Subject: To put a smile on your face Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you....It's only when you leave her a virgin! Tension is when your Wife is Pregnant! Terror is when your Girlfriend is Pregnant! Horror is when both are Pregnant! Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both! Define a Contraceptive pill? It's the second best thing that a woman can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy. The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty? Why is it that a girl looks down when you say 'I Love You'? Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it all over again! Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks, and then want to kill the woman who does. Wife: My hubby and I have, what he calls 'Olympic Sex' Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years. The Stock Markets now are like an old man's dick. Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked! This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: 'We Stare because we care"! The saddest part of a man's body are his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to 'Hang Till Death'! A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window. Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice! Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once? Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time! What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen, while the baby is the result of a standing cock. If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get? Tit Bits! And, if it bursts in a man's underwear? Banana split! What is the difference between a Bomb & a Condom? In a Bomb blast - the population decreases & if a Condom blasts - population increases.