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Wazazi wamepokea Mahari bila ridhaa yangu, nifanyeje?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mgombezi, Mar 12, 2012.

  1. Mgombezi

    Mgombezi JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Wapendwa, nimepokea ujumbe huu kutoka kwa rafiki yangu akiniomba ushauri; nimeamua kuleta hapa kisa hiki nikiwa na imani ya kupokea mawazo mazuri.

    Nimekua katika mahusiano na watu tofauti ila mvulana wangu wa kwanza ndo mpaka nyumban walikua wanamjua, hatukua katka mahusiano kwa miaka 8 na hatujawasiliana kwa miaka 3, juz narud nyumban likizo nakuta ameleta posa nyumban na wazaz wamepokea nilipofika wameniambia nilikataa wao kupokea hiyo posa bila kunishirikisha kwan tayar nina mtu wangu ambaye nina mpenda na tuko nae katka mahusiano, kiukwel hivi karibun mpz wang huyu pia alikua ana mpango wa kuja nyumban kujtambulisha na kufanya mchakato wa kuanza maandalizi ya posa na mahali, ila wazaz na ndug wooote walinikalisha chin na kunisema sana kuwa wenyewe wanamjua huyo mtu wang wa kwanza hawamtambui huyu niliye nae, mipango imefanyika mpaka mahali imetolewa juz na engagement ring nimevalishwa ingawa sijaridhia kwa moyo wang, naomba ushaur wako, hivi mahali ikitolewa inaweza kurudishwa? nini hupelekea mahal kurudishwa? nahitaj kujua maana sitak kumuumiza mpz wang nliyenae kwan mpaka saa hii yuko vibaya na hoi, naomba nisaidie.
     
  2. MadameX

    MadameX JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Mahari inarudishwa na pete inarudishwa pia, kweni si ndoa kama imepita. Mimi nahisi jamaa yako hakuwa na msimamo kama hataki kweli hicho kidole cha kuvika pete kingepatikana wapi.

    Inabidi tu azungumze na watu wake kwa kina na awaeleze uamuzi wake atakaufanya ikiwa watang'angania hiyo ndoa iendelee
     
  3. ndetichia

    ndetichia JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Mar 12, 2012
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    we mwambie anakataa zali lakuolewa na mtu aliejipanga kuliko kusubiri mtu asiyena malengo kwa sasa..

    au inawezekana huyo shosti wako akueleze ukweli inawezekana mshikaji alikuwa na mawasiliano nae enheee..
     
  4. kisukari

    kisukari JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Mar 12, 2012
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    jamani ndoa za kulazimisha hizo huwa ni mbaya,matokeo unaolewa na wa pembeni unaendelea nae.jee kosa liyakuwa la nani na aibu itakuwa ya nani?lakini isije ikawa huyo boyfriend wako sio muoaji vile vile.na kuolewa sehemu hujapenda,ni kuishi kwa mateso tu.au anaetaka kukuoa ana pesa?ndio maana wazazi wanashikilia?
     
  5. HorsePower

    HorsePower JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Nafikiri ni wazi kuwa wazazi walikosea. Ilipaswa wakusikilize wewe maana wewe ndiyo unayeolewa na si vingenevyo. So cha msingi waambie unasikitika kwamba hauko tayari kuolewa na huyo kaka na hivyo waombe radhi ili warudishe mahari.
     
  6. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Mar 12, 2012
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    si unakataa tu? kama wanampenda wao(samahani) awaoe wenyewe.......

    tena kama vipi chukuaneni na boyfrienda wako nendeni serikalini mkafunge ndoa...mambo ya church baadae...au kama waislamu mtafute sheikh awafungishe ndoa... haiwezekani mtu hamjawasiliana miaka 3 atoke kukuchumbia.... unajua ndani ya miaka 3 aliishije? kama amekwaa maradhi yake huko aje akuambukize?

    wewe ni mtu mzima, simama kwenye maamuzi yako... hakuna atakayekulazimisha ukisimamia unachokitaka...
     
  7. BlackBerry

    BlackBerry JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Mar 12, 2012
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    heee sasa hiyo pete umeikubali ya nn, mambo mengine tunayashabikia wenyewe, sasa we olewa na mtu usiyempenda ukaende kucheat mpaka ufumaniwe,shauri yako, zama za kulazimishana waume zishapita kitambo,utakuja kujuta sana ukkiolewa wakati unampenda mtu mwingine, kaa chini na wazazi wako waeleweshe kwamba roho yako haiko kwa jamaa tena
     
  8. zimwimtu

    zimwimtu JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Mar 12, 2012
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    huyo rafik yako kakubali pete ya nini? haitaji ushauri tena keshaamua tayari kuolewa na huyo wa zamani. coz nafasi ya kukataa alikuwa nayo, so muache usimvuruge.
     
