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Wanaume na kujihami...!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mtambuzi, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #1
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    Leo hii ndoa nyingi sana zimeingiliwa na kujihami kwa aina mbalimbali, lakini aina kubwa au inayofanywa sana ni ile ya kuhamisha (Displacement). Kwa mfano, mabosi wetu wanapotuudhi ofisini, tunaweza kuhamisha hasira zetu kwa makondakta wa daladala. Tunafanya hivyo ili kupunguza maumivu, kwani tusingeweza kukabiliana na mabosi wetu, hivyo tunatafuta shabaha dhaifu zaidi. Wanaume wengi siku hizi wanatumia njia ya kujihami ya kuhamisha kwa kiwango kikubwa sana. Wanaposhindwa kupanda vyeo, wanapotishiwa kufukuzwa kazi au kampuni kufungwa, wanapopata hasara kwenye shughuli zao, ‘tenda' zinapokataa na mengine kama hayo, hutafuta mahali pa kupeleka hasira zao. Kwa sehemu kubwa hasira hizi hupelekwa majumbani kwa wake na watoto wao. Kwa hiyo baba au mume anatokea kuwa mkali, mwenye maneno na kauli chafu nap engine hata kupiga. Ukichunguza utagundua anajihami kupunguza maumivu ya kile kinachotokea kwenye shughuli zake. Wakati mwingine hata timu aipendayo inapofungwa, mume au baba huwa mkali sana na hata kupiga watoto au kuropoka kwa mke.

    Hii ni hatari sana kwa familia zetu, kwani watoto huingia kwenye kuchanganyikiwa na wake nao huhisi kwamba, hakuna tena upendo. Mbaya zaidi ni kwamba, watoto watakuja nao kuishi hivyo kwenye ndoa zao.
    Ndoa nyingi hivi sasa zinakabiliwa na hali hii ya waume kujihami kwa mtindo huu wa kuhamisha. Hii ni kwa sababu ya mabadiliko au kasi ya mabadiliko kijamii, kiuchumi na hata kisiasa. Mambo yanazidi kuwa magumu na dunia inazidi kuwa ndogo na kuwaminya wengi. Hapo ndipo binadamu wanazidi kupoteza subira zao. Moja ya sababu ya kubwa ya wanaume kuwasimanga wake zao, kuwatolea kashfa mbaya, kuwajibu kwa mkato, hata kuwapiga, ni hii ya kujihami. Ndiyo njia pakee kwa sasa kwa wanaume wengi kuwapa taarifa wake zao kwamba, mambo ni magumu. Wanaume hawa huhalalisha wanachofanya, kwa sababu hawajui kwamba, kinachotokea ni kutafuta namna tu ya kujihami, wasiumie zaidi kwa kile kinachowasibu huko nje. Lakini wanaumiza ndoa na familia zao.

    Inashauriwa mambo ya nje ya nyumbani yaishie kizingitini. Mtu akiingia nyumbani kwake ajaribu kuwa mwanga wa nyumbani na siyo giza na kitisho kwa wale anaowaita wapendwa wake. Lakini wanawake nao pia wanaaswa kujua kwamba, wanaume hivi sasa wanaishi kwa kujihami, badala ya kuwa wakweli. Kauli chafu, maneno ya kejeli na masimango, wakati mwingine ni majibu au maelezo ya waume kwa wake zao kuhusu hali wanayoipata huko nje.
     
  2. Fixed Point

    Fixed Point JF Bronze Member

    #2
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    sisi huwa tuna tabia ya kusimuliana yale tuliyoyafanya kwa siku hiyo tulipokuwa nje ya nyumbani, kwa hiyo mara nyingi kama mimi nimeboreka huko nilikotoka akifika tu, hicho ndo huwa cha kwanza kumwadithia, hiyo ni kama nitaweza kuvumilia hadi arudi, otherwise nampigia huko huko aliko, naye pia hufanya hivyo. kwa maana hiyo tunashauriana na kutiana moyo kwa downs zote zinazotukumba. hii inasaidia kutohamishia hasira kwa mwenzi na watoto
     
  3. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #3
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    Hiyo ni mbinu nzuri sana, na kwa wanawake huwasaidia kuondoa stress, lakini kumbuka kwamba wanaume mara nyingi ni wasiri sana, na wao kuzungumzia mambo ya kunyanyaswa kazini, ni sawa na kukiri udhaifu mbele ya wake zao, na ndio maana huumia ndani kwa ndani na mwisho wa siku hulipukwa na hasira hata kwa jambo dogo kiasi gani na wanaoathiriwa na hali hiyo ni wake zao au watoto kwa ujumla.
     
