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What Made You Stay?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by The Finest, Sep 24, 2011.

  1. The Finest

    The Finest JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Sep 24, 2011
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    [​IMG]

    Hiki ni kisa cha kweli cha rafiki yangu ila jina la muhusika ndio nimelibadilisha. Naandika kwa masikitiko sana kwa jinsi hali aliyonayo sasa hivi inasikitisha sana nafikiria ila kichwani mwangu maswali ndio mengi kuliko majibu, najiuliza ni kwanini lakini??

    Ukimuona Angela sio yeye ile hali ya uanamke haipo tena, nguo anazovaa yeye ni zile zinazofunika mwili kuanzia juu hadi chini. Angela is not confident anymore anaonekana kama vile ana miaka 40. Angela amekuwa kwenye abusive relationship kwa muda mrefu amekuwa akipigwa na mumewe mara kwa mara na kumfukuza nje ya nyumba kwa kuwa ana watoto na huyu mume Angela ilikuwa inambidi arudi kwa mumewe kumuomba msamaha hii yote alikuwa anafanya kwa ajili ya watoto wake, alikuwa anataka watoto wake wamalize shule kabla hajachukua uamuzi mwingine.

    Mumewe alikuwa ameishajua udhaifu wake uko wapi na ndio akaamua kuwa anatumia nafasi hiyo kumdhalilisha, Angela naye aliendelea kuishi na hali hiyo akitegemea iko siku labda mambo yatabadilika, ila siku mambo yalipokuwa magumu ndipo aliamua kuchukua uamuzi wa kuondoka hii ni baada ya mumewe kumjeruhi kwa kisu na mpaka sasa Angela ana makovu ya visu mwilini, natamani laiti kama mngeweza kumuona jinsi alivyo sasa hivi inasikitisha sana swali nililomuuliza ni kuwa pamoja na haya yote kwanini aliendelea kukaa kwenye ndoa ya namna hiyo akanijibu ni kwasababu ya watoto.

    Nashindwa kueleza mambo mengine zaidi sababu ni ya aibu na ya kusikitisha sana mwanaume ambaye umezaa naye watoto leo hii anakuuliza "Kama wewe ni mwanamke kweli basi nionyeshe huo uanamke wako uko sehemu gani"? hivi sielewi.

    NB: Mume wake ameishafikishwa kwenye vyombo vya kisheria kwa kosa la kumjeruhi

    Najua ni wengi sana wako katika hali kama hii lakini hawasemi kwa kuhofia wakiacha ndoa zao jamii itawaelewa vibaya, ni kitu gani kinachokufanya uendelee kukaa kwenye ndoa ya namna hiyo????
     
  2. Evarm

    Evarm JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Wakati mwingine huwa wanavumilia tu na kuhisi labda mwanaume au mume anaweza kujirudi na kuacha tabia za namna hiyo (Kumpiga n.k) pia ni watu wengi tunapenda watoto wetu wawe kwenye malezi bora ya baba na mama na ndio maana (mama wengi) wanafanya hiivi
     
  3. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

    #3
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Mkuu inaniwia ngumu sana kupredict ni nini kinachwafanya wanawake waendelee na ndoa za namna hiyo, hasa katika dunia ya sasa (tukiacha yale ya wazee wetu zamani vijijini). Hii case uliyoitoa, naamini ni case tofauti, lakini kwa asilimia zaid ya 95 imafanana na case ya kaka yangu. Kamtesa mkewe kwa namna ya ajabu. mara ya mwisho nilipowaona, shemeji alinielezea namna alivyokuwa anateswa, na kaka alikiri ni kweli. Kwa wakati huo walikuwa wameachana na kaka alinisihi nimuombee msamaha kwa mkewe arudi home. Nilimwambia ngoja niongee nae in private, nikatumia mwanya huo kumsihi shemeji yangu asirudi kwa kaka kamwe, na kama ni watoto nitamsaidi japo kiasi fulani cha ada.
    Kwa kweli sikupenda kushauri hivyo, lakini nilipoambiwa kuwa kaka alikuwa anampa kisago mkewe, tena gengeni, kisha anamvua nguo ZOTE mbele za watu na anamkokota kupeleka nyumbani, tena sio mara moja, sikuona ni kwa nini udhalilishaji wa namna hiyo unaweza kustahili msamaha, japo ni kaka yangu. Huwezi kuamini, miezi miwili tu baada ya mimi kuachana nao nilisikia walikuja kurudiana. Kama ilivyotegewa, haukupita mda mrefu, ngoma ikarudi pale pale, na kama wiki mbili zilizopita kaka alikuwa anapanda kizimbani kujibu tuhumu ta kujaribu kumchinja mkewe. kwa kuwa nilishaamua kujitoa katika mambo yao, sijui hata ni nini kinaendelea hadi sasa...
     
