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Watoto na mahusiano. . . .

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Lizzy, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Kuna watu ambao wamefanikiwa kupata watoto bila ya ndoa na wengine wamefanikiwa kupata ndani ya ndoa ambazo hazikudumu. Mzazi yeyote yule ambae anafahamu/anaheshimu na kutimiza majukumu yake hua anampa/wapa mtoto/watoto wake kipaumbele kwenye maisha yake, haswa linapokuja swala la kuingia kwenye mahusiano au hata ndoa kwa mara nyingine. Najua wapo wazembe wachache ambao hua hawajali furaha na ustawi wa watoto wao kiasi kwamba hua wanaingia kwenye mahusiano na watu ambao hua wanaishia kuwanyanyasa watoto wao kimwili, kimapenzi, kiakili na kihisia. Mbaya zaidi hawa wazembe hua hawako makini, hivyo hua hawagundui kinachoendelea au hata mtoto akiwa na ujasiri wa kusema wanawadharau watoto wao na kuwa upande wa wenzi wao. Wanasahau kwamba watoto (kiujumla) ndio waohitaji ulinzi toka kwa wakubwa against wakubwa na sio wakubwa kulindana against watoto.

    Nwy ushauri wangu ni kwa wale ambao wana watoto na wako kwenye mahusiano au wanatarajia kuwa kwenye mahusiano na watu ambao sio wazazi wenza.

    Kwa waliopo ndani. . . . .
    1. Mtoto wako anakuhitaji kwa kila namna , be there for him/her/them.
    2. Kua na muda nae. Fanya utaratibu wa kutenga muda wenu wenyewe bila watu wengine ili kumhakikishia kwamba hujamtenga/chagua mwenzi wako juu yake.
    3. Kua msikilizaji. Akikueleza kitu hata kama ni kidogo au kwenye akili yako unaona ni cha kijinga kipe maana mbele yake. Kuna watu wanaishi na wenzi ambao wanawanyanyasa watoto wao sexually ila wanakua kama hawajui kwa kutokua wasikilizaji na kuwa wapuuzaji.
    4. Ongea nae.
    5. Hakikisha anaelewa kwamba huyo mama/baba mpya hajaja kuchukua nafasi ya mama/baba yake ambae hayupo ikiwa wapo/walikua na mahusiano ya karibu.
    6. Hakikisha mwenzi wako anaelewa kwamba watoto wako ni watoto wako, huwezi ukawakimbia wao kwaajili yake. Anapaswa awaheshimu kama sio kuwapenda.
    7. Wafundishe watoto wako kumheshimu mwenzi wako ili kusiwe na matatizo kati yao.

    Kwa ambao bado wako nje. . .
    1. Kuwa muwazi kuhusu kuwa na mtoto/watoto pale unapokutana/anzisha urafiki na mtu ili hata akipenda kuwa na mahusiano na wewe awe anajua fika nini kinachomsubiria.
    2. Usisite kumweleza mtu unaetarajia kuanza mahusiano nae umuhimu wa watoto wako kwako.
    3. Usimtambulishe kwao mpaka utakapokua na uhakika kwamba urafiki/mahusiano yenu yana malengo. . . hii inasaidia kutowachanganya kwa kuwaletea wajomba/shangazi wapya kila siku.
    4. Kabla ya kukubali muwe na mahusiano hakikisha anawapenda (LIKE, FOND OF, ADMIRE) watoto wako nao wanampenda yeye. Kama sivyo hali ilivyo usijidanganye kwamba mambo yatabadilika baadae. Hii itasaidia kukwepa ugomvi ambao utakua unakulazimu kuchagua upande kila wakati.

    Namna ya kufahamu kwamba rafiki/mwenzi wako mtarajiwa anawapenda/jali watoto wako, and that he/she is nice to them:
    1. Mnapokutana/wasiliana atapenda kujua hali zao pia na sio yako peke yako.
    2. Unapowaongelea ukiwa nae (utundu, ukorofi, magonjwa na mengine yanayowahusu) uso anachangamka na sio anaonyesha kuboreka. Hii mtu anaweza akaFAKE ila baada ya muda anachoka.
    3. Akiwa karibu nao watoto wanafurahi.
    4. Wasipomwona kwa muda watoto wanamuulizia.

    Kama kawaida wanaoficha makucha wapo ila ukiwa makini utagundua iwapo mtu anafake kufurahia, kupenda ama kujali watoto wako. Don't love blindly, husisha akili yako ili watoto wasije wakalipa kwa uzembe wako.

    Be blessed.
     
  2. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

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    Jan 12, 2012
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    Blended families are a challenge to many!
     
  3. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

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    Thanks Lizzy
    Hii ni shule tosha kwa wenye uelewa; hasa wababa ambao hutumia muda mwingi kujadili maendeleo yasio maendeleo kwenye counter za baa na kuwaacha watoto zao na unhappy step mothers!
     
