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Wakwe wamekataa!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbu, May 25, 2009.

  1. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #1
    May 25, 2009
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    ...unauchukuliaje msimamo baba mkwe au mama mkwe anapokataa kata kata binti yake asiolewe na fulani, au mwanawe (wa kiume) asimuoe fulani.

    ...ni sahihi kwa wachumba hao kuoana bila ridhaa ya mzazi/wazazi hao?

    ...kwa experience yako, nini 'repercussions' za maamuzi hayo?
     
  2. Kigogo

    Kigogo JF-Expert Member

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    mimi kwa mtazamo wangu ni kuwa hata kama wazazi wamekataa ili mradi vijana wamependana ni kuoana tu.Mi nilioa mywaifu wangu while my parents was opposing but at the end of the day they agreed on my decision na mambo burudani tu
     
  3. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Kuna hasara nyingi hata kama kuna faida kukaidi ushauri wa wazazi.Kuna wazazi wanaokuwa na siri nzito sana kuhusu vijana wanaotaka kuoana ilhali vijana wenyewe wanakuwa hawajui. Nimewahi kuona hali kama hii - ambapo wale vijana walikuwa ndugu lakini wenyewe hawajijui.... wazazi wao walifanya " kosa" na kufanya siri... kuendelea kung'anga'nia ni makosa.
     
  4. Bonnie1974

    Bonnie1974 JF-Expert Member

    #4
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    Kama hutaki mwanao aoe au aolewe na Y ,then TOA SABABU, wewe kama Mzazi.

    Otherwise ni KAWAIDA WATU KUPATA UPINZANI.

    Wengi wetu tulikutana na Upinzani.

    KIMSINGI NI KIPIMO kama kweli mpo serious na hiyo biashara.
     
  5. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    ...ahsante kwa mchango wako. Je, wazazi wako walikupa sababu kwanini walikuwa wana oppose? uliwauliza kwanini? kuna athari gani unazokumbana nazo kutokana na mambo waliyokuwa wanahitalafiana nawe kwenye uamuzi huo?
     
  6. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    ...WoS, kwa maana hiyo wewe ni miongoni mwa wale wanao propose mzazi akikataa, ndoa hakuna?

    Ndio kusema hata kama wawili wamependana, uamuzi wa wazazi ndio wa mwisho?

    Unaweza kuongezea hasara zinazoweza tokea iwapo wachumba hao watakaidi amri ya wazazi wanaopinga?
     
  7. stanluva

    stanluva Senior Member

    #7
    May 25, 2009
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    Kwanini iwe siri isiyoweza kuelezeka? Unajua wakati mwingine wazazi nao wanakosea kama kijana hakufanya siri akawaeleza wazazi hivyo wazazi wanapaswa kusema kuwa wanamkataa mwenza wa kijana wao kwa vigezo a, b, c ...! Ili kuepuka chuki na migongano isiyokuwa na ulazima! Ni hayo tu wadau napenda kuwasilisha!:rolleyes:
     
  8. Msanii

    Msanii JF-Expert Member

    #8
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    Siku hizi za soko huria, unaweza kukuta mwanao kaingia kwenye mikataba ya ndoa mara kibao. maana nakumbuka ishu moja jamaa alikuwa amejiandaa kuoa and siku ya mwisho ikagundulika mwali aliwahi kufunga ndoa bomani kumsaidia boi wake wa zamani kupata viza ulaya na alipaswa kuwa na cheti cha ndoa. waliachana lakini hawakuvunja ile bondage.....pia kuna mdogo wangu mmoja anataka kuoa (bomani) hivi karibuni na miaka mitatu nyuma alishawahi kupitia njia hiyohiyo na mzungu mmoja ili kujiwekea mazingira ya kwenda kuishi kule. mara zote hakuna cha mzazi kujua wala nini.

    Hivyo suala la wakwe ni muhimu ingawa siku hizi si ishu sana.
     
  9. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #9
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    ...Bonnie1974, picture yourself ukiwa ni mzazi, halafu anamleta mchumba ambaye yeye anaamini anamfaa kuwa wake wa maisha.

    ...ni vipimo gani utatumia kujua kweli wapo serious kwenye mahusiano yao na kwamba huyo mwenza anafaa kuwa mkweo, atayekujaalia wajukuu?
     
  10. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #10
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    ...msanii, kwa mtizamo wako kwanini suala la kushirikisha wakwe ni muhimu?
     
  11. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #11
    May 25, 2009
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    Mbu,
    kuna wazazi wengine wanakuwa na sababu ambazo hazina msingi mfano ati kwa vile huyo mchumba kwao ni maskini, au hana uwezo wa kumtunza binti yao, mara ametoka kwenye background questionable, social status yao ni ya chini .Au kama ndugu ni wa mwanaume utasikia wakisema huyo mwanamke siyo mzuri au ni mvivu etc sababu ambazo siyo za msingi kwa maana wanaenda kuishi wao wawili na haiwahusu wengine.
    Ila kuna wakati sababu ni nzito - mfano kuna magonjwa ya kinasaba ( genetic) au sababu za kimila kwa wenye kuamini, wakati mwingine hao vijana ni ndugu kwa maana ya baba au mama yao ni mmoja n.k. hapa utakapokataa ushauri basi yatapokufika makubwa utakuwa huna wa kumlaumu.Mfano kwenye yale magonjwa - utakapokutana na matatizo hapo ndipo utakumbuka ukweli ulioukataa na itakuwa umechelewa sana.
     
  12. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #12
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    ...nimeshashuhudia siku ya ndoa eti baba mkwe anakataa kufungisha ndoa kwakuwa wazazi wa Bwana harusi wanamsimamo tofauti wa kisiasa na yeye...

