,, mpaka police nilienda na nikaenda kufuta kesi mwenyewe tena kwa hela!! nikajua utakuwa mwisho wa kunidunda wala hakukoma alinipiga tena na tena mpaka vikao vya wazazi sio kupiga tu, bali na matusi kibaooo tumehamia kwetu mtaa wote ushatujua maana kuna moja kali ilitokea ilibidi majirani waje kuamulia, mhhh hata mimi sijui kitu gani kinanifanya nisiondoke, halafu baba mwenyewe zipu ya suruali ilishaharibika siku nyingi,

 

[Jux]

Thread hii imenigusa moja kwa moja, mimi mwenyewe na shule yangu niliyomzidi huyo mume wangu pamoja na kuwa mshauri kwa watu wengine waondoke, na kipato pia nimemzidi naweza kuishi mwenyewe vizuri lakini nimeshindwa kuondoka huwa nasema sana nitaondoka lakini nikiangalia watoto roho inauma, napigwa mie mpaka sime limeshanikosakosa kuna siku nilinyofolewa weaving nywele zikatoka kisa eti nilifoka kwa nini alisafiri hakulala nyumbani na hakuniaga,, mpaka police nilienda na nikaenda kufuta kesi mwenyewe tena kwa hela!! nikajua utakuwa mwisho wa kunidunda wala hakukoma alinipiga tena na tena mpaka vikao vya wazazi sio kupiga tu, bali na matusi kibaooo tumehamia kwetu mtaa wote ushatujua maana kuna moja kali ilitokea ilibidi majirani waje kuamulia, mhhh hata mimi sijui kitu gani kinanifanya nisiondoke, halafu baba mwenyewe zipu ya suruali ilishaharibika siku nyingi,

Mhh!! Pole sana Ashangedere

 

[Mamamkwe]

Mhh!! Pole sana Ashangedere

pole bidada.hilo la kupiga next time nawe mpige tena ile sehemu inayompa kichwa.Kwani yaonekana huyo aogopi kulazwa polisi.Mimi nitasimangwa lakini ngumi sitazivumilia.Ntampiga hata na jiwe au mwiko akiwa usingizini