  4. HorsePower

    HorsePower JF-Expert Member

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    Nakubalia na wewe mtambuzi, uzi umetulia. Ni tabia mbaya kuhamishia hasira kwa wale ambao hawakupaswa kuathirika nazo. Ni vzr kutumia hekima na utashi zaidi badala ya jazba na hulka zisizo na tija.
     
  5. arabianfalcon

    arabianfalcon JF-Expert Member

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    Mume wangu ni msiri hasa kwenye jambo lakumkera ila utaona anakua hana raha hapo ndio inanipata kazi yakuanza kuuliza kwa adabu zote na upole wote ndio hukoooooooooooo tena uambiwe kulikoni,na kwaupande wangu nahisi kama mwanamke anaweza kuhimili mengi na kumfariji mumewe kwa hali na mali lakini mwanamme sioni kama ana strenth za kuhimili misukosuko na ndio mana wanakua wakali au akiridi nyumbani uso kaukunja kama kanywa shibiri....
     
  6. Rutashubanyuma

    Rutashubanyuma JF-Expert Member

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    kitabu kinachoitwa.........."WHY BLACK MEN SHOUT AT HOME"....................kimefafanua hoja hizi kwa mapana yake.....................na kujaribu kujibu hoja ya ni kwanini iwe hivyo......................

    Kenya hivi sasa kutokana na ugumu wa maisha wanaumme wanapigwa na hata kuuawa na wanawake kwa sababu ya nyumba ndogo na kuwa mkate hauwatoshi wale walio rasmi sasa yawaje wawepo mabuzi wengineo pembeni..............kwa hiyo anachokifanya mwanaumme hata mama siku hizi hukifanya..............si nao hujitutumua kuwa nao wanaweza?
     
  7. Rutashubanyuma

    Rutashubanyuma JF-Expert Member

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    hii avatar ya Fixed Point yaweza kumto nyoka pangoni............lol

    ingawaje hoja za kujaribu kuonyesha wao ni malaika lazima igonge ukuta............sasa hivi Kenya wanaumme wanahofia usalama wa maisha yao kutkana na wake zao kuwa mbogo kupambana na nyumba ndogo, ulevi wa kupindukia na men zao going A.W.O.L
     
  8. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Uzi umetulia Mtambuzi
    Ila elewa kuwa ni lazima kuwe na mahli pa kushushia hasira na haiwezi kuwa bar au club au kwa washkaji
    mahali maalum ni nyumbani
    Imetokea sana na haiwezi kuzuilika na kwa wengi kweli hili hutokea
     
  9. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    On point Mtambuzi.

    Wanamme bana, akikusaidia saaana atakuambia nina mood mbaya, nimeudhiwa ofisini.
    Hapo ni baada ya kukupa mbovu za kutosha
    hadi uzunguke zunguke kutafuta sababu ndo unapewa jibu hilo.

    Pasua kichwa nyingine ni hii kutoka kwa wanamme.
    Badala akusimulie lililompata ili ashushe pumzi
    anakuwa na hasira hata na kijiko.
     
  10. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Point
    Leo sijui umeamkaje
    Umesema mazuri sana
     
  11. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    kuudhiwa au kuwa na hasira ni kawaida kabisa
    lakini kuzihamishia hasira kwa mtu ambaye hajakukosea sioni kama ni sawa.

    Kama ni home, bora ukamsimulia mkeo yalokusibu
    inasaidia kupunguza pressure
    pia angalau anakuwa na idea ya hasira zako so atajua jinsi ya kukuhandle

    wanamme wana tabia ya kublow out of propotion kumbe katoka na maudhi yake sehemu nyingine.

    Inaboa sana!
     
