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Wanawake wengi wasomi au wenye kipato kizuri hawadumu kwenye mahusiano!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mwenda_Pole, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. Mwenda_Pole

    Mwenda_Pole JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 26, 2009
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    Wanajamii leo nimeona tujadili hili suala ambalo watu wengi sana mitaani wamekuwa wakiamini hivyo kuwa wanawake wenye kipato kizuri ama wale walio na elimu nzuri, hasa wenye digrii ama zaidi ni vigumu sana kudumu katika ndoa ama mahusiano.

    Na katika mahusiano yao huwa ni yenye migogoro mingi na mivutano sana kwa wenzi wao (Boyfriends ama Waumezao). Humu jamvini wapo kidada wasomi wengi tu ambao wanaweza ”ku-share” uzoefu wao ama kutoa mtazamo wao katika hili. Kina Kaka pia mnaweza kutoa hoja na mitazamo yenu kuhusu hili kwani mahusiano yanahusu pande zote mbili

    Ningependa watu tuchangie tukizingatia hasa maswali yafuatayo...

    Je, unamaani kuwa huo mtazamo uliojengeka katika jamii una ukweli wowote?

    Na kama ni kweli unafikiri nini hasa ndio chanzo?

    Na kama unafikiri hii kitu haina ukweli wowote unafikiri ni kwanini basi kuna watu wanaona hivyo?

    Mwisho toa ushauri wako kwa kidada wali kwenye kundi hilo ama kina Kaka walio nao katika mahusiano kuhakikisha mambo yanakwenda kama wengine tu.

    NB:
    Kumbuka kuwa simaanishi wasichana wote walio katika kundi hilo bali ni walio wengi wao.
    [/SIZE]
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2009
  2. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Maisha na mahusiano ni vitu complex ( mark u sijasema complicated)....
    Inategemea wahusika wenyewe mitizamo yao kuhusu mahusiano yao na trade-offs wanazokubaliana kuzifanya.Pia viwango vya uvumilivu kwa wote.Kama wote watajifanya wababe hakika mahusiano/ndoa haitadumu.
     
  3. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

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    Hakuna ukweli hapo! Nijuavyo na kuamini mimi wanawake wasomi na wenye kipato huwa na mapenzi ya kweli na hujali sana ndoa zao, labda itokee mume awe bazazi, ndiyo sababu ya wadada hawa sababu wako independent huamua ku move on, Angalia Asha-Rose Migiro anatesa na ndoa yake, hajaota wala mapembe!
     
  4. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    umeongea kitu cha maana ndugu yangu!
     
  5. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    Dhana na hiyo kwa sehemu kubwa ni perception ya watu tu na si uhalisia. Mara nyingi kama mwanake msomi (au mwenye kipato kikubwa) ameolewa na mwanaume aisiyesoma (au mwenye kipato duni), inferiority complex ya mwanaume inachangia kwa kiasi kikubwa kuleta matatizo kwenye ndoa. Pia tofauti ya mitazamo inaweza kuleta matatizo baina ya wasomi na wasiosoma kama wanandoa hawapo makini (na hili si kwa mwanamke tu hata mwanaume pia).

    Kwa sehemu kubwa kinacholeta matatizo ni tabia ya mwanamke zaidi kuliko elimu au kipato chake. Nafahamu kuna wanawake wengine hawana elimu wala kipato kikubwa lakini wanakuwa na 'nyodo' kwelikweli kwenye ndoa.
     
  6. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

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    By the way dada WoS unamdogo wako walau wenye level ya Masters nataka leta posa......serious!
     
  7. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jul 26, 2009
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    Ndugu yangu,,, na yule wako wa JF? Usimdanganye mdogo wangu bureee!
     
  8. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

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    Hahahahaha haya dada nimekusoma! Tuko vizuri na wa JF very serious
     
  9. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Baki hapohapo... usiwe macho mia mia.
     
  10. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

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    Hahahaha haya dada nimetulia pale hizi zingine ni jokes tu!! Huwa siwezi kuwa serious
     
  11. Masanja

    Masanja JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 26, 2009
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    Mkuu,

    This perspective is too simplistic. Hili tatizo lipo sana especially kwetu sisi waafrika. Wengi wetu tunaamini mwanamke akipata kazi kubwa/kisomo kikubwa anakuwa mkaidi au anakosa mda wa kuwa na familia. Argument yako ni kutaka kuangalia hili swala kwa kutoa mifano rare. Migiro definetely na yeye ana machungu yake katika ndoa yake.....lakini hapa ni rahisi kumtolea mfano kwa sababu mume anakaa Dar ni Profesa na yeye yuko New York. Hujui walivyokubaliana. Kifupi ni public figure kubwa..leo ndoa yake ikivunjika kila mtu atajua.