  4. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

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    Asante sana mama mchungaji kwa hili jambo la msingi. Huwa nachukia kuona watoto wananyanyaswa na wazazi wa kambo huku wahusika wanakumbatia wenzi wao wapya na hata wakiambiwa hawajali, wakijidai kujali saana basi ujue watoto wataambulia kufokewa tu!! Sio fair!!!
     
  5. TaiJike

    TaiJike JF-Expert Member

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    Jan 12, 2012
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    Hee...kumbe Lizzy ni mama mchungaji? Bwana asifisiwe mama mch. Asante kwa darasa hili ntazingatia na kuchukua hatua nitakapolazimika kufanya hivyo.
     
  6. Judgement

    Judgement JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jan 12, 2012
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    Za asubuhi ! Kuna binadamu alitoka na thread kama sio jana juzi, akisema tulitumie jukwaa kuelimishana.
    Sijui hii maneno kusapata yeye !?
     
  7. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kweli kabisa kakondoo. Inaboa kweli kuona watoto wakipata manyanyaso ambayo hawakustahili kabisa kupata huku wazazi wao wenyewe wakiangalia tu kama vile wako kwenye cinema.
     
  8. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kwa wale waumini tu TJ. . .lolz
    Nwy uzingatie mwaya, italipa kuona watoto wako wakiappreciate uwepo wako badala ya kukuona ni kazi bure.
     
  9. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Mbona kuelimishana huku ni kila siku aiseee?
    Au ye haoni?
     
  10. Cantalisia

    Cantalisia JF-Expert Member

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    Kweli kbs Lizzy nimependa hii ilmu uliyotoa,kwan km watu tutakua makin na kuona umuhimu wa watoto/mtoto na uhusiano ukafuata hata tatizo la watoto wanaokimbia unyanywaji huko majumban na kuwa wa mitaan litapungua,ubarikiwe sn!
     
  11. MAMMAMIA

    MAMMAMIA JF-Expert Member

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    Hili ni darasa tosha kwa kuwatunza watoto na kutaka kuanzisha mahusiano mpya.
    Hizo points nilizozibakisha ni muhimu sana kuzizingatia kabla ya kuanzisha mahusiano mapya hasa ikiwa watoto tayari wana uelewa, walikulia na kumuona mama/baba katika familia yao. Sasa unapofika wakati ikawa wazazi waliachana (au mmoja kutangulia mbele ya haki), watoto huwa si rahisi kumkubali mama/baba wa kuja kwa hofu hiyo ya kuwa amekuja kuchukua nafasi ya yule waliyempoteza.

    Kwa hivyo, kabla ya kuanza upya, zungumza nao mpaka wakuelewe na upate ridhaa yao, na sio uanze kuwataka wamheshimu tayari yumo ndani. Kamwe usiwalazimishe kumkubali bali uende nao kidogo kidogo. Kadri wanavyokua ndivyo wanavyokuwa na uelewa zaidi wa mambo, sio wamempoteza mpenzi mama/baba yao baada ya mwaka moja au miwili unawaletea mtu mbadala.
     
  12. mikatabafeki

    mikatabafeki JF-Expert Member

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    the first thing u've to know is ur priority and ur first priority is ur family.

    ur family is ur carrier.
     
  13. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

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    Lizzy asante nimeipenda sana hii,imenipa extra knowledge and dimensions kwenye mapambano yangu ya maisha na kutoa experinece kwa wengi tu ambao labda muda bado au hayatakuja kuwapata lakini atleast they got some ideas when and only when it happens,thanks again.

    Lakini hebu tupe extras, a freshly broken home,like that one.........utawaambiaje watoto below 12yrs old, kwamba mama/baba yuko wapi na kwa nini hayupo nyumbani.

    Otherwise thanks again for your educative thread
     
  14. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Asante Canta. . .
    Ni muhimu kweli wazazi wakawapa watoto wao kipaumbele maana hawana mtu mwingine wakumtegemea.
     
  15. Candid Scope

    Candid Scope JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Jan 12, 2012
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    Lizzy, topic yako imenifikisha mbali hadi siku nilipokuwa naangalia onyesho la Steve ambapo sikuamini na nilichokiona, na kuona maadili nayo katika familia nimuhimu na kabisa wazazi wanapochukua udhaifu wa mtoto na kugeuza abuse then. Mpaka leo nikikumbuka kisa hiki ni kama siamini kama kimetokea, lakini ndio ukweli wa maajabu yaliyowekwa hadharani.