  12. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    ha ha ha,

    ndo ujifunze kusema mapema
    kwamba jamani leo nimeudhiwa
    ili wajue kabisa 'ni yai la siku hiyo'
    wakuhandle with care


    ila nadhani pia wanaume kinachowasumbua ni EGO
    mwanamme kukiri kwa mkewe kaonewa ofisini inamuwia vigumu sana
    maana anapenda mkewe aamini, yeye ni kidume, which we understand.

    Hata ukisema tu, nimegombana na bosi wakubwa tutaelewa na hatutataka details sana.
     
  13. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

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    Handling of the so called pressure ni tatizo kwetu sisi wanaume sana
    Yaani afike nyumbani atulize munkari amwambie mke wake hili na hili ndio tatizo lililonikumba leo ofisini au kwenye mihangaiko yangu inakuwa soo
    Yaani kuna tatizo kwenye kutoa ule ujumbe au lile tatizo ndani ya vichwa vyetu na kulieleza kwa mtu mwingine
     
  14. kitalolo

    kitalolo JF-Expert Member

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    niliwahi jaribu kuishi namna hiyo ikifikiri kuwa ndio itasaidia mwenzangu ajue niko kwenye wakati mgumu lakini ndio ilikuwa mwanzo wa matatizo nimejifunza kunyamaza kimya hata nikiwa napita kwenye magumu kiasi gani.
    wakati mwingine wanawake hawataki kujua kuwa mwanaume ana matatizo maana wanatuonaga kuwa sisi ni kma vyuma yaani hatupaswi kulia lia, kila siku wewe unamlilia mwenzako anakuona **** pengine kuna wengine wangependa wasikie labda kuna mtu alikuudhi na ukampiga kibao atasema yes huyo ndio mwanaume.
    Pia wanawake wanashindwa kujua ni wakatio gani wa kuelezea jambo fulani kwamfano mtu anakuja hajajua uko kwenye mudi gani anaanza kuropoka kuwa katongozwa leo kazini na bosi wake ebu niambie halafu yeye kila siku ndio wa kutongozwa? inamaana ni mzuri sana au ndio ananitishia kuwa nisipokaa vizuri atawakubalia. unaweza ishia kulambwa kibao
     
  15. kitalolo

    kitalolo JF-Expert Member

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    kwahiyo muheshimiwa hapa unakiri kwa upande mmoja kuwa hali hiyo haiwezi kuisha maana wanaume ni wasiri na hawawezi kuongelea mambo yao na hatuwezi kufanana hivyo hali hii itaendelea tu?
     
  16. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

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    Kongosho hujambo mama?

    Mwanaume anakifanyiaje kijiko hasira?

    Kuna kimoja nyumbani kimenichubua....
     
  17. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

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    Mie kiukweli namshukuru sana Mungu.

    Nikiwa na mahasira yangu yaliyosababishwa na lolote lie. Napiga hatua mbili tatu, nasogea baa iliyo karibu. Napiga kongoro langu. Afu hasira zinahamia kwenye ulabu.

    Nikirudi zangu home nshasahau kama kuna mtu aliniudhi. Burudani kama kawa. Ashukuriwe aliyegundua bia. Mungu na amsamehe dhambi zake zote.

    Bia Hoyeeee!
     
  18. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Mar 6, 2012
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    akiwa na hasira

    angusha hata kijiko
    maneno yatakayomtoka utashangaa
    ataingizwa hadi mama ako humo

    unabaki na swali
    hivi ugomvi huu ni hiki kijiko tu?

    Ole wako ujaribu
    kuclarify situation
    utaimba haleluya
    ni bora ukajisemea 'pole'

    baadae muulize
    ni nini kinakusumbua?
    Utasikia 'aah, unajua ile dili yangu nimedhulumiwa'
    so nina mood sana.

     
  19. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    Mar 6, 2012
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    ni kweli kabisa
    Na mie hapa huwa sielewi
    akishalipuka nyumbani
    ndo anaweza sema ana matatizo kazini
    lakini hawezi fika tu na kukwambia

    men bana!
     
  20. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Mar 6, 2012
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    Umenichanganya kabisa hapa
     
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