    Je, imani au itikadi ni kigezo maanani cha kukataliwa mke/mume?
     
  13. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

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    May 25, 2009
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    Inategemea na specifics za issue, inawezekana wazazi wakawa sawa au wakawa wanaendeleza ubabe wa kizazi tu. Hakuna jibu moja linalo satisfy situation zote kabla ya kujua specifics za case.

    As a general rule, mambo ya mapenzi waachiwe wawili wapendanao kwani hata kama wazazi wana genuine concerns, ni vigumu kujua mambo yatakavyo turn out.Ni vigumu kuwalaumu wazazi wanaokataa mtoto wao asioe au kuolewa na a chronic drug addict kwa mfano, lakini kama kuna mapenzi ya kweli hakuna anayeweza kusema kwa hakika kwamba huyu drug addict hawezi kubadilika.

    Kitu ambacho siwezi ku support ni wazazi kuingilia chaguo la mtoto kwa sababu minor, kama hiyo ya political differences iliyotajwa juu hapo.Wazazi inabidi waelewe kwa kiasi kikubwa mtoto wao anapooa au kuolewa anajiondoa kwao na kuanzisha familia mpya, ingawa anabaki mtoto wao, hata misahafu imeandika hivyo.
     
  14. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Ok! :(

    WoS, kwenye familia yangu tuna sicklers na Diabetics wengi tu. Hicho ni kigezo cha kutunyima wakwe?
     
  15. M

    Msindima JF-Expert Member

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    Mzazi anapokuzuia lazima akupe sababu lakini kama hana sababu za msingi hapo napo inakuwa ni shida,wazazi wetu wanaelewa mengi na wakati mwingine huwa wanaona mbali,unajua unapopenda hutaki ushauri hata kama unaenda kutumbukia kwenye shimo,dada mmoja alishawahi kuonywa sana asiolewe na jamaa mmoja akang'ang'ania,sasa hivi ile ndoa imekua ndoano kila siku ugomvi usioisha na imefika mahali kila mmoja anamkashifu mwenzake na kumwona hafai,je angesikiliza ushauri wa wazazi hayo yangemkuta? hayo ni madhara ya kutokusikiliza wazazi.Wakati mwingine wazazi wetu unakuta wanatutakia mema na ndo maana wanajitahidi sana kutushauri ili tusijejuta baadae,na wakati mwingine pia unakuta hawana sababu za msingi sasa unapokaa na kuona hizo sababu kwa kweli sio za msingi hapo cha muhimu ni kukaa na wazazi na kuongea nao na wanaweza kukuelewa.
     
  16. Zogwale

    Zogwale JF-Expert Member

    #16
    May 25, 2009
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    Tunachojali ni pendo wenu wana ndoa. Kila mwanaume atamwacha babaye na mamaye na ataambatana na mkewe na kisha watakuwa mwili mmoja, period. Kama hawataki basi, nitaoa/nitaolewa. Wazazi wengi wanaingilia sana masuala ya familia ya watoto, ni mbaya!!! Mpe mtoto wako uhuru wa kumchagua ampendaye. Wazazi, utashangaa hata vigogo wanataka kukomaza urafiki kwa kuozana watoto, mwishowe ndoa hizo huwa incompartible na kwa muda mfupi hufa kifo cha asili. Nimeshuhudia ndoa nyingi za aina hii kuvunjiaka au kusihia kwa mateso na kudharauliana.

    Mwanangu ana uhuru wa kuoa/kuolewa na a descent man/woman basi, na si vinginevyo. After all akioa anaishi kwake na familia yake and I have very little to influence, nabaki kuwa mshauri tu tena pale ambapo watataka ushauri wangu. Na mke wangu ni lazima akubaliane na hilo maana akina mama hapo ndiyo tatizo, tena aachane na watoto wakishakua.
     
  17. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    May 25, 2009
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    ...binafsi naamini wazazi wanatia dosari.

    Utakuta wakati wa ugomvi mke anachukulia kigezo, "niliambiwa hufai sikusikia!", na mume anadakia, "ningejua wala nisingekuoa!"

    Crap! ...deal with it!
     
  18. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Si vibaya ukilitizama pia kutoka upande wa pili. Wewe ndio baba, kijana anataka ridhaa ya kuoa binti ambaye wewe humtaki/humpendi. Utajisikiaje akikaidi matakwa yako?

    Binafsi si ungi mkono wazazi kuingilia maamuzi ya vijana wao bila kuwapo sababu za msingi. Ndoa ni kati ya wawili wawili tu na mungu wao na ni vema wazazi wakatoa ushauri wao lakini wasilazimishe.

    hivyo kujibu swali lako si sahihi kama hakuna sababu za msingi (kwa mfano udugu).

    Kwa 'uonevu' kabisa, wazazi wengine hufikia hata kususia sherehe za harusi. Nimeshuhudia mara kadhaa, kama mzazi hataki mwanae aoe/aolewe na mtu wa dini tofauti na anayoamini yeye, basi hususa kabisa hata kushiriki kwenye pilikapilika za harusi. Na wakati mwingine hata kabila tofauti inaweza kuwa 'inshu' pia!
     
  19. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #19
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    Who defines/determines decency? maana hapo ndipo kwenye maswali.
     
  20. Kigogo

    Kigogo JF-Expert Member

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    to date sina kikwazo nilichokumbana nacho katika ndoa yangu kwa kutofuata ushauri wa wazazi wangu kuwa nisioe au nioe..Niliamini sana chaguo langu lilikuwa sahihi na nikasimamia hilo.Ilifika mahali wazazi walikataa kuja kwenye harusi yangu lakini nikaifanya hivyo hivyo and now iam living happily with mywaifu wangu na watoto wetu wawili...
     
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