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Utegemezi. . .

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Lizzy, Nov 26, 2011.

  1. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 26, 2011
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    Baada ya kujibu swali la Gaijin kwenye thread ya mzee Mtambuzi http://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/196999-ingependeza-kama-wanawake-wakijibu-swali-hili%85%85%85%85%85.html nimeona itakua vizuri nikianzishia swala la UTEGEMEZI na MALEZI mada inayojitegemea maana ni pana zaidi kwa namna yake.

    Swali na jibu
    1.Kwa kukosa maarifa na msukumo wa kujituma. . .
    Unakuta mtu hajasoma hivyo inakua ngumu kupata kazi inayorequire kisomo. . . zile za kawaida na ujasirimali anapuuza maana hapendi kujituma.
    2.Malezi na mazoea. . .
    Kuna watu katika kulelewa kwao walizoe kila kitu kinatoka kwa baba/mama mpaka umri ambao ni mkubwa sana.Yani wanaendekezwa. . . sasa ikitokea yule mzazi hayupo tena au hana uwezo wa kumpa mahitaji yake mtoto (ambae ni mtu mzima sasa) anatafuta pengine pa kutegemea maana hakufunzwa kujitegemea.Watu hua wananyanyasika kweli kwa hii hali. . . ndio maana ni muhimu kuwafundisha watoto kujitegemea kihisia. . . kimatendo na kimawazo.
    3.Kutokujiamini. . .
    Hii inaweza kuzaliwa namba mbili hapo juu. . . au ikawa tuni matokeo ya low-self esteem and morale.
    4.And then there is the Dependent Personality Disorder. . .
    Unakuta mtu yeye kama yeye haamini kwamba anaweza kujitosheleza mwenye (emotionally. . financially. . .au hata kimawazo) Yani lazima ategemee watu wengine. . . hivyo ndivyo alivyojengeka.

    Binafsi naamini kwamba utegemezi ni ugonjwa mbaya zaidi ya ukoma. . . mbaya zaidi kwa kuwa tegemezi ni sawa na kujiweka mahabusu.Unakosa uhuru wa kufanya yale unayopenda na kuamini. . . unakosa kuheshimiwa. . . unakosa ujasiri wa kusimamia yale unayoona unastahili. . . unashindwa KUWA WEWE na kujikuta unakua yule watu wanaotaka uwe kwasababu unawategemea.

    Kama wewe ni tegemezi (hisia zako. . matumizi yako. . .mawazo yako na maisha yako kwa ujumla yanaendeshwa na mtu/watu wengine) anza kuachana na hiyo tabia.
    1.Anza kuwa na na mawazo yanayojitegemea.
    Usikubali kupelekeshwa na mawazo/imani za watu wengine.Kuwa tofauti na watu wenginesio kosa na wala sio vibaya as long you are not hurting anyone.Let people agree to disagree with you.
    2.Jitume.
    Kama ni mama wa nyumbani anzisha bustani au kabiashara kako kadogo.Fuga kuku uza mayai. . .nunua mboga mboga za jumla uza mtaani kwako.Yani hakikisha chumvi ikiisha huendi kukopa na kusubiria baba nanii aje umuombe sh.300. Kwa wanaume vile vile. . . yawezekana mkeo ndio mwenye kazi/kipato kikubwa. . . wewe hakikisha tu unatoa mchango wako nyumbani. . . hata kama ni mdogo.
    Kama ni binti. . .pangilia pesa ya matumizi unayopewa kama vile umetoka kuifanyia kazi naunaionea uchungu.Jifunze kujipa unayohitaji kabla ya unayotaka kukwepa mitego.
    3.Fanya wewe ndio uwe mwamuzi mkuu wa nini kinachoendelea maishani mwako.Kwepa kuwapa watu wengine fursa ya kukuendesha. . . wewe ndo unatakiwa uwe dereva.Ukikata kona unakata kwasababu ndicho ulichotaka na sio ulicholazimika kufanya.

    Ila ushauri wangu mkuu unaenda kwa wazazi na walezi ili wadogo zetu nao wasije wakaanguka kwenye dimbwi la kuwa wategemezi.
    1.Jitahidi kumpa mwanao/nduguyo elimu ya darasani pia ya maisha.Akifaulu yote atakua na mafanikio kimaisha na kiakili.
    2.Mruhusu/mfundishe kujieleza pale mnapokua mmepishana badala ya kusema tu "wewe ndie mwamuzi". . . hata kama ni kweli reason with him/her ili aelewe kwanini.Hii itamsaidia kuwa na mawazo yanayojitegemea badala ya kuwa bendera fuata upepo.
    3.Mfundishe kusimamia kile anachoamini as long as hatendi kosa.
    4.Mfundishe kujituma. . .mpe kazi ndogo ndogo hata kama mna mfanyakazi/ wafanyakazi.
    5.Mjengee kujiamini.
    6.Hii inashirikiana na namba nne na ntaitolea mfano.Mfundishe THAMANI YA PESA.Ndio inawezekana uwezo unao wa kumnunulia kila atakacho ila kwa kufanya hivyo hutokua unamsaidia maana mbeleni hayo mazoea yatakuja kumsumbua.