  4. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Mkuu naamini kesi za aina hii zipo nyingi sana na kuna watu wanaugulia maumivu ya ndoa zao kimya kimya bila kumweleza mtu yoyote
    Wapo ambao wana majera/ha ya visu au kuchomwa moto au kuunzuzwa na maji ya moto au chakula cha moto na wananyamaza kimya
    Wanasema kuta nne za nyumba zinaficha mengi sana na yangewekwa wazi ungekuwa unawashangaa wanaume wengi sana ambao kwa nje ni watanashati na wastaarabu ila ndani ya ndoa zao ni kama jehanamu inayotembea
    Tuseme tuu wazi wanawake wamekuwa wakivumilia mengi na hii ni ile tuu kutaka kuilinda ndoa isivunjike kwa mawazo au mategemeo kuwa mambo yatabadilika au kuna siku mwanaume wake ataona mwanga wa maisha ageuke kutoka katika mtu katili na hatari na kuwa baba bora wa familia
    Sio siri kuna familia watoto wakisikia baba amerudi wote wanakimbilia vyumbani kulala hata kama walikuwa waangalia kipindi kizuri na wanachokipenda kwenye TV kisa baba ni mbogo
    Kinachowafanya hawa wanawake wakae kwenye ndoa za aina hii si kingine zaidi ya kile kuwa wanatarajia miracles kuwa ipo siku mwanaume huyo atabadilika na wanapiga goti kumuomba Mungu kila kukicha at least wabadilike ila in vain
    Na kingine ni kile kufikiria watoto wale watabaki na nani kama baba ni mkatili kiasi hicho je akiachiwa watoto itakuwaje
    So mwanamke anaamua kukaa na kuvumilia mateso kwa ajili tuu ya watoto wake
     
  5. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Sep 24, 2011
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    mambo ya ndoa hayo mimi nina aleji nayo
     
  6. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

    #6
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Kama unaweza Bebii, bora usiolewe. Narudia tena ...KAMA UNAWEZA...
     
  7. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Sep 24, 2011
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    nitaolewa tena soon
     
  8. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Nenda huko halafu uje utupe uzoefu wako
     
  9. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Sep 24, 2011
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    ngoja nitafute mchumba sasa
     
  10. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Sep 24, 2011
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    tangaza wazi kuwa unasearch na utaona watakavyokuja ila lazima uweke vigezo na masharti kuzingatiwa
     
  11. Gaga

    Gaga JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Tf kwa kweli udhalilishaji wa aina hiyo uko mwingi sana, eti inasemekana wanawake wengi hawavumilii wanaume wao wanapo cheat ila kupigwa huwa wanavumilia, nina dda angu aliteswa ni mweupe half cast alikuwa anapigwa mpaka anakuwa wa purple mwili mzima, anabakwwa na mumewe, hakuna aliyeweza kumtoa pale kwenye mateso, tena ukimkuta na hali hiyo anakwambia kadondoka bafuni, mara mlangoni kwenye ngazi, ila watoto wake walikuwa wanatuambia, hakuna ushauri wa kuondoka alioupokea, mpaka kuna siku akanipigia simu niko mahala fulani nimehamia sina jiko wala sufuria wala nguo
    kwenda pale nikaingia kapanga nyumba upande analia hapo ndipo alipoamua kuondoka, mwenyewe bila kulazimishwa na mtu,sasa hivi yuko happy na maisha yake na watoto wake anasema sijui ni nini alikuwa anang'ang'ania pale
     