    Personally nimeona mifano ya watu wengi especially wanawake wanaoingia kwenye politics..ndoa inakuwa ngumu (primarily kwa sababu mtizamo wa kiafrika hata wanaume waliosoma ni kwamba mwanamke ni mtu wa kukaa ndani). ISSUE KUBWA NI MOBILITY.

    Kikubwa sana sana ungetoa ushauri kwa generation ya leo..kipi kifanyike..kumsupport partner wako akiwa na kazi inayomuweka busy sana/kusafiri sana. abalance kazi na familia. Mfano..mama kapata kazi ICRC Darfur au Afghanistan....wewe ni afisa wa CRDB Songea...utakuwa ni uongo kuassume kwamba itakuwa busines as usual kati yake na mume wake. Infact mashirika kama UN yanavunja ndoa sana...(I have experience in this)..lakini ndo hivyo kama alivyosema WoS ni kukaa chini mkashauriana...Cha muhimu hapa ni mume kutoa support..agundue kwamba what mama is doing is for the good of the family. Mume ajue kwamba hata yeye anaweza kutulia akalea familia mama akatafuta mkate. Yet mama hana shida kama ni mume kapata kazi mbali...

    Otherwise tatizo lipo..tusiwe simplistic kujifurahisha na mifano ya akina Migiro ambao in real world tunayoishi ni 1 kati ya 1000000...Kuna wadada wanashindwa kuendelea na career zao kwa sababu wanaume hawawapi nafasi..anakwambia kabisa..you either chose your job or your family..kuna wale watakimbilia kusema 'ohh I will chose my job..kwani mume alinisomesha?' lakini reality ni tofauti..ni uamuzi mgumu sana..na hapo ndo mawazo ya watu hapa yanahitajika..na kumbuka magonjwa siku hizi ni mengi..unaweza kulazimisha..ukaishia kujutia uamuzi wako..so it needs a hearty consensus between the two.

    Kwangu mimi ningewashauri wanaume wenzangu/hata wanawake..tujue kwamba enzi za baba pekee kuwa breadwinner its not feasible anymore..mkisaidiana...mtafanikiwa. kifupi we need team work. Ukipata kibarua kinacholipa..basi we can weigh..and I seek (AWOL-lol)
     
  12. Masanilo

    Masanilo JF-Expert Member

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    Masanja

    Nimekusoma wakati mwingine sisi wanaume tunakuwa na inferiority complex na kuanza kumisbehave na hii hupelekea ndo nyingi za mlengo huo kwenda kombo. its a complicated scenario all ways...
     
  13. Pretty

    Pretty JF-Expert Member

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    Wapo wanawake wasomi/wenye kipato wanadumu kwenye ndoa zao,tena ndoa inakuwa na amani tele, vile wapo wasio dumu kwenye ndoa zao. Sasa hapa muhimu tujadili nini haswa tatizo la huyu mwanamama kutodumu kwenye ndoa.
    Kwa mimi nilivyoona ndoa nyingi zisizodumu ni zile ambazo wanaume wanajifanya hao ndio watawala wa kila kitu kwenye nyumba, wale wanaojifanya hao ndio wenye sauti, hawataki kusikiliza ushauri wa huyu mwanamama msomi. Na vile anasahau kama huyu mwanamke kasoma na ana upeo mzuri tu wa kutoa na yeye mawazo ambayo yanajenga family. Hivyo ndio hapo utakuta mwanamke asiyetaka bughudha anaamua kufile divorce.
    Lakini watu kama wanandoa, mnasikiliza na kila mtu anathamini mawazo ya mwenzio mie nadhani ndoa yenu itakuwa ni paradiso ndogo, hata kama mwanamke ana PhD/ au mshahara wake ni mara 2 ya mume.
     
  14. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Masanja,
    Umegusa penyewe haswaaa!!
    Busara inabidi itumike kwa wote.Mwanamume akiwa mkorofi kupindukia basi ni mawili:
    1.career ya mke itaharibika
    2.Au ndoa ivunjike.
    Wanawake hujikuta kwenye njia panda...inapofikia kuamua kati ya hayo mawili.Wanaoamua namba 1. Hujikuta wakifanya kazi ambazo hawazipendi ili tu kuwaridhisha waume zao.Kwa watu wasioelewa hudhani kuwa mwanamke huyo ni ama mvivu au hathubutu vyakutosha kuingia ushindani mkubwa.Kwa wenye kuchagua namba 2. ndio hujenga takwimu za KUTHIBITISHA kwamba wanawake wenye kazi nzuri na vipato hawadumishi ndoa zao.
    Sijui ni jipi jema hapa.
     