    'It's not like I'm abusing her or something': Father and daughter in sexual relationship go on TV.. and even Jerry Springer refused


    [​IMG]

    It was too disturbed even for Jerry Springer. So when the show rejected an 18-year-old girl who was having a sexual relationship with her father, there was only one person they could turn to - Steve Wilkos. Recently the show aired a two-part story about a father - Morgan - and his biological daughter Britney, who reconnected through Myspace when she was 16 and started to have a relationship.
    [​IMG]
    Daughter: Britney, 18, said she looked for her father online two years ago and when he messaged her she knew he had sexual feelings for her​


    [​IMG]

    Father: Morgan said his daughter is his soul mate and he does not think he is doing anything wrong by having sex with her


    Britney explained to Steve Wilkos: 'I was 16 when I looked for him on Myspace. My family members had kept us apart and I hadn't seen him since I was seven so I looked him up. 'On my page I had pictures of my boobs and bum on there and when he saw it he said, "My little baby girl should not be doing that". But then he put a smiley face. 'When I saw that I thought he had sexual feelings for me.' Wilkos asked her if she did not think that he was taking advantage of her and she said: 'No, because I wanted it too. I see a future with him. I have a really good feeling about us and I know it will work out.' When her heavily-tattooed father Morgan came on, he was booed by the audience, but it did not stop him from greeting his girlfriend and daughter with a long, passionate French kiss, one in which Wilkos had to stop before it got too far. He told Morgan that he 'should probably go and see a doctor and get some therapy, preying on your daughter like that'.He replied: 'I'm not preying on her, yes I'm sleeping with her but it's not like I'm abusing her or something.'

    [​IMG]

    Host: Wilkos tries to make the two of them see sense as they argue about having a baby that may be 'retarded'

    Morgan said he did not see a problem with what he was doing and said that when he looked at his daughter all he could see was his soul mate. Though he did reveal he would not cross the line when it came to having babies, in case the child would be 'retarded'. In the introductory piece to the segment, Wilkos said that he wanted to make sure that the story was legitimate before taking it on and had asked for proof, which sources say came in the form of a video showing the couple having sex.

    On part two of the show, which was aired 36 days later, Britney had returned, worried that she was pregnant despite the fact she said she was on birth control pills.
    She told Wilkos she was two months behind on her period. But when he questioned her further, she revealed she wanted to get pregnant on purpose, telling him that she believed there was 'no scientific proof it would come out all weird'. When her dad was brought on the show, the 18-year-old admitted that she wanted to get pregnant, shouting at him: 'I'm 18 years old, I want seven kids!' Another reason they appeared on the show was because Britney was afraid that her father was cheating on her. A lie detector test showed that he was.

    Though Morgan denied it, the 18-year-old screamed at him and asked him how he could do it, before figuring out he was carrying out the affair while she was at school. At the end of the show, Wilkos gave Britney the opportunity to leave her father and go and get professional help with the abuse she had suffered her whole life. But instead she took her father's hand and vowed to stand by him.

     
  16. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    MammaMia asante kwa kuongezea hiyo ya kuongea nao kuhusu mahusiano yako. Ni jambo zuri sana kuwashirikisha na kujadiliana nao kuhusu mahusiano yako mapya ili kujua wanamchukulia vipi huyo mtarajiwa wako, kama wanapenda awe sehemu ya familia yenu n.k maana hata wao yanawahusu.

    Ntaiongeza kwenye list pale juu. . .
     
  17. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Ahsante na wewe pia.

    Ombi lako naomba nilifanyie kazi kivyake. . . will write a separate piece about it.
     
  18. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    CandidScope thanks for the article, that just shows how messed up some people are. Kuwaletea watoto wako baba anaefanana na huyo ni kuwaletea matatizo. Ila nadhani matendo ya hao wa kwenye article yako yanatokana na kukosa ule uhusiano wa baba na mwana, hivyo wanaona ni sawa kuwa wapenzi.
     
  19. Candid Scope

    Candid Scope JF-Expert Member

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    Malezi katika familia kwa watoto nayo yanatakiwa wazazi kuwa na uelewa mpana, ingawa watoto wanajua nini kinachoendelea kati ya wazazi, lakini si bora kuweka mambo hadharani kwani yanaweza kuathiri watoto. Uzungu nao tusipoangalia mambo gani ni ya kuiga yanaharibu watoto, ndio maana wazungu wengi wangali wadogo wanataka maisha ya bf/gf maana wanaona wanachofanya wazazi na hivyo wazazi hawawezi wazuia kwa vile dhamiri zinawasuta. Hivyo wazazi wanahalalisha watoto wadogo ambao hawajakomaa na kujua nini maana ya mapenzi kutumbukia kwenye ulimwengu huo wakati akili zao bado hazijakomaa na kuwa na utambuzi mkubwa.
     
  20. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Sidhani kama kuna malezi yanayopelekea moja kwa moja mzazi kutembea na mtoto wake wa kike au wa kiume kwahiyo tusisingizie uzungu wala umarekani maana hata wao wanakataa mambo kama haya.
     
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