    Mfano. . .badala ya kutengewa chakula mezani na kuondolewa nvyombo. . .kutandikiwa kitanda na kusafishiwa chumba chakulala anaweza akafanya hizi shughuli mwenyewe. It only takes a couple of minutes a day. . ila somo lake litadumu maisha.Nakumbuka sisi nyumbani tulikua na sheria. . .ukila/kunywa kitu bila watu wengine lazima usuuze vyombo utakavyochafua.Vyombo vyote vilikua vinaoshwa na mtu mmoja baada ya milo ya pamoja tu.
    Pesa tulikua tunapewa allowance kila mwezi. . .bila masharti.Ila sasa ilikua mtu ukitaka vitu ambavyo sio neccessities (video games,CDs,sijui music players na vikorokoro vingine vya aina hiyo ) unaulizwa kwanza una sh. ngapi. Tulikua tunatakiwa tusave atleast nusu ya bei ya hicho tunachotaka alafu tuongezewe nusu.Au unakopa na kukatwa kwenye allowance inayofuata.
    Hii kitu ilitufanya tuwe tunaheshimu vitu vyetu na kujiuliza mara mbili mbili "do I really need/want this" kabla ya kununua kitu.It helped. . .maana mpaka leo na kesho hua sinunui wala sitaki kitu nisicho na uwezo nacho hata kama nakitamani.
    Na mwisho wa siku mtu akiruhusu tamaa imtawale lazima utegemezi umtembelee pale atakapokua hawezi kuridhisha tamaa yake maana kuidhibiti hawezi.

    Nwy poleni kama mada ndefu sana.. . .I can't tell at the moment but I
    have a feeling it is.
    Have a nice weekend.
     
  2. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Nov 26, 2011
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    Masuali ya Gaijin mbona siku hizi yamekuwa mengi!?
     
  3. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

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    Nov 26, 2011
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    sijui kama nimekuelewa lizzy kuwa tegemezi kwa asilimia flani inategemea na malezi .kuna watu kutokana na jinsi walivolelewa na akili zao zimekuwa mgando hawawezi kufanya kitu hadi wasaidiwe hata kama icho kitu kipo kwenye capacity yake anakosa hata maamuz ila kuna watu wengine wanakuwa tu tegemezi kutokana na circumstance ya maisha lizzy suppose mwanaume kakupeleka ulaya huna elimu huna hela lazima utakuwa tu tegemezi kwa kila kitu huna ujanjalakini kuna wengine ni mategemezi basi tu akili zao na fikra zao za uvivu zimewatuma hvo hawataki kujitumas hata kama opportunity ipo thats why kuna wanawake wanajiuza mashoga etc
     
  4. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Basi ntaliondoa kama umekereka samahani.
     
  5. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Nov 26, 2011
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    Asante kwa suala zuri wifi. Kwa kweli utegemezi ni ubinafsi uliokubuhu. Ile hali ya kujiskia kua fulani (baba,mama, mume,mke,kaka, shemeji) anaweza kunitimizia mahitaji yangu bila mie kujishughulisha. Ni muhimu kuwalea watoto katika hali ya kujitegemea. Kuna mtoto wa rafiki yangu,huko scandnavia, he is 7 yrs old na ana-earn hela ya candy and toys. Ana contract ya kusambaza magazeti b4 kwenda shule. U can imagine what a good young man he will grow up to! Kumuendekeza ndugu ni kumtengenezea balaa. Same as kwa mke/mume, uchumi ukiyumba wa mfadhili ndo tunaskia maajabu yote hadi yasiyotamkika!
     
  6. bht

    bht JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Nov 26, 2011
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    punguza kuuliza uliza Gee....na ukichwa ngumu pia...lol

    Lizzy urefu si tatizo na wala hulazimiki kufinya mada ili t iwe fupi a uishie ku 'dilute' maana na umuhimu wake.
    mvivu wa kusoma aweza tu kukaa kando na aachie wanaoweza!!!
     
  7. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Nov 26, 2011
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    Hapana sijakereka. Ila hii ni thread ya pili iliyochangiwana masuali ya Gaijin......ni observation tu
     
  8. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Smiley umenipata sawa sawa.
    Kuhusu ulaya ngoja nikwambie kitu. . . nawajua watu wengi waliofika wakabwetekakwa visingizio vya elimu ila pia nawajua waliojichangamsha. Kuna mtu namjua hakismoa sana enzi zake. . .yani aliishia std 7. Hata baadae hakuja kuendelea ila alojifunza kiingereza. Kajihusisha na biashara ndogo ndogo mpaka alipoolewa na kuondoka bongo. Na yeye angeweza kufikaakasemasina elimu hivyo mi nakaa tu hapa nikisubiria kula na kulala but she didn't.Kajifunza lugha ya watu alafu akachukua kozi ya unesi. . . sasa hivi ana kazi yake.

    Kwahiyo kukosa elimu huko nyuma ni kisingizio maana nchi za wenzetu opportunity za kujiendeleza zimejaa tele . . . ni kiasi tu cha watu kuzichukua na kizitumia ipasavyo.
     