  9. NATA

    NATA JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Huyo rafiki yako mzushi na hana lolote , Mwambie asilete upuzi kwanini amkubali anvalishe pete wakati hamtaki?
    Pili mwambie aache tamaa, inaelekea alikuwa hana uhakika na huyun jamaa anayedhani anampenda na huyu jamaa katangaza baada ya kusikia katolewa posa,
    Aache umalaya huyu naye atamtosa akisikia kamtosa aliye mtolea mahali.

    Napia ajipe moyo ndoa za kuhusiha wazazi zinadumu zaidi mimi mama yangu alitolewa mahali akiwa hamjui hata muoaji but ndoa imara kama chuma
     
  10. B

    BASIASI JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Umenikumbusha mbali kuna mchaga mmoja alibakwa sinza pale madukani alipokimbia mbakaji akakamatwa wakamepeleka kwa dada akaulizwa hivi ni huyu aliekubaka akasema sikumbuki labda anibake tena

    saasa na wewe kata bila ridhaa yao wajue uko kikazi zaidi ok???ama unataka kuwa kama binti wa kichaga
     
  11. u

    uttoh2002 JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Ofcourse huwezi kulazimishwa ila matatizo ni yako na wewe Ndo wakulaumiwa, kwa nini Wa kwanza ulimpeleka nyumbani Huyu Wa sasa Hukumpeleka? You should be consinstency, Kama ulikua na kiherehere kumpeleka Wa kwanza mpaka home wanamfaham, Wa pili ujamtendea haki na inaonekana wewe wapili angekutosa ungemrudia Wa kwanza.


    UOTE=Mgombezi;3480803]Wapendwa, nimepokea ujumbe huu kutoka kwa rafiki yangu akiniomba ushauri; nimeamua kuleta hapa kisa hiki nikiwa na imani ya kupokea mawazo mazuri.

    Nimekua katika mahusiano na watu tofauti ila mvulana wangu wa kwanza ndo mpaka nyumban walikua wanamjua, hatukua katka mahusiano kwa miaka 8 na hatujawasiliana kwa miaka 3, juz narud nyumban likizo nakuta ameleta posa nyumban na wazaz wamepokea nilipofika wameniambia nilikataa wao kupokea hiyo posa bila kunishirikisha kwan tayar nina mtu wangu ambaye nina mpenda na tuko nae katka mahusiano, kiukwel hivi karibun mpz wang huyu pia alikua ana mpango wa kuja nyumban kujtambulisha na kufanya mchakato wa kuanza maandalizi ya posa na mahali, ila wazaz na ndug wooote walinikalisha chin na kunisema sana kuwa wenyewe wanamjua huyo mtu wang wa kwanza hawamtambui huyu niliye nae, mipango imefanyika mpaka mahali imetolewa juz na engagement ring nimevalishwa ingawa sijaridhia kwa moyo wang, naomba ushaur wako, hivi mahali ikitolewa inaweza kurudishwa? nini hupelekea mahal kurudishwa? nahitaj kujua maana sitak kumuumiza mpz wang nliyenae kwan mpaka saa hii yuko vibaya na hoi, naomba nisaidie.
    [/QUOTE]
     
  12. Raia Mvumilivu

    Raia Mvumilivu Member

    #12
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Huyo rafiki anafurahisha,kwani anaumri gan kiasi anashindwa kujitetea kwa wazazi na kuweka mambo sawa kabla hayaja chacha,Nafasi bado anayo aongee na huyo X wake ajue hali halisi **** hayuko tayari kuolewa naye na kama akilazimisha akataka kuoa ajue huyo bwana sio muelewa na atakua hamueshimu mawazo yake sasa na siku zote watakapoktja pamoja.Busara itumike naamini wote wanastahili furaha.
     
  13. i

    interlacs Senior Member

    #13
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Jamani jamani, wazazi ni wazazi tu ! wao hawawezi kukurupuka tu na kumkubali mtu asiyeeleweka.mara zote wazazi wetu wanatutakia mema, ila sisi ndo tunawachanganya. hakuna mzazi anaye taka mwanae apate usumbufu. Kwenye biblia mfanyakazi wa Ibrahimu alimuoea Isaka bila ata isaka kumfaham Rebeka. Lakini vigezo alivyokua navyo rebeka alikua ni mtiifu, mnyenyekevu, msichana mwenye tabia njema.