  12. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Sep 24, 2011
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    ...this hurts, ila the finest tayari umeshalijibu swali hili uliposema;
    "wengi sana wako katika hali kama hii lakini hawasemi kwa kuhofia wakiacha ndoa zao jamii itawaelewa vibaya"

    ...kwa mtazamo na maoni yangu, hali hii pia inachangiwa na tabia iliyoota mizizi kwenye jamii zetu za kibantu kwamba
    mtoto wa kike akishaolewa,
    haki zake zote zinahamishiwa kwa mumewe, chochote kinachomtokea huko ni "majaaliwa" yake, sana sana ataambiwa avumilie...

    hivi, mwanamke anazaliwa hapa duniani aje kuozeshwa, kuzalishwa, na kumnyenyekea mumewe tu?
    kama una mtoto wa kike,---binti--- hapo nyumbani na unampenda, jiulize utamteteaje mwanao kwenye hali kama hii...


     
  13. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Gaga haya ndio maisha ya ndoa nyingi na ndo maana nasema kuta nne z anyumba zinaficha mengi sana
     
  14. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Sep 24, 2011
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    na nawapangia mistari
     
  15. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Sep 24, 2011
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    TF hapo juu anatafuta na yeye so unaweza kutuma application
     
  16. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

    #16
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Karibu sana kwenye chama cha wanandoa...
     
  17. Nailyne

    Nailyne JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Sep 24, 2011
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    -kwanza ni kutojitambua ndiko kunafanya wanawake wengii kubaki katika maisha hayo
    -jamii zetu jamani, haya mambo huwa yaanza taratibu,unapigwa mara ya kwanza hata watoto huna, malezi yetu wanawake tunaaambiwa mamboo ya ndoa siri usiseme,unavumilia humwambii mtu, anarudia tena unakaa kimya, akirudia tena tayari mna watoto, na wewe ndio unapata akili ya kwenda kushtaki kwa wazazi, unaambiwa vumilia tuu sasa mna watoto unafikiri ukiondoka itakuwaje?
    -uchumi tegemezi sio wote lakini wapo wanawake ambao wapo kwenye maisha hayo coz ahahisi akiondoka hataweza kuhudumia watoto peke yake so heri apate hiyo shida ili watoto wake hata waende shule
    -ukiachika jamii itakuonaje, hutaeshimika tena, hupewi nafasi kwenye jamii so ni bora kuvumilia mateso kuliko jamii kukunyoshea kidole umeshindwa ndoa
    - viapo vya dini esp wakristo ndoa maanake hadi kifo kiwatenganishe so no matter wat u hv to hold on
    -experience, haya mambo yapo sana kwenye familia zetu mwanamke aliyetoka kwenye familia ambayo mama yake alikuwa abused na baba yake hata yeye akipata shida kama hizo ataichukulia hiyo hali ni kawaida na kwamba maisha ya ndoa yanapaswa kuwa hivyo
    - hoping that atabadilika siku moja!!
     
  18. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Sep 24, 2011
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    tf weweeeee? Unataka nilogwe humu?
     
  19. W

    WIZARD Member

    #19
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Mi nikisikia mtu anaoa au kuolewa huinamisha kichwa chini na kuwaombea. coz yalisha nikuta.
     
  20. Gaga

    Gaga JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Sep 24, 2011
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    Rocky, nitavumilia yoooote lakini sio kupigwa mpaka kuumizwa kiasi cha kushindwa hata kutembea, kwa kweli hapo tu siwezi
     
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