  9. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #9
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    Hehehe itabidi nipunguze kichwa ngumu wala si vidogo :]
     
  10. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Nov 26, 2011
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    Owwkey!!
    Neway hua nikijiwa na wazo kutokana na thread/post ya mtu au hata maongezi na rafiki natoa credit. So jua tu kwamba umeshafanya watu wawili wafikirie kitu kwa undani kwasababu ya kitu ulichosema/uliza.
     
  11. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #11
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    ujue lizzy kuna utegemezi mwingine lizzy hauepukiki mamitomaybe mtu umepata ugonjwa au ulemavu flani yes kila situation ina soln yake lakini nadhani kuna utegemezi mwingine hatuwezi kuupinga
     
  12. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Heeheheh. . . asante Bht . . .jana tu mtu alikua analalamika sijui shule alikuaje.
     
  13. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Smiley kuwa mgonjwa is whole new issue.
    Huo sio utegemezi wakujitakia wala unaokwepeka (kama huo ugonjwa unamzuia mtu kufanya mambo mwenyewe) hivyo tunauacha kivyake.
     
  14. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Huyo mtoto wa rafiki yako lazima atakuwa mfanya biashara mzuri ukubwani. Ni kweli jinsi tulivyo ni reflection ya tulivyolelewa.

    Unajua kulea mtoto si kumpeleka most expensive school tu ni kumfundisha life skills pia. Wazazi wengi hawajuhi hilo. Ndo unakuta mtu ana kazi nzuri yenye mshahara mkubwa lakini bado anaona pesa haitoshi kwa kuwa hajuhi how to budget. Unakuta mdada inabidi aendelee kuwa kimada wa vibosile ili ku subsidize income kwani hela haimtoshi hajuhi kupanga matumizi.

     
  15. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    NImependa comment yako upande wa urefu wa mada. Mimi huwa nawashangaa wanaolalamika ooh mada nzuri lakini ndefu. Hiyo ni personal problem hupaswi hata kuandika humu. Watu wenye uwezo wa kusoma novel kwa siku hawawezi kuelewa mtu anaelalamikia urefu wa mada.

     
  16. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kweli wifi. . .sisi hua tunaspoil watoto ili wafurahi tunasahau kwamba tunawalemaza.Ni vizuri hiyo furaha ikifuatana na mafunzo.
     
  17. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    Tatizo bado watu wanaoamini elimu inayohitajika ni ya darasani tu. . . .

    Mtu mwenye elimu ya maisha bila ya darasani anaweza kufanikiwa kimaisha zaidi kuliko mwenye ya darasani pekee.
     
  18. Bishanga

    Bishanga JF-Expert Member

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    There is no power without control,kuna watu ambao ni control freaks,they will do everything in their power kuhakikisha mke hana kipato cha kwake,mtoto anamaliza college baba anamwambia njoo ufanye kazi kwenye kampuni yangu,binti anamaliza chuo mama anamwambia aripoti kwenye mgahawa wake etc.
    Its really pathetic mtu anachanganya mamlaka ya kuwa mzazi na nguvu zake za kiuchumi mradi awa control wengine,yaani hata kuoa/kuolewa mpaka aaprove mchumba,katika mazingira kama haya kujikomboa toka utegemezi yataka moyo.
     
  19. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Heheheheh Bishanga asante kwakuongelea hili.
    Nna ndugu yangu mwenye tabia hiyo. . . . ndugu wengine bado wapo kwenye mtego wake na wengine wamefanikiwa kujinasua. Kwahiyo inawezekana mtu kujitoa kwenye utegemezi wa kulazimishwa ikiwa YEYE MWENYEWE ATATAKA KUTOKA. . . kila mtu yupo kwenye nafasi ya kua vile apendavyo . . . ni kiasi tu cha kuwa jasiri na kujituma.
     
  20. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

    #20
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    NK, i lov the lil boy! Aki-admire kitu ukamuambia just take it anasema hapana, u have it. I can't just take it coz u also deserve good things. What a character! Kuna watu wabinafsi wanajiskia kama hustahiki kitu ulichonacho japo u earned it!
    Lizzy,nikujibu kuhusu ulemavu na elimu! Banaa,mi nikiona albino ama mkaka ana mkono mmoja anauza anything nisichokitaka kwenye foleni, huwa nampa buku! Hata sihitaji kupeleka mazagazaga kwangu, na namuambia wazi kua nampa soda kwa kujituma! Wale wamama walemavu wanaosota na foleni kutwa wakiomba, ingekuaje wangekua wanatembeza urembo ama vitabu vya watoto? Wouldn't u buy hata for friends ili kuwaungisha! Kama umejikuta stranded mjini ama ulaya, ungeweza kufagia McDonald's na kupata mshiko,kwanini uangalie white collar jobs wakati huna collar! Utegemezi ni tabia,the only reason mtu ambae sio tegemezi ataomba ni chakula na matibabu tuu! Hata kuomba vocha ni utegemezi!
     
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