    Ila sasa kama wewe dadangu ndani ya moyo wako huna ile inayo itwa willingness ya kua pamoja na mpenzi wako wa kwanza ni vema ukamkataa mapema, ila uwe makini katika kufanya maamuzi, usije ukajuta baadaye.


    THINK THINK THINK, siunawajua masharobaro wa leo, vijana wa hip pop.
     
  14. m

    mysoul Member

    #14
    Mar 12, 2012
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    Basiasi umenichekesha sana!jamani mbavu zangu, dah kweli JF kiboko.
     
  15. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Mar 13, 2012
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    Inakuwaje unakubali kuvishwa pete na baadae ndio unauliza ufanye nini? Ungekataa mapema na ungeamuwa mapema yupi wa kumuasi, Wazee wako au huyo mpenzi wako mpya.
    Pengine ulichangia makosa kwani ilikuwaje huyo wa mwanzo uliwashirikisha wazee wako na ulipoamuwa kumuacha hukuwaataarifu? Pia hata huyu wa sasa si ulizowea kuwashirikisha wazazi, kwanini usifanye hivyo mapema?
     
  16. m

    mtukwao2 Senior Member

    #16
    Mar 13, 2012
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    Tatizo kubwa linalojitokeza hapo ni kwamba rafika yako tayari alishakubali posa bila kujua kwa kuikubali pete japo inawezekana kuvuliwa lakini ameifanya kazi ya kuivua kuwa ngumu. wazazi wake wana wasix2 kwamba umri wake unaenda na hakuna reaction yoyote wanayoiona kutoka wakwe watarajiwa co nachokiona hapa wanajaribu kumpa kipawambele huyu aliyejitokeza kivitendo.... mwambie aongee nao vizuri na kuwaeleza hisia za moyo wake na effect zake. kishwa mwambie huyo anaemfeel aonyeshe positive reactions kama posa alete kivitendo na sio kimaneno!
     
  17. CORAL

    CORAL JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Mar 13, 2012
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    Rafiki yako kakosea kukubali kuvalishwa pete, unless kama alitishiwa na SMG. Vinginevyo ana kosa la kujibu.
    Pili wazazi wake hawajui maana ya ndoa. Hata kama angewajulisha kuwa huyo jamaa wamekubaliana kuoana lazima wamjulishe binti kwa kila hatua,mfano mipango ya kuleta mahari. Lazima wamuulize kama ameridhia kwani ndoa bado na uchumba waweza kuvunjika muda wowote mkitibuana.
    Lakini bado anaweza kuokoa jahazi. Awajulishe wazazi kuhusu feelings zake lakini adeal zaidi na huyo kimbelembele. Anaweza hata kumwambia ana mimba ya mchumba wake anayempenda ili aone reaction ya jamaa.
     
  18. Pasco_jr_ngumi

    Pasco_jr_ngumi JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Kabint kamedata na sharobaro la mjini......


    so, limekubuhu halitaki ndoaaa


    kazi kweli kweliiiii
     
  19. Mgombezi

    Mgombezi JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Mar 13, 2012
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    WAPENDWA ASANTE KW MAONI/MICHANGO YENU; NA MIMI NIMEMSHAURI KAMA HAPO CHINI:

    Naomba nitangulize shukrani zangu kwako kwa kunishirikisha jambo hili kama rafiki. Narudia tena kusema kwamba wakati/kipindi unachopita kwa sasa wewe sio wa kwanza; wengi huwa tunapita vipindi kama hivyo inweza isiwe katika maswala ya mahusiano/mapenzi, inaweza kuwa hata katika maswala ya kazi kwamba uwamuzi nitakaochukua unaweza kuwa na manufaa katika maisha yetu ya baadae. Kipindi hiki huitwa NEUTRAL ZONE.