  15. Bazazi

    Bazazi JF-Expert Member

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    Bazana anamtazamo tafauti kidogo hasa kuhusu mwanamke na shule.

    Ninavyofahamu mimi ni kuwa kadri unvyoongeza shule basi unazifahamu zaidi hadi na wajibu wako. Wanawake kwa kuzijua sana haki zao huanza kuzidai bila staha na bila kuzingatia traditions and customs zetu wabantu na hapo ndipo mgogoro unapoanza. Wanaume kwao, kunakuwa hakuna mgogoro kama mgogoro ila huonekana kituko ktk jamii kwa kigezo kilekile traditions and customs. Mwanaume msomi kumtowadha mwanae is not an issue ila si mwanaume aliyeishia std 7.

    Huu mgongano wa mtazamo ndio huzaa migogoro hata kama wataoana wasomi watupu kwani mume ataona mkewe anadai haki zaidi kuliko inavyostahili (akiegemea zaidi jamii inamuonaje kuliko uhalisi wa mambo- jamii humuona kama anatawaliwa na mkewe) na hivyo amehama kuwa mke na kuwa mwanaharakati.

    Miye nadhani ni matatizo ya kimtazamo zaidi kuliko kitu kingine. Nakaribisha kusahihishwa na kukosolewa.
     
  16. Akili Unazo!

    Akili Unazo! JF-Expert Member

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    Wakuu tuwe makini tunapokuwa tunachangia ili tusijetengeneza tabaka humu.

    unavyoaamaanisha wanawake wasomi unamaanisha level gani ya elimu?diplomas/advance diplomas/degree level/masters level/Phd Level au Professors level?

    Tukishapata level tuisemayo basi hapo naweza jadili na kukupa mifano hai ya hayo mtoa maada amesema.nimesema mifano hai na ni hai na inaelezeka.

    Kwa angalizo tu nenda mlimani angalia ni maprofessor wangapi wameoa au kuolewa na wenye level kama wao?

    then tunaweza endelea kujadili kitu hapa na wakati huohuo mahusiano ya aina yoyote hayahitaji elimu period
     
  17. Mwenda_Pole

    Mwenda_Pole JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 27, 2009
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    Soma vizuri kwenye mada kuu, hiyo level ya elimu unayouliza imeelezwa kwenye mada kuu.
     
  18. Mtabiri

    Mtabiri Senior Member

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    I'm also of the view that mapenzi/ndoa has nothing to do with education. Mkishaanza kupoint out education kwenye hili basi chances are: complexities will automatically emerge! Ukimpenda mtu mpende kama yeye,sio shule yake/income yake,you'll end up regreting if you so much consider these things ktk malavidavi yenu.
     
  19. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #19
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    Tatizo letu tulio wengi ni kuchukua mitazamo ya watu na kuingia nayo kwenye ndoa. Mradi ulishasikia au kuona mwanamke mmoja msomi ambaye ndoa yake haikudumu (na inawezekana kabisa chanzo cha usomi kikawa kimzushwa tu kuuficha ukweli wa nini kilitokea) basi mtu akioa msomi humwangalia kwa macho manne (with extra eyes) kiasi kwamba anaweza akafanya kitu cha kawaiiiiiida kabisa but ukakiassociate na usomi wake.

    I know a lady ambaye ni victim wa hii hakuna jema atalofanya bila kuambiwa anajifanya msomi yet she is the most humble lady I have ever known in this world!
     
  20. Mwenda_Pole

    Mwenda_Pole JF-Expert Member

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    MwanajamiiOne mbona hautuelezi uzoefu wako binafsi instead unapoint a lady u know. Zile post zako ulizokuwa unatuma hapa kuomba ushauri zilikuwa umetunga tu kupiga watu fix?? kumbuka mada inasema hawadumu ama wanakuwa na migogoro mingi sana katika mahusiano na haimaanishi kuwa wao ndio chanzo cha matatizo hayo japokuwa inaweza ikawa ndio wao. Na pia ikumbukwe kuwa sio unaona mtu mmoja tu ama wewe mwenyewe unaishi vizuri ndio ukatoa conclusion kuwa hiyo kitu sio kweli.
    Masanja kaelezea vizuri sana kwenye post yake, Tunahitaji mchango wako juu ya nini kifanyike katika kubadili huo mtazamo unaosema watu wanao juu wanawake wasomi.
     
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