    Wazazi wetu huwa wanatuwazia au wanapenda kutuelekeza katika mema, bali wanaweza kutumia njia sahihi au wakati mwingine wasitumie njia sahihi bila wao kujua kwamba njia wanayotumia sio sahihi na kujikuta lengo lao halifanikiwi. Katika hili wazazi wako hawakutumia busara katika kupokea mahari pasipo kupata ridhaa yako, nafikiri wao walikuwa wanaona wanatenda vyema kwa ajili yako bila kujua kwamba hawatumii njia sahihi. Naomba utambue kwamba pamoja na kosa walilofanya wazazi, hii ilitokana na wewe kumtambulisha huyu mpenzi wako wa kwanza kwao na wao waliendelea kuamini kwamba huyo ndio mtu pakee ambaye atakuja kukuoa. Inategemea wakati wa mahusiano yenu ambayo wazazi walikuwa wanayaona huenda walifurahishwa na mwenendo wenu katika mahusiano hayo, lakini licha ya hilo huenda huyu mwenzio kwa miaka yote aliendelea kudumisha mahusiano yake na wazazi wako; ukizingatia kwamba huyu ulienae hakuna anatambulika nyumbani; japokuwa ulishawahi kuwadokeza nyumbani na walionekana kutokuafiki na hiyo ilitokana na wazazi kuepuka kuonekana wamemsaliti mtu ambae amekuwa anakusubiri kwa muda mrefu.

    Nafahamu nini maana ya kupenda, kama ulivyoonyesha hisia zako kwa mpenzi ulienae kwa sasa. Kupenda huwa tunajikuta tu tumeangukia mahali Fulani (that's why its called FALLING IN LOVE), its not even our intension to love someone. Mapenzi ni hisia (emotion), kwa hiyo unajikuta mtu Fulani ameteka hisia zako ambazo tunatofautiana, imawezekana ukakutana na mtu ambae amegusa hisia zako katika kufanya mapenzi (anakufikisha kileleni), mwingine kwa muonekano tu wa mtu (appearance) basia unakuta amegusa hisia zako n.k. Japokuwa kwa asilimia kumbwa kigezo kikubwa katika kukamata hisia za mtu hupatikana na swala zima la kufanya mapenzi (sex emotion). Kwa hiyo natambua kwa sasa huyu mpenzi wako ulienae chuoni amekamata hisia zako, ambapo wakati mwingine ni ngumu sana kumpata mtu wa namna hiyo; wengi wamekuwa na mahusiano na watu mbalimbali lakini hawajawahi kubahatika kukutana na mtu anayegusa hisia zake.

    Kuna tofauti kati ya ndoa na mapenzi; ndoa is a commitment, wakati mapenzi is emotion. When you are in love, you are not obligated to undergo marriage, for it is a choice and not a requirement, although, most societies end (or actually begin) love with marriage. However, it is also important to note that not all marriages end up as a result of love, as in the case of fixed marriages. Even if love is one of the primary factors to be considered in a marriage, there are still a few couples who get married even without love. Kwa sasa una watu wawili; mmoja ameweka commitment kwako ya kuishi na wewe na mwingine mnapendana tu.

    Mpenzi wako wa zamani; umekuwa nae kwa muda mrefu hivyo basi kwa sehemu mtakuwa mmesoma tabia vya kutosha. Vile vile kitendo cha huyu jamaa kutokata tamaa kwa muda mrefu, kinaonyesha kupevuka kwake katika suala la mahusiano, inawezekana hata hapo kati alishawahi kusikia una mahusiano na mtu mwingine au wewe hukuonyesha upendo sana lakini huku-give up. Vile vile amejaribu kutengeneza uhusiano na familia yako kwa muda mrefu.

    Kuhusu mpenzi uliye nae kwa sasa ni mapema sana kwa wewe kukubali kwamba sasa anataka kuweka commitment kwako ya kuishi na wewe. Naomba nikupe siri moja ya kwetu sisi wanaume, huwa hatukubali kushindwa hasa linapokuwa swala la mapenzi kwamba mwanaume mwenzangu anataka kumchukua mpenzi wangu, hapo huwa tunakuwa tayari kwa gharama yeyote ile hilo jambao kuhakikisha halitokei. Vile vile ni mapema mno kupata hakika ya mapenzi aliyonayo mwenzako juu yako.

    Naomba Mungu akusaidie katika kufanya maamuzi ambayo hayataweza kuyaumiza maisha yako baadae.

    Naomba unisameheme kama kuna mahali nitakuwa nimetumia kauli ya kukuumiza, hilo sio lengo langu.

    JE USHAURI HUU NI SAHIHI, WAWEZA KUMSAIDIA?
     
  20. d

    dav22 JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Mar 13, 2012
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    hii ndo ikifanikiwa basi we utakuwa chakula cha sie wengine maana hutakuwa unampenda huyo jamaa kwa dhati....
     
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